Ch 2 – With Jack

Karen closed her eyes, taking a deep breath as the elevator alarm continued to sound in the foreground. She gripped the railing, trying her best to keep from being sick when hit with an overwhelming wave of nausea. She gulped, swallowing hard. There it was: all that vodka. In a panic, she hit the button for the lobby a second time, now needing desperately to get out of the confined space. Her head spun as the walls closed in.

"Alright. There's got to be a better explanation than this. There's no way you can really be…'

Karen took a deep breath, holding back tears of frustration. The elevator dinged as the doors opened and in that instant, she threw up all over a man's shoes. She stared back, resentfully as he stared her down.

"What, were they from Kmart? … You're welcome!"

…

Karen didn't know where to go, or what to do. Her mind swam as she walked down the street: alone, scared to death, almost comatose. She was nearly paralyzed, without Rosario, without driver, and most of all, without Jack.

"Oh my … what'll we do without Jack?" She asked breathlessly, her hand against her stomach as she came to a stop at the edge of the sidewalk. She voiced her fears out loud, barely processing them.

Karen jumped as a car rushed by, cutting it a bit too close, nearly hitting her. She backed up, almost hyperventilating, absentmindedly placing both hands against her stomach, then moving one up to her heart, catching her breath.

"It's okay. We're okay. We're okay."

She looked down, noting where she held her right hand, and stood there for a beat, stunned. She gulped.

"Oh come on." She giggled, looking heavenward. "This is some kind of a joke?"

She sighed painfully: defeated and just a bit broken now. How was she supposed to do this, when she didn't know how she was going to survive?

Karen made her way into the park, on the verge of tears, trying to process a world turned upside down. This morning, she'd been living in uncomplicated luxury with her best friend in the world, celebrating a huge divorce settlement. This morning, she'd also been infertile … As far as medical science was concerned. Yet somehow, in the course of just a few short hours, life had done a 180: and she found herself pregnant, alone, and penniless.

"How can this be, after all this time?" She asked herself softly, practically collapsing onto a bench overlooking a secluded part of a jogging path.

So many years with her Stanley, so many affairs with so many men, an elaborate nursery gone to waste … and now, this?! Karen looked down, noting where her hand still rested, as if shielding the secret she kept within. Somewhere inside, she'd known even before now.

"Jack. He's your daddy, isn't he?" She whispered, still thinking out loud.

She knew there was no way she could make it on her own. What if Jack decided he liked his life with Beverly? After all, that wrinkly old troll could give him the one thing she could not. What if he wouldn't care for her, as she had for him all these years? What if… what if he abandoned her?

Karen's heart began to race as tears flowed freely down her cheeks and panic filled her soul. She found herself irked by the fact that she didn't have the willpower to remove her hand from her middle. Her subconscious spoke for its self. She wanted it: she treasured it. She was desperate for it. And despite some contradictory feelings, she knew deep down, that no amount of resentment or questioning on her part could match her desire to have the baby in question.

…..

"A-are you really in there?" She gulped, almost too afraid to address it, now that she knew it was in fact, in there.

Karen pressed her hands tight over her stomach as she rode in the back of a cab, consumed with worry and a quickly growing sense of disgust over her dank surroundings.

"Damn poor people's transportation…" She muttered.

Karen kept telling herself the smell of the cab, coupled with the driver's poor steering capabilities, were the cause of her unrelenting nausea. In reality, it was simply fear. She'd never imagined that this special moment in her life would go down this way. After all, it was every girl's dream to jaunt across town in a rickety old cab to tell their gay best friend they were expecting his baby.

"Ahh!" She cried, covering her mouth as the car hit a pothole.

In that instant, Karen's nausea kicked up several notches and she found herself nearly unable to keep from getting sick. She closed her eyes and covered her mouth, trying as best she could to breathe only through her nose. She had a stomach like iron, as evidenced by her over the top drinking habit. But so far, pregnancy seemed to be getting the better of her and she worried that was evidence that this whole mommy thing would not be her cup of tea.

"Mommy." She sighed, the idea of someone calling her that (and not in a sarcastic way as Olivia often did); winning her over.

It'd been too long, and trying of a day already. After everything else, she'd forced herself to see doctor (who she was afraid of seeing), and now, found herself hurrying to find Jack before he made a terrible mistake at her insistence.

'It's too late, it's too late, what if I'm too late?!' She asked herself as the cab slowed, getting stuck in traffic.

She couldn't let this happen to Jack, and more than that, she couldn't loose him to Beverly, of all people: not before he knew. Her heart raced. She didn't know how she would tell him, or how he would take it, only that she had to: and fast.

"It'll be okay." She whispered, closing her eyes…'When, did I get so damn mushy?' She thought.

From the first moment, she'd fought the urge to insult it, just like she did everyone else. But she wouldn't dare. That would be tempting fate. For once, she found herself mired in a sense of respect and fear she didn't quite understand. In short, she was in awe.

"I promise it'll be okay… Mommy promises, somehow, it'll be okay."

…

"Jackie no, don't, do it!" Karen cried, bursting through Beverly's living room doors.

She looked back at him, clinging to the French door's handles, desperation, in her eyes. Somehow, it wasn't too late. Was it? Jack turned on his toes, his eyes shining bright with joy when he saw her. In an ironic twist of fate, he was glowing.

'Wow she saved me, just in time!' He thought. 'Well… at least she bought me a few minutes.'

"Karen! Thank God you're here!" Jack cried. "But I have to go, Beverly…"

"I'm horny!" Beverly shouted from the other room, causing the bile to rise in Karen's throat again. The last thing she wanted to think about was Beverly, in bed.

"Jackie honey, I can't let you do it." She grabbed his hands as quickly as she could, holding him tight as if to claim him.

Jack was thinking he'd rather sleep with Karen again, than ever consummate his relationship with Beverly. It was hard for him to admit, but somehow, the notion made him considerably less ill. Karen was soft and surprisingly sweet. She smelled like his favorite perfume, the one she'd gotten him for his birthday, and best of all: he loved her. But Beverly was old and pruny, and smelled like what Jack imagined to be the decay that came only after death.

"I was wrong before! I loved Stanley. This isn't the same thing. Please, don't do this. No one deserves to be with that old troll!" Karen was desperate, hoping she could get him out of there without telling him the full truth.

Jack sighed. "I'll get over it… Eventually. Hey, did you bring a picture of Kevin Bacon with you, maybe I could take it in there and…"

"No honey, please listen to me." She insisted, starting to feel sick again.

Jack sighed, deciding to tell her the truth. "I want to provide for you, like you have for me all of this time. I owe that to you!" He confided, her heart beginning to race. "You're my better half, and my family. I won't be with him forever, and we need the money."

It was hard for Jack to say this. In his mind, he was manning up: simply doing what needed to be done for the sake of their family: the two of them and Rosie too. Karen started to sniffle a little when he said this, doing her best to hide that she was deeply touched and overly emotional, but he caught on.

"Kare? What's going on with you?" He asked, concern in his voice. She looked away, trying to hide her tears, but he wiped them away with his thumb. "You're rarely so emotional."

Karen didn't really know what to say. This was not how she'd wanted to tell him. It was too special, and far too sensitive to discuss with Beverly in their midst, but if it would get Jack out of there… Karen quickly rehearsed a million things she could've said but decided that simple was best.

Without a word, she took her pregnancy test out of her bag and showed it to him. He gasped, covering his mouth and she smiled, thinking he understood.

"Oh my GOD!" He squealed, flapping his hands in excitement. "I'm having a baby!" She nodded vigorously, relieved about his apparent excitement. The feeling faded when he started to flip out. "Oh my God Kare, I'm gonna loose my figure!"

She sighed in extreme frustration once she realized his actual 'understanding.'

"No, no, Jackie that's not…"

"Oh wait!" He realized, starting to get excited again. "It's you whose gonna lose your figure!"

"That's right Jackie: I'm pregnant." She gushed, tears still pouring down her cheeks.

He thought it was great news. Not only did he love babies, but if she was going to get back together with Stan, then he really didn't have to sleep with Beverly at all!

"Karen you're gonna have a baby! I love little babies! And I get to be: just Uncle Jack!" He cried, holding out his jazz hands. "I'm so excited! Have you told Stan yet?"

Karen stopped, taken aback and not really knowing what to say. Somehow, it hurt that he didn't get it.

"Karen?" He questioned.

"No. No honey, I haven't told Stan." She said softly.

"Well why not?"

Karen took a deep breath, trying to gather the strength she needed to tell him the truth. Even at this stage, she was so afraid he'd turn her away. The way she saw it, he was faced with two choices: be the spoiled boy toy of a man he couldn't stand, or, for once in his life: step up and face some real responsibility. Despite what he'd said about wanting to provide for her, she didn't think the man who'd spent his life dependent on others would chose the responsibility, particularly when he was gay and responsibility it entailed being tied to a woman and a baby.

"Because it's not Stan's …. Jackie, honey, it's yours."

"Ja…! " Jack stared back; almost catatonic, his mouth hanging open.

"Jackie?" She pressed gently after a beat.

He was in shock, and felt as if he was having an out of body experience.

"Jack! What's taking you so long?!" Beverly yelled.

"Honey I know it's a surprise but…"

"WOW!" He said, finally.

"I don't know what we're going to have, or what we'll do. But I'm alone and honey, I've never been more scared." Karen confessed.

"Jaaaack!" Beverly practically whistled.

Jack looked back toward Beverly's room, uncertain, and then into Karen's tearstained eyes, noting they seemed to plead with him. He swallowed hard, his head continuing to whirl as he squeezed her hands. How was this supposed to work? Jack was overwhelmed by the news. A baby with Karen was a shock for sure, but she didn't realize how enormously happy the idea made him. Without even really thinking, something about it seemed just perfect.

"Please Jackie, our baby and I need you so much more than Beverly does."

"Yooo whooo, Jackie boy!" Beverly called, flirtatiously.

Beverly's voice made Jack jump: the old man's southern twang a reminder of his responsibilities. 'How?' He thought. 'Can I provide or a child?'

"Jackie, please." She whispered. "Be with me and the baby or don't … but don't do this with Beverly. It isn't right."

Her words soothed him and he turned back to her, looking into her eyes as if she were the only person left on earth.

"You really mean all of this Kare?" He asked, she nodded, scared out of her mind. "I get to have a baby with my best friend?!"

She nodded quickly, smiling now, even as she cried. She bit her lip, suppressing tearful laughter: he cared!

"Yes! You're the only man I've been with Jackie, it's yours and I couldn't love anything more than that."

"Jack you naughty boy!" Beverly called again.

"Come on Jackie… No baby daddy of mine belongs in a place like this. Come home with us. I know we don't know how we'll make it but … It's better than this."

Jack smiled, wrapping his arm tightly around her as the two of them began to walk away.

…

Karen sighed, closing her eyes, her head on Jack's chest. It started to rain as they got back into the smelly cab and made their way home, uncertain as to what they would find there. Jack held her close, his heart racing as she seemed to nap. He was reeling from the shock, but she took comfort in the warm embrace of her best friend.

"Jackie, I was so afraid I'd scare you off with this." She confessed, cuddling closer to him.

Karen had never felt so venerable in her entire life. Having him hold her, especially after she thought she'd loose him, seemed to take the edge off of her angst. Something about his embrace was just perfect. Loving, non-judgmental, fulfilling even: it was like a home she hadn't known she'd been missing. Even so, something in the back of her mind pretended his wimpy arms were Stan's enormous, gushy ones.

"You could never scare me off." He whispered.

"Even with a baby?"

He laughed. "Especially not with a baby, silly! Karen, I love my son, and I'd love more than anything to be a real father to him. But I only get so far because he always pushes me back. I've never told you this, but I want to be a dad, a real one."

"Honey you do?"

"I've been wanting a baby as much as you have."

"You have?" She asked in surprise, pulling away from him and sitting up.

"Yeah. I really have."

She giggled with relief. "Then it really is perfect. I loved Stanley but… Jackie, I don't think I know anybody who'd make a better daddy than you."

She'd been thinking about it, and this was perfect. Stan wouldn't have been so involved, but Jack would be there for everything. Jack took her hand and squeezed it.

"Well that's good, cause there's no one else I'd rather do this with than you."