Disclaimer: Characters—except for one—belong to Charlaine Harris.

"But Amelia, she is obviously making a mockery of our writing!" Pam, an indignant look on her face, was showing a little fang.

"I know, Pam!" Amelia nodded her head vigorously in agreement, her short brown hair bouncing in her agitation.

"I will kill her."

"No! I mean, that's a bit much, Pam. Besides we don't know where she lives."

"Yes, this is true."

"But we gotta think of something!"

"We will never review her stories!"

"Pam, that's perfect!"

"Thank you," Pam smirked. "Well, what else does she say?"

"Okay, the part about formulas—"

"So she says if it is written with a formula, it is worthless?"

"No, she actually says, 'I don't believe those plots inevitably result in a formulaic story. I think characterization, story depth, humor, dialogue, twists, etc. can distinguish an otherwise familiar plot.'"

"Oh. But was she not talking about us?"

"No, she claims she wasn't referring to anyone specific. She says: 'I can honestly say I had no stories—no writers— in mind when I wrote this. The formulas are pervasive—even in other fandoms. I rattled off a list from the top of my head.'"

"I can think of something I'd like to rattle off from the top of her head."

Amelia glanced up from the computer screen.

"What?"

"Her head, my witchy friend."

"Oh," Amelia nodded silently and turned back to the computer.

"So what is her problem?"

"What isn't her problem!" Amelia turned back to Pam. "She's complaining plots with unprotected sex and accidental pregnancies leading to HEAs are not only 'ridiculous' but are also 'irresponsible.'"

Pam rolled her eyes.

"She must be very fun at parties," Pam groaned sarcastically. "She doesn't even write lemons!"

"I know! Right?" Amelia turned back to the screen. "Oh, it gets better. She's worked with poor communities with sky-rocketing rates in teen pregnancy and STDs—"

"Oh," Pam shook her head. "Why does this matter?"

"Um," Amelia read quickly. "Political pressure forced the Planned Parenthood to close…blah… women are holding down two jobs…blah… travel 40 minutes to get birth control…blah. I'm not sure what her point is. It may just be accidental pregnancy does not equal a HEA."

"If I required oxygen to stay conscious, I believe I would have passed out by now due to her angstiness," Pam, wide-eyed, shook her head in disbelief. "What does the bitter little loser say about the contests? Is she insisting they are fixed?"

"No, she says she doesn't think they're fixed, but she thinks anonymous judging is harder than anyone acknowledges."

Pam's nostrils flared as her eyes widened.

"What? Why is it so difficult? Is it as difficult as getting through that horrible 'Ishtar' of hers?"

Amelia shuddered.

"Let's hope not. That was awful."

"Well? What does she say?"

"Blah blah blah," Amelia, looking down, continued to read silently. After a few moments, she paused to glance up at Pam. "Really I don't know how anyone gets through that 'South Park' rip-off of hers. Anyway, she says, 'People on here are friends. They read each others' work. Beta for each other. They know where their friends live. Know what they do for a living. Music they like. All clues that can get in the way of anonymity.'"

Pam, incredulous, shook her head silently.

Amelia nodded silently in agreement.

"It is like," Pam's eyes wandered searchingly, "she has no other hobbies and devotes all her time to thinking up new ways to be annoying."

"Yup," Amelia nodded again. "Don't I know it."

"What else does she say about contests?"

"She says: 'I think we —the fandom— ought to discuss the concerns people have about the contest judging—maybe have a thread so all the issues are vetted publicly and with transparency. We can work towards a solution on how to address them for future contests.'"

Pam proceeded to bang her head against the wall.

"She just loves to cause trouble."

"I know, I know," Amelia agreed.

"She says that she felt that the judges' comments were inconsistent and that made her 'question what parameters were established ahead of time to assure the judges were all on the same page'."

"What does she claim was inconsistent? They all agreed she did not win. As far as I can see, they were consistent."

Amelia, laughing, looked over at Pam. "Yeah, right?" She turned back to the laptop. "She says what bothered one judge, another judge may have thought was funny. Some judges looked for the stories to closely reflect the contest themes, while others focused more on story canon."

"So what is the big drama?" Pam asked. "You write a story that is canon and also follows the theme."

"Nope, she had a problem with that."

Pam rolled her eyes. "Of course, she did, the angst whore."

"She says sometimes the contestants may be working under a looser interpretation of the theme—especially if the rules only call for the story to be inspired by the theme— while the judges may be looking for strict interpretation. Same thing with story canon. And then, if the theme calls for one thing and canon calls for something else, how would the writer know what the judges want to see more?"

"Blah blah blah," Pam shook her head.

"She says, 'In retrospect, with the theme I selected, because it differed from story canon, it seemed there was an inevitable tension that no matter what I did someone would have a problem with it.'"

"All one would have to do to have a problem with her story would be to read it."

Amelia feigned a shocked look and then burst out laughing.

"Anyway, she says more about the contests."

"Why am I not surprised?"

"She says, 'I felt some of the judges' comments lacked context and didn't offer any constructive feedback. Blanket assessments—such as 'thoroughly research your topic or write what you know' offered little direction on what areas were deemed lacking and came across as condescending.'"

"What does she say about reviews?"

"Oh, geez!" Amelia rolled her eyes. "What doesn't she say!"

"I know. She is quite the windbag. What about that comment she made? Does she explain it? She said something like we have '…feelings of inadequacy in some aspect of our real lives. Thus we seek the immediate and constant stream of positive feedback demonstrated by reviews.' I believe it was something like that."

"Okay, she says, 'I was referring to myself in that statement. If it made anyone else feel uncomfortable, sorry.'"

"What? Liar! I know she said that to insult us!"

"Well, Pam, she is kind of a review whore, too."

"Hm," Pam, considering, nodded abruptly. "Yes, she is. She begged, badgered, bribed, and blackmailed the readers who suffered through that potty-humor abomination she compared to Disney."

Amelia's head shot around in surprise.

"How do you know that, Pam? You didn't read it, did you?"

"No," Pam shook her head. "Of course not! Someone relayed this information to me. What does she say about her accusation that people write reviews without reading chapters?"

"Um, she says that was a joke. She doesn't really think anyone does that."

"What else does the little whiner say about reviews?"

Amelia sighed.

"She thinks we give too much importance to the review counts."

Pam's mouth opened wide as her face took on a horrified look.

"That annoying wenchbag! She only says this because she has no reviews herself!"

"Actually, Pam, since she deleted all but two of the chapters of her Disney fic, she averages 550 reviews per chapter now."

Pam looked appalled at this news.

"That is not right! How dare she do that! She must add more chapters immediately! "

At that moment, Sookie wandered into the living room.

"Hey, guys," she greeted her friends. "How's your writing? Get a lot done?"

"Um, actually, Sook, no. We didn't get anything written."

"We have been reading a blog," Pam offered. "One of the other writers posted comments about the fandom and it has everyone agitated."

"Oh?" Sookie glanced between her two friends. "What's the drama?"

"She is complaining that we give too much importance to reviews."

"How so?" In spite of herself, Sookie was curious. "Reviews are good. I always read reviews before I rent a video."

"Oh, no! It is not what the reviews say! We do not care what the reviews say! That does not matter! It is simply the number of reviews!"

"Oh!" Sookie frowned. "I'm not sure I even understand that."

"We use the review counts as a metric. Like—"

"Like the New York Times Best Seller List!" Pam supplied.

"Yeah!" Amelia nodded. "Thanks Pam."

"The paper includes the bestseller list and reviews. You guys do both?"

Amelia and Pam exchanged a look.

"Never mind that, Sookie!" Amelia dismissed her friend's question. "I'll read her comments: 'We let review counts determine how known or unknown a story is, as well as how "good" it is. Having less than 20 reviews per chapter does not mean a story is unknown—if the author is popular. Just as a 20-review-per-chapter story is not necessarily better than a 5 review-per-chapter story.'"

"So, do you understand, Sookie?" Pam looked at her friend. "This woman is criticizing our system. For no reason!"

"Yeah, Sook," Amelia rolled her eyes. "She is such a pain-in-the-ass!"

"Well, uh," Sookie walked over behind Amelia to read the blog. "I think what she's trying to point out is that your fandom has—deliberately or not—created it's own way of measuring the quality of stories—based on review count—and it's nothing more than an arbitrary thing you all made up."

Pam leveled a cold glare at Sookie who continued to lean over Amelia to read the computer screen.

"She says more about it, too. Amelia, see the next paragraph? She says: 'It makes me unhappy that any writers might feel discouraged from writing what they want to write because they're concerned they won't measure up in terms of reviews. It bothers me that talented writers are plagued by insecurity because of their perceived failure to hit some magical number of reviews.'"

Pam rolled her eyes, while Amelia sighed in frustration.

"You see, Sookie?" Pam asked. "You see what we are forced to contend with with this one?"

"Yeah, Sook," Amelia agreed. "She's a friggin' buzz-kill!"

"Well," Sookie straightened up. "I'm not sure about all this stuff but I'd definitely agree that girl sure is angsty! You two know where she lives? 'Cause if she's nearby, I'm thinking maybe we could set her up with Bill."

Behind Sookie's back, Pam and Amelia exchanged a wide-eyed look.

"Ah, Sook," Amelia finally replied, shaking her head. "Not sure that'd be a good idea. Two angst whores together, like that. And our neighbors to boot!"

"Oh, yeah," Sookie bit her lip. "I didn't think of it that way. You're right. We got enough crap in this town with Arlene and her boyfriends and Sam and his girlfriends. I certainly don't need a crazy couple next door."

AN: Still satire. Thanks to everyone for their thoughtful comments. I didn't reply to comments as my original plan was to post a response to comments. Chapter 2 actually is my RTC. Thanks to my fellow writers for sharing their insights. Special thanks to moxiemo who encouraged the idea of a follow up fic to clarify some stuff.

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it." - George Bernard Shaw