Author's Notes: Is it just me or are most of my paragraphs the same length? It's really been bothering me lately. It's so ugly! Sqeee! …Well, realizing that anyone who didn't see the ugliness of my same-length paragraphs will now, I'll put that aside. As said in the first chapter's warning notes, here's why this pretty tame fiction gets its rating. (Really, it would barely constitute as a T without it.)

Longing to Linger 'til Dawn

I exited the tree house into the brisk night. This particular house was rather high, with a platform jutting out from the door like a patio. To my immediate right, the wooden planks ended and there wasn't a safety rail. Moving toward it, knowing perfectly well how high we were from the ground, I took a step off the planks and onto the top rung of a ladder. The impulse to kneel down and turn around to climb it rushed me, but I knew better. Maybe once the drop was too far, but now, well, now was different. The foot still on the patio swung forward, twisting my body. I allowed both feet to move off into the air and for one sweet moment, I was falling. I stayed kneeling on the ground until I decided that the shallow pain in my limbs were not from the drop, but from my own twisted, self-imposed misery.

I carefully ventured down the pebbly path toward the ocean. Everything was much brighter outside than in the hideout due to the ghostly pale moonshine. Rather than having black and white contrasting heavily against one another, deep ceruleans and navies filtered the vast expanse of the land, slivers of white reflected against the calm surface of the water. Nothing stirred. Even the stars—or rather, the many other Worlds out in the universe—shone dimly, as if not to disturb my peace. My footfalls dragged me leftwards down the path, away from the frothy waves. I clenched my eyes closed in expectation, putting my left hand against a wall at its corresponding side to guide me with my right gripping at my heart. Although it had been so long, I knew exactly when to step up the steps and when I could smell the cleanliness of the small waterfall next to my destination.

My breathing grew irregular when I felt thick, winding vines instead of the wall. I considered turning back, but instead, I examined the gaping, menacing entrance now almost completely concealed by various species of plants. Without pausing to think about the damage I might do to myself, I repeatedly seized whatever branch, root, stem, leaf met my hand first and wrenched at it, throwing the green debris in a pile in a niche between the mouth of the cave and the waterfall ledge. Thorns, rough leaves, and impossibly stubborn, deep-rooted stems frustrated me, tearing at my skin until I had no doubt of its bleeding. But even the pricking cuts were not enough to stunt my empty frenzy. I was about to give up when I reached the final, thorny obstacle.

Without checking behind me, I crouched through the cave's still leafy lips and its low-ceilinged tunnel. The smell of damp earth washed over my senses, reminding me of several worlds I would never be allowed to visit again. I recognized the end of the pitch black tunnel when I could see several distinct shapes of rocks. There was an opening in the high top of the enclosed "room" in the back through which light streamed in. Once there, I stood straight, happy to be able to see my surroundings again.

I smiled as I made my way around the circular room. Pictures of castles and monsters and children playing littered the surface of the rocks. I quickly went past them, however, in search of one in particular. Right next to a knob-less, hinge-less door which I ignored for the time being, I saw it. Wow, I really couldn't draw back then. Unlike Kairi's carving of me, my depiction of Riku could only be identified as him because of the memory of having named it as such. I reached down to touch my addition, an arm extending to offer the drawn Riku a paopu, the fruit only grown in abundance on this island and said to intertwine the destinies of the people who share it. Then, with tears at my eyes, I fingered Kairi's edit that mirrored my own, with the drawn Riku offering me another paopu. The gesture was so simple, yet—

I crumbled forward until I stood almost flush against the rock wall with my face hidden in my forearms. Feeble yearnings to cry out ripped at the base of my tongue, but I refused them. I would not allow myself to shiver uncontrollably. I wanted my emotions to remain private. What would it be like if people were to find out how absolutely heartbroken I was? Humiliating. It would be utterly humiliating. I was hurting much more than most could understand, and it was my own fault: not Kairi's; not Riku's; not even any of my enemies'. I had become too dependent on and desperate for his image. I was the one who made finding Riku the ultimate goal without a thought after that. I had expected too little considering how much I desired. Now I was paying the price for my foolishness.

From behind me, I heard the near silent pats of footsteps against the tunnel's dirt ground. I knew I should have moved from my position, but couldn't find the heart to do it. I secretly wanted to be found like this. The other stopped at what I guessed to be the end of the tunnel before rushing to my side. A palm was placed on my shoulder. I must have assumed my companion was Kairi because when the hand was larger, heavier, I nearly jumped. Now I felt very stupid for not composing myself when I had the chance.

"Sora," he said, and I couldn't tell if his tone was questioning or stating. He repeated himself in the same way, but I refused to answer. I remembered our argument from earlier that day (or the day before if it was already past midnight), and his stinging indifference still whipped my chest. I couldn't look at him, not on the verge of a breakdown. Leave me alone, I wanted to tell him. I tried to radiate the request through my skin.

He must not have gotten the message because he pulled on my shoulder, turning me around. My arms swung down to my side, but I kept my cheek to him. Once again, he said my name and I could detect a slight beg this time. I shrugged his hand off, getting ready for an escape. I was going to end up making an idiot of myself, again, if I didn't leave him now. "I'm going for a walk," was all I could come up with.

That was my Idiot Move number one. I didn't even take one step before my fair-haired companion reposted his hand on my shoulder, with the other doing the same on its respective side. He pushed me back a few inches until my back hit rock wall. His grip was strong and his stance solid. Riku wasn't being violent, but I knew better than to push my luck with him. I was the one pressed up against the wall.

"Please, Riku. I'm not in the mood to deal with you right now."

Idiot Move number two. "'Not in the mood to deal with you?' Deal with me? You have to deal with me now?" Although the structure of his words might be taken as accusing, his tone betrayed the hurt he sincerely felt. "Is that what it has come to? I came in here to talk with you, but won't be able to because you can't deal with me?"

"Riku, don't make me ask again."

"Is this about what I said earlier?"

"No."

"Then what?" He made me face him. The curve of my cheek rested in his palm, his fingers touching my earlobe absently. It was such an automatic gesture, but it meant a world and a half to me. I became acutely aware of how close he was to me at the moment. I could feel the firmness of his chest rising as he breathed. I imagined his leg slipping between my legs, his hip pressing into my pelvis. I would hold his leg a little higher until I was basically sitting on him, and then would slide my body up and down his thigh. He would moan and use the wall for support as he rocked into me as I neared him, begging for me to quicken the pace, to touch him…

He was too close. Too, too close. I couldn't breathe. A blind panic overtook my mind. I was going to slip and he was going to leave me. It would be the perfect revenge for ever doubting him, for closing the door. His fingers slid into my hair. (I just noticed most of it had been combed into a sloppy ponytail. Kairi's doing, knowing her.) I was going to screw up. He was going to find out. He was going to—

"Don't touch me!" I swung my fist with all my might. If it had connected with the side of his head, I have no doubt that Riku would have passed out. Instead, Riku roughly grabbed my wrist midway and held it against the wall. He yelled something at me. I used my other hand and my feet to attack and succeeded in a couple of well-aimed hits. Cursing, he did the same as what he did with my captured hand. To stop any other possible surprise attacks, he closed all space between our bodies. He made it a point to be aggressive as if to threaten me against any further attempts of freedom. If he had known better, Riku would have never done this. He was playing out one of my wet dreams without realizing it, and it was killing me. His heat against my groin was embarrassing, and his dominance over me was thrilling. I desired to be with him despite my resolutions, and that, more than anything, was why I had to escape.

"Did I hurt you?" Regardless of my hostility, he was still affectionate with me, like when he told me to calm down the first time I attacked him.

"Please, Riku. Tell me. How are you betraying me?"

"I—I can't tell you."

"Please. It hurts me to know something's wrong when it involves you."

He shook his head. "I can't. It's best you don't know."

What did he do? How could it be so terrible that he was afraid to tell me? "Tell me before it's too late."

"Too late?"

"Tell me or let me go."

"What do you mean by 'too late'?" He was avoiding the question. It was his dirty little secret, I guess. Maybe he felt guilty. Well, I knew he felt guilty, but he knew how I felt as well. Did he do something else that I didn't know about? Something utterly unforgivable? Riku's slipups were making the situation worse. …This was what Kairi meant. I was too absorbed in Riku and it was seriously affecting me. I'm too old to play these mind games anymore, even if it was with Riku. If he wasn't going to tell me, fine! Let him be that way. I needed to grow up. I needed to get over this.

I needed to quit him.

"Riku, if you don't let me go right now, I'll call for help."

He stared at me for a bitter minute. "You wouldn't," he stated without any conviction.

"Kairi hasn't left the island yet. It's a quiet night. She'll hear me eventually, and she'll come. If it comes down to that, I will never forgive you for making me stoop so low. Nor would Kairi. If I do call out and you decide to cover my mouth, I'll punch you with the hand you freed and I won't miss this time. Kairi may find out, and you'll still lose me. If you let me go, you let me go forever. Kairi will never know, but we would have acknowledged that what we had will never exist again." From between his bangs, I could see the momentary sadness in his eyes, hauntingly similar to what I saw in my dream. "Well? Do something."

"I won't. Not when I'll lose you no matter what I do."

"Do something."

Riku seemed pained beyond my expectations. It comforted me that he didn't want to give me up easily, but I knew it had to be done. "I can't, Sora." I thought about my conversation with Kairi. I was right. I would never be able to get over Riku hating me for loving him, so I couldn't risk telling him. But she was right as well. I could not continue pretending my side of this relationship was platonic, so I wouldn't.

I screamed.

It wasn't a girly scream or anything, but obviously desperate. The cave echoed my call, allowing it to fill every crevice of its rocky walls. But as soon as I had started I heard it muffled. So this is what he chose. I closed my right hand into a fist and tried to swing at him, but found it still held against the wall. I did the same with my left, but it too was still captured. Had I chickened out? I willed myself to increase my cry, with no change. And then I felt it. Actually, I felt them. His lips were frozen over my mouth with no purpose other than to shut it up. It wasn't a kiss. I struggled in his grip and my shriek trembled, but he was persistent.

He pulled back slightly when I needed to breathe, his bangs covering his eyes. I shakily sucked in air and a virginal blush crept onto my face. After all, I had my obsession's mouth on mine. But humiliation soon took its rightful place. Maybe Riku knew how I felt and knew what I desired, even if he didn't move his lips. Or he had no idea and I was overreacting. Or he knew and wanted to hurt me for being cruel. Or… This was too much. I had to do something. "Get off of me, Riku!" I screamed again, but my companion was quick. Before my voice had any chance of alerting Kairi to my distress, I felt his lips again. We repeated this several more times, and with each new attempt my will waned more and more while Riku's only grew stronger.

Thrashing about, succeeding was no longer a matter of escaping. Riku held me too tightly, and Kairi wouldn't think much of a couple of fragmented shouts if she even heard them. Still yelling, I tilted my head and moved my lips slightly, so it was still natural. I had craved for his touch. Would it be so wrong of me to make the best of a moment I would never get to experience again? Riku reacted as if I was trying to get away, so he didn't notice what I was doing even after I had stopped calling out. I admit it was awkward to kiss someone who's not kissing you back, or who didn't realize you were kissing them in the first place.

When he did, however, my friend flipped. He yanked his head back and stepped away from me. Riku looked slightly offended, noticeable even in the dim light. My hands were still not freed. Green eyes peered suspiciously into my blue ones. Maybe taking advantage of a situation was not always the smartest of ideas. "Uh, umm. Well, uh," I stumbled, "ah, are you going to let me go, or do you want to um, do you want us to—to… yeah…?" (I know, lame.)

Riku paled, obvious that he had made some sense out of my rambling that I myself couldn't see. "I'm down to two choices now? One way, as you said, I give you up forever, and the other…" An unreadable expression crossed his face and his breath shuddered as I felt his grip loosen. This was it then. I would probably take it hard for the beginning, but I was sure to get over it, eventually. I was still young. There were still plenty of men. I would meet one that meant just as much to me as Riku did. Even in my head, I could tell this promise was unconvincing. Maybe Cloud had had the right idea. One-, two- or three-night stands couldn't be so bad, right? Lots of guys did it and they were content with their lives. You didn't really need someone to be—

He kissed me. His lips were precise, the texture rough as though they had been a day and a half too long in the sun. I impulsively jerked my head away but found that it was already against the wall. There was nowhere left for me to go.

He increased the intensity of his movements, pain enveloping me. Riku knew. He had to. He knew what he could do to make me stay with him. And I was so pathetic that I would let him because I wasn't valiant enough to choose dignity over desire.

I felt numb. My conscience, my heart, my mind, anything that might have stopped me… refused my commands. I wanted him in every way, and the means with which I used to achieve the ends no longer mattered to me. I gave in, finally able to return my friend's affections. Nothing was of my concern at that moment. So what if Riku was abusing my love for him in order to keep a hold on our friendship? So what if I was allowing someone to use my body as a tool for their own goals (even if this person was Riku who just didn't want to lose me)? Those thoughts were extra. I didn't need them. Not with Riku kissing me.

It was obvious he knew exactly what he was doing by the sheer assertiveness of every little action. Each would send a sensation of wild curiosity down the length of my spine. A kiss that started closed, twisted, then opened at the last moment was entirely different from a kiss that started closed, opened slightly, closed, twisted, and then opened again at the last moment. I tried to keep up but ended up flopping around like a fish. He didn't mind, thankfully, and seemed to enjoy my attempts as though I was executing them as perfectly as him. His hands shackling my wrists eventually became uncomfortable and unnecessary. My fingers numbed from being held up for so long. I wanted to say something, but found that I preferred his kiss over feeling in my digits.

We had been making out for a very long while (so long my feet were on the verge of falling asleep) when a hint of his tongue flicked into my mouth. I staggered at the invasion and turned away. When Riku tried again, I dipped forward. For the first time since we began, the light-haired teen retracted his kiss after the fourth failed try. Staring at me deeply, I watched from the corner of my eye as he dropped each wrist and without a beat take my face within his palms. I allowed one arm to fall down to my side like a sack full of bricks. With the other, I reached out for his ear.

Seeing my movement, Riku flinched as if I was about to smack him upside the head. I smiled and pressed the back of his neck with my hand, pulling him until he was kissing me again. His tongue went straight between my teeth and I could do nothing about it (except bite down, but that seemed a bit too much). The moist muscle scanned the inside of my mouth delicately, tempting my tongue to move along with it. There wasn't some ridiculous flavor to his tongue like vanilla or strawberries or peppermint-flavored toothpaste; but there was a particular, very human taste that sunk into my teeth and gums.

I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. It didn't take too long to realize the mistake I had made. The foot that should have been holding me up was partly asleep, which I had not expected. My ankle gave in, and before I knew what was happening, I slipped between the wall and Riku, but not without an effort at staying upright. Unfortunately, for what must have been the fourth time that day now, I grabbed Riku's pants. And even more unfortunately, those evil pants (which were out to get me, by the way) fell: down Riku's thighs to Riku's knees, from Riku's knees down Riku's shins to Riku's ankles. Understandingly, my mouth dropped, much like Riku's pants. Did I mention his pants fell?

Stumbling over random words and apologies, I got up on my knees, getting ready to pull his pants to where they should have been.

"No."

I looked up cautiously. Riku's entire persona sobered as he kicked off his shoes and the pants at his ankles. He took off his socks and vests, throwing them into a growing pile of his clothes. "Your shoes and top, Sora."

I did as I was told. I removed everything until I was clad in only my shorts and underneath, my boxer briefs. The hesitance that I had suspended for the night was picking up again. I ran my tongue over the back of my teeth before saying, "How far are you planning to take this?" Kissing was one thing, but where this appeared to be heading was another story.

Riku held out his hand and wiggled his fingers, asking me to give him my own hand. Tentatively, I did, and he brought it to his knee. "You had me make a choice with three options. What I did end up doing wasn't expected, so you gave me another choice with two options. One old, one new." He led my hand higher, up over the leg of his boxers until I reached his crotch. He made me outline the bulge in his trunks, closing my hand around it. I understood what he wanted me to do, and I considered saying no. Wrapped up in my own uncertainty, I didn't notice I had started stroking Riku's boxers until I heard him let out a pleasured moan.

Rocking his hips softly in time to my ministrations for some time without any additional comment, the teen's eyes shut. His head was thrown back as he groaned desperately. "I won't choose to lose you."

I was inexperienced in pleasuring others, but as with my kissing, Riku didn't notice. Giving him this kind of erotic satisfaction both subdued and gratified my own sexual longing. The hand that had previously led me was now fisted against the wall, supporting him. I slipped into his boxers without invitation, grabbing his stiffening flesh and pumping it at a speed quicker than what I had been doing with a layer of cloth between us. He visibly crumpled. I thought he was going to fall over on me. He mumbled a curse, and I could see his legs shaking slightly. My face was hot with an excited blush.

I was willing to continue until he was finished, but as soon as his erection was noticeable but not yet pained for release, Riku removed my hand. I was about to resist but he simply shook his head and got on his knees in front of me. His lips found mine for a moment. I heard and felt my zipper being pulled down. His fingers dug into the waistband of my shorts and yanked at them so hard that he managed to get them off and force me into a sitting position without breaking our kiss.

Riku brought my boxer briefs down just as far as to expose my manhood. Pulling the ponytail out of my hair, he tied back his own silvery strands, which made him look extremely feminine. He smirked seductively as he leaned down. He kissed my chest as he lowered, each contact searing my skin. He stopped once he reached the edge of my pelvis. Pushing his bangs out of his face, Riku's rough lips surrounded the tip of my penis. He sucked timidly, waiting for encouragement. I moaned for him. Hearing me, Riku took me entirely into his mouth, something I definitely was not expecting him to do. My thighs closed the boy's head within its tight muscles. As I called out his name, I forced myself further into his throat, but he had yet to gag. He held my hips down; not so he could keep me from accidentally sliding too deep but so that he could maintain control. The tongue that had so curiously tested my mouth ran the length of my penis. He waited until I was comfortable with the saliva-moist cavern that was his mouth to continue. Bobbing his mouth rapidly up and down most of my cock, he was gifted with several more of my spurts of vocal expression.

My eyes, clouding over with ecstatic delirium, lazily looked down to my partner. The moonlight flooding in through the ceiling was changing but still stubbornly pale, as if the day was willing to wait for us to finish instead of daring to interrupt. Riku's hair, as well as the flesh on his shoulders, glistened eerily. Actually, the light had a similar effect on all of his fair skin. Despite my excitement, I could still make out, and even feel, the many scars that riddled his body. I ignored them for the time being, focusing on the way his silky hair shook with every movement.

Riku had slowed down, so his ponytail had stopped bouncing against his neck as it did before. I touched the hand now at the base of my manhood before tucking his erratic bangs behind his ears. He loosened his hold on my hips, allowing me to rise into his mouth as I desired. And though I was more than satisfied with the oral excitement Riku was giving me, I wanted more. We had gone so far already, and maybe Riku wouldn't mind going even further. I gently pushed his head away, tilting it so our eyes met, the lust in mine mirroring the lust in his.

He shyly wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, looking what I took as ashamed of his excitement from pleasuring me. "Did I do something wrong?" He was genuinely concerned about not being good enough! I laughed softly, pressing my lips to his again. The kiss tasted much different than before and I would have pulled away out of surprise had it not been for Riku's passionate mouth tempting me to persist.

My hands wandered down his back to the edge of his boxers, shoving the elastic band lower and lower until they were at his knees and could go no farther in his position. Riku's body stiffened and his cheeks blushed against mine.

Our lips parted and my eyes locked with his. "How far do you want me to take this?"

"As far as you want."

There was no denying the sudden mortification that ran through my friend's features upon hearing my answer. "That's quite a request, Sora." Was he disgusted that I wanted more than he was willing to give me? I shouldn't have said anything. My erection was more than noticeable and was already desperate for his touch, and Riku probably would have either finished soon or teased me for as long as possible. I ruined it.

His mouth tested several words that never made it out. When he took the band out his hair, I felt thoroughly defeated. He shifted away from me, towards his clothes. My eyes accidentally glanced his way and because he had yet to pull his boxers back up, I could see his entire front. (By the way: Wow. Seriously, wow.)

As he grabbed his pants, I tried to stand, but I realized how lightheaded I felt and how draining my hard-on was. Since I scared away Riku, I was left with one choice to dealing with my problem. Oh, man, this was getting worse and worse by the second. Before I could even do anything, Riku said, more somber than I would have ever expected, "Don't even think about it." Maybe he didn't know exactly what I had been planning, but I sensed the threat in his voice and decided against resisting his order.

He was searching through his side pocket, his expression blank and detached. A pocketknife, a small container of salt, a short toothbrush, and a travel-sized bottle of elixir tumbled out as he retrieved what he had been searching for: a rosy bottle that was near empty of the liquid it held.

"Well, Sora?" He snapped, "Are you just going to gawk at me for the rest of the night?" He was so cold. I did something terribly wrong by asking for more. This was all wrong! Whatever made Riku bring us to where we had been, with his head between my legs giving me more pleasure than I thought possible, was not going to motivate him further. I should have realized that. I desired too much! I knew I was going to fail him.

"Riku, don't be upset," I pleaded, crawling over to him. I embraced my friend, his stiffness pressing against my lower stomach. He began protesting but must have thought better of it. I dug my chin into his shoulder, whispering into his ear, "I'm sorry. Please, forget I said anything. Don't be upset with me. I—I… Let's go back. Back five minutes. Back to yesterday. Back a year." Kiss. "Back three." Kiss. "Back." Kiss. "Back." Kiss. "Back…" Kiss, with my tongue entering his mouth.

Did I honestly just say that? Hadn't I just denied the possibility of returning to the past? But, more than anything, I wanted to just… go back. "Please." Desperate for the touch of one another, we kissed with a fervor that drew my breath away, only to receive Riku's breath in return.

He laid me down, taking off his boxers and placing them under me so that when he removed my undergarment, my ass was on the boxers rather than the floor. Opening the pink bottle, he gently brought my leg over his shoulder and poured the liquid on my entrance and on his fingers. I convulsed as Riku slipped his slim digits into me, one by one until there were three, and he cooed how hot it made him to feel me so tight. And even as Riku coated his own length with the lubricant, we swayed absently to compensate the barrenness we both felt, confiding our anguish fully only to the other's kiss.

Riku, without any sort of warning or endearment, inserted himself into me. I cried out in pain and awkwardness, which I still felt in great amounts despite Riku's preparations. I imagined how he tore me as he picked up his pace after an excruciatingly slow five minutes of him carefully moving into me. I lost all sense of time and reality as I squirmed delightedly underneath him, moaning only when I felt an exceptional high or as a reply to his call. Using the leg draped over his shoulder, I dragged him closer to me. I cried out in pain because of my action, but continued anyway. Understanding what I needed, he repositioned us so that he hung above me, my legs around his chest and his lips everywhere within reach. Once I caught onto his pattern, I moved sensually with him, causing a startling increase of moans on his side. He bellowed my name again and again and again, his calls intensifying each time. He quickened and strengthened his thrusts, digging his fingers into my thigh. "Sora! Ssooraaa—Ah!"

I screamed as a smolderingly hot liquid filled me. Riku collapsed onto me, his breathing labored. He managed to gather enough energy to still rock into me. His coming was such an alteration that I actually gagged at my own bliss. He combed my sweaty bangs out of my face, his eyes dull with satisfaction. Grabbing my engorged flesh, the teen pumped it with a near violent aggression, his tenderness only evident in the caress of his breath on my chest. I could not tell when I came into his hand. One moment I was arching into his thrusts and the next I was withering beneath Riku, whimpering his name.

He lay on top of me, catching his breath, wiping his hand on his boxers still under me. Despite the fact that we had both climaxed and I couldn't possibly bear another round, Riku still exited and entered me as he had been doing. The original gusto was lost, but I didn't want him to stop. To stop meant separation and I loved Riku so much…

There came a time when even this was too much and I was forced to tell him. I paled as he finally removed himself without a quick return. My legs went limp and they slid off Riku's waist.

His nose outlined my jaw before he kissed me once more. The odd thing was that this kiss never seemed to end. Every time one was about to pull away, the other wouldn't allow him. There were intervals (I was positive that some were over ten minutes long) when we would just breathe into the other's mouth. I would have been happy with this, but as always, something had to happen. The something now was the distinct chirp of birds. The light had been getting brighter, but for some reason I had expected that sunlight wouldn't come, that night would be forever. We ignored it for as long as we could in hope of its ending. Unfortunately, the noise only increased in volume.

With one last lick around my mouth, Riku mumbled, "I think I should be getting you home."

Sitting up, Riku dutifully used his boxers to clean up most of our orgasms. I noticed several patches of blood on the cloth. He saw them as well, or had expected it, because he reached over and picked up the elixir bottle. Following a similar procedure as earlier, he applied the healing liquid inside me before doing the same to my hands, the cuts from weeding the cave's entrance smarting. Riku assisted me in putting on my briefs and shorts. (He put the elixir into my pocket, seeing that one application would only amount to temporary relief in my situation.) Seeing how soiled his boxers had become, he pocketed them and the things he had dropped earlier, slipping on only his pants and his black vest/zippered tank top…thing.

"I need you to sit up so I can get your shirt on." He brushed several strands out of my eyes. A queer expression crossed his face. "Can you?"

I didn't even try. I rolled over onto my side. The pain that shot up my spine did hurt, a lot, but I ignored it. I had felt worse. I couldn't really recall any particular time at the moment, but there had to be at least one. "Lie down next to me, Riku. I'm—I'm tired. Kairi isn't waiting up for us and I think my mom would rather have me come home late and refreshed than on time and exhausted."

He mumbled something, unzipping his top. He flopped down about a foot away from me.

"Riku, don't make me beg."

He didn't ask for clarification. He moved closer to me until he was spooning me within the curve of his entire body. "Is that better?" He was trying to be sarcastic, but the teen sounded too worn out and comfortable. Riku's heartbeat bah-bumped against my back, the pace relaxing until I knew he was also on the verge of sleep.

Three and a half years, I remembered hazily as I felt his yawn against my neck. I searched for him for so long, and I finally found him. Three and a half years of searching for him and wanting to see him and of waiting to be with him… and I lose my virginity to him, the man I would always love unrequitedly, in a one-night stand the first day back on the dirt floor of a dark cave.

Exhaustion edging up on the both of us, Riku placed his hand on my hip in a slightly possessive manner and I couldn't help but ask myself before falling asleep, What did I just do?

I awoke about midday without a single disturbance to my resting state. It seemed almost as if I had closed my eyes for one moment and the world jumped ahead several hours. I had complete awareness of my current situation, made more evident by the foreign leg that had sneaked between my own and the heavy hand that still held my hip. Riku's hot breath ran a chill down my spine.

The memories of what we had done rushed me, creating sensations that I would never be able to fully describe except that they overwhelmed me. My hands shook remembering how they touched him, my lips tingled remembering how they kissed him, my body trembled remembering how it moved with him, and my heart… ached deeper than I had ever expected it to.

Just thinking about the situation I had gotten myself into appalled me. What had I done… to Riku, to myself?

Despite the comfort I felt as I laid next to my friend, I forced myself to sit up. His slim form had fit into my own with near perfection and it felt good. If he was my boyfriend, my lover, or even a stranger that I happened to have sex with, I would have stayed in his arms. But… he was none of those things. He was, and would always be, my best friend.

I felt unbelievably stiff and there was no doubt why I was sore. I brushed bits of dirt off my shoulders and back and shook my hair out for the same purpose. I sat against Riku's stomach, wondering if I should wake him up. Still asleep, he looked more at peace than I had seen him since we reunited. Disturbing him seemed wrong.

Now that there was sunlight and I wasn't distracted by our actions, I could fully see the body I had slept with. He definitely had physically matured during our separation. His cheeks had become firm and the edge of his jaw had sharpened. Even the shape of his eyes had changed. I looked further down to his chest. Scars littered the expanse of his torso. I could tell he should have been much more muscular than he actually was but as with most adventurers, sparsely eating and traveler's exhaustion caused him to have a slightly starved appearance. A nasty bruise ran horizontally across his side. His bandaged arm lay over his chest. I didn't know whether the wound he was hiding was open, so I didn't dare touch it.

I leaned back to examine his back. The scarred flesh, still bruised in several places, was absolutely breathtaking. The raised stripes of skin varied in how much they had faded. The main factor determining this was how the injury was initially treated, and by my guess most were not treated very well at all. (I had scars, but under the care of Donald's expert hands, they were not nearly as wretched as Riku's.) With a strong sense of yearning, I traced a series of fairly recent scars framing his right shoulder blade where it seemed some large beast had bit him. It looked as if it had been infected. It must have been weeks until he was able to wield his weapon properly again. Thankfully, he didn't stir, even as I bent down and followed the curve of elevated flesh with my lips.

I watched over him silently for about a half hour. He woke up effortlessly and just as lucid as I was. He licked his lips once over, stopping at the corner of his lips. A maroon bruise tinged his lips, caused by me biting and sucking on one spot for so long. Sighing deeply, he pushed himself up to join me in my sitting position. Wiping his eyes with his knuckles, his voice was raspy as he asked, "How long have you been awake?" I lied, telling him it had been only a few minutes. He nodded, looking anywhere but at me. "Can I bring you home now?"

Without dignifying him with a response, I grabbed and put on my shirt. I went to get up, forgetting about the discomfort I would feel. A second later, I keeled over, gasping.

Riku didn't mention this in a snide comment or offer me help as I had been grudgingly expecting. Instead, he told me to be more careful; even he was sore and he wasn't the one receiving. Take my time, he said. I probably had to apply more elixir. He would wait outside for as long as I needed.

Taking my silence as agreement, he smiled warmly and pushed his hand through my hair, standing. Turning around, he headed for the tunnel, his steps less graceful than the day before. His impeccable kindness hurt me more than he even knew. He understood what I did and did not want, and he wanted to keep his friend satisfied. He was willing to sleep with me if only just to keep me as his friend.

As I saw him crouch down so that he could fit through the tunnel, I said his name. He looked back and I knew my lips moved and sound escaped. However, I didn't know whether what came out was "Thank you," as I had intended to say, or "I'm so sorry."

Author's Note: Man, was that fun or what! And I know I might sound like a total sadist, but I think one of my favorite lines in this fiction is: "Three and a half years of searching for him (Blah, blah) and I lose my virginity to him, the man I would always love unrequitedly, in a one-night stand the first day back on the dirt floor of a dark cave." It makes me laugh every time I read it. (Does that make me evil or something?)