Author's Note: If you are confused as to why some chapters have been deleted, I ask that you read my author's note on the first chapter. That should clear some things up. (: Please leave a review if you like the story! Also, a quick note, but if you have any post-TLJ reylo stories, feel free to link me. I'd love to read them. :3

i don't wanna meet you nowhere

"Rey! Come on, Rey!"

She couldn't remember what was going on, but if the pounding in her head was anything to go off of, she would much rather forget everything that had happened the night before.

Accepting the drinks that Poe offered, rattling off her feelings as if they were the biggest struggle she had to work through. The other pilots that joined them were no better, laughing at the stories until they had drank themselves into oblivion. There were too many reasons for her to go there herself, but Poe had kept her stable, if only just by being someone to watch out for her as she emptied her glass. She hadn't even participated in the fun. Rather, her eyes remained locked onto the corner of the room, her mind playing tricks on her when she thought she might see him.

There wasn't much else for her to remember. The rest of the night was fuzzy, but she could just recall collapsing into her "bed" and not even bothering to cover herself before falling asleep. Feeling out with her fingertips, she caught the edge of the blanket that had been graciously placed over her. Pristine, untouched—obviously not done by her. General Organa was too good to her—the whole crew, actually. She had let them splurge without interruption, and made sure Rey was comfortable after she had let her better senses go.

The experiences that she relived in her dreams had become almost like a routine, with a familiar tone to them that she thought might fade away over time. The fire surrounding her as the walls were torn down, and his hand outstretched towards hers—not a nightmare, but a memory that would not stand to leave her be. From the shadows under her eyes, she knew it wasn't going to simply die away.

Thirty-three days, and it would not leave her.

Her body ached, and she couldn't see straight, which made it difficult to make out Finn's expression as he shook her shoulders to wake her. Had she been fully aware, she would have been able to notice the concern slowly developing into panic when she didn't immediately respond. But ultimately, her gaze turned to the side, taking in her quarters that were barely the size of a large broom closet. Was this where she crashed hard last night?

"Rey, are you with me?"

She could finally make out his words, but she wasn't sure they were his entirely. There was another voice whispering the same thing in her ear, barely audible but able to be picked up regardless. But right now, her grasp on the Force was muddy at best. No one had warned her about that, but maybe she should have known. Beyond the murmurings, she could make out nothing else, leaving her with a peace that bordered on emptiness.

"I'm here." The words echoed in her ears, and she held a palm to her head as she brought herself into a sitting position. The movement nearly caught her off-balance and she felt nausea nearly take over her. She was more than tempted to just lie back down. Finn caught onto this fairly quickly, and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder to settle her before she fell.

Rey patted his hand appreciatively before dropping her own. "Sorry," she said, blinking away sleep and wincing when the brightness of the room finally caught up to her. It brought with it a strange sense of déjà vu, but also a mystery of just where they actually were and what they were doing now. The Millenium Falcon, yes, but where in the galaxy? General Organa had spoken about possible planets within reach, but nothing solid.

"You okay?" he asked, and the simply question was so… normal. Should he have phrased it differently, she might have said something more. But now wasn't the time, especially with the light burning her retinas.

"Yeah, yeah," she said, her voice thick as she brought herself to her feet. But no sooner had she stood up did she waver. Not drastically, but enough for Finn to provide his cautious support.

"Rey, you can't do stuff like that to me. I might just have a heart attack," Finn said, adjusting his sleeve as he let out a harsh sigh. Of course he would say that—Finn was the type to stay away from the type of "fun" that might impair him in any way. Carefully, he helped her stand up straight, and she felt a little more stable as the remnants of sleep finally began to leave her. "I can't worry about you disappearing. We all got a lot on our minds, but we gotta keep ourselves together, right?"

Rey had seen only his back last night, as he sat with Rose at her bedside. She was awake, but the injuries she received could not be treated with the same luxury as other fighters. An induced coma kept her stable for a long while, and only now was she awake and starting to recover. But Rey couldn't be sure how far those injuries stretched. The guilt that swept through her was unable to be pushed away. Even now, Finn was acting in the interest of everyone else. She couldn't understand just how much he must be worrying now, and with General Organa…

"Leia," she said. Yes, they needed to keep themselves together, but Rey was more concerned with the here and the now—that included the crew, and the general. "Is she… okay? Upset?" It might have only been hours since they last talked, but a lot could happen in that amount of time, and she knew first-hand that Leia tried to stay away from the kind of stress-relief that Poe and his cohorts participated in. Rey had, too, until last night. "…Where are we?"

Finn gave a small shrug. "No clue. No one's told me anything yet. Poe just woke me up and told me to check on you."

By now, Rey could hear the rustling of people moving together from their quarters, and the voices gradually became louder as everyone got up to face what the day brought. It couldn't have been anything good, if the negative energy she felt coming from the hall was anything to go by. Once she was able to lean against the doorway, Finn moved away to take care of his own duties, leaving her alone.

When Rey boarded the Falcon after… everything, the devastation was hard to comprehend, and she was given a brief flashback to when they all gathered together in the same space, unsure of where to turn. Nearly all of their fleet had been destroyed, leaving them with less than thirty people to the Resistance. They might have allies elsewhere, but their attempts to contact them on Crait had gone nowhere, and it showed that they were either unable or unwilling to lend their support. Things had been quiet for a while, so they might just be more willing to step out into the light.

Or, their allies could sense their demise and in turn, surrender to the First Order.

Right now, they were truly alone, but Rey wasn't willing to accept that. It was too unbelievable.

She ran her fingers through her hair, wishing that her headache could leave her the same way her common sense had the night before. Now was not the time for her to deal with this. She didn't want to think of Leia's eyes following her as she disappeared into her quarters, or someone else's eyes that seemed far too determined to remain on her at all times.

The voice calling to her sounded like a faint echo, but it came from only a few feet away. Leia sat on one of the few benches, a cane supporting her. To Rey, she looked frail, but it was likely from the emotional strain and trauma that they had all been put through. It pained Rey to know that there was nothing they could do that would bring them peace.

"Fugitives."

The voice surprised her, snapping her attention behind her, but there was no one there. He wasn't there, and she knew him to be the only one able to communicate with her in such a way. So why then, could she not…?

Force, whatever Poe gave her had been strong.

"Trying to drink away your guilt? I think you'll have to try a little harder than that." She could almost hear his sneer, but it made her feel just a bit better to know that he paid enough attention to her to know she couldn't be swayed by his ideals. That didn't mean he had good timing, though.

"Go away," she muttered under her breath, knowing she would be labeled as crazy should she start talking to the wall. "I'm not dealing with you right now."

"Dealing with me," he replied, sounding thoroughly unimpressed. "Is that what you've been doing?"

"Rey," she heard again, just as she was about to open her mouth to reply. This time it was clear and strong, and coming from someone she could see. Leia was patting the spot beside her, a gesture she often made when they needed to speak to one another. Looking out the glass window and seeing stars moving past, it was near impossible to tell how long they had been traveling, or where they were, so she wouldn't be getting that answer any time soon.

She glared at the hazy apparition of Kylo.

"Sorry, General," she apologized, slipping back into formality without thinking. She might have called her Leia in private, but calling a person by their first name suggested a very close relationship. Having Kylo Ren standing only feet away made her all the more aware of what it meant, and she put up as many walls to block him from it.

Leia might have wanted to object to the use of her title, but thankfully, she must have realized the feeling that was causing conflict within Rey. No word had been spoken by Rey about her connection with her son, and while Leia could have probably reached out and discovered it for herself, she had yet to do so. It puzzled Rey from the moment she sat with the general, broken lightsaber sitting in her lap, but she felt safer knowing that she still had some secrets to keep. No one had to know.

It would do no use to tell anyone, Leia especially. It might bring her hopes up, or it might insert fear into the heart of the Resistance that would further weaken them. Rey kept that wall there for everyone's safety, but that didn't mean she did not perform her duties. Followed by her prompting, she walked over and sat down beside Leia. Their shoulders unintentionally brushed one another's when she once again lost her sense of balance, but the strong woman beside her could bare it. They all had to.

"I'm sorry," Rey whispered, unable to keep the words to herself. Apologies should have been reserved for a time when they were warranted, but sitting beside the woman who was the closest thing to a mother she would ever had, she couldn't help it. Disappointment was not something she could handle.

"Sorry for your betrayal of those you call your allies?" Kylo prompted, and she could feel his anger brewing just below the surface.

"What for?" Leia responded, looking baffled. But Rey couldn't even look her in the eye and give her an honest answer. What was she sorry for? Not trying hard enough? Messing around in the dead of night when the whole of the Resistance still stood on the edge of a cliff? Communing with her son without even telling her? "Rey, what are you sorry for?"

The name was on her lips, ready to be spoken, but she couldn't. Rey knew that Luke had spoken to his sister before he died, and she had confirmed how she felt about her son: that he was too far gone. Luke may have objected, but Leia was at peace with it. Maybe that was what hurt even more. It was easy to be convinced of something so farfetched if someone else felt the same way. But someone so much stronger than her… she had given up and accepted what seemed to be the inevitable. Rey was lost in something else entirely.

"We're scattered," Rey finally breathed. It was the only answer she was going to give. She hated herself, hated the remnants of the hangover that left her far more emotionally vulnerable than she normally would be. Luke was the only one to know the lengths she had gone to save his fallen nephew, and he was gone. "Where are we going? How are we going to recover from this?"

We can't.

Kylo picked up on those feelings quickly, snatching them before she could think to hide them. "It's that optimism that will trap you. The light side, that endless supply of hope. It keeps you from seeing the truth."

Pessimism was not something she could live with. Rey had spent her life remaining optimistic that someone would come back for her, that she might live a better life. But it hadn't happened the way she had expected, and some might wonder if she had jumped from one hell to another. Maybe it was time to face reality. They could hope to survive, and keep moving. But that was not living, and it was imperative that she knew that.

She almost jumped at the feeling of a hand on her cheek, holding her steady as she felt herself shaking. At first, she thought it to be someone else—it would have been even worse if it had been. She had stayed frozen to the spot as a million different scenarios flashed into her head. Leia was force-sensitive, she knew. She felt Luke go, and she must have felt the conflict in Rey now. But her thoughts were her own, and it was one of the first times she wished that wasn't the case.

"We won't have all the answers right away," Leia said, and Rey could sense her struggle with the words—but with them came a strong resolution. To do what, she couldn't be sure. But Leia must have known. "But right now, we just have to take the right steps. We will find a new base. If we need to, make a new one. The Resistance is not dead. We're all still here. We've made it this far." Leia let her hand fall and held onto Rey's.

She had to resist the urge to let a tear slip down her cheek at the feeling. It had been a month. She should have been able to stuff such feelings down by now. "I guess you don't need me having an emotional breakdown," Rey laughed, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"I'm done with emotional speeches," the General suddenly said, and Rey let out another soft, choked laugh that prompted her to look into the eyes of the woman beside her. "They require confidence that I don't always have. It takes a lot to fight in a losing battle—but there is a reason we don't call it a lost cause. Because we still do believe in something." Leia squeezed her hand tightly. "It's different for everyone, but it's something."

Rey wiped her eye with her free hand, letting her face break out into a smile. It was hard to feel hopeful in these circumstances, but somehow, Leia Organa could keep her head up. Rey could only hope that she could do the same.

"You know, you're not so bad with the emotional speeches," Rey laughed, and Leia responded in turn, pinching her arm in amusement. They had reached a stalemate in their fight against what exactly was worth fighting for. But right now, it was all they could do to keep from falling. Rey, the last Jedi, and Leia, the last head of the Resistance—they weren't the only ones fighting. But at least they could find this small bit of light in such a dark place.

"I do try, you know," Leia responded, with a cockiness that made Rey feel at home. It was humor and light that kept them from falling into pits of despair. "But I don't think you need any more of Poe's natural remedy to help keep your emotions in check."

She had been waiting for that, and her ears burned with embarrassment as she tried to turn away to hide her face. "I don't think I'll be having a repeat performance of that anytime soon," she reassured her, grimacing.

"I should hope not."

"General?" A voice brought them out of their moment, but it was the violent shaking beneath their feet that jolted them forward and out of the safe space they had surrounded themselves with. All of the optimism that they shared together was immediately covered by concern and panic. "General, we—"

No further words could be spoken before those on board nearly lost their footing entirely. This wasn't normal. Even stopping to check the ship hadn't exposed any issues that could cause something like this. The Millenium Falcon could definitely make it through a lot, but it wasn't indestructible. Now, the same with their physical injuries, the high was wearing off, and they were left in a deep hole that they couldn't dig themselves out of.

Rey was ready to help Leia at any given moment, but her attention was split three ways: Finn, who was helping Rose with Poe right alongside him, BB-8, whose alarmed beeps were far too specific to be simply panic, and…

The noise around her seemed to vanish, leaving behind a low hum which only had the purpose of reminding her that she wasn't alone where she stood. But she might as well been, since she couldn't see the things the Force was telling her was there. The things she would have normally been able to see.

"You're running like cowards, afraid to face your fate with dignity."

His voice was deep and controlled, a far cry from his last plea on the Supremacy, but she of all people knew that tone didn't necessarily match what his eyes could not hide. Turning in every direction, she could not see where he stood now, despite hearing the voice as clearly as she had heard those around her. His presence wouldn't have gone unnoticed, his large physique and imposing posture leaving little to be missed.

"You align yourselves with them out of some strange sense of obligation," he growled, and she turned once more. "I can sense your panic, not theirs. But you are with them, and I know you're determined to hide. Your time's running out."

She wanted to shoot back that he was the one who was hiding—not showing his true self, and spewing hatred that hid his true outrage and feeling of rejection.

"You're hiding yourself from me," Rey said, having to take a guess at his location. For a moment, she saw a flicker of darkness in the doorway of her quarters, but it was gone in a second, and she was left confused and more unsettled than she wanted to admit. She didn't know much about this bond… but every time they had spoken, they could pinpoint the other with relative ease—even transfer physical energy. But the physical restrictions placed on her were now gone, yet not even his shadow was there to suggest she was speaking to anyone other than herself.

A sharp sense of dread raced through her, a sudden but rightful reminder that this was not the time to do this. With more effort than should have been necessary, she ripped herself away from the connection, feeling the remnants of his presence even though she had yet to see him. He was here, but not… and she was left wondering if she had any control over any of it.

"We have to land here," Connix said, and Rey just caught General Leia as she leaned over the hologram. The map that was displayed was small and barely detailed, leaving one to wonder if it was even reliable.

But Poe was quick to join them, and with the certainty that could only come with experience, he pressed his finger against an area surrounded by little in the way of other planets.

"Yemaya, neutral ground. We can land there and build a temporary base—check the Falcon and get some supplies." He glanced up at Rey, and she suddenly felt lost. It had been a routine, to land, make sure everyone was alright, and pool together their resources so that they could head out again. What was different now was beyond her, but something she could still sense.

The Falcon was silent, outside of the vibrations and jolts that kept them from contemplating for too long. Eventually, Leia lifted her head, addressing them all with one single declaration:

"We land, and work with what we can." She didn't sound overly confident or certain, but when Leia Organa made an order, it would be foolish to ignore it. With that, everyone split up into different directions, taking their positions in order to ensure that they would land safely. It was all they could do at this point, but the small sliver of hope was still there for many of them, and Rey knew it.

Although Rey couldn't see him, she knew he was there. He didn't say anything right away, and she could have believed that the commotion and her flare of hope made him retreat in defeat. But that was not to be. "We have not fallen," she said, her voice low but sharp and intent.

"…But you will."