The sound of the front bottoms echoes throughout Kenny's closet as he hotboxes it again. It has been a week since he graduated and a week since Craig has been in a coma. He visits him every day, but he can't gain up the strength to tell him another story. So instead he looks at his face sadly, yearning. Sometimes he'll fall asleep, hoping if maybe if he's lucky they can meet in their dreams.
It is stupid.
You are still here, you are still happy, you are still smiling and laughing...
He wakes up in his closet again, those lyrics being the first thing that he hears as he comes back from a deep rest. He must of put the song on repeat last night, it was one of Craig's favorites by them. Kenny inhales sharply and tries not to cry at the memory and the significance of the words in this moment. His fingers curl into his hair and he breathes through his nose.
He kicks open his door and stands up in the mess that is his room. Blue eyes take it in, takes in the beer bottles, the dirty plates, the clothes and pills. He never noticed how vile he was living. He was always too consumed with Craig. With loving Craig. He still loves him, but he takes in the dysfunction of the room and has to push down the shit talk of people saying they need help and that they are fucked up.
Kenny sits on his bed. He feels like lately has been going through the motions. He remembers life before Craig. But he doesn't know how to live life after. Even if it is temporary. And it is temporary. Kenny refuses to believe anything but.
His life has ben getting up, throwing on whatever he can find on the floor and then grabbing a pop tart. He always slept in, always woke up an hour or two before visiting hour. He'd grab Kevin's bike and take the ride to Hell's pass routinely.
However, that day something doesn't sit right and before Kenny knows it he is dialing Kyle's number. It is around 1 pm, he doesn't even know if Kyle works. But he feel like he needs him in that moment. This makes Kenny feel guilty again. Guilty because it takes Kenny needing Kyle to talk to him, not wanting to. He knows that although he is a shit friend, Kyle would still be there.
He is, picking up on the second ring.
"What?" It normally would have made Kenny smile, but he can't find it in him. The line is quiet for a few seconds as Kenny tries to think of what to say.
"I just." He starts, why is this so hard? He, Stan, Kyle and Cartman used to be best mates.
"You just?" Kyle repeats, inpatient. Kenny closes his eyes.
"I need help cleaning my room." It is the first thing that comes to mind. It is a bit humiliating, really. But Kyle doesn't laugh. He doesn't laugh and tell Kenny to fuck off. He tells him he and Stan will be there in a few.
Kenny stands outside in the cold waiting for them as if this was the first they were coming to his house. He stuffs his hands in his orange parka. A ratty, beaten up thing that had been a replacement for the one he had in middle school. It was really big on him at the time, but now he's grown into it.
Kenny can make out the figures of Stan and Kyle coming closer and closer. When they get to the train tracks, Kenny waves. No smile, he wasn't even going to try to force it. Stan does smile weakly at him though, and Kyle just remains neutral.
"Shit dude." Stan says. By now his grin has grown larger. For some reason he was expecting Stan to be mad at him. He doesn't know why. Stan has always been more understanding. Kyle is too, but he sure gets angry and stays that way for awhile. If anything, they both shouldn't even be there with the way he has treated them. It makes him mad at himself. He doesn't regret Craig. He doesn't. But now that he has had time to think it over, he regrets leaving his friends.
"Uh. Hey." He says awkwardly. He tries to smile, but it is too forced. Kyle lets out a snort and Stan smiles back half heartedly.
He turns around and leads the way to his room. They haven't seen it since he was a sophmore. He doesn't know what they were expecting or what reaction he was himself. It wasn't the dead silence that falls though. Kenny steps through the mess and clicks the on button on his radio. The front bottoms plays again, and he picks up the first thing he sees. Just an old whiskey bottle on the floor next to the device.
Stan and Kyle watch his movements and before they know it they have trash bags and are helping clean up the mess. Stan gathers all the garbage and dirty dishes, puts things in the sink, cleans the mess for him. Kyle puts Kenny's and what he assumes is Craig's clothes in a black garbage bag.
"I'll wash these." He says when he picks up the last garment. It is Craig's, an old blue shirt with stars on it. Kenny's lips part and before he knows it he is gently taking the article of clothing from Kyle.
"I um, I'll keep that." He says. He rests it on top of his bed, now made. Kenny doesn't explain it to them, but that was the shirt Craig wore the day he agreed to letting Kenny take him out.
When the room is immaculate, thanks to Stan and Kyle's aid, they leave. They don't bullshit around, they have things to do, places to be. They say goodbye to Kenny. Stan actually goes forward and embraces him. Kyle smiles kind of forced. But it is something.
He stands in his now empty room. It smells like lemon.
Kenny takes it in. For some reason it is relieving not to have the room the way it was. It reminded him so much of those lazy days in bed with Craig, of throwing their shit wherever they pleased. He presses the off button on his radio. Picks up the shirt he laid on his bed.
It smells like Craig's deodorant. It shouldn't be comforting, but it is.
There is about two hours left of visiting hour. So Kenny grabs his brothers bike and rides down to the hospital.
The first time Kenny asked Craig out was after examining him from afar for about four months. Kenny never told Craig, but he was his subject of wank material for a long time.
He was so pretty. Reserved and quiet. Usually alone nowadays. He seemed to prefer it. Briefly, Kenny's mind flashes back to the 1st grade. Of the confession Craig makes about not having a dad. But it was fleeting.
They are on the back porch of someones house. A party going on inside. Normally Kenny has all this confidence but as he steps outside and sees Craig it goes down a few notches for a few seconds. He tries to recollect himself and sits next to him. Smiling, charming and gap toothed.
"Hey." He starts. Craig grunts in response. He is looking down at his cellphone. Now in present time? Kenny knows it was him roaming tumblr. But at that moment he honestly thought it was someone else taking his time and interest, and it discouraged him.
Kenny's smile falters but he doesn't relent.
"I want to take you out sometime." This makes Craig pause with his typing. He doesn't look up right away. And when he does his eyes are cold and dark.
"No." He says, nasal. Kenny finally is in Craig's spotlight. And he sucks up the attention, even if he was clearly turned down.
Kenny, ever the persistent one, doesn't back down.
"I'll make it worth your time." Kenny explains he grins, devious. Craig raises his middle finger up at him, snorting.
"I'm sure."
"I kept trying to convince you I'd show you a good time, Craig. I know you remember. You used to walk away from me as I would follow you down the hallway, telling me to go suck a dick." Kenny traces the lines on Craig's limp palm. His head is downcast and his gaze remains firmly on Craig's hands. The nurses told him he has stitches on the back of his head. That they had to shave a patch of his hair. He thinks Craig would be pretty pissed about it, if he were awake.
"I remember when you said yes."
They were in gym class. Kenny was sitting out that day, having forgot to grab his clothes off his dresser that morning. Craig sat on the bleachers most days, opting to not participate. Kenny plops down next to him and automatically persists with his interest. He's telling Craig about how good he'll make him feel when Craig interrupts him.
"Do you not know how to take a hint?" Craig inquires, nasal. He doesn't look at Kenny, he's pressing his palm into his forehead, appearing irritated and defeated. Kenny shuts his mouth and smirks, pleased. So far this is the most vocal reaction he's pried out of Craig. Usually he tells him to go fuck himself and ignores him.
"Fine. I'll go out with you, asshole. You're driving. Pick me up at 11." Kenny is so excited that he doesn't question it.
"I feel like in that moment I tried to look you over and capture what you looked like. I think that I knew this was my one chance and that I may not get another one...you were wearing this blue shirt with yellow stars on it. Like from Van Gaughs Painting. I found it today. You wore it that night, as well." Kenny closes his eyes and interlaces their finger.
Kenny picked Craig up that night after work. He was grooming the horses, cleaning our their hoofs and brushing their mane when he realizes the time. He has no set schedule, it's an odd job that Kyle found him that pays pretty well.
He finishes up his tasks for the day and says his goodbyes to the owner of the farm. Rushing, he climbs into his brothers old, rusted truck.
The farm is a little bit away from South Park, and he turns on the radio to make time go faster. The sound of some band that Stan showed him plays through the speakers.
Fields of farm land pass by in blurs and Kenny wonders it he'd appreciate the scenery more if he hasn't lived around it for so long. After driving for a while the surrounding become more familiar and Kenny is parking in front of the Tucker residence. It isn't a hassle to find the place. They have lived in the same town for years and have known each other for so long.
Kenny texts Craig that he is there and waits patiently for the other male to come out. He does, and Kenny watches as he closes the door behind him, stepping over snow to get to him. Craig climbs into Kenny's truck, quiet and not bothering to look at him.
Kenny drives off and they sit in silence minus the music emanating from the radio. Craig tampers with it a bit, skipping song after song. Kenny notes that he must be picky with music. He can't seem to decide on a single damn thing. As soon as he finds a song he must like Kenny is parking on the curb of Stan's house. He kills the engine, begins to unbuckle.
"Wait, you are taking me to Stan's house?" Craig inquires, he sounds annoyed. Kenny looks to him and grins.
"Not his house…his shed. It is pretty sweet, dude." Kenny explains. Craig's cold gaze remains on him for a few seconds before he lets out a sigh. He pulls on the handle of the truck, jumping down, boots hitting the pavement. Kenny leads the way to the back of the Marsh residence. Putting his finger to his lips, signaling for Craig to be quiet as they hop the fence.
The lights to Stan's house are all off, everyone must be asleep already. Without further ado they push open the door to the shed. Kenny lets Craig step in first and waits for a reaction as he pulls on the light switch. The shed is set up as a little recreational room. The walls painted a deep red, a couch pushed against one side, a stack of magazines, a radio and a tv. It is simple, but Kenny loves it there. Has so many memories in middle school of fucking around with his mates there.
Craig doesn't say anything, opting to sit on the couch. Kenny digs in his pockets, pulling out a baggy of weed. He lifts it to show to Craig and plops down next to him.
"You took me to Marsh's shed to smoke." Craig starts as Kenny rolls a blunt, Kenny just lets out a low chuckle and passes the stick to Craig. The stoic male turns the joint over before sighing.
"Unbelievable." He says. However, he doesn't leave. Who turns down weed, right? Especially when they don't have to pay for it. They light and smoke. Lazily and quiet. Kenny throws his arm around Craig. It becomes a lot more comfortable, the silence. Craig even rests his head on Kenny's shoulder.
Kenny strokes his hair, and in that moment he can see them doing this a lot more, if Craig would let them.
"S'nice" Craig says, quietly. Kenny smiles, and starts talking. He doesn't know if what he says really makes any sense. But he talks. He talks about a little bit of everything, and a little bit of nothing. He tells Craig about how he wants to be able to fly. How he wishes he was a bird, and Craig actually complies. It makes all the sense in the world to them, and it makes Kenny smile.
After about an hour of talking and smoking, Craig sits up. He ditched the hat that night. His hair is neat. Combed down, curling around his ears, framing his face. Kenny pushes some of those dark locks away from his face.
Craig's eyes close as Kenny's fingers brush against the surface of the skin on his face. Those digits circle Craig's lips for the first time. Feels the soft flesh beneath his touch for the first time.
Kenny leans in and kisses those lips. His hands cupping Craig's face. He expects Craig to push him away and tell him to fuck off, but he doesn't.
He kisses back.
And before he know it Kenny's hand is tangled in Craig's hair. Pulling his head back to expose the flesh of his neck. Craig lets out little pants as Kenny bites and sucks on his flesh. Kenny straddles Craig, rolls his hips down on him. He feels like he can get off by just fucking dry humping him.
They lazily kiss for a little while before Kenny decides to suck Craig off. He gets on his knees, unbuttoning Craig's jeans. Kenny starts by licking a path up Craig's length. He then takes the tip in his mouth, swirling his tongue around the head. He furthers Craig's dick in his mouth, and eventually starts bobbing his head, taking him as deep down his throat as he can. He is used to it, but hopes Craig isn't. He wants to give him a good time.
He looks up at the usually so well composed male through lashes and watches his expression. It's pretty, lips parted, face flushed. Kenny jerks himself off on it and when Craig cums and he swallows down the fluid, he cums a minute after of yanking himself off.
Kenny stands and returns his position next to his companion, kissing him on the lips. He wraps his arms around his middle and they lay on the couch together, Kenny holding Craig from behind. They fall asleep like that.
In the morning they wake to the sound of the sheds door being open. Their eyes open to the onslaught of sunlight and Stan's frustration.
"Jesus fucking christ, really Kenny?" Stan says. Kenny shrugs in response and Craig pulls himself out of Kenny's grasp, buttons up his pants, storming out.
"You didn't talk to me for a week after that." Kenny reaches a hand over to push hair that had fallen in Craig's face away. He closes his eyes.
"But I…I think having you that one time? I think I knew that I had to have you more than once."
The same nurse from the first time he visited comes by and tells him that he has to leave soon. He frowns, deep and sad. Kenny kisses The vein he was tracing, hoping to wake Craig as if his kiss was the solution. He leaves.