No Merit of my Own I Claim

Chapter 2 – Choices

By JTrevizo

Rating, warnings and the like in chapter 1

Thanks everyone for the interest in this sequel and I want to remind people that this is still the same universe as "My Hope is Built" – so we're not talking fluffy bunnies, there's angst and real dealing with issues along with the romance. Again not sure how fast the chapters will be coming, and I will try to finish this series/story before Oct 7! I'm very much looking forward to finally beginning to write for the rest of the cast beginning with this chapter… of all three shows ;-). Now let's get to the story…

-x-

No Merit of my Own I Claim

Chapter 2 – Choices

By JTrevizo

Oliver had just started sorting through the luggage to begin running what more than likely would be just the first load of laundry when he heard someone walking up to the front door. Smiling he dropped the cargo pants in his hand and headed towards the door, calling out, "what did you forget Felicity?"

Swinging the door open, Oliver froze as he found Diggle on the other side with his hand poised to knock. Digg stood, equally taken aback, staring at a shirtless Oliver Queen standing in the doorway of Felicity's house.

"Oliver," said John in as passive a tone as he could manage.

"Digg," Oliver replied, the air immediately filled with the tension that was now a constant thing between them.

"Thought I'd check on Felicity, what with Palmer missing and her being thrown into taking over..."

"You just missed her. Did… do you want some coffee?"

Digg paused. It had been less than a week since he and Oliver had parted ways. In that time he'd been pulled in so many directions that he wasn't sure what exactly he felt about the man in front of him, casually offering him coffee like it was a year ago and they were all but brothers.

Lyla had come home with Sara the day Oliver and Felicity left Starling City. With both his girls home, he'd had plenty of time to mull over Oliver's words and actions around Ra's and Merlyn. While he'd tried to work through his anger about Oliver putting Lyla and Sara in danger and lying to him, he found himself focusing a lot on the past.

When Oliver had revealed himself to Digg nearly three years ago, he'd been confronted with a man who saw the mission as everything, emotions as distractions and had an unspoken death wish. He'd thought that after the team had grown, with Felicity and Roy and Sara Lance surrounding Oliver that the man had come to accept that he could care for people, that the mission wasn't everything and that he didn't have to be a martyr.

Obviously, after everything that had happened after Ra's, he'd been wrong.

Putting up walls between himself and Felicity had been the first clue, but Digg had ignored it; chalked it up to Oliver being afraid of Felicity getting hurt following the RPG attack during their date. Then Oliver had begun a pattern - sidelining him, shutting down after Sara's death, trying to force Laurel away from the team… and then he'd gone off to face Ra's to protect Thea. Looking back now, Digg could recognize the finality in Oliver's eyes when he'd said goodbye. While he'd told Digg he hadn't wanted to die in the Arrow cave after Sara's death, he now understood that look.

Oliver hadn't planned on coming back.

When he finally returned, that same self destructive behavior was still in place. He'd thrown in with Malcolm Merlin, and when Thea handed her father over to Ra's, Digg had thought maybe there was a chance Oliver was going to finally get a chance to get past it. Instead he made a plan to rescue Merlyn from Ra's, and Digg had joined him. It was while they'd been sitting in chains in Nanda Parbat that Oliver had explained some of it to him… the feeling that he'd been beaten and how it was eating at him. But now Digg saw that he'd missed the full depth of the survivor's guilt that was prompting is friend's distancing himself from the people who loved him.

Digg was sure the situation with Ra's had only compounded the emotional problems Oliver had. As he thought on it more, the five months of 'normalcy' before he'd begun to push people away had been the calm before and after the storm. Oliver had lost his company, had Slade kill his mother, lost Thea for months, nearly lost Felicity and been terrorized by his past for months. It shouldn't have been surprising that everything had come to a head...

So when Oliver had been faced with Thea dying and saving Starling City and everyone he loved, he's chosen the path that was easiest for him – sacrifice himself.

Digg sighed inwardly and refocused on where Oliver stood anxiously waiting for an answer and he finally nodded. Oliver gave him a tentative grin before he waved Digg inside, closing the door before he followed his friend into the kitchen.

"Felicity will be back tonight, so I'll let her know you stopped by. I'm sure she'll want to catch up, even if we weren't gone that long," Oliver said as he reached up into the cupboard to pull down a bright blue TARDIS patterned mug.

Digg noted the exclusion of Oliver in the 'catching up' and felt himself pulled in conflicting directions. Oliver poured some of the still hot coffee and passed the mug to Digg before half refilling his own abandoned mug, warming up what was already there. There was a long, tense silence before Digg opted for small talk, "so, how was San Francisco?"

"Good. We… we… Felicity and I talked a lot. Probably more than either one of us expected. I did a lot of apologizing and explaining… I told her about some of what happened in Nanda Parbat," Oliver said, sipping at his coffee before setting it aside and looking up at Digg, his face etched with hidden pain, "along with some of the emotional… damage I've accumulated over the last seven years."

Digg sipped his coffee as his brow raised in question, curious at where exactly Oliver was going with this. Oliver's mouth drew into a tight line, eyes slipping out of focus for a moment as he seemed to be considering something, and then he stated in a hushed tone, "I had a… nightmare, our second night in San Francisco."

"It wasn't just a nightmare…" Digg reasoned quickly, and watched Oliver's shoulders tighten, his jaw working for a few moments as he gathered his words.

"No. It was a flashback."

Digg was taken aback and set his coffee mug on the counter, staring. Open and honest Oliver Queen was something that he'd rarely seen, and Oliver had certainly never been as forthcoming as this. The man that had survived Ra's this last time; that had apologized to him before he left with Felicity… this wasn't the same man that had taken Lyla as part of his cover, undermining his trust and planning on dying. He was being direct and honest with people and himself, and Digg wondered briefly what had caused the change before the picture be became clear as he realized that this Oliver wasn't hiding – he was in Felicity's house, in her life…

This Oliver Queen had decided he had something to live for.

"We talked about the fact that I still have… issues; things I haven't dealt with from when I was away the first time, and some things that happened these last few months, the last few years actually. Things that I… want to work on dealing with."

Digg nodded, instantly understanding that Oliver wasn't just talking about what he'd gone through on the island, in Hong Kong and whatever other hells he'd been through before he'd returned home; he was saying he wanted to address what had happened to him since he'd come home too, including everything after Ra's had come into their lives. But what was more shocking was that it sounded like his friend had finally acknowledged the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that he'd seen in the younger man very early on after finding out about his secrets, and was… "Are you thinking about talking to someone?"

Oliver gripped his mug hard, his knuckles going white. Digg watched the blue of his eyes cloud over as he clenched his jaw before answering, "I'm… trying to talk to Felicity. And, if things were different I'd…"

Be talking to you.

The words were unspoken because they weren't at a place where Oliver could say them anymore. Digg closed his eyes and ran a hand over his face, slumping slightly against the kitchen counter.

Lyla had been after Digg about his anger towards Oliver in the aftermath of what had happened when she and Sara had returned. Digg had sat down with her and laid the whole plan within a plan out to her. And when he'd finished she'd laid into him, "that's the man you considered a brother. Who you asked to be your best man. Who you went to the wall for time and again. I know you're hurt he didn't confide in you, angry at him talking me to draw out Nyssa, but Johnny, you know what it's like to have to compartmentalize, to exclude people from the truth for the sake of the mission and to protect people. You know because you've done it, just like I have. So how can you judge him if you don't judge me or yourself?"

He'd spent the last day thinking about her words before he'd gotten the call from Palmer Technologies looking for Felicity. He'd known once he made that call he'd have to deal with his hurt and broken trust with Oliver. But he'd never expected that Oliver would have been the one to start the discussion, and to be so… vulnerable.

"You never asked me why I chose to take Lyla," Oliver said, pulling Digg out of his head and forcing his attention on the younger man.

Digg felt the bubble of anger rise in his chest and then felt it taper off as he saw the guilt and sorrow in Oliver's eyes.

"No. I was… I was too angry to listen."

"I considered taking Felicity, Laurel or Roy… but they were always somewhere where there could be too many possible civilian casualties if I couldn't control the situation or the team of assassins with me and Maseo. So I had chose someone that had limited contact with civilians… which led to Lyla. But despite what you think, I never considered putting Sara in danger - by taking her, either alone or with Lyla, or leaving her in the apartment by herself; I knew that you were five minutes away from the apartment when we left."

Digg's eyes widened that, and Oliver shoved a hand in his pocket and pulled out his cell phone, "I tracked your GPS. I was on the rooftop of the building across the street, eyes on her room until you walked in the door."

"Oliver…"

"And I chose Lyla for more than just the fact that she was your wife and the mother of your child. She's an A.R.G.U.S. agent John. I knew no matter what happened I wouldn't have to protect her like I would have had to protect Felicity or even Laurel."

"So you… calculated the risk?"

"Isn't that what we do every time we go out? Try to come up with the plan that will put the fewest people in harm's way?"

Digg stared at him.

"Digg, I'm going to tell you what I told Felicity. If I could do it over again, I would have turned to you and Felicity for help, confided in you and included you. Ever since Tommy, you are the closest thing I have to a brother. And I know you don't trust me right now, and you have every right to, but I want you to know, losing your trust… that was one of the few things I regretted in my plan to save Starling City."

"I…"

"Look, I don't expect you to forgive me today, or even tomorrow. I excluded you and lost your trust and your respect. I understand that and I respect why you feel that way. All I can do is hope that one day, hopefully sooner rather than later, that you're willing to let me earn it back."

Digg's mouth dropped slightly at Oliver's seemingly very thoughtful words. Maybe…

"I… I think I can do that."

With that, Digg moved towards the door, with Oliver trailing behind him. When Digg put his hand on the knob, he turned, his gaze falling on the man he had considered his friend and brother, and for the first time in nearly a week, the anger and disappointment he'd felt for him wasn't the first emotion that filled him. It was concern.

"Oliver?"

Oliver's eyebrows rose at Digg's questioning tone.

"Maybe you and Felicity would like to come over… have dinner? It's been a while since we've had company and Sara misses… both of you."

Oliver's Adam's apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed hard. He could hear in Digg's voice that Sara wasn't the only one missing people and he felt his chest expand as he took a deep, stabilizing breath as he could see the metaphorical door being opened by his friend to begin the process of fixing things between them.

"That sounds… great. We'll call you and see what works?"

"Sounds good. Give my best to Felicity."

With that Digg exited the house, closing the door behind him, leaving Oliver standing there, somewhat stunned and very hopeful that maybe he could get back the things he'd lost.

After what seemed like ages, Oliver shook his head to get him back on track and went back to sorting laundry. Once he had the stack to take to the cleaners he got a load put in the washer and then texted Thea to check if she was at the loft. When she pinged back that she was, she'd missed him and that she was looking forward to seeing him, he grinned. He'd missed her too.

A quick shower, fresh clothes and a protein bar from the pantry later Oliver lifted the spare house key from where Felicity had left it for him and was out the door. He made a brief stop to drop off some of their clothes at his dry cleaning place near the loft before he drove to the garage at the apartment building, parking the Porsche back in the spot next to his bike. Seeing it he wished he'd take that back to Felicity's instead, but he didn't know how much he was going to need to drive back yet.

Still, when he finally moved out in total he'd be taking it with him.

Striding to the elevator, Oliver jabbed the call button and impatiently waited. Once he was inside it was a slow climb to the penthouse loft. As soon as he exited the elevator he made his way to the door of the loft, knocking briefly before he used his key to open it, swinging the door wide.

"Thea?" Oliver called out, looking about the space, wondering where she could be.

"Hey!" came Thea's voice from the upstairs bedroom area that was her side of the place, and she rushed down the steps towards him, catching him in a moment of nostalgia as he recalled her coming down the staircase at the mansion when he'd returned to Starling City after his five years away.

But unlike that homecoming, the man that he was today was in a much better place than he'd been then.

"Hey Speedy, I missed you. How are you? How is everything?" he asked as he hugged her to him, smiling over her head as she squeezed him tightly.

"The club is good. I've been having trouble sleeping – the place is too quiet, what with you and Malcolm both gone. So, are you back for good? Do I have a roomie again?" she replied in rapid fire succession as she eased up on the embrace, looking at him as she asked the last part, the look on her face hopeful.

"Uh, yes, I'm back for good, but I'm not coming back to the loft."

Thea's eyebrow rose as she gave him a look. Oliver felt a blush creep across his face at the scrutiny of his younger sibling. "I'm moving in to Felicity's."

"Wow. First you run off with her and now you're moving in. I don't know you're trying to make up for lost time with her or if you've just finally found the right person. I mean, you resisted taking that step with Laurel for like what, three years?"

Oliver sighed and shrugged. Like he'd told Felicity, she was the first and only woman he'd loved this deeply; that he could see and want everything with. And yes, it might be a bit fast, but he'd learned his lesson about wasting time. If things had gone differently he would never have had any of this with Felicity, and they could never get back the lost months they could have had if he hadn't been stubborn and stupid.

"I just… we want to be together, every day… so…" Oliver rambled out a bit, his hand slipping behind his head as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Anyway, I came by to check on you, but also to pack some more things."

"Okay…" she replied with a knowing grin on her face.

Slightly unnerved at his sister's accepting manner, Oliver stepped back and turned to head to the stairs toward his bedroom, Thea hot on his heels. He mentally tried to catalog what he wanted to pack today… probably just another bag, maybe two? He didn't want to do a full move in. Plus he had to figure out how much room he really had to work with considering Felicity's wardrobe…

Entering his room he headed to the closet and pulled out a large roller bag and started picking through his suits, putting a few in before moving on to dress shirts, pants and a pair of black leather oxfords. He felt rather than saw Thea leaning on the doorjamb watching him, and felt the need to fill the silence, deciding to ask a question about the life she'd chosen that he really wasn't comfortable with quite yet.

"Anything else news? I know we haven't been gone long, but…"

"You mean have I been going out at night?" Thea remarked, causing Oliver to look up from the suitcase on the bed and catch her eyes, surprise evident in his expression, making her roll her eyes and sigh. "Really Ollie? You think I don't know you by now? I know you were worried before about me and since you haven't been here to know, you're checking to make sure I've been safe."

"Have you?" he questioned, his voice laced with concern born not only of being her big brother but of knowing firsthand what dangers being a hero in Starling City entailed.

"It's been pretty quiet in the whole four nights you were gone… but to answer your question, yes, I've been safe. Laurel and I went out last night with Digg and it was pretty uneventful."

"That's… good. I'm glad."

"So now that you're back, are you planning on joining your merry band again? And we're also in need of a new base, since Palmer blew up his building…"

Oliver sighed as he turned to look at her, dropping heavily onto the bed. He'd forgotten the fact that the "Arrow cave", as Felicity put it, was gone, following Captain Lance's raid, and with Ray's private floor at Palmer Technologies destroyed, the team was without a headquarters.

And as to him being back… he still didn't know about that. There was still a call to make back to Barry about what was going on in Central City to deal with…

"I don't know Speedy. We… I've got a lot of things I need to figure out. But I am sure Felicity is already working on a new base."

"Good, cause we need it. And you need to decide if you want to join the rest of the heroes in this town of ours."

She smirked and he smiled back at her, standing up and moving to the dresser drawers and pulling out more clothes. Once he filled up the suitcase he zipped it up, and then remembering he had a bag of workout clothes he retrieved that from the floor of the closet too, and hefted both bags in his hands as he moved towards the stairs and down to the front door.

"I'll call you later and see about having lunch?" Oliver said as he set the bags down to hug Thea as they stood at the doorway.

"You'd better. And we should do it when Felicity can join us," she remarked, poking her brother in the chest with a finger when he finally let her go.

"Okay. I'll see you soon."

Thea opened the door for him so Oliver could haul both bags out and down the corridor to the elevator. Inside the garage he threw both into the passenger's seat as he dug out his cell phone, pulling up Felicity's contact info. He'd like to call her, but he has no idea where she is and who she might be meeting and he didn't want to cause her any problems on her first day.

Instead he texted her, letting her know he was finishing up at the loft and heading back to the house. When he informs her he's making an order from the grocer that delivered to the mansion and what she'd like, her reply less than a minute later makes him smile: "Mint chip? :-)".

With a soft laugh he texted her back a 'yes' and follows it up with a query on when she thinks she'll be home so he can have dinner waiting for her.

Her reply on that question was longer in coming, and he could imagine her opening her calendar, sighing and holding her head in her hands before she messaged him back that she had to get back to meetings, that she'd be home around 6 and she was looking forward to coming home to him and a meal. Sending her back a heart emoji that he was super impressed he'd learned to do he smiled and pocketed his phone. Once he got back to the house he'd call and order the groceries and plan out dinner for half past six.

Plus, he still had laundry to finish. With a smile he climbed in the Porsche and turned it over, heading… home.

-end ch 2-

So, yeah… reviews with thoughts would be wonderful. I had thought this was going to be a lot lighter than the first part of the series but there are so many issues these characters have to deal with that Angst seems to be the theme of the series. Hopefully you are all still enjoying. Thanks for reading!

Ms. J.