A/N: Buffy/Giles Story, set during a slightly alternate version of season three. A fair few of the conversations were taken from the episodes in which my story is set, all rights to those conversations belong to Mutant Enemy.
Episode setting: Anne
Hide and Seek
Buffy sat on the bathroom floor, her knees pressed against her chest and her arms wrapped around them. The sickness wasn't anything she couldn't handle, the loneliness however. She missed her friends, her mom. She needed someone to talk all this over with. She'd called Willow the moment she'd discovered what was happening, knowing her friend would be able to tell her what to do, how to handle it. But she hadn't spoken to her, she'd hung up the moment the line connected, a desperate panic taking her over. That had been three weeks ago.
Getting to her feet Buffy went about her daily routine, getting ready while eating a cracker that she'd read helped with the morning sickness. With her white and red diner dress on, she headed out to work. She'd been lucky to finding a job almost the instant she'd gotten to LA. She knew not everyone who came to town was. She'd passed others her age on the streets and she gave thanks every day that she hadn't ended up there too. She walked through her new life like it wasn't even a reality. She'd been trying to forget who and what she was since she'd arrived in LA, hoping that one day the memories would vanish. - Which was highly unlikely when the dreams kept them alive. - Unable to rid herself of her past, Buffy's only option was to keep a low profile and just live and work.
That was why it had been an unwelcome surprise to cross paths with a familiar face. It wasn't like the girl had been a friend or even a passing acquaintance, but she knew who Buffy was and that was enough. When Buffy had first met her she'd been calling herself Chanterelle, now she was going by the name of Lily. She'd had to save her from Spike and Drusilla, having been meant as a sacrifice to the vampire lovers so that her one time friend Billy could become a vampire. Thinking back, it had been a year of lows, between Billy and Angel, Jenny and Kendra, her Mom and Giles; was it any wonder she ran? Her life now might not be prefect but at least she didn't have to deal with anymore loss. All she could hope for was that the girl didn't recognize her. Sadly her wishes weren't being granted.
~BtVS – I JUST WANT TO FEEL SOMETHING~
He didn't know why he'd gone, he shouldn't have, but he'd thought Joyce would want to know, even if the trip to Oakland had been a wash out. She deserved to know that he hadn't given up, that he would continue to look for Buffy, forever if necessary. He hadn't expected the woman's anger. She'd been rather nice and welcoming on his arrival, but something had changed. He drove back to his place, replaying their conversation over in his head, trying to answer that question.
"Joyce, you mustn't blame yourself for her leaving." he'd tried to comfort her, knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was true.
"I don't. - I blame you."
Giles stared at her in shocked silence, surely she couldn't know, Buffy had vanished without a word to anyone. No one knew what had happened between them that morning.
"You've been this huge influence on her, guiding her. You had this whole relationship with her behind my back."
He felt his heart tighten at the accusation. Joyce had no idea how close to the truth she was. He knew the relationship she was referring to was that of being her Watcher, but in that hour or so before Buffy left, the relationship had altered, changing into something else. Adding another sin to his already long list, turning him into a man he was ashamed of.
"I feel like you've taken her away from me." Joyce added harshly.
He stared at her, a fresh wave of guilt swamping him. "I didn't make Buffy who she is."
"And who exactly is she?"
Giles had stood there at a loss for an answer. Everything she said was true. It was his fault Buffy had left. It was his fault that Joyce was worried sick about her daughter, it was his fault Willow, Xander, Cordelia and Oz where putting their lives on the line nightly, doing the job Buffy had been called to do. He'd betrayed his calling and hers. "I think…I should…." he nodded to the door.
Joyce didn't say anything, didn't stop him. Giles had walked out of the Summer's house still pondering Joyce's question. Who was Buffy? - Or maybe the more important question should be; who was she to him?
He drove back to his apartment, walked through the door and poured himself a drink. He'd been doing that a lot lately. Drinking. Thankfully his twenties had prepared him for drink himself into a stooper, so he could still arrive at work the next morning in one piece and almost sober. Dropping down heavily onto the sofa, his head fell back against the cushion with a moan. He'd told himself he was going to get a new one, unable to live with the memories the green fabric provided on a daily bases, but every time he went to do it, he found he couldn't. He turned to stare at the seat cushions, the slightly worn fabric bringing back memories he'd fought so hard to repress. His hands brushed over the coolness of the seat, and he sighed wearily. He threw back his scotch so that it scorched his throat on the way down and then closed his eyes, memories of his slayer filling his mind. Not just the one's of their encounter but everything they'd been through over the past two years.
He fell asleep where he sat, the glass slipping from his hand to hit the carpet with a dull thump.
~BtVS – I JUST WANT TO FEEL SOMETHING~
Buffy's mind was on him again. Every time her stomach rolled with nausea, it reminded her. She stood at the counter filling the sugar, wishing her insides would settle and her mind would stop working. Thankfully a distraction was just around the corner in the form of Lily. The young woman rushed into the diner asking for Buffy's help. Pleading. Buffy had tried to ignore her, but the genuine fear and panic had sparked her slayer instincts. She'd wanted to turn her back on her duty, wanted to forget what she was and just vanish; only her conscious wouldn't let her. She was a slayer first and a girl second. And that's why she was walking into a blood bank instead of being curled up in her bed after a long shift at the diner.
The place had been a dead end, but the search of the local area had turned up a body. An old, dead man. She hadn't thought it was Rickie at first, after all the guy was really old. Like retirement home old. But the tattoo she'd seen on his arm only two days earlier was all the proof she needed. Now she just had to figure out what had caused him to age so drastically. - That and inform Lily. That was going to be the hardest part.
Buffy walked into her tiny room to find Lily already there. The hope in the girl's eyes was almost heartbreaking, so much so that Buffy felt the tears burning behind her gaze. She fought them back though as she began to tell Lily about the body she'd found in the alley. Lily had refused to believe it was him, she stood shaking her head and making up irrational reasons why it couldn't be. Buffy had been at this long enough to know denial caused by shock when she saw it. She sighed sadly, her stomach was already beginning to trouble her against, she didn't need the stress, all she wanted to do was eat and go to bed, she didn't want to be dealing with an hysterical girl who didn't want to face the truth. "You're gonna have to deal with this."
"He didn't do anything wrong! - Why would this happen to him?"
"That's not the point. Things happen all the time. You can't just close your eyes and hope they'll go away."
She felt her chest tightened at the sound of her own words. Wasn't that what she was doing? Hoping everything was just going to go away, hiding from the pain and her mistakes, running away from her life, her family, her friends, her duty and most of all running away from him.
"Is it cos of you?" Lily asked; a look of accusation in her red eyes.
"What?"
"You know about monsters and stuff. You could've brought this with you."
Anger flared in Buffy. "I didn't bring anything with me. And I didn't ask you to come to me with your problems. I just wanted to be left alone. If you can't deal, then don't lay it off on me! I have enough problems of my own without bailing you out of yours!" Buffy snapped.
Lily glared at her, tears filling her eyes; she rushed out of the room, leaving Buffy alone with her thoughts.
~BtVS – I JUST WANT TO FEEL SOMETHING~
Buffy hadn't been able to get Rickie out of her head, which was actually a pleasant change to having Giles in it. She needed to know what had happened to him before more bodies turned up. It was that pesky slayer need to protect, which was probably on hyper alert due to her increased hormone levels. Those darn maternal instincts had kicked in a lot sooner than she'd expected. That was why she was back at the blood bank searching through files. She'd wished, not for the first time, that Willow was with her. She'd understand all the medical jargon. She also wished Giles was there two. He'd know if there was some kind of demon behind it, some creepy crawling that sucked the life out of people.
She'd been sitting in her room after Lily had left, weighing up what to do when she'd realised that she wanted to go home. That no matter what had happened between her and her mom, between her and Giles, she needed them. Especially now. Sure it was going to be strange and seriously awkward, but surely they could get through that. Giles would understand that she hadn't been thinking straight, that it had been a freak-out moment. Though the main issue would be her upcoming motherhood, that was going to cause the real problem, especially with her mom when she discovered who the father was. Maybe it would be a good idea to keep that little bit of information a secret, for both hers and Giles sake. She didn't want to get him in trouble. She'd just have to tell everyone that she'd met some guy in LA.
She hated the idea of lying to her friends, but she didn't want to make their life any more confusing and awkward. She was already worried about how Giles was going to react when she told him, without having to worrying about how her friends were going to treat the watcher. - And it wasn't like they could just go their separate way. They still had to work together after all. She was still the slayer, she still had a duty. So as soon as she'd solved this little mystery, she would swallow her pride, fear and guilt and go home.
It didn't take her long to find a clue, and the arrival of the nurse gave her the answers she needed. Once she'd arrived at the Family Home Centre, everything had kinda rushed past in a blur, as it always did when she was fighting. Her only concern was stopping whatever it was that was happening. She hadn't expected to find Lily there, or that the man she'd met the previous day was a demon or that the black pool she'd watched Lily fall into was actually a gateway to some other dimension thingy.… and she most defiantly hadn't expected the rush of extra adrenaline. She'd figured that it came from the need to protect herself, and her child. She countered every blow aimed her way, blocked every kick that got dangerously close to her stomach. When one had, she's felt an intense rush of anger and found herself fighting harder. As much as she tried to protect herself during the fight, she couldn't stop every blow, but somewhere in her mind or maybe her slayer instincts, she knew that they wouldn't harm her child.
She was still fighting three demon guards when she looked up briefly to see the demon overseer, Ken, yelling at her. He was so distracted by her that he didn't notice Lily behind him, at least not until he felt her hand on his back as she pushed him off the high platform. Buffy grinned proudly as she dispatched the guards. With them either unconscious or dead, she climbed up to the platform and rushed over to a shocked Lily.
"Nice work." she smiled. "Now let's get out of here."
They'd made it to the black pool when Ken attacked again, luckily he wasn't fast enough and the gate Buffy had been holding up to allow the other prisoners through fell, impaling him to the dirt.
"You've ruined…You…"
"Hey, Ken, wanna see my impression of Gandhi?"
"Aaahhhh!" Ken roared.
Buffy lifted the spiked club she'd retrieved from the trapped demon, raising it above her head she brought it down hard.
"Gandhi?" Lily queried beside her.
"Well, you know…if he was really pissed off."
~BtVS – I JUST WANT TO FEEL SOMETHING~
Buffy was packed and ready to go, she just had one more thing to do first. "Let me give you the tour." Buffy said, walking from the kitchen to the bedroom. "This concludes our tour."
Lily stood on the threshold between the two rooms, looking bemused and awkward. "It's really nice."
Buffy leant against the dresser watching the girl. "All the rent's paid up for the next three weeks…" before turning to retrieve her uniform from the drawer. "I spoke to Mitch at the diner. He said you can start on Thursday…" she laid the white dress on the bed. "He's, uh…he's kind of repulsive, but, uh…he won't give you a hard time." she concluded nervously.
Lily sat next to the uniform, running her fingers over it.
"I'll call and check up on you…"
"I'm not great at taking care of myself."
Buffy smiled at the anxious woman encouragingly. "Gets easier. Takes practice."
Lily smiled up at her. "Hey, can I be Anne?"
Buffy shrugged in response. "I guess."
They fell into an awkward silence for a while. Finally Buffy retrieved her jacket and bag and headed for the door, her heart pounding at the thought of going home.
"Buffy?"
"Yeah." she turned as she pulled the door open.
Lily smiled again. "You're going to make a great mom."
Buffy frowned. "How did you…?"
Lily shrugged.
Buffy swallowed back her fear and took a deep breath. "Thanks. Stay safe okay."
"Okay."
The slayer walked out of the room, pulling the door closed behind her. She was going home, that was if she still had one.
~BtVS – I JUST WANT TO FEEL SOMETHING~
She stood on the porch of her house in the early evening sunlight. She'd been worrying all the way from LA to Sunnydale. What if her mom didn't want to see her? What if she turned her away because of the baby? What if her friends hated her? - What if Giles hated her? Her mind had tormented her with so many possible outcomes that she'd almost turned around and head back to LA. But she'd pushed her fears aside because she couldn't hide any more. She had to face it, no matter what happened.
Her heart was pounding in her ears as she lifted her hand. Taking a deep breath she knocked and waited. It felt like an eternity before the door opened. When it finally happened, tears instantly swelled in Buffy's eyes and her chest tightened. Her mom just stood there staring at her. Fear began to leak through the cracks until the older woman held out her arms and Buffy fell into them, clinging to her mother as if her life depended on it. Swearing to herself that she was never running away again, no matter what happened.