A/N: I'd like to think that all of Lapis and Peridot's knowledge on Earth dating comes from either the TV, or Steven. Which can lead to hilarity.
After deciding to try things the human way, the two gems made a short list compiling everything they knew about Earth dating, and chose one at random.
Which is how they ended up on a "romantic" candle light dinner at the Fish Stew Pizzeria, with a whole pizza sitting untouched on the table between them.
"It, uh, looks good?" Lapis tried, as she eyed the foodstuff, poking at it's crust.
Peridot shrugged, "I don't think either of us thought this one out. We don't eat. I CAN'T eat. But, well, this is what humans do for dates on the Television." She took a sniff of the air. "At least it smells nice, I guess."
"I'm not entirely sure Dinner dates are our kind of thing," Lapis flashed a grin to her counterpart, flicking a mushroom off the top of the pizza in Peridot's direction. It splattered against her visor, leaving a trail of grease as it was pulled down by the force of gravity.
"If you wish to sample the dish, by all means, don't let my inability to eat stop you." She tried wiping the grease off with a napkin as she talked, only for it to smear even more.
"I am curious, I think I'll just take a slice back home with us and try it later. I'm kind of uncomfortable with shape-shifting a stomach in public." The Blunette then gestured to Jenny Pizza, who'd been standing there with a less than amused expression on her face.
"Like, you two have been here for-EVER. Just staring at the pizza for an hour. I can't close up and hang out with my friends until you guys finish up and get out. And just so we're clear, You'd better be paying for that pizza, I'm all for having Steven's friends over, but if you're anything like the purple one I may have to ban you just to keep my Dad from taking the money you'll owe out of my check!"
Peridot raised a brow, "an hour already? I guess we were so fascinated with the foodstuff we hadn't realized how much time had passed." She then grinned nervously, "and on the subject of payment, I, uh-"
It was at just that moment that Greg Universe came in to save the day. "Late night pizza for pick-up!" The permanently sun burnt man made his way to the counter to pick up his order as Jenny headed back behind the register, saving Peridot from having to explain that she had no currency to speak of. "Sorry I ordered so late, I spent all day dealing with cleaning up Mayor Dewey's van again. It got real messy this afternoon after another Gem attack on the beach. Mud and sand everywhere, let me tell you," He smiled up at the teen. "Whats the damage?"
"That's just fine, Mr. Universe. We were keeping our doors open a little late tonight anyway, what with those two making googly eyes at each other. And for the medium, that'll be twelve dollars."
"He'll provide payment!" Peridot suddenly shouted, scrambling over to Greg's side on all fours, knocking over more than one chair to reach him.
"Oh, hi Peridot! And Lapis, too? What I surprise, I didn't think you guys ate food. Or do you just make a exception for pizza?"Mr. Universe patted his belly and chuckled, "I know if I didn't have to eat, I'd still grab a slice myself every once in a while. Got to keep my amazing figure, you know?"
It then hit him what Peridot had said. "Wait, provide payment for what?"
We're on a date, and forgot to bring any money," Lapis shrugged, offering Greg a small smile. She always did like Steven's dad, especially after their day out on the open ocean in the boat. "You don't mind paying, do you? You can have the pizza, we didn't actually eat any of it."
Greg's face lit up and he clamped a hand on both Gem's shoulders "A date? That's great, I'm so happy for you kids! I suppose I can shell out a few extra bucks for you guys. But why did you kids have a dinner date if you don't eat dinner? Or any other meals for that matter?"
"We hadn't thought everything through at the time we decided on it," Peridot admitted sheepishly, before frowning. "And we're several hundred times older than you, we're not exactly kids."
Lapis on the other hand gave her appreciation. "Thanks for covering the bill, Mr. Universe. If you don't mind us asking, what are some other things that humans like to do on dates?"
"Don't you worry your blue little head over it, you just focus on having fun on the rest of your date." Greg shot her a wink, before looking thoughtful. "Well, in my opinion, you just can't go wrong with a nice long walk on the beach with that special someone, you know? I didn't have a lot of cash back when I started dating Rose, so we always went on those. Best dates we ever had. You know what they say, the best things in life, don't cost nothing." He then gave her a pat on the back before turning back to Jenny, cash in hand. "Could you box up that pizza on the table over there as well?"
The two gems and human walked out of the restaurant together, before parting ways. Greg had a nice cozy van to get back to and a pizza to enjoy, and Lapis and Peridot had a date to wrap up.
As the Gems made it back to the barn, and Lapis was about to open the door, Peridot cried out "WAIT!" and dragging the blue gem back a few steps.
"What is it, Peridot?"
The smell gem breathed in and then let it all, "There's this thing humans do after a successful date, just before they go inside. I saw it on the TV once. I believe it has some large, romantic purpose, and I'd very much like to try this tradition."
Lapis eyed the green gem before shrugging. "Okay, how does it go?"
Peridot stuck out her hand, "Well, they call it a "Handshake...""
A/N: No, Peridot. A successful date ends with a kiss, a bad date ends with a handshake.
Out of all he characters in SU, the one I hope I got down well enough is Greg. He's just the most beautiful soul, and one of my favorite characters for how much of a sweet heart he is. Mr. Greg is one of my favorite episodes. He becomes a millionaire and doesn't know what to do with all his money because he'd just like to spend time with his kid instead. Dad of the year.
And again, I'm taking suggestions for dates they can go on. And don't worry, a first kiss will come up soon.