Emma made her way to the pier, walking quickly, almost out of breath. She looked down every dark alley, looked in every storefront, in every car. It made no sense. She knew that. She also knew that she wasn't going to be able to take a real breath, and thus have a logical thought, until she found Regina.
The physical separation was painful. The fact is, she had been with this woman every moment of every day for months. She knew that wasn't all of it, but she was calmed by the thought. She knew very well why Regina left the party. She was terrified.
After everything they had been through together.. after the demons they had faced, inside and out, after all of the moments that might have been their last, it was now that scared Regina the most. Here. Home. Because that's where she thought she would lose.
In the fight, in the ring, swinging for the fences – that's where Regina knew her footing. That's where Regina understood the rules. Emma must be protected. Something threatens Emma, it needs to be dealt with. Regina wasn't a brute, per se.. she had a sense of sophistication even in the eye of the hurricane. The threat could be removed, navigated, manipulated, evolved even. So long as it was no longer a threat. This was her greatest gift: singular focus. Pointed in the right direction, it was a mighty weapon. Pointed inward, it was a detrimental poison.
And Emma knew how quickly Regina would draw conclusions based on what had come before. Now that they were back, she would think, everything goes back to normal. The Charmings are the good guys, Emma is the savior, loved by all, and Regina is tolerated so long as she continues to sacrifice as penance for her bad works.
Why wouldn't she think that? Except that's not at all what it was. This time one thing was very different: Emma. They say you can't really walk a mile in anyone's shoes. And while that's true, Emma thought, there is something to be said for walking the same path. Over the last few months, Emma has never felt so powerful, sexy, strong… cruel, disdainful and dismissive. It was amazing. And awful. She knows that she should feel worse about the things she's done and she knows she should have a better idea of what was her free choice and what was the choice of the darkness within. But she doesn't. And she doesn't care. And only Regina knows what that feels like. Regina knows that the guilt, and shame, and regret may or may not come at all. So, what does that make me, she thought? A monster? A hero?
"A human being who did her best in a ridiculous circumstance?" Emma could hear Regina's words in her ear.. It was one of those moments when Emma was on the verge of taking a life. It was the briefest pause – a hesitation born of instinct, not of morality. Just as Emma was bringing the blade down on the stranger's neck, Regina appeared, saying, "Go ahead Emma, do it. Just know that this is you. You can't blame the darkness. You've always had a temper and now you get to let loose. So do it already."
The man kneeling at Emma's feet never looked up, never opened his eyes. His arms tied behind his back, filthy, exhausted.. he had stopped feeling human years ago, when he started stealing food to feed his family. This was just another in a long string of humiliations and sufferings.. he almost agreed with Regina in the moment. Just do it. Put me out of my misery. Take the suffering as your own. Just do it.
Regina kept talking, though, filling the space.. widening the gap between the thought and the action Emma was contemplating. "Why not Emma?! It's only sane to want to cause someone else pain. I mean, it would be a relief right? Not to have to feel it yourself for a brief moment? To feel the life draining out of someone else for once, instead of your own heart?"
Emma stood and pointed the dagger at Regina, rage in her eyes, digging in her heels. "Maybe I'll kill you instead. Maybe then you will shut your mouth." Regina cocked her head back, neck exposed, and pulled at her collar, giving Emma an easy target. "Well, then, bonus! If you kill me, no one would blame you, here or at home. They'd throw a parade wouldn't they? They would say she did what had to be done. It was the right thing to do under the circumstance, huh?"
Regina fell to her knees, neck still exposed. "In fact, they would say, poor Emma! It was the darkness finding it's way home." And it crossed her mind. Maybe killing Regina would break the curse, and the darkness that pervaded her every pore would finally leave her body and find another home. Maybe.
But when she looked in Regina's eyes, and watched her give the thief a nod to say, run! Live to steal an apple for another day, and look back and up at Emma, she saw a softening in her gaze. She didn't see it often, but when she did, Regina's eyes went from black to brown, from rage to love, from pain to warmth so quickly that it broke Emma's heart. She dropped the dagger and lowered her head and walked away. She could hear Regina dispersing the crowd behind her, warning them not to pursue Emma – just to let it go this time.
So this time, Regina was the one to walk away, sure that no one understood – or cared – that this time, she was the savior. This time, she was the hero. But more than that, Emma thought.. this time, for a little while, though she paid the highest price, she wasn't alone. She had Emma. And now, she thought, now that we're all back where we're supposed to be, Regina is alone. Back to normal.
Emma had to find her. Where would she go? If she knew anything about Regina, she knew that she wouldn't go somewhere to find comfort.. she would go where the feeling would intensify. She would find a place that held memories of being abandoned, tortured… the boathouse.
Emma ran to the boathouse, and was tempted to swing open the door and burst in, but something stopped her. She approached carefully, tentatively opening the back door, sliding in and letting her eyes adjust to the dark. Above all, she respected Regina and wanted to give her privacy if she was here. She wanted to be there for her, let her know, everything really, but only if it was right.
She saw her across the room, sitting on a bench, looking out over the water. Still as a statue, barely breathing. It was startling at first. Emma had envisioned Regina in pain, or angry, or both. But instead she looked resigned. It was more unsettling than anything she could have imagined. A chill ran down her spine as she approached. She let her feet fall so they could be heard and saw Regina cock her head to the side, but not turn and look her way. Emma wanted to say so many things – so many feelings and memories and ways to convince her that it was going to be okay, different, better. All she could utter was her name.
"Regina?" She whispered as she kneeled in front of her, blocking the window, leaning in close, and taking her hand. She looked up and uttered, "You okay?" Regina didn't move, didn't jerk away or walk away in protest. She let Emma have her hand and looked her in the eye and said, "Aren't we both? Okay I mean? Now that we're home and everything's back to normal?" She smiled crookedly and let out a sigh. Defeated. Long after the battle was won.
And this was when Emma asked herself one question. Do you have it in you? She knew what she meant. She'd been called a savior, a hero, the best of them. She had faced dragons and shadows, wolves and goblins. She had lost people she loved in the fight against good and evil. But seeing Regina give up.. watching her shoulders slump and her exhaustion overtake her.. knowing that she had reached the limit of her sacrifice, Emma knew that she could choose to face the greatest terror she'd ever known. Take the biggest risk.
"Nope," Emma said, taking Regina's other hand and smiling up at her. Regina stayed quiet, curiosity sparking a light in her eyes. "Things will never be back to normal I don't think. I know I don't want that. Do you?" Emma scooted closer, waiting for Regina to respond. "I guess not," she muttered. Emma laughed quietly and Regina pulled her hands away, sitting up straighter. "I'm not laughing at you… maybe a little," Emma admitted. "Hey," she said, trying to get Regina's attention back, "Just because you and I are the only people who know how things have changed.. doesn't mean they won't catch up right? You and I are very different people than we were when we left Storybrooke. But we have to trust that they will still love us." Emma took Regina's chin in her hand and looked her in the eye. "Both of us."
Regina's eyes finally watered when she looked at Emma. "So, happens next?" she asked. Emma looked down and said, "Well, that's in the next chapter." Regina laughed. "And if we've learned anything, it's that we have no control over that, huh?"
Emma smiled, nodded and said, "All I know is that I want to find out together." And she looked up, and took Regina's face in her hands, and kissed her.
And this, this was no tentative kiss. No exploration or slow build. This was a kiss that Emma took as her own, because she was owed at least this. This was the kiss that was supposed to happen under an apple tree, and outside the diner, and in the yellow bug. This was the kiss that should have been on a pirate ship, and in a castle and at a grand ball. This was a kiss that was so long in coming, that had simmered so long in the space of lost opportunity, that it was destined to come to life.
No permission was given.
None was needed.
Regina melted into the kiss like she was breathing for the first time. She took Emma in, drawing her close, feeling the warmth of her lips, tasting better than she could ever had dreamed they would. Emma broke away first, but only to move her lips to Regina's ear, and only to whisper, "Take me home."