Chapter 2: The Transmogrifier

"Y'know Calvin, you're the only person I know whose gotten detention on the first day of school."

"Shut up, Susie," said Calvin, staring out the bus window with a look of anger sketched on his face. The first day of school was officially over at last, but one could tell that it didn't go very well for Calvin. Nor for the principal and some of the other teachers involved as well.

Unfortunately for Calvin, Susie didn't shut up. "I mean, the gymnasium is ruined now because of the flood. You must've realized that those were sprinklers you set fire to?"

Calvin grunted in reply.

"Ms Leopold wasn't exactly happy when she saw what you did to her car. You can't even drive yet, you moron! And Mr DeLuise nearly exploded in Home Economics when he had to pay the Pizza Delivery guy for your pizza. And poor Mr Channing, I bet he'll never see ink the same way again. By the way, in Biology, where did that bucket of noodles come from?"

Calvin resisted the urge of throwing Susie out the window, so instead the teen growled in response to Susie's prattling. Hobbes was kind enough to teach an eight-year-old Calvin the proper way to growl – tiger style.

"Always start with a low hum," Hobbes had said. "That indicates the presence of a tiger. Raise the tone a little higher, and then back to low again. Kind of like you're eating yummy chocolate. It never fails."

What Hobbes failed to mention was that this personal growling technique of his was to attract the opposite sex.

Susie paused and blushed when she heard him growl, but before she could say anything the bus pulled into their street. The moment the door opened, Calvin was out his seat and out the door faster than you could say "Deranged mutant killer monster snow goons". By the time Susie had set a foot on the pavement, Calvin was already on the front step of his house.

You probably already know what usually happens when the teen comes home from school. Behind the front door, crouching in wait, would be Hobbes, ready to pounce onto Calvin the second the teen called out, "I'm HOME!" and opens the door. It's not that the tiger did that to have a cruel laugh at Calvin's expense, but rather because he missed his friend very much. Despite the pain and bruises Hobbes made for him, Calvin accepted this type of affection. Right now, he needed to see a friendly face.

"I'm HOME!" called Calvin, opening the door and then backing away a little.

Nothing happened.

"I'm HOME!" Calvin called again.

Nothing happened.

"I'm HOME!"

Still nothing happened.

Calvin growled impatiently. "Didn't you hear me?! I'm HOME! Get out here and smother me with words of affection and worship NOW, you rotten flea-bag!"

"Are you talking to me, young man?!" Calvin's mom appeared at the doorway, looking very peeved indeed. "Your principal called! Your father and I are going to have a talk with you when he gets back!"

Her son took no notice, pushing past her without greeting or correcting her, or even hanging up his coat and backpack. The teen marched up the stairs, cursing under his breath and muttering something about making a fur-coat or a rug out of "his mangy hide".

Calvin threw open his bedroom door, walked in, closed the door and locked it, expecting Hobbes to be cowering under the bed in fear. Nope. There he was, lying on the bed and looking up at the ceiling with a dazed look in his eyes.

And this is better than pouncing the hell out of me?!

Calvin stared at the tiger, putting his hands on his hips and exclaimed, "Well?!"

Hobbes turned to look at him and said, "So you're home."

"No duh!" said Calvin, rolling his eyes in exasperation. "What's the matter with you? Why didn't you come when I called you?"

As he was saying this, Hobbes was off the bed and onto his feet. Undoubtedly, Calvin was an inch or two taller than his furry friend. Hobbes had often voiced his opinion about the teen's height, saying it's unnatural for stick insects to grow taller than tigers.

"I'm not your pet, you moron," said Hobbes, looking superior all of a sudden. "We tigers are independent individuals, and we follow our instincts rather than the commands of inferior humans –"

"I'm not commanding you, you imbecile!" interrupted Calvin, throwing his arms up in the air. "All that I'm asking is why didn't you come and run me over?! And call me inferior one more time and I'll skin you alive!"

Hobbes sighed and sat back on the bed. His anger having melted away, Calvin felt clear-headed, enabling him to sense that something was wrong his friend. The teen sat down next to him, feeling slightly embarrassed: he wasn't really good at comforting people. "Soooo, what's wrong, Hobbes?"

Yes, he was that bad.

Hobbes smiled, knowing this was the best Calvin could do to break the ice. He looked at his friend and said, "I've been thinking."

"Is that all?" said Calvin, smiling. "For a moment I thought this was serious. You really had me worried there, Hobbes, ol' pal."

"… it is serious, Calvin," said Hobbes, glaring at the teen.

"Oh."

"Well, for me, it is anyway," said the tiger, twiddling his thumbs – or paws. "You see, I was thinking about my life. I'm not exactly happy about who I am at this moment in time-"

"Oh my God, you're going to commit suicide!" exclaimed Calvin horrifically, jumping off the bed. "Don't do this to me, Hobbes! I'm too young and handsome for you to die! Mind you, we can discuss your will-"

"Chillax, Calvin," said Hobbes. Living here seven years and he was used to his friend's behavior and over-reactions. "I'm not committing suicide. Start worrying about yourself, because when your dad gets home-"

"To Mars with Dad!" said Calvin, "because right now, my number-one priority is you, so put that in a juice box and suck it!"

Hobbes smiled and hugged himself, pretending to look embarrassed. "Shucks, I didn't know you cared."

"Yeah, yeah, I know I'm great," Calvin said, smiling. He sat himself down on a large cardboard box. "Talk to me. What have you been thinking about?"

Hobbes coughed and continued his talk. "Before I was rudely interrupted," (Calvin stuck a tongue out at him) "what I'm trying to say is that something is missing in my life."

"A girlfriend?"

Hobbes rolled his eyes. "No, you reject. I'm talking about excitement. The thrill of doing of something new, something I've never done before."

Calvin stared at the tiger in disgust. "Are you saying you wanna get laid?"

Hobbes fell off the bed. "NO!! Where the heck did you get that idea from?! Besides, I'm saving my good self for marriage."

"Well, choose your words carefully next time, okay?" replied the teen, shaking his head. "C'mon, drama queen, tell me more."

"Anyway," started Hobbes (again), getting up from the floor, "what I'm really saying is that I'm tired of being myself. Of being a tiger. It's not really the trendiest animal to be anymore."

"Yeah, I pretty much ruined that chance for everyone when I tried to be a tiger," agreed Calvin, kicking his legs against the box.

"Absolutely true. You didn't really enjoy being a tiger … and I see what you mean now."

"What are you trying to say, Hobbes?"

"Like I said, I'm tired of being a tiger. As a matter of fact, I don't want to be a tiger anymore. Calvin… I wanna be a human."

No one said anything … for two seconds. Calvin exclaimed, "You whaaaaat?"

Hobbes sighed. "I said I wanna be a human."

"Why?" asked Calvin, cocking his head to one side, disbelief written all over his face. "Only a few minutes ago, you called humans inferior!"

"I take it way back," said Hobbes, crossing his arms. "I only said that because you came in here, all dictator-like and Master-of-my-fate stuff. It annoyed me."

"Well, pardon me for bursting your happy bubble," muttered Calvin, crossing his arms too. "But really Hobbes, why do you want to be a human?"

The tiger glared at the teen. "Did all that stuff about "excitement" and "tired of being a tiger" I just told you mean anything, or did I just waste my breath?"

"Sheesh, don't get all Susie Derkins on me," responded Calvin, rolling his eyes. "Besides, being a human means going to school, learning stuff, meeting weird people-"

Calvin paused when he saw the look on Hobbes's face. A look of happiness … it's not everyday the young teen saw the tiger like that. He had to admit, the thought of staying home alone, sleeping and watching reruns on TV everyday … it must be helluva boring after a long while.

The teen smiled. "-but if becoming a human is what you want, Hobbes, ol' pal, I'll be there for you."

A second after he muttered these words, Calvin found himself on the floor – in pain. Hobbes had his arms around the teen, saying "I knew I could count on you, Calvin!"

"Get off me, you loveable and delayed pouncing idiot!" replied Calvin, trying to lift Hobbes off him. "And help me up, while you're at it!"

The tiger leapt off his friend and pulled him up, back onto the cardboard box. Calvin felt his head pounding in agony, but his heart was beating with affection – oddly enough. "Good God, you could have warned me, you know!"

"Hey, you can't expect a tiger to warn people when they're about to pounce, can you?" said Hobbes, grinning madly. "Besides, I forgot to do that when you came home."

Calvin dusted himself off. "No kidding. Now, how are we going to make you a human?"

Hobbes sat down next to Calvin on the cardboard box. "I haven't thought about that yet."

For the next five or so minutes, the two friends sat there in silence on the cardboard box, thinking very, very hard. Calvin started to tap his fingers against the box, while Hobbes took to cleaning his whiskers.

Suddenly, Calvin banged his hand against the box and exclaimed, "I got it! I know what we can do! It's been sitting right under my nose this whole time, in fact!"

Hobbes sat up straight. "What is it? Tell me!"

The teen smiled deviously. "Under this very cardboard box … is a pair of scissors! We can cut all your fur off, get you some of my Dad's clothes and then you'll be a human!"

Hobbes frowned. "I see a very big flaw in your plan."

"What?"

Hobbes pointed at his tail. "What about this?"

The teen sighed. "We can hide it, you idiot! Geez, for a moment I thought you were gonna say that your fur will grow back, everyone will notice the claws and fangs or the plan won't work at all!"

"Yeah. That stuff, too."

"Well, I don't see you coming up with ideas."

"I'm thinking," said Hobbes, looking irritated. "And mind you, I want to be a human for one day, because I may not want to be one anymore if it's boring."

Calvin nodded in agreement. "Question is, where can we find a device that change you to a human and back to a tiger?"

Again, they sat in silence, and once more, Calvin banged his hand against the box and said, "I got it! I know what we can do! It's been sitting right under my nose this whole time! In fact, the solution is right under our very butts!"

"That sounded really wrong, no offence," replied Hobbes, jumping off the box. "But what do you mean?"

"It's simple," the teen said, getting off the box as well. "This cardboard box!"

"Are you saying …?"

"That's right, Hobbes," said Calvin, smiling. "It's our old friend, the Transmogrifier, and with it, you can turn into a human AND back to a tiger!"

Calvin leant down and turned the box around, and, for all to see, the word "TRANSMOGRIFIER" and other words, along with an arrow, appeared. Calvin and Hobbes smiled at each other.

World, here comes Hobbes.

OMG, I actually updated something. ^3^ Believe it or not, this took me a few hours to write, but thank goodness this chappa is done, now. :D

Reviews are welcome! :)

Seeya! ;)