It had been a couple of hours since Haru's arrival at Shigure's. To Yuki's relief, Kyo had locked himself in his room after he'd screamed insults at Shigure for about an hour straight. Perhaps Tohru had finally managed to quell his rage as she tended to do, simply by placing a comforting a hand on his arm and smiling at him reassuringly. The girl seemingly had an innate ability to calm those around her. Even Kyo's fury dispelled simply due to her presence.

Once the others had gone to sleep, Yuki was more than aware he was left alone with Haru, both still sitting on the couch beside each other. To be honest, he'd been relieved when the others had arrived from the grocery store, just because Kyo's outbursts and the mayhem that followed had shattered the sexual tension between Yuki and Haru. And now in the aftermath of what had almost occurred, Yuki was left unsettled and even distraught.

After all, he had almost decided to kiss Haru. And he probably would have, had Shigure not interrupted so conveniently. He'd almost kissed his cousin whose advances he'd firmly rejected up until tonight. Yuki's hands trembled in his lap as he felt overly aware of his body and its closeness to Haru. Could Haru tell what he was thinking? Had he seen the change in the way Yuki had last looked at him? Had he seen the discomfort give way to lust?

"Yuki?"

Yuki looked up at Haru, tried to smile naturally, but instead felt his lips twitching anxiously as though he'd forgotten how to. God, he felt so awkward right now. It was like a dam within him was full to bursting and he was trying with all his might to tape that shit back together at the last second. It's just Haru, he told himself. Chill.

"You're not...you're not mad at me because of what happened, are you?" Haru's own hands were clasped together anxiously in his lap, as the ox lowered his eyes. "I swear, if I have to, I'll try to stay away whenever I'm not feeling too good. You know, so I don't turn black around you. I know I've said it before, but-"

"Haru, just forget it," Yuki cut in. He hated to see his cousin so remorseful. Yes, he was bothered by what happened, but at the same time he didn't feel enraged as he usually did. Though he didn't want Haru to be aware of this change, so he tried to play it off. "But if you ever grope me like that again, I swear I'll throw your ass through a wall."

Haru looked up then, smiling playfully, all signs of anguish erased. "You know I'd like that."

Yuki rolled his eyes. "Whatever." It seemed his cousin was already back on his one track mind. Figures, he thought. He knew Haru was practically attached to him by the hip whenever they so much as crossed paths. He was enamored by him to the point that it almost creeped Yuki out. Because he just couldn't understand what it was that made him so irresistible that the ox could hardly keep his hands off of him.

"You'd better not turn black again tonight. Seriously," Yuki warned. He still remembered how intimidated he'd felt when Haru's eyes had narrowed into slits, his mouth curving upward into an evil smirk. And of course how it had felt when he'd fondled him against his consent. Not exactly oodles of fun.

"Okay. I'll try really hard," Haru said earnestly, like a child who'd just been scolded. "Just don't take your clothes off in front of me and you should be good." Yuki arched an eyebrow at this. To anyone else it would have sounded like he was joking, but he felt certain that he should take precaution.

"So I take it you're spending the night?" Yuki felt his throat tighten as the words left his mouth. It wasn't something that should worry him and yet, for some reason it did.

"Is that okay?" Haru said, his eyes gleaming so hopefully that Yuki could have cringed at it. "Can I...I mean, is it okay if I sleep in your room? I won't try anything funny. I promise."

Yuki highly doubted that, but he could only groan into his hands, muttering a few curses as he nodded reluctantly. He could have heard Haru's internal cheering from a mile away. It was rare when Haru spent the night, but when he did he almost always slept in Yuki's room. Mostly because Yuki would take pity on his cousin, because of how it seemed he'd been looking forward to it way ahead of time. He could even see him marking the date on a calendar. Haru probably only spent the night just so he could be around Yuki as much as possible, he'd figured. At times, his cousin treated the idea of just being around him as though it was the most thrilling excursion ever. Yuki could see it in how animated Haru could be when he spoke to him. The dullness in his eyes would fade into euphoria, stunning Yuki into silence. It wasn't uncommon for him to sincerely question Haru's sanity.

The two boys stood and made their way toward Yuki's room. As they passed Kyo's room, Yuki could already hear the boy snoring loudly. Yuki felt tempted to just slam the door open and scare the shit out of the screaming asshole, but thought better of it. Perhaps he'd wait until the next opportunity to kick his ass arose. Hopefully the very next day. His head still hurt from his bickering after all.

Once they made their way inside Yuki's room, Yuki sighed as he grabbed a couple of blankets and dropped them on the floor for Haru. He also threw a pillow onto the floor. Haru smiled gratefully at him and thanked him. Yuki knew Haru didn't need much in order to sleep soundly. He could fall asleep on concrete if he needed to. He'd caught him doing so on more than one occasion in their parking lot, when he'd been lost on his way home.

"So, I guess I'll just go to sleep then," Yuki said as he watched Haru carefully, almost as though he was afraid the ox might try something if he turned his back. The more time he spent with him, the more disturbed he felt by what he had almost done earlier. What in the hell was he thinking? He had never been attracted to Haru before and, yet, out of nowhere he'd felt this flaming surge of lust that had driven him mad with desire. Was he…was he losing it? Or had Haru finally managed to lure him in with his incessant flirtations? But it wasn't even that Haru had been flirting with him...it was just the way he'd looked at him.

"Yuki? Are you okay?"

Haru's confused voice broke through Yuki's thoughts making him tense up, his breath hitching as he realized he'd been lost in thought right in front of his cousin. He also realized he was still standing, so he moved to sit on his bed.

"Yeah. I was just...thinking about...Tohru," he lied. "Just worrying about her spending too much time with that stupid cat."

Haru seemed unconvinced, but he smiled at Yuki anyway. "You really like Tohru, don't you Yuki? She's sweet, isn't she?"

Yuki nodded shyly as he suddenly recalled how he'd been thinking about the girl before Haru's arrival. Yet his thoughts of her had dissipated soon after. But now that his mind had drifted back in that direction, he relaxed a little. "Yeah, she really helps make things easier. You know, with having to live with those retards," he ground out sullenly. "Sometimes I just want to grab 'em both and just bash their heads together, knocking them out completely."

"Can't blame you. They act like a couple of kids. It's like Shigure messes with Kyo on purpose just for shits and giggles. And it's hard for me to not freak out around Kyo. His screaming makes me really anxious, you know?"

"I probably would have snapped that stupid cat's neck like a twig earlier if it wasn't for you two."

"Us two?" Haru looked surprised. "You mean, I helped out, too?"

Yuki felt himself begin to sweat due to his admission. He was unused to complimenting Haru. He normally cursed at the ox for annoying him. "Yeah, I guess," he said grudgingly. "It helps to have someone on my side. You know. Someone who understands."

Haru beamed at him, his cheeks taking on a rosy tint. His eyes were so filled with gratitude that Yuki once again felt unsettled by it. Normally Haru was placid and devoid of emotion, but three were times when he'd grow frenzied. He could already sense that Haru was on the verge of rushing over to embrace him.

"As much as a stupid ox like you could understand, anyway," Yuki blurted out. He'd been trying to ease his own anxiety by passively insulting Haru, but realized right then he'd said the wrong thing. He already wished he could take the words back, seeing the look on Haru's face.

Haru flinched at it, his previous joy crumbling rapidly. Yuki saw the disappointment, the betrayal flash across his eyes. That word...stupid...uttered at his expense from Yuki's lips had to have been unexpected. It was as though he'd quickly dealt his cousin a staggering blow to his self-esteem.

"Y-Yeah, you're right," Haru said unsteadily. His fingers trembled violently as he ran them through his tangled hair. "And I usually just break everything within reach when I'm around you, huh? Kind of like a walking tornado."

Yuki berated himself silently, wondering what the hell he was thinking. Not only could that have caused black Haru to emerge, but he'd also broken his cousin's trust. He knew how sensitive he was about his intelligence. He'd endured years of mocking by those around him, being referred to as an idiot, slow, mentally inferior, or even just plain retarded. Haru had confided in Yuki many times that it was so hard not to be provoked into a rage when someone referred to him in such a way. Even his parents would sometimes tease him despite his desperate attempts to get them to understand how much it bothered him.

And now Yuki had hurt him deeply.

Yuki averted his eyes, already feeling guilty. "Haru, I-" he began to apologize, but was interrupted.

"Anyway, just forget it. I've done enough damage already," and the words were spat out bitterly, unlike Haru. And yet not quite black Haru either. "Sorry again. For earlier. I know I'm trash for touching you like that. Maybe...maybe I wouldn't even deserve you anyway."

Yuki placed his palms against his face, as he felt his heart pounding within his chest. He was usually so careful to walk on eggshells around Haru and yet it was as though he was finding it difficult to control himself all of a sudden. Inhaling a shuddering breath, he shut his eyes. "Haru, I told you. It was just...an incident. You didn't scar me for life. You didn't mean it. It was black Haru. It wasn't you."

"But black Haru is a part of me, Yuki," Haru said, his eyes wide and pleading, as though begging him to understand. "It was wrong. I...I touched you when you didn't want it. I saw it in your eyes. I've never seen you look at me like that before. You looked scared. I feel like a creep for doing that to you. That isn't love...that's...that's..." Haru hung his head unable to finish.

Yuki frowned as he felt he was being pressured into doing something. He knew what he should do. He should continue to comfort and console Haru, to convince him his regret about his actions was enough reason for him to forgive him. And yet at the same time there was some truth in what Haru was saying. Black Haru was a part of him, it was true. And perhaps black Haru was acting on white Haru's desires. So maybe, in a sense, Haru was to blame for what he'd done. After all, he was aware enough to realize that Yuki was uncomfortable with it, even if it had been after it had happened.

"Haru...you know you drive me crazy sometimes," Yuki said, with a sad laugh.

Haru looked up at him then, his face drawn and weary as though he'd aged significantly in just a matter of minutes.

Yuki didn't like the way his cousin looked. He was used to his cheerful and kind smiles. His sweet and caring nature. Seeing him look as though he was struggling underneath a massive load of burdens upset him.

So Yuki moved to get off the bed and sat beside Haru on the floor. He hesitated for the briefest of seconds before he placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it.

"Look, I know you, Haru. I know you'd never want to hurt me. If you did something like that, you couldn't have been in control. Or at least not enough to be able to stop yourself. You didn't mean it," and Yuki stressed this by shaking Haru slightly as though to try to shake him out of his stupor.

The ox's eyes looked so pained, though, and Yuki watched as they filled with tears. His cousin's lips trembled as he lowered his head yet again. "I don't believe you," he said. "You're just trying to make me feel better because you feel bad."

Yuki sighed then, hoarsely. Yes, perhaps that was true. He was just trying to make him feel better. But, all the same, he genuinely felt that Haru shouldn't blame himself like this. He felt tempted to slap some sense into Haru as he tended to do with Kyo. Then again, the despair his cousin had quickly plunged into only served to show how deep his love for Yuki went.

"Do you have to be so damn difficult? For God's sake, Haru. How many times do I have to tell you? I swear, it's like I need to-" And Yuki stopped quickly, eyes widening at what he'd been about to say. His heart thudded in his chest, as he looked away, cursing himself for his stupidity. Haru, however, looked up suddenly curious.

"What? Like you need to what?"

"Nothing," Yuki said, shifting away from Haru, holding his head in his hands. It was already beginning to hurt again, perhaps due the confusion due to his turbulent feelings. What was going on here? He couldn't...he wouldn't…

He could feel Haru's eyes on him, could hear him move towards him, and Yuki felt his face redden as Haru took one of his hands, pulled it away from his head and clasped it within his own. The blood just as quickly drained from his face as Haru interlaced their fingers, the motion so intimate and sensual that it made Yuki warm up inside as he had earlier. It also reminded him of what he'd imagined happening between them. He felt a sudden urge to get up and sprint out of his room. Alarm bells clanged threateningly inside his head telling him to push Haru away, to smack him upside the head as he'd thought of doing earlier.

Anything to just stop what was about to happen from happening.

Yuki didn't like being touched. He felt uncomfortable with even the thought of being caressed by another person, much less being hugged or kissed. And he especially was quaking on the inside, as he saw Haru reach to place a hand against his cheek, his thumb caressing it tenderly, almost feather-light.

Again, Yuki felt the urge to slap his cousin's hand away, perhaps because it was instilled in him due to having done so, so many times in the past. And yet, again there was something inside him that chose to allow it to happen.

Haru's eyes took him in, watched Yuki closely as his lips curved upward in a smile. It wasn't a malicious smirk as what black Haru had taunted him with earlier. No, this smile seemed to melt away the worry lines from Haru's face, made him look youthful and carefree once again. He looked as though he could hardly contain his joy in that moment. Perhaps he was in bliss thanks to Yuki's response, in that he didn't viciously rebuke him as he normally would. And there must have been something in his eyes that looked inviting, even.

"You're so handsome, Yuki," Haru murmured breathily, making the hair on the back of Yuki's neck stand on end.

He'd never been complimented in such a way before. Normally people told him he was pretty. But never handsome. The word repeated in Yuki's head until it nearly lost its meaning. Handsome? He was handsome? As in...like a guy? And not like a chick as he was often compared to?

Huh.

"You're...touching my face," Yuki said, beginning to sweat due to the close proximity of their own faces. He felt idiotic himself, like he had no idea what to say in response to what was happening. It wasn't the first time Haru had touched his face, and yet there was something different about it this time.

Haru leaned a bit towards Yuki, looked him in the eye then, and Yuki saw what he was asking for. Permission. Fright quickly gripped his heart as he reflexively leaned back. He'd never done this before, and it worried him. And what if he disappointed Haru? After all the time the ox had fawned over him, what if he kissed him and it turned out there was nothing there after all?

And yet, Yuki swallowed and nodded his head, smiled a little even. What the hell is wrong with me...was his last thought before Haru shut his eyes and leaned to press his lips against his.

The kiss was gentle, just a regular kiss on the lips. And yet when it happened, Yuki's heart clenched. It was the intimacy he'd always secretly craved with another person and he'd finally achieved it. He'd gotten his first kiss...and it was with Haru, of all people. Yuki opened his eyes and stared at Haru, who'd leaned back to look at him appreciatively. Apparently he hadn't disappointed him as the ox was smiling at him almost as though he was high as a kite.

Now in the aftermath of what he'd done, Yuki couldn't help but feel shaken by it. It was as though a forbidden barrier had just been crossed and now there was no going back. He was aware he had broken into a cold sweat... was shivering even. Could it be...that he really liked it? That he really did like this? That he really did like Haru?

"Well? Say something," Haru said, laughing a little as he nudged his shoulder.

Yuki laughed himself, probably due to his anxiety. "Sorry. I'm just...in shock, I guess. I mean...that was my first kiss." He wanted to add 'and it was with you', but figured it didn't need to be said.

"Did you like it?"

And there was an eagerness, a hopefulness in Haru's voice that almost broke Yuki's heart. He wasn't the only one afraid to disappoint, it seemed. Or perhaps he was worried that Yuki would be repulsed by the act itself.

Yuki couldn't resist smiling a little. He felt a burst of happiness in his chest, feeling strangely uplifted now. Just seeing Haru looking as he did was heartwarming. It made him feel at peace, like he'd done the world some good by allowing this to happen. By letting his defenses down and giving in.

"Yeah...it was kind of nice. Just never thought it would actually happen," and Yuki laughed, this time with an edge of hysteria. Truthfully he'd been so vehement in denying Haru in the past, been so irritated by him that he was certain there was no way in hell he'd ever give in to temptation.

And yet...it had happened. He felt like he was in some other dimension or something. It was almost as though he was possessed by some other side to him as well. Like there may be a black Yuki somewhere deep inside him that had these dark desires and he was unable to do anything about them.

"You're not the only one," Haru said shyly. He was still holding Yuki's hand in his own, and was now massaging it with his thumb. "Your hand's sweating like hell, by the way. Guess you were nervous, huh?"

Yuki felt embarrassment settle in. He hated when people could see through him. "N-Nervous? Not really," he lied.

Haru grinned. "Okay, if you say so."

The two boys sat together for a while longer simply enjoying one anothers presence. Yuki managed to relax for the first time around Haru in ages. He wasn't even afraid that black Haru might pop up and screw shit up. As long as he was with Haru, he felt that he could be at ease.

To his surprise, Haru didn't even try to kiss him again. He seemed utterly content with having so much as pecked him on the lips. But his eyes looked dreamy every time he looked at Yuki and a goofy smile was permanently on his lips. Yuki felt embarrassment in that he had such an effect on him. That just kissing him had left Haru on cloud nine. And yet...he couldn't help but admit he really liked it. It was as though he held the reigns, as though he was in charge. Like Haru would bow down to him if he could just to express how much he meant to him. And Yuki liked having that kind of power over another person. It made him lustful for it, made him throb painfully down below. For once, he felt as though he was the one who could hardly keep his hands from wandering in the others direction.

In a sense, he realized he had just turned black.