I wake up the next morning in the back of a car next to Dean's body. He feels sticky and cold and so do I, and after hoping for a half a second that I'm dead too, I look at Dean, his freckles hidden by blood, his smile gone, his eyes looking right at me, but not seeing a thing I'm doing. I want to clean him up, but Bobby's knocking on the window, so loud it's like his life depends on it, waving around a shovel in the early daylight of early May. It's the nicest, least apocalyptic day in a long time, and I realize that the weather is either mocking us or working for Lilith.
The door squeaks when it opens and I step out, squinting against the sun. "Bobby," I say. My voice sounds rough and empty, so much like that time at that mystery spot, and I can feel my insides swimming around in the nothingness that was full a few hours ago.
"I dug the grave," Bobby tells me. He's speaking softly and evenly like I might jump out of my skin if he talks too loud or too fast or too much of anything. I squeeze my eyes shut tight to remember when Bobby agreed to bury Dean instead of cremating him, but all I see is Dean's death and Lilith's smirk and I think it might be slowly driving me insane. "I thought you might wanna be there when we bury him."
I try to rub the throbbing pain out from behind my eyes, but all I do is manage to make it worse. I nod, but the movement sends pulse of sharp pain into my skull, so I shake my head, like that would make it any better. Maybe I am losing my mind. I think Bobby thinks so too when the next thing out of my mouth is, "I wanted to." Bobby looks at me for a while, and I yank the shovel roughly out of his hands. Then Bobby realizes that I wanted to dig the grave, but he doesn't seem to care, because taking the shovel from him throws me off balance, and I almost collapse back into the car.
"It's where you wanted it," he tells me, but I don't remember where that is. "Grab Dean and let's get going," he says, taking the shovel back from me, gently.
Dean's grave is in the middle of a clearing in a forest, and even though I don't remember, I must have chosen it because it's right in the middle of nowhere. So far in the middle of nowhere, it's seven miles from the nearest gas station on foot. It's isolated enough that when I bring Dean back, no one will notice that a dead man is walking around. And if I can't, it's secluded enough that no one will even bother looking for my body.
Bobby offers to help me lower the coffin, Dean's coffin, into the grave, but I haven't let him anywhere near Dean's body since last night, so I place Dean in the grave by myself, climbing into the hole in the ground that will not be Dean's final resting place. I consider breaking open Dean's coffin and laying down next to him, but Bobby's watching every move I make, and Dean isn't just dead because of me, he's in Hell, so I climb back out, apologizing for everything I said about Dad, ignoring the spots that appear in front of my eyes, and stand next to Bobby as he covers my brother with dirt.