Sorry for the delay in chapter 2. I'm still deciding how I want to continue this story as chapter 1 took a little different turn than I had originally planned. I think I am going to do chapters from Bill's perspective and chapters from Sookie's perspective, but I am still experimenting. Thanks for the reviews….keep them coming! I've read all the books, but this story is sort of how I think things should be. If you find any inconsistencies, please let me know! When I have the person think to themselves, I have italicized it. When Sookie hears someone else's thoughts, I will italicize and bold them.

'What am I doing?' I thought as I stared into Bill's dark brown eyes. 'Am I intentionally trying to hurt him? I don't think I am I just want to show him that I mean what I said about how I feel. I just can't put it into words yet.'

"Why are you doing this Sookie?" he asked again. I could hear sadness in his voice as well as a little bit of irritation. Bill didn't like it when I played games with him. I had seen his irritation at that more times than I can count.

"Because," I started to say and then I stopped. I decided to act rather than plead. Bill isn't much taller than me, so I leaned up, grabbed a handful of his dark hair and kissed him. It was a light kiss; I wanted to take it slow at first to see if he would respond to me at all.

I could feel him tense up, like he wanted to pull away, so I deepened the kiss. Even though I was sad and finally felt the courage and need to leave Bon Temps, I wrapped my arms around his neck and put all the built up passion and frustration into that next kiss.

"Dammit, Sookie," Bill said as he pulled my arms away from his neck and his fangs ran out. "Please don't kiss me like that if you don't mean it." He pulled away from me even more.

"Bill, I'm sorry," I said as I turned my back to him. "I'm sorry. I'm just confused. I know how you feel and I didn't mean to lead you on. It's just been such a long time and well," I couldn't continue. I just stood there sobbing. "I'm just going to go home now."

"Sookie," he said reaching out to me, "would you like me to follow you home? Perhaps we can finish this discussion there. I accept your apology. I know the idea of leaving Bon Temps must be hard for you. I'm not asking to get into your bed with you, I am asking as a friend. I want to be sure that you arrive home safely."

"No," I said, "I just want to be alone right now. Thanks anyway." I practically ran towards my car, never looking back at Bill. 'Oh my goodness! Why did I just tell him no? I could have let him come home with me to at least talk a little more.'

As I drove away, I looked out to see Bill, standing in the same place I left him, bright red streaks running down his cheeks. I couldn't believe that I just left him there, crying his eyes out. It didn't help that I was crying just as much. Besides, I knew he would probably be sitting on my front porch waiting for me when I got home. Damn vampire speed. I could tell he wanted to just be there for me and I knew when I got home, I'd let him in.

My house wasn't far from the bar, probably three or four miles, so I'm not sure why Bill was worried about me making it home safely. I can take care of myself, although I have been doing a pretty poor job of that lately. I've been unhappy for so long, that I just don't care how I look. My hair has gotten long and straggly and it's becoming a darker blond from my lack of time in the sun. My tan has almost completely disappeared and I'm almost as pale as Bill or any other vampire. I rarely eat more than one meal a day, so my clothes are beginning to get very big on me. I'm not sure if Bill would have noticed as I usually wear a couple of layers when I go to the bar so no one can tell how bad it's gotten.

I arrive at my home a few minutes later and just like I suspected, there is Bill, sitting in the front porch swing, waiting for me to arrive home. I had rescinded his invitation into my home the last time he was here, so that's why he didn't just go in and make himself comfortable. I sat in my car for a few moments trying to collect my thoughts before going up to the door.

"Bill," I said, "please come in and make yourself comfortable. I might have a bottle of True Blood in the refrigerator if you want it. I'm going to go change."

"Thank you," he said as he walked toward the kitchen. Bill had been in my kitchen enough times to know where things were.

I walked upstairs to my bedroom. "I'll be out in a few minutes," I said. 'Hopefully, he won't come up here. I don't think I can stand for him to see me this way.'

I quickly changed into some flannel pajama bottoms and a long sleeved Henley. I think it might have been one of Bill's shirts from when we were together, but I wasn't sure. It had been washed so many times that it only smelt like me now. I knew that sooner or later, Bill was going to figure out that I had almost melted away to nothing so I didn't bother with the extra layer of clothes.

When I came down the stairs, Bill had lit a fire and was sitting on the couch staring off into space. I called this "vampire down time" and I knew that he was probably mulling over the events of the night. I sat down in the recliner that was across from the couch. I would have sat next to him, but I had no desire to scare him.

"Bill," I said, trying to get his attention. "Why did you come here when I told you not to?"

"Because, Sookie," he started to say. "Oh Sookie, what has happened to you?" I saw his eyes widen in terror and then a wave of sadness pass over them.

"I'm fine, Bill. I've just lost a little weight."

"You're not telling me the truth Sookie. What has happened to you?"

I started to get angry, but I knew that feeling that way would do neither one of us any good. So, as I started to cry, which I've been doing a lot of lately, I decided to tell him. He came over and gathered me in his arms and carried me back over to the couch. He hated to see me cry and I knew that all he wanted to do was comfort me. He sat down on the couch and cradled me in his arms like a child. I could feel his hand rubbing circles on my back and I was grateful. After all this time, my first vampire still knew how to comfort me with silence.

"Bill," I said as I looked up at him.

He bent down and licked some of the tears off my face. "Yes Sookie."

"I know I look awful. I just don't have the desire to do anything anymore."

"You don't look awful. I still think you're beautiful, paleness and all," he said.

His words made me cry even harder so I laid my head back on his chest and let all the tears that I had never cried fall. I cried for our prior relationship, for Eric, for Sam, for Quinn, for my brother, Jason, and for Gran. I cried harder than I had in the last six or so years. All the while, Bill sat there and held me to his chest, running his fingers through my hair and rubbing my back. I felt all the sadness and anger that I felt seep into him.