Lose Yourself

Well aren't you lucky getting another update :) Thank you to everyone who reviewed and listed this story x

Two Years Later

I woke up sweating bullets, tears streaming down my face. Every morning followed with the same routine of sweat, tears and a sense of dread looming over my shoulders. It never got easy, if anything it only got harder.

I can't remember catching a proper night's sleep in the past two years. Whoever said time heals all wounds was wrong, so very wrong.

Every night my nightmares come back to haunt me and there's nothing I can do about it and no one to talk about it with. Sometimes I see it all flashing in front of me when I'm awake, it eats me up - the guilt, the dread. It's always there.

*Flashback*

I grabbed his wallet and pocketed it, I don't know why I did it, but I just did. I stood up and with one last look towards the lifeless body; I turned away and dragged my feet towards the car. The cold night air was biting at my skin, but all I felt inside was numb.

The door to the car was still open, Leah slid down and I took her earlier seat and sat down staring at Tanya's headrest.

The sound of my heart beating was the only thing I heard, other than that, it was piercingly silent.

"He's dead" I whispered, answering the question they were scared to ask.

The pin dropped and with it the screams and cries followed, but Jess stayed still, not a tear or word from her.

Nothing.

It scared me.

"We need t...to ca...Call an ambulance," Angela stuttered eyes wide.

Leah sagged back in her seat and stared out in to the night sky. "Why? They can't do anything, he's dead. We killed him!" Her words came out harshly, causing Tanya to snap back.

"We? No, no, no! I am not taking the fall for this. Jess was the one driving!" She cried desperately.

All of a sudden, Jessica's hand shot out, grabbing Tanya neck. "You listen to me, all of you!" She hissed, pointing at us. "You are just as much to blame as me. If you dare say anything I'll play dumb and make sure you go down for it!" With that she let go of Tanya, she grasped for air and scurried as far away from Jess as she could.

"Y...you can't d...do that" Angela said through her cries.

Jess punched the wheel, "Oh you want to test that do you? And anyway, hear no evil, see no evil!"

The warning bells in my head were ringing. This is wrong!

Leah bent forward and nodded to herself, "I think she's right. We saw nothing," She shoots a glare in my direction; "We heard nothing and we sure as hell didn't pass in this direction. That's the story!"

And that was that, neither of us said any more and we were on our way back to Forks. It was like nothing happened for Jess. She was twisted, constantly trying to make conversation while the rest of us sat replaying the night's events in our heads.

We arrived back in Forks and my house was the first stop. The porch light was still on, meaning Charlie was awake. Jess stared at me through the mirror. "I meant what I said Bella. Not. A. Word!"

Me being the coward I am, I nodded and got out without a word. My eyes trailed over the car; there was no evidence of what happened besides the scratches on the back. Even they could be easily mistaken for something else. I took my bag out the boot of the trunk and slammed it shut and walked towards my house.

Charlie's a cop, he should have known something was up, but he didn't. Charlie's never been affectionate so when I walked through the door, on the brink of breaking down, he greeted me and went back to his game and that's how it all began.

Over the next few months I found myself withdrawing from everything. I stopped talking to the girls and it was better, this way we didn't have to play the blame game.

Every day I asked myself if it was my fault and every day I felt more and more responsible. What if we had called 911, what if by some miracle he had a second chance?

Stop being ridiculous, my inner self screamed.

I kept the wallet hidden under the floor boards in my room. Taking the wallet had been a stupid decision.

What if his family weren't notified because he had no ID?

What if he had a wife and children who were waiting for his return? I fell in to a deeper state of depression.

I dropped out of college months in to it, my head wasn't in a good place and it probably never would be.

Charlie watched my downward spiral and thought the cause of it was my mother's death. Renee Marie Swan died a year ago of lung cancer - too many cigarettes, dad would say. Mums death hit me hard, but it was nothing compared to the realisation that I was to blame for a death.

I let Charlie think it had something to do with my mother's death. He tried sorting out counselling sessions until he saw how expensive they were.

Charlie buried himself in his work and pretty much forgot he had a daughter at home.

Would it ever get easier? I don't think so...

Did Bella do the right thing by taking the wallet? Review please!