AN: Thanks for the reviews for chapter 1.
The Ultimate Survival Guide
11. There will be no driving motorcycles
An exception will me made if you are wearing:
a. a helmet
b. a leather jacket
c. full body armour
12. Do not fall into the ocean
Invalid excuses include
a. cliff-diving
b. not being careful
- Or a combination of the two.
13. Don't run with sharp objects
a. for obvious reasons
b. in fact, it would be wise not to run at all
14. Don't run with a lollipop in your mouth
- You will stumble, fall down and undoubtedly lodge the lolly in your throat by doing so.
15. Don't draw a lethal vampire's attention to you on purpose
* Trying to save the lives of others is not a valid excuse.
* The idea of you single-handedly defeating a vampire is laughable.
* Any plan that involves you dying is objectionable.
16. Refrain from sticking knifes in the toaster
17. Don't wander through the woods by yourself
- Who would bandage you if you were to hurt yourself again?
18. Don't ever let your guard down around me
- I know you think you can trust me, but I am not quite so convinced of my self-control.
Actions to avoid:
a. exposing your throat
b. injuring yourself
c. seducing me
19. Don't play with fire
a. literally
b. and figuratively
- I have thrown all of your candles out of the window, with good reason. Don't go down to get them.
20. Stop asking every vampire you encounter to change you
They will not be as concerned about your well-being as my family.
a. re-read number 15; option three
b. you will get yourself killed
- If you ask to be changed one more time, I'll be pulling my brains out through my nostrils.
TBC...