Three Days Earlier

"This seat taken?"

Hiccup looks up at Astrid with almost desperate gratitude. He's been hammering out a peace treaty with the Reprobate Rapscallions for hours, and his head is ringing. Their chief is six-foot-seven with a big booming voice and a modest blond mustache, rather unfortunate in light of that she's a woman. She also has a tendency to look at him intently and tell him just how well-situated Berk is and how Stoick adamantly denied allowing the Rapscallions a foothold on the island just a tiny outpost to conduct trading from. And how unfortunate it is that he passed in such a sad manner, especially since he did so much for the dragons only to have them turn on him…

"Are they gone?" Hiccup asks Astrid urgently. Valka and half the village went to escort them off the island, but their chief laid a strong hand on Hiccup's shoulder and told him to just sit here and finish his drink, sonny. Hiccup doesn't mind the 'sonny'. He's heard worse. And sitting here with a horn of mead or whatever this stuff is beats the pants off spending another moment with the Rapscallions any day of the week.

"Just sailed," Astrid confirms.

"Oh, thank Thor." He drains his horn and lets his head fall to the table with a thunk. "I did not need that."

"They are the ones who need us," Astrid observes, grabbing a flagon of mead and pouring herself a horn. "She was practically drooling over the thought of having an outpost on Berk."

Hiccup shakes his head a fraction. "I do not get how she even thinks I would agree to something like that. I mean, okay, I'm not…" it's still hard to say it nearly a year later, "I'm not Dad, and I can see how she'd think I'm a weaker chief, but this is just insane!"

"You're not a weaker chief."

"This isn't about me, it's how they think about me. You could see the way they looked at the dragons. Like they think they're going to turn on me at any minute and all she needs to do is wait for Toothless or Hookfang or one of the other dragons to take a bite out of my hide, and then—"

"The Rapscallions are a nasty bunch," Gobber cuts in, dropping into the chair on the other side of Hiccup. "Gave Stoick no end of trouble. Would you believe, that woman's predecessor, little weasel, tried to get me to betray Stoick. The nerve of the man!" He smirks. "I told Stoick about it and we handled it. That was fun."

Hiccup and Astrid stare. "What did you do?" Astrid finally ventures.

Gobber side-eyes them. A smile tugs at his cheek. "That would be tellin'."

Hiccup shakes his head. He's starting to feel the pull that tells him he's been away from Toothless too long. One day he's just going to refuse to meet anti-dragon chiefs altogether. It's demeaning to have his friend locked up in the house like some plague, lest he antagonize some idiot who isn't worth the dirt Toothless walks on.

Gobber is still talking to Astrid. "They work by trying to break up winning teams." Hiccup rises slowly, horn still in hand. "That's why they tried to drive a wedge between me and Stoick and jump into the vacuum of power left by…"

Astrid stands. "Gobber, I'm taking him home."

Gobber looks up. Hiccup hasn't thought he looked old in a long time, but now, he looks old and tired. "Go ahead, lass."

"Want to walk with us?" Hiccup feels obligated to ask.

"No, no—GRUMP! Who let you in here?"

Hiccup and Astrid grin as Gobber's lazy Hotburple waddles over to their table and shoves his head under Gobber's hand, demanding to be petted. "Ya lazy lump, ya probably let the fire die down in the forge, didn't ya?" Gobber tries agrowl, before his face melts into pure love and he positively burbles, scratching the dragon and making a fuss of him. "Who's a great fat cuddly lazy lump? Who's a big beautiful boy? Who's a…"

They emerge into the cold night air. "I caught him making blueprints of a scratching hand prosthetic," Hiccup grins to Astrid.

"Grump's a good match for Gobber," Astrid agrees. She shudders. "Did you hear her today, talking about how we should never trust dragons and they'll turn on us?"

Hiccup feels his jaw clench and he looks away. "Yeah."

"Oh, no." Astrid actually stops walking for a minute. "She didn't!"

He moves forward with measured steps. When he speaks, his voice is light. "Ohhhh, yes she did." He figures letting it out may ease the headache that's been forming ever since he sat with the Rapscallion chief. "She even gave me her condolences. Said how sad it was that such a great chief was struck down by…" He feels his voice grow unsteady. "Savage beast, yada yada. Wrong to trust dragons."

"Hiccup," she says softly. "I'm sorry." She curls her arm through his and squeezes. "That was a very chiefly thing to do. I don't think I could sit there and listen if someone trash-talked Stormfly like that."

"Well Stormfly didn't kill your dad," Hiccup says, then stops dead in shock.

Astrid jerks to a halt next to him. "You did not just say that."

Hiccup shakes his head violently. "No, I didn't. I shouldn't. I don't even believe…" He runs a hand over his eyes. "I don't know what came over me." He starts walking again, feeling a little like he's staggering. "'Night, Chief!" Bucket calls as he heads home from the docks, echoed by a few more villagers.

Hiccup returns the greeting. "Mom says it's not his fault."

Astrid walks beside him, letting his words fall into the cold night air and settle. When they're out of earshot, she asks evenly, "And what do you think?"

"Of course it's not his fault! I know that!" Hiccup shakes his head, running a hand through his hair. "But what-ifs can drive you crazy sometimes." She walks by his side, silently listening. "What if he'd tried harder to resist? Would it have made a difference? A half a second would have been enough for Dad to get out of the way of the blast! He'd be alive today!"

"What-ifs can drive you crazy," says Astrid evenly. He doesn't notice her grave tone yet.

"I don't know, Astrid. I trust Toothless, I do, I do! He'd never hurt Dad. He'd never hurt me. I know that." Hiccup shakes his head again. "I know that!" Why is all this coming up now? "It's just that sometimes I…" Hiccup rubs the back of his neck. "Sometimes I can't help remembering." He bows his head. "I can't remember his face. I can't remember anything except—except how he… how he died. Sometimes I'm afraid it's all I'm going to remember of him."

Astrid's eyes are wise. "When you lose someone, it's… okay to think that, Hiccup. When," she swallows, "when my Uncle Finn was killed, all I could see for – years – after that night was how he looked at me. How he died." She draws in a shuddering breath. "He sang to me, he taught me how to use an axe, he told me stories. And for years all I could remember was the way he died." She takes a deep breath. "But then suddenly, it was like a gate opening, and all the memories came back all at once. It'll get better. It will. I promise. But it takes a while. And it hurts." She runs her fingers through his hair, almost-but-not-quite getting started on a new braid. "You'll remember the good times. All of it. But it does stay closed off for years." Her voice is sad. "The heart protecting itself, I guess."

They're at Astrid's now. "It's only a little way to your house. Your mom will probably be waiting up. Should I walk you home?" she asks.

"That would be so great for my manly image," Hiccup smiles.

Astrid grabs the buckle on the chest of his flight suit and pulls him in. "Oh, because you care so much for your manly image."

Hiccup grins, nose-to-nose now. "Do you want me to start acting like Snotlout?"

"Only if you want me to start treating you like Snotlout." Astrid grins and kisses him. "Night, babe."

"G'night, Astrid."

The talk should have made him feel better. He can feel the place in his chest where it should make him feel better. But instead, his heart is strangely heavy as he makes his way to his house.

Valka is waiting for him, already slumped at the kitchen table with one of her herbal teas, venting her disgust at the Rapscallions and everything to do with them to Cloudjumper through the window. They've planned to build an addition that will accommodate the gigantic Stormcutter, but for now he puts his face in the ground-floor window, Valka leaning back against him and running her fingers through the feathery scales on his face. Sitting on the floor by the fire, face against Toothless' scales, Hiccup is glad, not for the first time, that Toothless can fit in the house.

"…always giving trouble. Your father had no end of a job keeping them quiet, and now that we have dragons they're a hundred times worse…" Hiccup droops against Toothless, fatigue taking him. Valka is lucky. At least it isn't her dragon who murdered the mainstay of her family.

Wait, what? He shakes his head. Where is this coming from? Hiccup strokes Toothless' side. He knows it wasn't the dragon's fault. Picking up on his distress, the dragon croons softly, liquid eyes fixed lovingly on Hiccup. A wave of tenderness ripples through Hiccup. "Hey, bud," he murmurs. "It's okay. I'm okay." He skritches Toothless' head, and Toothless makes a low pleased grumbling sound. Where does he get off being happy after he killed Dad? the thought jumps into Hiccup's head.

Hiccup passes a hand over his eyes. "I'm going to bed," he says shortly. "Good night."

Mother and dragon follow him with their eyes as he climbs upstairs to bed.