My Darling Tessa,
I missed you today. I miss you every day, but today I missed you so much that it hurt me. I have nearly decided to quit. To come to you and hold on to you and to never let you go. Of course this is not possible for several different reasons. First of all, you are to be married. Second, I would be dead within days, to be blunt. Third, I am not altogether sure of the welcome I would receive. That doesn't change how much I miss and love you. Can it truly be so long until our next meeting? I cannot bear it my love, but I must, if only for your sake. Oh Tessa! Tessa, Tessa, Tessa. I love the sound of your name. I love the way you speak. I adore your American accent, and how you talk of books as if they are the very thing that keeps you alive. I love your hair, how it curls down your beautiful back and shoulders. I love the silkiness of it, how soft! When I sleep, I dream of you. You come to me with your sweet little smile and take me away from the Silent City. How odd, that a man should dream of his truest and only love, that she would be the one to rescue him, helping him to escape his silent fortress, and not the other way around. Oh my love, how I long to kiss you again! To feel your perfect lips press against mine. I wish I could hear you say my name, my name as you did before... everything. If only my Tessa, if only.
I also miss my music. I miss my violin, the feel of the bow in my hand with the violin tucked firmly under my chin. I long for music. I believe that music kept me just as healthy as anything. It warmed my soul, Tess. I had you as my heart, and my music was my soul. Now I feel empty. So much is missing now. Of course, I am still able to fight, and I help Shadowhunters as well, keeping their secrets, and keeping them healthy and safe. I have become a bigger part of something Tess, but it is not complete. I cannot have my music, I cannot have you, I cannot have Will. I am not complete.
On a more amusing note, do you remember that time so long ago when we were walking the halls of the Institute, and you asked what Silent Brothers did in their spare time? Do you remember how you made me laugh by suggesting that they played charades? Well, I can tell you now, we do not. Games are nothing to us, apparently. We do not have any need for such nonsense. All of this according to Brother Enoch, of course. I know I must sound like a child, and probably have throughout the whole letter, but it is not fun here. I did not expect much enjoyment, but this, this is just...nothing. There is nothing here to keep me sustained. I must spend most of my time in meditation, and once or twice it was a bit amusing, only because I kept trying to picture what Brother Enoch would look like in a dress. I shall get used to it though, and like the other Brothers, I shall grow to enjoy it I believe. Meditation can be quite relaxing.
To end my letter, I wish to remind you, wo ai ni, Tessa, I love you.
Yours Forever in Love and Service,
Jem