Myouou: Anji
Sometimes I wake up in the
middle of the night with their cries still ringing in my ears.
And at other times it
becomes so easy to forget. It's something I feel reluctant to admit
even to myself, but sometimes, when the visions of that night fade
from the backs of my eyes, only the ache remains, and I stop thinking
about why it hurts. The pain becomes all I know. Dull, throbbing pain
that's always there.
A case of myopia, perhaps.
I get so fixated on why I'm hurting that the thing that caused that
hurt slips from my mind.
To be honest, there's not
much else to do except to fixate on my pain. What else is there for a
prisoner to do? I've fallen from grace.
Just as I forget the
reason for my sorrow at times, at times I also forget just how much I
deserve this sorrow. This is my punishment. This is what I deserve.
Sometimes I forget the
feel of your small hands in mine. Sometimes all I can see are the
ashes and charred remains, not your smiling faces. And sometimes,
when I hear your voices, it's only in the form of screams.
Even now I'm sorry. Even
now I beg for your forgiveness. I wasn't able to save you then, and
now I've become so fixated on my own loss that your light fails to
reach me.