Author: ZombieJazz

Fandom: Chicago PD

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.

Summary: Erin and Jay work on surviving her pregnancy while still apart. They only have a handful of months left to sort out their relationship and their expectations for their careers and future as a family. Set in the Interesting Dynamics AU and post-S4 finale.

SPOILER ALERT: There are MAJOR spoilers in this collection from Interesting Dynamics, So This is Christmas, Scenes, Aftermath, So It Goes, The Way From Here (including chapters/scenes in So It Goes that have not yet been written or posted), Hereafter, and Onward Thankfully. This series also contains SPOILERS related to SEASON 5 of Chicago PD.

"So I got invita-told about Erin's shower," Upton said in the passenger seat next to him, and Jay let himself pull the binoculars away from his eyes and give her a glance.

She was slumped down in the seat almost too comfortably; a dead giveaway that her former gig included hours upon hours of time in a surveillance vehicle. She seemed way too content just sitting there in wait slurping at her coffee.

"Yeah?" he acknowledged off-handedly. "You should come."

And she gave him a look. "Really?"

Jay shrugged. "Sure. Why not?"

And she kept giving him a look like he was some-kind of stupid. Sometimes he thought Upton might even be better at that on-the-job than Erin. Or at least she had a different way more in-your-face way of presenting it. Passive aggressive but no-holds-barred all at the same time. In every commentary and scrutiny she had of his abilities as a cop.

"It might be fun …" he offered.

"Really?" she said again. This time even more speculatively.

"Sure," he allowed. "If Eth has anything to do with it."

And her brow crunched a bit. "Ethan? Her little brother?"

"Yeah …"

"Her little brother is helping plan her baby shower?" Her interior laughter almost croaked through the words.

"Mmm …," Jay allowed at that, though. "More like everyone is humoring him by listening to his suggestions on what the baby shower should look like."

Hailey did let a little amused buzz come out of that. "Okay," she said. "This should be golden. What? He's … like thirteen, right?"

"Fourteen," Jay muttered. "Getting close to fifteen."

Hailey grinned at that. "Okay, really, tell me," she ordered. "In-car entertainment."

"Ahh …," Jay said and drew the binoculars up to give a quick scan again, just to make sure it was still clear to have some level of distraction going on. It looked okay. "Well, he's pitched paintball, laser tag, batting cages …"

Hailey gave him a bigger smile. "Those do sound like pretty awesome parties," she said.

"Yeah, just maybe not so much for a 26-week pregnant woman," he allowed.

"Not so much," Hailey agreed. "Guess maybe he'll have to wait until his birthday. Do sound like ideal activities for fifteen-year-old boys."

"Oh, no, no, no," Jay shook his head. "He's already got his birthday planned."

Hailey stared at him. "When his birthday?"

"June," he said.

"And he has his birthday planned?"

"New Jurassic World movie comes out on his birthday," Jay nodded at her. "So his birthday has been planned pretty much since the release date was announced."

Hailey grinned at that. "Funny kid."

"You have no idea …," Jay muttered and brought the binoculars up again. "He's actually had some decent suggestions."

"Like what?"

"There's this place that does like …," he shook his head and looked at her. "It caters to the university kids. But Erin's taken him a few times. It's make your own S'mores.

"Like sit around inside around a tea-light and roast marshmallows?" Hailey said.

"I know …," Jay muttered. "But … they've got a thing for S'mores. I think it's about the only think Erin likes about camping. Or the cabin …"

Though, he sort of hoped with time – and kids – maybe her perspective on the cabin would change a bit. He suspected that kind of like the Voights only really being able to afford camping or cottage rentals around Lake Geneva as their family vacations, that the cabin was kind of going to be it for them too. And, Jay really hoped that he'd get to form some memories there for the kids like his grandfather had done for him and Will. And their mom. That Erin would start to see that and enjoy it and look forward to it too. And not just go on about mosquitoes the size of your head.

"They have stuff Ethan can eat …," he muttered instead.

"And that's a real top priority for a baby shower," Hailey said with a bit of flippancy.

But Jay gave her a glance. "Sort of," he said a little defensively. "He's likely going to be there."

"Really?" Hailey gaped again.

Jay shrugged. "Yeah."

"Because he's helping with the set up or something?"

Jay shrugged. "Because …" he shook his head "… I think it's going kind of co-ed. The whole team is getting invited. Eventually."

"Really?" she stared at him again.

"Yeah …," he muttered. "I've just been … waiting to …"

"Putting off them busting your balls about it?" she finished for him.

"Pretty much …," he grumbled and gave the street another scan.

Hailey stared at him rather than out the window. "You okay about all this?"

"The baby shower?" he asked without looking at her. "I guess—"

"The pregnancy. The babies. Everything," Hailey interrupted and he gave her a look. "You just really haven't said much about it."

Jay shrugged at her. "Well, we're at work. Keeping it professional."

Hailey made a small noise. It was somewhere between amusement and annoyance. But she sat staring out the front windshield for a while too.

"You've seen good lately," she said and looked him right in the eye. "The last bit. Couple months."

Jay held eyes with her but then gazed down a bit. She could be so blunt and direct. He still struggled with that. There wasn't this dancing around shit. She just spit at him exactly what she thought or what she wanted to know or how she thought he should act – as a cop and as a man. Or at least as a man, who on the job, had to have her back. And if she thought he wasn't doing that the way she wanted – she called him on it. Hard. Harder – and harsher – than Erin ever had in a lot of ways.

"Yeah," he allowed. "I am."

He could feel her smile at him at that, though. And he let himself look at her.

"I actually kind of like it," he said.

"It?"

He gazed at her. He couldn't believe he was saying this out loud. He didn't feel like he should be. "The therapy. The pregnancy."

"Woooow," she teased him. "I'm shocked." She clearly wasn't.

But he only shrugged at her. "It's just … put a lot of stuff into perspective. Made me work on things. Come to terms with things. Deal with a lot. My past. My relationships. Not just with Erin."

"I'm happy to hear it," she offered more gently, more sincerely.

"Yeah …," he allowed and rubbed at his face a bit, trying to changing topics. "It's crazy. I mean … the kids could be here any day."

"Well …," Hailey said and looked at him. "In like three more months, right? You said she's 26 weeks now?"

"Yeah …," he nodded. "But twins usually decide to make a break for it early. I mean, I've read about kids arriving at like twenty-seven, twenty-nine weeks."

She stared at him again. "That'd be pretty early."

"Yeah …," he allowed and rubbed his palms against his jeans. They seemed to get all sweaty immediately – any time he thought about it. Fucking daily stress at this point. That something was going to go wrong and Erin would be in New York and in the hospital in an emergency situation without him being there. Not there for her and not there for the babies being born. "But, you know," he tried to distract himself, "her OB says it's more like it will be like late-May."

"That will still be here quick," Hailey acknowledged.

"Yep …," he allowed. "Hence, the shower …"

"The co-ed shower," Hailey said and looked out the window.

"Yea …," Jay said.

"Not feeling it?" she looked at him.

He gave his hands another rub on his jeans and moved to scruffing at his cheeks. "I don't know. It's Voight … Hank … who's pushing it at us. And, I get what he's saying. You wouldn't believe …" he sighed and looked at her.

He didn't want to go into a rant about just how much it was costing to get nursery ready. Or to try to … figure some of what should be this sort of basic stuff out when it was all long-distance and FaceTime and texting. And they were at the point where it was getting complicated for Erin to comfortably or safely travel any way. She needed a fucking doctor's note to get onto a plane now she looked so pregnant – which had resulted in them not letting her on the plane her last scheduled visit. And her making the drive – and dealing with babies on her bladder, let alone safely reaching the fucking steering wheel and sitting comfortably in control of a moving vehicle that long – was just not exactly the best scenario either. And, even though Jay was fine with making a blitz for it when he got a couple back-to-backs or jumping on a plane last minute – that was two things. One – it was draining funds that they should be using to set up for the kids. And two – they could only get in so much prep type stuff when it was him going to New York and not her coming home to where they were setting up house and family. Where they'd be raising the kids.

Some days – every day – he just felt like he was missing out on so much of this. And making her do so much of it alone. And then he was doing this other part of it alone and trying to get it to end up looking in some way that he hoped her liked. It just felt so unorganized.

"It feels like it's asking for a bit of a hand out," was what he provided to Hailey, though.

She shrugged. "Yeah, but the thirties are like prime hand-out phase. It's going to be like a decade of people getting married and wanting wedding gifts and then them having kids and wanting baby gifts. Just think of yourself as at the head of the pack. At least you're the first on the team, right? So you're ripe to get some decent stuff before everyone's all tapped out and sick of people latching and hatching."

He allowed a little smile at that and went back to looking out the window.

"It was Platt who invited me," Hailey said and Jay glanced back at her. The faintest flicker of unsurely showed in her eyes. "Are you sure Erin really wants me there?"

He cocked his head at her. "Sure," he allowed again. "Why wouldn't she?"

And that look stayed on him again. "Because I got to know her all of two minutes. And then this summer," and her eyebrow raised and Jay rolled his eyes and drew the binoculars back up to focus his attention and mind on the surveying the street. Because he'd rather focus and think about that than the other two-minute encounter Hailey had had that summer with his brother. On Will's latest rebound and inability to be alone. "And, then I basically took her spot in Intelligence."

"Someone had to fill it," he muttered. Though, let the binoculars come down a bit again. Fuck-all was happening. It was likely going to be a long, long night.

"Fill it and partnered with you," she said.

Jay let out a quiet breath and caught her eyes.

It was true – at the start, in a lot of ways, he would've preferred that Voight had paired him with someone else. He likely would've preferred to get one of the guys as his primary case partner in the day-in, day-out scenario. And some days, he still felt that way about Hailey.

He was still working at getting used to her and comfortable with her. And functioning as a cop – and her partner – for the kind of cop and partner she was. Sometimes he still really didn't feel like they were in-sync. And, even though he knew she had his back – in a lot of ways that likely went above-and-beyond what he might be getting if he'd been partnered up with Olinsky or Dawson. Or Ruzek or Atwater, though, they would've been farther down his list in choices – if he'd been given one. Which wasn't standard and definitely wasn't Voight's way.

But that way of having his back – reading into him and scrutinizing him a bit more than he'd like – sometimes still throw him off a bit. It was a strange line and dynamic that he was still working out how he felt about – when it wasn't Erin – and how to operate within. There were moments were he still wasn't sure how much he trusted or jived with her. He didn't get too upset when Voight shuffled everyone around some or sent Upton on case with Burgess. To get a bit of space from Hailey's worldview.

"Partners are part of the job," he said. "Erin knows the job."

Hailey made some sort of quiet acknowledgement and picked at the tab on her coffee. He could tell he hadn't given the response – or reaction – that'd been wanted to some part of that statement.

"Besides," he tried, "I thought you and Erin clicked for the two-minutes you did get to work together."

She cast him another look with a bit of a smile. "That'd be before you had ten-ish months to vent all your frustrations to her about your current partner situation."

Jay looked at her again.

She did that. The ball-bustin' smile but the acknowledged truth in the words. He wasn't going to deny that he'd vented at Erin. About Hailey. About the job.

But that was kind of what being in a relationship was about. Having another person to listen to that shit. And it wasn't like Erin was always on "his side" when he expressed frustrations about Upton. Sometimes she was very much on Hailey's – as a women, as a female cop, or just as a partner and what a pain in the ass track record he had in that, as well as what a pain in the ass person he could be in general. Sometimes she adamantly agreed with shit Upton said to him or bugged him about. Like counseling. Like checking in with him – and his headspace – after a rough case or a tough shot.

So what was he supposed to say. He wasn't going to lie about it. He talked to Erin. Them figuring out how to talk – period – especially over long distance, was pretty much obligatory to them functioning right now. And their future working.

And even though it was hard work and had its rough patches, Jay felt like he – they – were on the right track. He felt … as confident as he could about their future. Even though it was sort of future unknown in a lot of ways. But, it was like Hailey had said – he felt like he was in a better place than he had been just a few months ago. A better place than he was six months ago or nine months ago or a year ago.

He and Erin had both made changes. They'd grown. They still were. But they were getting there. The communication changes – and challenges, and necessity – that the pregnancy had created had done a lot of that. It'd made them talk about a whole lot of things. About themselves and their past and their future together. And part of that was talking about all that. Talking about work. Just talking – in general. About the people around them. About shit that was bugging them. About what was going on in their own heads.

He wasn't going to apologize for that. Or lie to Hailey about it.

"I do like Erin," Upton provided, though. "I would've liked to get to work with her more. I just meant that we didn't really get to know each other or end up as real tight friends. And, I know, she – both of you – were working through a lot of stuff last spring and have been this year. And she's there, I'm here. Your new partner, etcetera. So, she – or you – really don't have to feel like you're obligated to invite me. I get that it might be … complicated … or awkward."

Jay shrugged and brought the binoculars up again. A car was coming down the street. It didn't look like the make or model they were waiting on, but he supposed he could hope their suspect was getting a lift in a different ride. And they could cut the rest of this conversation short.

"The awkward part if that we just don't have anyone to invite," he mumbled. No luck on the car.

"Really?" Upton said.

He let the binoculars come down again. "Hence it being co-ed."

She just stared at him.

"It's not like either of us have big families," he said. "Or have some big friend group or life outside of the job."

Hailey rested her head against the glass and stared down the street. "I hear you on that one."

Jay kept looking down the street too. Stakeouts and surveillance with Hailey were still … sometimes kind of awkward and uncomfortable. You could only share space together in silence for so long. And they only ever made so much small talk.

"I think I kind of hear her on wanting her kid brother there too," Hailey muttered. "It's kind of sweet he wants to be involved."

"They're tight," Jay acknowledged.

Hailey nodded. "Yea … I only got to meet him that once really. But I could feel that." She shook her head. "Baby brothers … got a way of stealing your heart."

"Sounds like you're speaking from experience there, Upton."

She gave him that smile again. The one that made him wonder exactly what it was that kept her single. Because he knew that it must be her choice – not for some jagoff's lack of trying.

She held up two fingers at him, though, giving them a wriggle. And that likely was a bit of a preview of some of her choice making.

"The more I learn about you, the more I realize I have no clue who you really are," he said.

The smile faded a bit at that but she nodded. "Good. My plan is working," she said and cast him a more shit-eating look. "Much like baby brothers give you a preemptive chance to try to mould some of your species into the good guys."

"Yeah, and how's that working for you?"

She took a gulp of her coffee and weighed her shoulders to-and-fro but gave him a smile. "Getting there," she said. "The baby baby brother isn't too much older than hers. So he's still a work in progress."

"That's really all you're giving me," he pressed.

And she just grinned and took another gulp out of her cup. "I think me and Erin probably would've had enough of a mutual understanding to be decent friends," she said. "That enough?"

"Not really," Jay muttered and tapped at the steering wheel of the parked car while he looked at her. "You could still be friends," he said. "When she gets back."

She shrugged. "We'll see. More complicated now. I'm your friend – partner. You'll both be busy with the babies. And, like you said, keep it professional."

"Yea …," Jay acknowledged flatly.

"And, like you said, don't have much in the way of time, friends or life outside the job …" she added.

"Yea …," he acknowledged again. "Except it sounds like you do."

She shrugged. "Enough of one that like I said, I get why she might want Ethan at the shower. And you and Voight … Hank. Though, if I ever let my Dad and brothers force a baby shower on me, I'd likely make sure they got to spend the afternoon waiting on every unreasonable demand I generated. Just because …"

"Oh …," Jay nodded. "Yeah, you and Erin would've been world's best besties with plans like that."

Hailey gave him a smile. "I should give some baby shower planning tips to Platt and Kim, huh?"

"Or not …," Jay said.

She smiled more. "But, seriously, she really wants to invite all the guys?"

Jay sighed and rubbed at his face. Because that was sort of another thing that was being forced on them. And another indication of just how few friends – and how small of family – they really did have.

"I mean, I get it," Hailey said and gestured above her – as though to see their previous conversation. "But, I don't know. I'm just not sure …" she shook her head. "Some times it's just a battle to get you guys to remember we're capable of taking care of ourselves. And, I feel like when you're a female cop and you get pregnant—"

"Yeah," Jay sighed. "I know what you're saying."

He and Erin had talked about that a lot. How he was glad she wasn't pregnant and on the job. How even in a job that was mostly an office job and an ass job when you got down to it, Erin definitely felt like people at the ADA's office were treating her like she was some kind of delicate flower. How she – they – already knew that having the kids was going to change things about her ever getting back on the job. That there was a part of Jay that didn't want her to explore ending up back in CPD. That he was even aware it changed a lot of shit for him too. Because now – there were people left behind that he was supposed to be taking care of if something ever happened. It was just more complicated.

But for Erin – who was so fucking tough and had had to spend so much of her life being just that – she basically didn't like being treated like some sort of lady. It wasn't like she didn't want people to recognize she was a woman. It was just that she hated that somehow her being pregnant – or about to be a mother – some how meant that she was more vulnerable. Or more needy. Or something.

But it was strange. Because for Jay – a lot of the pregnancy had sort of just highlighted this femininity in Erin that he only was ever allowed to see so much. But it was so fucking sexy and beautiful. Even though the whole pregnancy thing definitely came with aspects that were completely unsexy and kind of gross. But it was also just fucking amazing. Especially as the babies grew and her body changed. His mind was kind of boggled. It was amazing – fucking amazing – what her body was able to do. And just how strong she was. Because he knew it wasn't exactly an easy pregnancy. And she really wasn't complaining. And even if you didn't know that she was dealing with a lot of the shitty aspects of pregnancy – you still had to be aware of just how awkward and uncomfortable she must be at this point. And she kept moving forward. Because that's what Erin did. And Jay knew there must be a lot of days she didn't really want to. She didn't want to deal with the discomfort or to get the looks or to deal with the intrusive questioning. Or the idiots who thought they got to ask a whole lot of personal questions – or even touch her – because she was pregnant.

"To me," he said, "it's just shown like how strong she is. And that she definitely doesn't need to be handled in kid gloves. She can more than take care of herself. But, yeah, I'm not sure she's super excited about being put on display to everyone either."

"She's pretty big?" Hailey gave her a smile.

Jay made a noise and stared out the window. "She looks like she's carrying a homing missile – not twins."

"God …," Hailey mumbled. "She must be so uncomfortable."

"Yea …," Jay acknowledged. "And they aren't making it easy on her. They're crazy active. It's so weird. You can see them moving."

"Like …?" and she gestured down at her.

"Yea …," Jay acknowledged and fished out his phone. But then he hesitated and looked at her seriously. "Just …"

But Hailey was already gazing expectantly at the phone and nodded. "Between us."

He nodded too and flipped around to call up a video from his past weekend visit. He hit play and handed to her. He watched her face. The smile was growing again.

"Oh, my God …," she said and he knew she must've seen the huge jump in Erin's belly. "See. The guys would like this. It looks like a scene out of Aliens."

"That's Baby A," he said. "He's always kicking."

"He?" Hailey asked, looking up at him.

Jay slouched back in the seat and stared out the window. More reason not to talk about it at work. He'd let his guard down and slipped up.

"Platt told me to try to get the sexes out of you," Hailey said and handed the phone back to him. He took it and stared at it. "That's an amazing video, Jay. It looks like they're kicking each other."

"Yea …," he said quietly and stared at it. "They are. We've seen it on the ultrasound." He looked at her. "Can we—"

She waved her hand at him. "Didn't hear a thing. Didn't see a thing."

"Thanks …," he muttered.

He was going to have to hope she had his back on this one.

AUTHOR NOTE:

I want to do an Al/Hank recast from the last episode. That will likely be next.