Generation:Phantom
Act II: "Bouncing the Bouncer."
(Scene: In the Manager's office, yet again , two days later .)
Andre: (reading the newspaper) "Well, whattya know? We're in the paper!"
Firmin: "I know. Go on, read it."
Andre: (reading out loud) "'Messiuers Andre and Firmin, managers of the Paris Opera House, gave new meaning to the term "Happy Hour " last night when -'"
Firmin: (cutting him off) "Not that one! The one on page 5!"
Andre: "Oh, sorry." *flips through paper* "Here we go: 'Managers of the Paris Opera House, Messieurs Andre and Firmin, are pleased to announce the opening of a new season at the Opera, starting with the new Musical Version of 'Breakfast at Tiffany's.' The leading lady is yet to be announced .' *pauses*
Firmin: "Why do they always put your name first?"
(Madame Giry bursts in)
Giry: (noticably miffed) "Well, I never!"
Firmin: "What's up, Madame G.?"
Giry: "Okay, that's gotta stop. I'm a box keeper, not a rapper."
Firmin: "Sorry." *giggles uncontrolably*
Giry: (To Andre) "What's with him?"
Andre: "Starbucks opens at 6 now . They were giving out free Lattes this morning . "
Firmin: (wired) "I had three tall ones, and one Little Latte!" [*audience groans* Sorry, I know that was a bad joke, but I just couldn't resist !]
Giry: "Who is that guy out there, and why did he feel he had to frisk me ?"
Andre/Firmin: *shudder*
Firmin: "That is one brave man."
Andre: "We hired a bouncer! His name's Bob. *whips out 'Caring for Your Bouncer' Instruction Manual* (reading) "'When your Bouncer is on duty, please be sure not to pester and/or annoy him. He is neither a zoo animal nor a Buckingham Palace guard.'" *acknowledging Mme Giry* "Are you still here ?"
Giry: "Chyeah! I want to know what this note is all about!" *waves note about in the air*
Andre: "Didn't you read it?"
Giry: "I couldn't get it open. *arthritic fingers fumble with note* "*mmph!* It must be some really strong paper, or something!"
Firmin: "Ooh, you mean like Super Paper?"
Andre: "Hand it over, you old bat!" *snatches note and rips through it*
Giry: "Thank you, Edward Scissor-Hands."
Andre: "Hey! It's another one of these notes."
Firmin: "You mean from the Gecko?"
Andre: "No. From that 'S.G.' guy. (reading note) "Dear Madame Giry, Hey! Guess what? That guy who used to make you pander to his every whim? He's not here anymore! I'm here now ! You have to pander to my whims! mwahahaha! So, for starters, how about getting a little electricity down here , huh? I mean, c'mon. My Game Boy batteries are only inches away from death. And while your at it, get me a Diet Coke. And tell those half-wit managers of your's that a.) They are to follow my rules when it comes to this new production, got it? b.) Inform the Bouncer that I have "diplomatic immunity," and c.) Has anyone seen my "Princess Bride" video? Stay cool . ~S.G."
Firmin: "Oops. yeah, I've been meaning to return that."
Giry: "Well, what the-"
(Carlotta bursts in)
Carlotta: "Well really! Where does he get the nerve?!"
Andre: "Trouble in Paradise?"
Carlotta: "What's with the Bouncer? And where does he get off confiscating my personal items?"
Firmin: "Got busted with marijuana again , huh?"
Carlotta: "They're Oregano Leaves!!"
Giry: "He frisked you too?"
Carlotta: "Yeah ."
Andre/Firmin: *shudder*
Andre: "he's braver than we thought."
Carlotta: "Not only that, but he reufsed to let me into the pool this morning ! I always swim 50 laps every day !"
Giry: *rolls eyes* "Right . And I used to model swimwear for the Sears Catalogue."
Andre: "So that was you....."
Firmin: "Pool?"
Giry: "uh, yeah? The one on the third floor?"
Andre: *scoffs* "Yeah, like I haven't heard that one before."
Carlotta: "So....?"
Andre/Firmin: "So.....what?"
Carlotta: "Who's the new Prima Donna, you idiots?!"
Andre/Firmin: "Uh, well......"
Carlotta: "*sigh*"
Firmin: "Look, come to the rehersal this afternoon , and we'll work things out there. Kapiche?"
Carlotta: (taking great offense) "I beg your pardon?"
Andre: (sighing) "It means, 'understand?'"
Carlotta: "oh. heh heh. sure, whatever." (flounces out)
Andre: "We really don't get paid enough."
Giry: "We really don't get paid at all."
Firmin: "I'm goin' to the store. Who wants a Latte while I'm out ?"
Scene 2: Rehersal for "Breakfast at Tiffany's: The Musical."
Giry: (shouting at Chorus girls) "No, no! Bend your knees, your knees! *sigh* If you don't get this right, I'll have to dance it for all of you!!"
Andre: *Picturing Mme Giry in a Leotard* "Please, please do it right!"
(Christine enters)
Christine: "Sorry I'm late. I had to stop off at the house and make sure Raoul had food and water.' (pulls of cloak, revealing a mass of curly, green hair.)
Meg: "What, in the name of all things strange and confusing, is that?"
Christine: (confused) "Oh! Uh, well, before you say anything-"
Carlotta: (excited ) "You're finally joining the circus?!"
Giry: "Score !" *slaps high five with Carlotta*
Andre: "Wait-The circus was in town ?"
Firmin: "Dang! I missed it again !"
Christine: (indicating hair) "It's not my fault! That pool has so much chlorine, even the rats couldn't take it!"
Firmin: *jumping into Andre's arms* "Rats?!"
Dancer #1: "Unbelievable! I try for weeks to get my hair like that, and her's just does it naturally !"
Andre: "Pool?"
Carlotta: "How'd you get past the Bouncer?"
Christine: *grinning* "I can be very persuasive."
Everyone: "aggghh! My ears, my ears!"
Meg: *innocently* "I don't get it."
Christine: "So, where do I stand?"
Carlotta: *scowling* "By the Exit."
Christine: "Hey! No fair! Don't I even get an audition ?"
Giry: "Let's just make her a Ballet Girl again ." (Ballet girls groan, except for Meg.)
Meg: "Hey, yeah !"
Christine: "Ugh, no!"
Meg: *eyes glowing* (in a "Children of the Corn" voice) "Join us, Christine. Join us."
Giry: *smacks Meg* "Now cut that out! (turning to the others) Sorry. It must be the new Pep Medication."
Carlotta: "Can we get on with this? I have a flea bath appointment at 5 ." (the others snicker) "Shut up! It's for my poodle!"
Christine: "You know, I could say something...."
Andre: "All right, all right! That's enough! We have to decide who's going to play Holly! Otherwise, this can't continue . Anybody got any bright ideas?" *blinking* "Okay, anybody got any ideas, then?"
Meg: *raises hand, enthusiastically * "Oooh! OOOHH!"
Firmin: (patiently) "Meg?"
Meg: " *ahem* How about Christine plays Holly one night, and Carlotta another, and we let the public decide?" *a pause*
Everyone: "Yeah, okay, whatever, that's cool, hey when's lunch , etc...."
Carlotta: "I'm Holly first!"
Christine: "No, I am !" *catfight ensues *
Andre: *patting coatpockets* "Where did I put those pain killers.....?"
(The "Surrogate Phantom" walks into rehersal, wearing his boxers, a t-shirt that says "Waaassssuuuppp?" eating a box of Cracker Jacks.)
Phantom: *after much staring from the cast and crew* "Oh, dude. Sorry. Am I interrupting something?"
Everyone: (goes crazy) "It's the Phantom!! Run!! It's the Opera Ghost!!! He's gonna kill all of us!! Are those boxers?, etc."
Firmin: "Perfect . *a pause* That's it, I'm getting out of here. I just can't work like this! *massaging temples* Madame Giry, call Julio, would you? I really need a seaweed wrap."
Andre: "A seaweed wrap?! A SEAWEED WRAP?! You've been getting seaweed wraps?......................without telling me ?!"
Carlotta: "I thought your skin tone looked a little more defined. "
Giry: "*sigh* Take 5, everyone. As in days ."
(Raoul enters, frantically)
Raoul: "Christine? Christine? Christine, I-oomf!" *Runs over Mme Giry*
Phantom: "Who's the fop?"
Andre: "Raoul. " *puffs an inhaler*
Phantom: "Raoul? THE Raoul?" *falls over and dies laughing*
Christine: "You've met?"
Phantom: "Let's just say he's not everyone's favorite guy down there." *indicates Lair*
Carlotta: "He' not everyone's favorite guy up here , either."
Giry: "Why you little brat!" (attempts to attack Raoul, but falls through a hole in the stage, instead.)
Phantom: *peering through hole* "That's where it was!"
Raoul : *grinning* "She fell down!"
Andre: "He's the reason they put the 'Do Not Spray In Eyes' warnings on cans of whipped cream."
Christine: (to Raoul) "Did you want something?"
Raoul: "Oh, yeah! I can't get the cap off the Flintstones' Vitamins." *struggles with bottle, pathetically*
Firmin: "Here . Have one of mine . Pebbles or Bam-Bam?"
Raoul: *thinking hard* "Ummmm........ Bam-Bam!"
Phantom: "Good choice."
(everyone stares at him , finally fully acknowledging his presence)
Phantom: (with an aura of power) "Boo."
Everyone: *runs away screaming*
Act II: "Bouncing the Bouncer."
(Scene: In the Manager's office, yet again , two days later .)
Andre: (reading the newspaper) "Well, whattya know? We're in the paper!"
Firmin: "I know. Go on, read it."
Andre: (reading out loud) "'Messiuers Andre and Firmin, managers of the Paris Opera House, gave new meaning to the term "Happy Hour " last night when -'"
Firmin: (cutting him off) "Not that one! The one on page 5!"
Andre: "Oh, sorry." *flips through paper* "Here we go: 'Managers of the Paris Opera House, Messieurs Andre and Firmin, are pleased to announce the opening of a new season at the Opera, starting with the new Musical Version of 'Breakfast at Tiffany's.' The leading lady is yet to be announced .' *pauses*
Firmin: "Why do they always put your name first?"
(Madame Giry bursts in)
Giry: (noticably miffed) "Well, I never!"
Firmin: "What's up, Madame G.?"
Giry: "Okay, that's gotta stop. I'm a box keeper, not a rapper."
Firmin: "Sorry." *giggles uncontrolably*
Giry: (To Andre) "What's with him?"
Andre: "Starbucks opens at 6 now . They were giving out free Lattes this morning . "
Firmin: (wired) "I had three tall ones, and one Little Latte!" [*audience groans* Sorry, I know that was a bad joke, but I just couldn't resist !]
Giry: "Who is that guy out there, and why did he feel he had to frisk me ?"
Andre/Firmin: *shudder*
Firmin: "That is one brave man."
Andre: "We hired a bouncer! His name's Bob. *whips out 'Caring for Your Bouncer' Instruction Manual* (reading) "'When your Bouncer is on duty, please be sure not to pester and/or annoy him. He is neither a zoo animal nor a Buckingham Palace guard.'" *acknowledging Mme Giry* "Are you still here ?"
Giry: "Chyeah! I want to know what this note is all about!" *waves note about in the air*
Andre: "Didn't you read it?"
Giry: "I couldn't get it open. *arthritic fingers fumble with note* "*mmph!* It must be some really strong paper, or something!"
Firmin: "Ooh, you mean like Super Paper?"
Andre: "Hand it over, you old bat!" *snatches note and rips through it*
Giry: "Thank you, Edward Scissor-Hands."
Andre: "Hey! It's another one of these notes."
Firmin: "You mean from the Gecko?"
Andre: "No. From that 'S.G.' guy. (reading note) "Dear Madame Giry, Hey! Guess what? That guy who used to make you pander to his every whim? He's not here anymore! I'm here now ! You have to pander to my whims! mwahahaha! So, for starters, how about getting a little electricity down here , huh? I mean, c'mon. My Game Boy batteries are only inches away from death. And while your at it, get me a Diet Coke. And tell those half-wit managers of your's that a.) They are to follow my rules when it comes to this new production, got it? b.) Inform the Bouncer that I have "diplomatic immunity," and c.) Has anyone seen my "Princess Bride" video? Stay cool . ~S.G."
Firmin: "Oops. yeah, I've been meaning to return that."
Giry: "Well, what the-"
(Carlotta bursts in)
Carlotta: "Well really! Where does he get the nerve?!"
Andre: "Trouble in Paradise?"
Carlotta: "What's with the Bouncer? And where does he get off confiscating my personal items?"
Firmin: "Got busted with marijuana again , huh?"
Carlotta: "They're Oregano Leaves!!"
Giry: "He frisked you too?"
Carlotta: "Yeah ."
Andre/Firmin: *shudder*
Andre: "he's braver than we thought."
Carlotta: "Not only that, but he reufsed to let me into the pool this morning ! I always swim 50 laps every day !"
Giry: *rolls eyes* "Right . And I used to model swimwear for the Sears Catalogue."
Andre: "So that was you....."
Firmin: "Pool?"
Giry: "uh, yeah? The one on the third floor?"
Andre: *scoffs* "Yeah, like I haven't heard that one before."
Carlotta: "So....?"
Andre/Firmin: "So.....what?"
Carlotta: "Who's the new Prima Donna, you idiots?!"
Andre/Firmin: "Uh, well......"
Carlotta: "*sigh*"
Firmin: "Look, come to the rehersal this afternoon , and we'll work things out there. Kapiche?"
Carlotta: (taking great offense) "I beg your pardon?"
Andre: (sighing) "It means, 'understand?'"
Carlotta: "oh. heh heh. sure, whatever." (flounces out)
Andre: "We really don't get paid enough."
Giry: "We really don't get paid at all."
Firmin: "I'm goin' to the store. Who wants a Latte while I'm out ?"
Scene 2: Rehersal for "Breakfast at Tiffany's: The Musical."
Giry: (shouting at Chorus girls) "No, no! Bend your knees, your knees! *sigh* If you don't get this right, I'll have to dance it for all of you!!"
Andre: *Picturing Mme Giry in a Leotard* "Please, please do it right!"
(Christine enters)
Christine: "Sorry I'm late. I had to stop off at the house and make sure Raoul had food and water.' (pulls of cloak, revealing a mass of curly, green hair.)
Meg: "What, in the name of all things strange and confusing, is that?"
Christine: (confused) "Oh! Uh, well, before you say anything-"
Carlotta: (excited ) "You're finally joining the circus?!"
Giry: "Score !" *slaps high five with Carlotta*
Andre: "Wait-The circus was in town ?"
Firmin: "Dang! I missed it again !"
Christine: (indicating hair) "It's not my fault! That pool has so much chlorine, even the rats couldn't take it!"
Firmin: *jumping into Andre's arms* "Rats?!"
Dancer #1: "Unbelievable! I try for weeks to get my hair like that, and her's just does it naturally !"
Andre: "Pool?"
Carlotta: "How'd you get past the Bouncer?"
Christine: *grinning* "I can be very persuasive."
Everyone: "aggghh! My ears, my ears!"
Meg: *innocently* "I don't get it."
Christine: "So, where do I stand?"
Carlotta: *scowling* "By the Exit."
Christine: "Hey! No fair! Don't I even get an audition ?"
Giry: "Let's just make her a Ballet Girl again ." (Ballet girls groan, except for Meg.)
Meg: "Hey, yeah !"
Christine: "Ugh, no!"
Meg: *eyes glowing* (in a "Children of the Corn" voice) "Join us, Christine. Join us."
Giry: *smacks Meg* "Now cut that out! (turning to the others) Sorry. It must be the new Pep Medication."
Carlotta: "Can we get on with this? I have a flea bath appointment at 5 ." (the others snicker) "Shut up! It's for my poodle!"
Christine: "You know, I could say something...."
Andre: "All right, all right! That's enough! We have to decide who's going to play Holly! Otherwise, this can't continue . Anybody got any bright ideas?" *blinking* "Okay, anybody got any ideas, then?"
Meg: *raises hand, enthusiastically * "Oooh! OOOHH!"
Firmin: (patiently) "Meg?"
Meg: " *ahem* How about Christine plays Holly one night, and Carlotta another, and we let the public decide?" *a pause*
Everyone: "Yeah, okay, whatever, that's cool, hey when's lunch , etc...."
Carlotta: "I'm Holly first!"
Christine: "No, I am !" *catfight ensues *
Andre: *patting coatpockets* "Where did I put those pain killers.....?"
(The "Surrogate Phantom" walks into rehersal, wearing his boxers, a t-shirt that says "Waaassssuuuppp?" eating a box of Cracker Jacks.)
Phantom: *after much staring from the cast and crew* "Oh, dude. Sorry. Am I interrupting something?"
Everyone: (goes crazy) "It's the Phantom!! Run!! It's the Opera Ghost!!! He's gonna kill all of us!! Are those boxers?, etc."
Firmin: "Perfect . *a pause* That's it, I'm getting out of here. I just can't work like this! *massaging temples* Madame Giry, call Julio, would you? I really need a seaweed wrap."
Andre: "A seaweed wrap?! A SEAWEED WRAP?! You've been getting seaweed wraps?......................without telling me ?!"
Carlotta: "I thought your skin tone looked a little more defined. "
Giry: "*sigh* Take 5, everyone. As in days ."
(Raoul enters, frantically)
Raoul: "Christine? Christine? Christine, I-oomf!" *Runs over Mme Giry*
Phantom: "Who's the fop?"
Andre: "Raoul. " *puffs an inhaler*
Phantom: "Raoul? THE Raoul?" *falls over and dies laughing*
Christine: "You've met?"
Phantom: "Let's just say he's not everyone's favorite guy down there." *indicates Lair*
Carlotta: "He' not everyone's favorite guy up here , either."
Giry: "Why you little brat!" (attempts to attack Raoul, but falls through a hole in the stage, instead.)
Phantom: *peering through hole* "That's where it was!"
Raoul : *grinning* "She fell down!"
Andre: "He's the reason they put the 'Do Not Spray In Eyes' warnings on cans of whipped cream."
Christine: (to Raoul) "Did you want something?"
Raoul: "Oh, yeah! I can't get the cap off the Flintstones' Vitamins." *struggles with bottle, pathetically*
Firmin: "Here . Have one of mine . Pebbles or Bam-Bam?"
Raoul: *thinking hard* "Ummmm........ Bam-Bam!"
Phantom: "Good choice."
(everyone stares at him , finally fully acknowledging his presence)
Phantom: (with an aura of power) "Boo."
Everyone: *runs away screaming*