A/N So, here's the second and final part of Losing the Dalton Mask. This is the first fic I've written completely from Blaine's point of view. I hope I captured his character and personality.
FYI...there are two parts in italics. The first one is Blaine's flashback and the second, a song.
Thanks for reading!
After his talk with the parents, he barely made it back to the car before losing it. Sobs wracked his body so hard he had to hold on to the steering wheel to keep himself grounded. He knew he shouldn't drive, but he also knew he couldn't stay in the driveway, so he composed himself enough to drive a few blocks until he found an empty parking lot. He turned off the car and let it all out.
Once he felt calm enough to speak, he dialed the one number that he knew would either fix him or break him completely.
Everyone who knew the two boys thought it was Blaine who was holding all the cards, and could crush Kurt with one wave of the hand. What they don't understand is that Kurt is the strong one. Blaine is just a boy who was lost until he found Kurt. Who was he kidding? It was Kurt that found him, and he is thankful everyday that he did.
And now, sitting in his car in an empty parking lot is vulnerable Blaine, making possibly the most important phone call of his life. Because if Kurt rejects him, he's done. He dials and it goes straight to voicemail.
Knowing its probably a mistake, he leaves a message. His voice rough and scratchy from his crying fit earlier, he opens his mouth and starts to speak.
"Kurt," his name comes out sounding like a bark. "I know you are probably still mad and don't want to see me, but" he pauses to take in a shaky breath, tears once again pouring down his face. "I - I n-need you.". He sobbed, willing his voice to cooperate for just another minute. "P - please. I'll be in the back garden. God, I'm so sorry." He disconnected the call and cried again. It was as if all the emotions he'd held inside these last few years were coming out all at once, and was powerless to stop them.
After what seemed like hours but in reality was only a few minutes, he pulled himself together enough to drive back to Dalton. He took his phone, which had been conspicuously silent, and grabbed a blanket from the back of his car. He liked to sit in the garden during the spring and fall, and always kept a blanket on hand so his uniform stayed clean and dry.
He bi-passed the dorms and went straight for the garden, knowing that he would break down again if someone asked him what was wrong. It was almost dark, and the temperature had dropped, but Blaine couldn't feel the cold. He'd felt nothing but numbness since his fight with Kurt.
God, he was pathetic. All the times he spent being with Kurt, talking, laughing, singing, just being goofy, and it took him kissing a girl to realize what was right in front of him. It was Kurt. It had always been Kurt. He was just too blind to see. And poor Kurt, what he must have been feeling, standing on the sidelines while he made a fool of himself over and over. But Kurt never judged, and he was always there, supporting him in whatever mess he made. God, he'd been such a fool. He just prayed it wasn't too late.
When he arrived at their spot (that's always what he called it in his head, because Kurt would end up sitting with him when he came out here), he looked around for a sign that Kurt might be waiting, and was disappointed when he realized he was alone.
With that thought, more tears began to come, and he blindly lay the blanket down before completely losing it again. He sat with his legs pulled up, head resting on his knees, and let the tears come again.
He was so wrapped up in his sadness that he didn't hear Kurt approach and sit next to him on the blanket, so when he felt a hand on his back, he jerked up, startled. He took one look at Kurt, his savior, and launched himself at the other boy, throwing his arms around him and burying his face in Kurt's neck.
He felt Kurt's arm slip around him an pull him closer, and he sobbed, his wet tears sticking him to Kurt. He breathed in the scent of the boy who held his heart and he finally felt whole. This is what he needed. Kurt, holding him, soothing him, never letting him go.
When his sobs quieted, he realized Kurt was rubbing his back and had one hand in his hair, running through his curls. He had gone gel-less today, and he couldn't be more glad. He wanted Kurt to rub his head forever. Then, he realized that Kurt was whispering to him. He tried to focus on what he was saying, but with Kurt rubbing his head, he was having a hard time concentrating.
Finally, his fuzzy head cleared a bit, and he was able to hear Kurt voice, speaking softly into his ear. "Shhh, its ok. I'm here, baby. It's ok. I'm not leaving, ok? Shhh..." These words were just repeated on a continuous cycle, and all Blaine could focus on was Kurt's warm breath on his ear, and the fact that Kurt had called him baby. Oh my God, maybe he wasn't too late after all.
Blaine took a shaky breath and pulled back slightly, not wanting to lose contact with Kurt, but knowing they needed to talk. Kurt felt the movement and sensed Blaine's hesitation. Having the same reservations, Kurt pulled back just enough to allow Blaine to make the final decision, and was pleased when he kept felt Blaine slide his arms down his to grasp his hands.
Both boys looked up at the same time, and Kurt was blown away by the emotion in Blaine's eyes. His eyes were expressive all the time, but Blaine kept a handle on how much he allowed people to see. But this, wow, it was like he was looking into his soul.
They just stared at each other for a few moment's, neither wanting to be the first to talk. Blaine decided he should start and took a deep breath before beginning. "Kurt," he was only able to get out his name before the tears welled up in his eyes again. He blinked them back quickly, and hurried on. "I'm so sorry. So, so sorry. I'm an idiot and I - I don't know what I was thinking."
Kurt looked at him with confusion, before asking, "What are you sorry for? I don't want to assume anything anymore, so please explain. And please tell me what has made you so upset? Your message scared me, Blaine. I've never heard you like that, and I was so scared."
Blaine gripped Kurt's hands tighter and looked down at them, wondering how he was going to explain everything he was feeling. He felt bad for scaring Kurt, but he was also scared. Scared that he had screwed up so bad that he'd lost his best friend. He sniffed, and looked up at Kurt who was waiting patiently for him to continue.
"Kurt, I'm sorry for everything. For taking you for granted, for leading you on, for making you watch as I made a fool out of myself more than once, for not seeming to care about your feelings, for yelling at you, for walking out on you, for kissing Rachel, for thinking I was..." he stopped, the words stuck in his throat. "I'm mostly sorry that I almost lost my best friend. I didn't lose you, did I?" He asked softly, looking at Kurt through tears.
"You're my best friend too, Blaine, and you're not going to lose me over a simple fight. But I'm sorry too, I was hurt and angry and had no right to say those things to you."
"You had every right to say those things. Kurt, our relationship works because we are always honest with each other. I never want that to change, ok?" Tears welled up in his eyes again, threatening to spill over, and he took a deep breath before continuing. "Not talking to you these last two days has been torture. I can't tell you how many times I picked up my phone to call or text you, then remembered we were fighting."
"Me too," came the soft reply. "Are you ready to talk about why you called me and left a message that aged me almost ten years?" His subtle humor made Blaine smile a little, and that was one of the things he loved most about Kurt. How he could lighten up any situation, no matter how grim.
Oh my God. That was it. It was as clear as day to him now. He was in love with Kurt. Wow. How could he have missed that? All the time they spent together, all their movie marathons, late night calls and texts, even though they were in the same building. Right now, gazing into those beautiful blue eyes, he couldn't believe he'd been so blind.
He needed to tell Kurt, but first, he had to explain what happened to lead him to this moment. So he took a deep breath, and dove in.
Blaine walked into his house, with dread. This was going to suck. It was like he was coming out all over again. Ok, so he was. How could he have let things get so screwed up? And he was angry with himself for allowing this to happen. He knew his dad was hoping one day Blaine would just 'get over' being gay, but he had hoped that with all the time that had passed, his father was more accepting of who he was. And he had to go and screw everything up by thinking he was interested in a girl. Stupid alcohol.
When he entered the formal living room, he saw his parents and stopped momentarily. Putting his shoulders back, he took a deep breath and put on his Dalton mask before stepping forward to face the music.
"Blaine, honey." His mom got up and greeted him with a hug. "It's good to see you on a school night."
"Hi mom," Blaine replied, returning the hug and stepping back.
"Your dad tells me you have a girlfriend." She said excitedly, not waiting a moment on small talk.
"Actually, that's why I'm here." He said, getting ready to give the speech he'd prepared on the drive over.
"Oh honey," his mom cut in, "I do hope you invited her to dinner. Your father said he told you we couldn't wait to meet her."
"Mom," he said a little forcefully to get her attention. It worked and she stopped talking and sat back down. "Now that I have both of your attention, please let me talk without interruptions, ok?"
Both parents looked at him concerned, but nodded.
"I do not have a girlfriend. Last night was not a date. Ok, maybe it was, sort of, but that's not the point. Rachel is just a friend. Mom, dad, I'm gay, remember?" He refrained from telling them about his minor sexuality confusion the day before. He didn't need to confuse them anymore.
"But Blaine, are you sure? If you are willing to go one one date, why not two or three? Just invite her over for dinner, and we can see what happens." His dad said.
"Dad, you aren't listening to me. I am not interested in girls. I am gay. I like boys, actually I love boys. The way the look, the way the smell..."
"Enough! I don't want to hear about your faggy fantasies. I thought you'd finally come to your senses and started dating the right sex, and now we are back to square one. Dammit, Blaine." He slammed his hand down on the table, spilling his drink that had rested their previously.
Blaine just stood there, shocked at his fathers actions and words. He looked at his mother with pleading eyes, and she just looked away, embarrassed. He refused to let them see him cry, so he held tight to that Dalton mask, turned around and left his house.
By the time Blaine got to the end of his story, the tears were back in full force and Kurt leaned forward and took Blaine into his arms once again, rocking him, rubbing his back, and soothing him with beautiful words.
So they sat there, in the dark, holding each other, each gaining strength from the other. Eventually, they ended up on their backs, staring at the stars, their hands intertwined between them. It was then that Blaine began to sing softly,
We'll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don't need
Anything
Or anyone
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Blaine shifted on his side to look at Kurt. Kurt felt this, and moved too, to face Blaine.
I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough
He brought his free hand up and brushed his fingers against Kurt's cheek, and heard his sudden intake of breath. Maybe it wasn't too late. Maybe he still had feelings for Blaine.
If lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own
He could see Kurt's eyes tearing up, and knew he understood that Blaine was singing this to him, for him, for them.
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
He made sure to keep his hand firmly on Kurt's cheek, not allowing him to look away as he sang the next words.
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
The last words were whispered against Kurt's lips, as he leaned in and placed a soft kiss on the beautiful boy laying beside him. Before he could pull back, Kurt had leaned in and attached their lips once again, this time, the kiss was not as soft, but just as chaste.
But it wasn't enough for either boy, and they found themselves pressed together from chest to knees, their legs intertwined and their mouths exploring each other. Blaine was on fire. He had no idea it could be like this. Holy shit, if he'd have know that kissing Kurt felt like this, he'd have done it that first day, there on the staircase.
He snaked his tongue out, testing, and felt Kurt open up, allowing him access to his warm, wonderful mouth, and he was lost. All brain function ceased when he felt Kurt's tongue hesitantly move forward and touch his, and he moved his hand to the back of Kurt's head, angling his jaw to get better access.
Oh all things holy, he was in heaven. He couldn't imagine ever doing anything else. He was willing to give up everything, forgo sleeping and eating, as long as he could continue to feast on Kurt's amazing mouth. Unfortunately, all good things come to an end, and they pulled away reluctantly, breathing hard, resting their foreheads together, happy to be sharing the same space.
"I hope it's not too soon, but I have to say this. I love you, Kurt, and I'm sorry it's taken me so long to realize it." He whispered, his warm breath ghosting over Kurt's lips.
"Oh Blaine, it's not too soon, because I love you too. So much." Kurt replied quietly, leaning forward to capture Blaine's lips in a searing kiss. The two boys lay there, under the stars deep into the night, kissing and whispering loving words to each other. Both knew something amazing had happened that night, and that both their lives had changed forever. And they were more than ok with that.
A/N The song Baline sings is Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. If you haven't heard it, go check it out. It's amazing!