One week into our little 'adventure' I had a decision to make. Do I stay on this path, dragging my children across the country into the unknown or do I return to my husband and 'face the music' as it were. An easy choice, no? Only it's not easy at all. I still loved my Jon, even after all he'd put me through and whilst he may get violent sometimes, he was still our boy's father. They needed a father as much as they needed me and maybe he'd be different now, maybe. But then perhaps he'd be the same, only ever watchful, keeping an eye out to see if I pull a stunt like that again. I needed help; advice. I decided to call my mother, surely she'd know what to do, right?
Right. And I'm the queen of Sheba.
We parked by a phone booth on the main street of some dead-beat crappy town, Johnny in the front seat entertaining Paulie with his impression of an airplane.
"Back in a moment guys."
My hands shook as I removed the quarters from my pocket and opened the door of the booth. It took me three attempts to dial correctly; I kept hitting the wrong numbers. I'd never done anything like this before, I was sure the sky was going to fall on me any moment as punishment of some sort.
"Hi, mom, it's me"
"Anna?"
"Yeah mom"
"Where are you? Your fathers beside himself"
Yeah I bet he is, with embarrassment and anger, 'cause I know he's certainly not worried about me or his grandchildren's welfare.
"Oh, sorry about that; mom I need your help" I practically begged, I'd never asked the old bat for anything in my life but right then I asked for the sake of my children.
"My help? What ever for dear? Now when are you coming home and putting all this silliness behind you, Jon told us all about it. Honestly I don't know what you were thinking overreacting like that!"
Her tone of voice told me everything I needed to know. Jon had spun her some tale and now I was the stupid one overreacting and taking his children from him, I could feel the badly disguised scorn down the phone line. I made up my mind there and then.
"I'm not coming home yet mom. Er, me and the boys are going on a… er… trip, yeah. A trip and I need you to send me some money mom, not much, but mom, the boys need clothes and a decent room."
"What are you talking about? You have a house for pity sake! And a husband who loves you. Now stop being ridiculous and go home to your husband- those boys need their father!"
"No mom, I can't. Mom you don't understand, he hit Johnny, I can't let…" but she never let me finish explaining.
"ANNA! I have heard enough of these lies! Your father will be home soon and I must fix dinner, so stop being a spoilt brat and go home. I won't hear another word of this Anna, do you hear me?"
"But mom…"
"NO! Not another word Anna, go home to your husband, do you have any idea what the neighbours are saying?"
"Mom, please listen to…"
"Anna, dear, listen to me, you have a good husband, a nice house and two beautiful children don't throw it all away so that you can go on some crazy adventure. This stops now…"
"No Mom, you listen to me, please, he hit me and Johnny…"
"Anna stop it! Jon told us everything now turn your car around and go home- I have to go your father's going to be home soon and you know how he gets if his dinners late!"
"MOM, PLEASE, MOM… mom? Mom?"
And then she was gone. Just like that, she turned her back on her only daughter and grandchildren. I felt hot angry tears rolling down my cheeks. The injustice of it all! Oh god what was I going to do now? Miles from home, money dwindling, two children who needed food, clothes and shelter. I took the cigarette packet from my pocket and lit a smoke. I took in shuddering breath, held it in, and exhaled shakily. My hands quivering the whole time. I glanced back at the car to see Johnny making a bird with his hands, keeping his brother happy. I guess I'd made my decision. I had enough money left to reach California and from there I guess we'd rent some cheap place and I could get a job. I done waitressing before- I could do it again. Johnny would be at school in the fall anyway, so I'd only have Paulie to worry about in the day. I could manage- right?
I stubbed out my smoke and got back in the car. "What did Grandma say?" Johnny asked in all innocence. I hated lying to him, but how do you tell a five year old that his grandmother is more concerned about what the neighbours think than him?
"She told me to tell you that she loves you and is missing you loads"
"Oh, cool I miss her too, but we'll see her and Granddad at Thanks Giving won't we, mommy?"
"I don't know, baby- they might be busy then."
"Oh. Hey mom can I get that helicopter toy we saw at the store the other day for Christmas, please?"
How easily a child's mind accepts things and moves on to candy bars and toys. It always amazed me. I smiled warmly down at him as I started the engine. "We'll have to see what Santa brings".
We drove west towards the unknown idly chatting about Christmas, Santa and airplanes. My heart heavy with worry but there was excitement there too. I'd made my choice, there was no going back, not now.