Hey there! Hope you are enjoying so far. If you are slightly confused as to what is going on, don't worry. The answers to your questions will come soon ;). We'll see a couple of familiar conversations in this chapter with my own little twist on them. Now, time for some more angst. Prepare yourself for a rollercoaster of emotions.

Ch. 2

DPOV

Songs: Rotten - The Features, Deep End - Ruelle, Here in My Room - Incubus

Pools of red gathered around my feet as the warm water washed over me. I was momentarily mesmerized by the crimson swirls that slowly turned pink then eventually drained, leaving only clear puddles and no trace that the obtrusions were ever there. How much of it belonged to me or those I had slain was a mystery, but it brought up all the painful thoughts from that day nonetheless.

I would've thought it would be impossible for one person to experience all the emotions I had in a span of 24 hours. Just the thought of it had my head buzzing and I became dizzy by their lingering presence. I cranked up the heat of the shower, hoping the clouds of steam around me could block out the swell of emotions threatening to rear their head. I leaned my hands against the cool tiles for support and filled my lungs with hot air to distract myself...unsuccessfully. How could this have happened? How did they get in? What was I going to do about Roza? Roza. Oh, my Roza.

"Comrade..."

My thoughts selfishly shifted to a memory I had yet to let myself embark on. It had been the single most invigorating moment of my life, and it was all taken away in an instant.

"Mmm Comrade," she cooed as she peacefully laid in my arms. Her hair was splayed across her bare back and I gently ran my fingers through the soft waves, letting them slowly fall back into place before repeating the motion. She was the most beautiful creature I had ever laid eyes on, and I knew in that moment I would spend the rest of my life worshiping this girl who had completely encapsulated my heart.

She looked up at me, her warm cheek still resting on my rising chest, and flashed me one of her signature Rose Hathaway smiles. She could send men into cardiac arrest with that smile. I studied her face for a moment, memorizing every aspect of her expression in that instant. My heart was swelling with the amount of love I felt for her. She had encapsulated my heart long ago, before I even knew it, but now she had my body and soul and I knew there would be no disguising my feelings for her now, even after leaving the safe hiding of this room. As if she read my thoughts she sat up slightly, leaning on her arm so she could fully face me.

"What's wrong," she questioned with a worried look on her face. "Do you regret what just happened?"

I was disconcerted by her reaction. How could she not see how much this time with her meant to me? "Why would you think that?"

"Because that's how you are," she pulled the sheets up to cover herself and let out a frustrated sigh. "You always want to do the right thing. And when you do the wrong thing, you then have to fix it and do the right thing. And I know you're going to say that what we did shouldn't have happened and that you wish—"

I couldn't let this go on any longer. I sat up and pulled her to my lips, holding her body tightly against my chest. At first, she clenched my shoulders as if I might slip away but she melted into my embrace as I poured all of my love into the kiss, determined to remove any worry from her mind. I regretfully pulled away from her soft lips just far enough so she could look into my eyes and see every ounce of truth behind them. "I don't think what we did was wrong. I'm glad we did it, and if I could go back in time I'd do it again." Hell, I was on the verge of taking her again that very moment.

"Really," she questioned with a look of wonder on her face. "What made you change your mind?"

"Because you're hard to resist," I told her, slightly amused at her breathless reply. "And . . . do you remember what Rhonda said?" I could see confusion in her expression as she tried to remember back to that day. "Something about how you're going to lose something..." apparently, she didn't remember it so well. "'You will lose what you value most, so treasure it while you can.'"

She thought about this for a moment before giving me a startled look and pushing slightly out of my embrace. "Wait. You think I'm going to die? That's why you slept with me?"

"No, no, of course not. I did what I did because…believe me, it wasn't because of that. Regardless of the specifics—or if it's even true—she was right about how easily things can change. We try to do what's right, or rather, what others say is right. But sometimes, when that goes against who we are…you have to choose. As I watched all the problems you were struggling with, I realized how much you meant to me. It changed everything. I was worried about you—so, so worried," I raised my hand to her face and brushed the loose strands of dark hair behind her ear.

"It pained me to see you that way. And it became useless to try to act like I could ever put any Moroi life above yours." Both of us tensed slightly at those words, but I knew them to be true and couldn't keep it from her any longer, no matter how dangerous they were.

"It's not going to happen, no matter how wrong others say it is. And so, I decided that's something I have to deal with. Once I made that decision…there was nothing to hold us back. Well, to hold me back. I'm speaking for myself. I don't mean to act like I know exactly why you did it." I finally stopped my long-winded explanation as her lips arched into an amused smile. Apparently, this girl could not only render me speechless, but could also turn me into a rambling, love-sick fool.

"I did it because I love you." She said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world and I laughed. "You can sum up in one sentence what it takes me a whole speech to get out."

"Because it's that simple. I love you, and I don't want to keep pretending like I don't."

"I don't either." I removed my hand from her illustrious hair and placed two fingers under her chin to pull her in for another soft kiss. "I love you Roza."

The water had long since turned cold, but I could feel warmth on my face from the traitorous tears that spilled for my Roza. I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower to dry off.

After I pronounced my love for her, I told Rose I would request to be reassigned so that we could openly be together without the issue of either of us worrying about the other more than Vasilisa. She was disappointed at first, but saw the logic behind it and agreed it would be the best option for us. It was the first time since meeting her that I felt hopeful about our relationship. I wish I could be transported back to that moment, if only for an instant. I longed to feel that love radiating from us freely and to see her breathtaking smile one last time.

But now...now there was nothing but pain and guilt. There was no hope that our love would ever survive this, or that my Roza would ever come back to me. I caught my distorted reflection in the steam covered mirror and finally voiced what I had been thinking since I saw Rose completely broken and wailing in agony for her lost friend.

"I wish it would've been me."

RPOV

Songs: Possibility - Lykke Li

Darkness.

I once feared it. I was terrified of succumbing to it and being trapped forever in an eternity of it. Now, it was my new home. My only constant and companion. It encased me in nothingness, but the empty solitude I had conceded to was far more tolerable to the world revealed by the light.

Darkness. As long as I stayed here, the truths on the other side of my door couldn't get in and I could almost pretend they weren't real. The Strigoi wouldn't have flooded the school. I would have Dimitri by my side. This piercing pain in my chest wouldn't be threatening to swallow me whole. My best friend would still be alive.

Lissa.

Lissa was everything good, everything that light represented. Everything she encountered or touched lived...including me. I had to keep the light out. Keep the light out.

…..

My eyelids hung heavy. I'm not sure how long I slept, but my body ached all over from the lack of movement. The ghosts of voices crept into my memory and I wondered how many were real and how many were hallucinations. My mother trying to soothe me and telling me time would heal this pain. Alberta trying to coax me into eating. Eddie sobbing and telling me how sorry he was for his failure. At the time, I couldn't face any of these voices, but the truth was Eddie hadn't failed. It was me who failed. I failed her a long time ago when I put my selfish wants ahead of my charge...my best friend...my family.

It was my love for Dimitri that brought this upon her. I had been told my whole life They Come First. It was a simple concept that I followed dutifully, until he walked into my life. I allowed myself to feel undying love for someone other than her. The need to protect someone other than her. He tried to tell me how wrong it was and how our duties lied elsewhere, but I didn't listen. It was like I was caught in a sick, twisted version of one of his lessons, too entranced by our pull to each other to let his words fully sink in. But now, I couldn't bear the sight of him. His velvet voice that was once my salvation, was now my destruction. The sound of it threatened to pull at my heartstrings and I had to eradicate it before I could feel again. His dark eyes were filled with love and concern, yet another reminder of the sin I had committed against Lissa.

I could feel his presence outside my room. Even if I couldn't hear him or see him, it was as if his natural warmth was radiating towards me, trying to pull me back into the light. It was almost suffocating, but still tolerable to actually seeing him.

Suddenly it felt as if the warmth had faded and a chill shuddered through my room. He had finally left me to surrender to the darkness, but he hadn't left me alone. A familiar scent invaded my senses: sickly sweet with a hint of spice.

"Adrian," I whispered softly to myself. There was silence for a moment before I could hear frantic shuffling and a soft creak as he leaned against the door. "Adrian," I tried to put as much confidence into the request as I could muster, but it still lacked any real conviction.

I heard him latch onto the doorknob and slowly start to turn it. Was he afraid? Maybe he feared the dark the same way I feared the light. "Rose? It's me. I'm coming in okay?" I closed my eyes tightly so the light couldn't reach them. I heard the door crack open, letting an intrusion into my solitude, then quickly close with a thud as Adrian was trapped into my self-inflicted form of hell.