soft shoulder
Here we go...part 2 of this somewhat interesting little songfic series...are you still there? Oh. You are? Good, I think....this must mean you are at least somewhat interested in whether or not Wuffie will get his man. I don't know yet, to tell you the truth. I'll just play it as it goes along, so watch out. And once again, as much as I want them, my boys are not exactly mine. Just in my own mind. (Bis alert! Miriya is now in insanity mode!) And I swear, I am a huge 2x5 fan!!! I just live for pathos, thus this piece of madness.
As before, ~squiggly lines~ indicate dreams. Such strange things they are...dreams, I mean.
The lyrics, *once again, in italics* are from Soft Shoulder, one of the greatest songs I have ever heard, by the guitar goddess Ani Difranco. She's really something, you know that? Inspiration galore! And the only singer I know (save for maybe Pink Floyd) with as many albums, if not more than REM!
And this time, I would like to personally thank all those people who encourage me to keep writing these twisted little stories...and the gods of anime who created the pawns for me to play with in the first place. Amen...*bow, bow* May the gods bless you all and keep you inspired... And thank you, Beloved Reader, for ingesting this little dream world of mine.
So. On to the show.
~Miriya Valentine, twisted spinner of dark dreams and sad tales~
Oh, yeah. Um, if ya want it, just tell me where it's going, kay? (*thinks* would someone want this?) Warnings...um I'm not sure what you'd call it...this story is absolutely dripping with sentimentality, no citrus whatsoever (*shrinks back* sorry, lemon-heads...later! I promise! *grumbles* that is if someone likes my stuff...), sadness. Lots of sadness. And Hee-sama having a hell of a time making up his mind...I don't think it's that bad, really. Oh, and quick apology--I'm still really new at this, but I promise better will come along later.
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I don't keep much stuff around
I value my portability
but I will say that I have saved
every letter you ever wrote to me...
Heero stood in front of a massive oak-rimmed mirror, deep in the heart of the Peacecraft castle, holding a crumpled and worn piece of paper as if it were a dear friend. The writing, though faded and smudged, was the most important thing he had at this moment. Save, perhaps, for the treasured memory of a braided angel who he'd left behind. He didn't even need to look at the letter, he'd long ago memorized every word, every curve of the elegant script.
1 hour. 60 minutes until he sold his soul. He looked up, empty-eyed, empty-hearted, into the pristine glass, grimacing at the haggard reflection it threw back at him. He'd not been able to sleep, his betrayal had haunted him even in his dreams. Still, reasons unknown to even himself, he stayed here, instead of running back to the one he loved, like his heart constantly begged him.
There was a knock on the door. Heero turned, tenderly folding the battered piece of paper back into its original form, placing in his breast pocket. Close to his heart. Then, with a sigh, he moved across the floor, opening the door to admit Relena's personal butler.
Pargan looked at Heero in mild surprise. The boy looked like he'd received little sleep, but the old man figured it was due to pre-marital jitters. After all, within a few hours, he'd be married to the most powerful girl in the world. He put on his most affable smile, inclining his head slightly to the Japanese boy. "Are you ready, Heero?"
Silently, the dark-haired boy nodded, bowing his head. "I am."
...the one you left on my windshield
outside of that little motel
is in the pocket of my old gig bag
from back when life was more soft shell ...
Heero now sat in an old-fashioned velvet chair, Duo's letter once again in his grasp. He couldn't forget about him, as much as he tried. The memory would never fade, as long as Heero lived, would never dull in the slightest. //So why the hell am I here?// Truthfully, he could not answer himself.
He could already hear the din of the already gathered crowd. Everyone loved Relena, wanted to be there in her moment of glory...everyone but Heero. The formal attire the Sanq Kingdom was stiff and constricting, reminding him of his life to come. Trying to escape, he closed his eyes, remembering one of the happier moments with Duo. It had been something so simple, just the two of them, Duo snuggled close to him, telling him of the life he'd led prior to the great war...but any moment with the braided one was infinitely precious, good times or bad.
Heaving a great sigh, he turned his attention back to the letter, a gentle, sad smile playing across his lips as he looked at the silly drawing Duo had scribbled along with the note. He'd always known how to make Heero smile.
20 minutes.
...letters littered with little lewd pictures
drawn by the ghost of woody guthrie
who would use your big thick hand
just to draw one or two for me...
"Hey, Duo...are you awake?" Wufei Chang kept tired eyes on the road, watching disinterestedly as the thin yellow lines passed beside the car. He'd been driving for a long time, with nothing but the radio and Duo's erratic bouts of chattering. But that was enough for the silent Chinese boy...Duo's presence was more than enough.
The braided boy seemed to slip between moods, one moment cheerful, almost back to normal, then the next moment, especially if a sad song came on the air, contemplative and withdrawn. In the time they'd been traveling, Wufei'd managed to read quite deeply into the other boy's mind, painfully realizing that he would never be whole without Heero. Even at his most cheerful, he knew it was only a shadow of Duo's former self, something to keep him alive. He needed Heero like a drowning man needed air, and Wufei would never be able to take his place, even had he the chance.
The Chinese boy brushed a strand of raven hair back behind his ear. That was the painful truth of reality.
"I'm still here, Wu-man...what's on your mind?" The violet eyed boy whispered, floating somewhere between the two extremes.
//You.// "Not much, Duo. We should be there by tomorrow." Wufei replied guardedly, keeping his eyes from straying to his companion. He knew he should begin the process of rebuilding the walls around his heart now, but didn't have the energy to even attempt such a monumental battle with himself. It was easier just to let the pain fill him, wash over him like a tidal wave.
"I don't think it will be in time."
Wufei sighed softly, gripping the wheel more firmly, as if for support. "It doesn't matter. Time has no meaning." //Time is everything...my time here with you...too short, even if for eternity...//
...I think of your letters as love letters
which is how I think of songs
in that it is the writing of them
that tends to carry us along...
"It's time." Pargan's voice was gentle, bringing the Japanese boy from his far-away reverie. Somehow, the old man realized that it wasn't jitters at all. He wondered if this was the right decision...the boy hadn't the heart for what was going to happen...
Without a word, Heero stood, tucking away a folded piece of paper. "Thank you."
And then, the old man escorted the boy to his place, feeling suddenly weary. The crowd, the lights seemed at once too much, too bright. But there was no turning back now. Today was the day. The little girl he'd raised was growing up, much too quickly, and today she was going to give herself completely to this boy, who stood here completely expressionless. Serene. As if about to be sacrificed, thrown to the wolves.
Heero stood at the end of the aisle, looking out over the multitude of people gathered for this day. He felt suddenly dizzy, nodding to one girl who waved at him, recognizing her from one of the schools he'd attended. There were so many people there, each a part of this girl's life, nameless faces that he'd encountered in his life. That he would encounter again, in this new life he was about to begin.
A sudden hush, then the collective intake of breath as Relena stepped through a door, arms linked with her oldest friend and guardian. She was absolutely radiant, dressed as a true queen would, focused completely on the boy she was to marry. But Heero could not see, his mind was spinning another vision, one with darker hair and an irrepressible smile that gave him life. //What the hell is going on?//
The girl seemed to glide up the aisle, Heero linking arms with her for the final stretch, movements automaton. But that held no meaning for the child of the Peacecrafts, she knew that he'd change in time. //All I need is time, Heero...you'll see...//
The priest looked the couple over, thumbing open the small book in his withered hands. Something didn't seem quite right, there was no joy, nothing even remotely close to happiness in the boy's expression. No emotion at all. He'd heard the story of the legendary Heero Yuy, and wondered if this was the way he would be forever, even at this exuberant girl's side. He made no words of it, however, and simply began reciting the sacred passages that would seal the two together for as long as forever was, however long that was anymore.
Heero could only hear a dull buzz of the old man's voice, his mind was once again weaving another dream even as he stood before the alter.
~ "I do." the words were completely mechanical, as if forced from his lips. Heero turned to look at his bride, watching her face impassively as she leaned toward him, their lips meeting, sealing the hallowed rite. He felt as if he was suffocating in the gesture, but endured silently.
"It's done, Heero." she whispered, a radiant smile on her face. He nodded.
He led her out onto the dance floor, as tradition demanded, taking her in his arms. All around them, people watched, the orchestra striking up a cheerful tune. With shock, he realized it was the one Duo had often listened to, sometimes coaxing Heero away from the laptop to dance with him.
The crowd revolved around them in time with the music, and Heero looked past her shoulder to the faceless people, every move precise. In a flurry of motion, partners were switched, Heero acquiescing his bride to one of the faceless individuals that whirled around them. Then, with mild curiosity, he looked down at his new partner.
Sparkling amaryllis eyes smiled up at him, framed by rich chestnut. Duo.
Heero embraced him tightly, burying his head in the other boy's long mane. "Gods...Duo, I'm so sorry...forgive me..."
Still smiling brilliantly, he faded from Heero's embrace...
He stood alone on the dance floor, a sense of loneliness threatening to consume him. "Duo!"
There was no answer.~
...and I danced to tone of your old tunes
with my true love on our wedding day...
Heero started, glancing at his side in horror. There was no way out...was there? He suddenly stepped back, as if just realizing the magnitude of this event.
"Heero?" Relena asked softly, glancing worriedly at him.
"Relena...I'm sorry. I can't do this." His voice was distant, hardly comprehending her at all. One face, one person in his mind.... He turned and stumbled down the aisle, ignoring the startled murmur of the crowd, the bright lights of the cameras as they documented his retreat from the shocked girl who stood numbly, still in place. //Tell me this isn't happening! Gods, Heero...don't go...//
He didn't look back. //Duo! I'm coming for you!//
It was almost dark. Wufei rubbed at his eyes in a state of mild exhaustion, listening as another song came on the radio. Duo had been quiet for quite a while, though he was still not asleep. "Hey, Wu-man...you ever heard this song before?"
"No." The tune was soft, a soft alto singing with noticeable emotion.
"It's one of my favorites," came a soft reply, and Duo began to sing quietly along with the radio. Wufei listened, more to the gentle tenor than the singer herself, and could feel the heavy strain of the lyric's impact on his soul. //So tragic...just like your situation.//
"I've a lack of inhibition, I've had a loss of perspective,
I've had a little bit to drink, and it's making me think
That I can jump ship and swim, that the ocean will hold me
Cos there's got to be more than this boat I'm in..."
"Hai," Wufei breathed, "so true..."
...and your voice sang the way my heart would sing
if it finally knew just what to say...
"They can call me crazy if I fail, all the chance that I need
Is one in a million, they can call me brilliant, if I succeed,
Gravity's nothing to me, moving at the speed of sound,
I'm gonna get my feet wet until I drown..."
Duo seemed to choked up to continue, and Wufei made no comment. He himself felt the sadness flow over him as the song sank in, marveling at how a simple piece of music could play with emotions in such a profound way. It seemed to fit the occasion, and that alone, that someone would be able to describe such intense pain in this way, was devastation in itself. //No one should ever go through this...//
And in silence, Wufei drove on, allowing Duo to go on unsuspecting. Within the course of an hour, Duo was asleep, his soft, steady breathing a comfort to the sad Chinese boy, perhaps the one who loved him more than anyone else. The silent watcher, the braided boy's protector, under the mask of close friend...Duo would never know.
Hours later, Wufei finally looked at the clock on the dashboard. 12:24 am, and still far from their destination. He was suddenly startled by Duo's soft voice. "Wu-man...could ya stop for a while? I mean, so we can stretch or something? I'm really tired, and I can just imagine how you feel."
"Alright." The Chinese pilot pulled over on the side of the road, turning off everything but the radio. He quietly stepped out of the car, stretching, then sitting on the hood. Duo also got out, every moon-kissed move followed by Wufei's watchful onyx gaze.
He stretched languorously, looking all too ethereal in the soft moonlight. To Wufei, it wasn't hard to imagine angel wings unfurling from the smaller boy's back-iridescent white wings spreading out to engulf the chasm-rift distance between them. To reach out and touch them...
Duo turned, joining his raven-haired friend on the hood. He lay back against the still-warm metal, head resting on his folded arms, the brilliant violet eyes hidden by long-lashed eyelids. Wufei gazed in silent contemplation at the other boy, the vision of downy wings still fresh in his mind's eye. That faraway dream where there was no pain, and he could be the one to comfort the young angel...
"Heero and I used to go out and look up at the stars all night...back then," the braided boy said softly, opening his eyes to look at Wufei. To him, it seemed the whole universe was reflected in those bright violet eyes, huge...and tragically empty. A broken universe, looking for completion, begging for that which would make it whole again. That dream faded slowly, graying until there was only the dark angel before him, so close, yet so inconceivably far away. //Fate is a cruel thing...// "They seem so different from here. Like they're messed up somehow...I don't know why." Duo's voice was thoughtful as he returned his gaze to the sparkling cosmos above.
"Because we're so far away from home." Wufei replied, the scholarly tone creeping into the Chinese boy's soft tenor. //Indeed...so far away...//
...two people pulled over on the same night
to look up at the same stars
they both found their wheels were spinning in a soft shoulder
when they both got back into their cars ...
Duo smiled slightly. "I guess you're right, Wufei," he whispered. "It'll be nice when we get back, won't it?"
He didn't see the slight misting of velvet onyx eyes, didn't feel the heated pain smoldering, burning the edges of the other boy's mind. "It'll be great, Duo." He'd long ago dropped the old 'Maxwell' he'd so frequently used to address the braided boy. Part of him was dying, so slowly, so painfully...
He laid back as well, his shoulder brushing the bent elbow of his companion. The stars did seem strange here, and he saw why Duo insisted they were out of place.
The soft strains of a song came on the radio, and both boys listened in silence as a singer told the tragic tale of unrequited love, the agonizing pain of greatest loss. There seemed to be nothing more to say, perhaps both were fearing to break the strange barrier between them that had been erected, one knowing neither how or why. But he took it in stride, knowing Wufei was not the most talkative person. And he understood, to the best of his knowledge-completely unaware of the agony the Chinese was bearing for him.
Wufei fought his feelings desperately, praying that he'd have the strength to continue to wear his mask of simple concern. It was the only way to survive this intense pain. But the battle was a losing one, he was too weary to fight much longer...
...and they missed fate's appointed rendezvous
and then a whole lotta time went by...
From his side, a pale, slender arm reached out, long fingers extended out towards the starry sky above, blotting out the full moon with a fingertip. "I kinda wish I could touch 'em," the quiet tenor spoke, closing his eyes with a soft sigh. "They look so far away. It was fun being out among them, up in space, don't you think, Wufei?"
The Chinese boy was surprised that his companion had dropped the usual "Wu-man" name he proclaimed to hate so badly, actually using his full name. He smiled slightly at this small concession. "We were always fighting in space, Duo," he muttered, studying the stars above.
"But-"
"Yes, it was nice being up there."
Duo sighed inaudibly. Wufei had always held a special place in Duo's heart, and Duo knew he always would. He'd long ago fallen for the silent warrior's infallible strength and courage, and chased him until he realized that Wufei would never love him back. And so, he'd formed a relationship with Heero, and had found true happiness. Or so he'd thought. He looked back on his memories, knowing the very gesture of chasing Heero proved the Chinese wanted nothing more than friendship. He absently wondered what would have been if he'd said something, disclosing his true feelings with Wufei before he'd loved Heero. But he'd never know, now. It was much too late for that.
As he lowered his hand, Duo turned to glance at his companion, surprised to see two shining onyx orbs mirroring his reflection back at him. He smiled slightly at the other boy, the expression one of camaraderie and promise.
...and then one day they were done worshipping the landscape
and they just put down their hands and moved into the sky...
Promise that he'd be happy one day again. Wufei swallowed hard, giving Duo a weak smile in return. //He looks so beautiful when he smiles...//
Both boys looked at each other for a while, each wondering what the other was thinking. There was a peculiar sort of peace that hovered protectively over the pair, allowing each to see inside the other, though both of them brushed such insight off as mere fantasy.
Wufei was the first to break the silence, made uncomfortable by the strange calm. He sat up, rubbing his temples, wishing for the strength to keep going. Duo seemed to feel better, though, and that gave him at least a little peace of mind. "We need to get going, Duo," he whispered, eyes still focused on his violet-eyed companion.
The sadness in Duo's heart was well hidden as he relinquished his position on the hood. //I guess I'll always wonder...// "I guess...let's head out, ne?"
There was no reply from the raven-haired boy, only a nod as he opened the door. Duo climbed into the car, and smiled at the stars. //It won't be long, now...//
Wufei pulled back onto the deserted highway, turning on the headlights to light the way. It was already past one, and he wanted to get to the next town, find a hotel, and get at least a little sleep before heading out on the last leg of their journey. It was getting even harder to continue like this...
...they had barely said hello then it was time to say goodbye...
~fin~
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And so ends part 2 of this delightful little series. I'm really sorry about this, folks, but I had to. If it makes you feel better, 2x5ers, I'm crying as I finish this. I've written some really sad shit before, death and loss and tragedy in general, but this one really strikes a chord with me.
miriya: *hugs wufei* I'm so sorry!!!
wufei: then why did you do it? It could have gone either way!
duo: *sniffs* but I don't even like Hee-chan! He's mean! *looks at miriya imploringly*
miriya: *wipes eyes* I swear I'll never do it again...
duo: *nods* okay, if you promise...
Excuse me, conversing with my boys...but as I was saying, I'm not the happy-ending kind of person so I had to do it this way. Don't hate me! (Wufei is glaring at me right now, and Duo is holding a scythe to my muse's throat in a rather threatening fashion.) But if you're not fond of this--have no fear! Only one more part until it's over!
And if you were wondering, the song that came on the radio that Duo was singing with was none other than Swan Dive, also by Ani Difranco. I consider this my anthem, in a way, and it wanted to be heard in this story, so I obliged. And Wufei is right, it is *really* sad, one of the saddest songs I have ever heard in my life.
Once again, questions, criticisms, comments, and cookie-recipes are begged of you. *imploring anime eyes* Please??? I have no life, so this is of high interest to me. Thank you for reading this, too, by the way--I just thought I should say...
And so, beloved reader, tune in next time for part 3...Providence. Good day/night/morning, and Shinigami keep you safe.
Miriya Valentine
miriya_valentine@hotmail.com
Here we go...part 2 of this somewhat interesting little songfic series...are you still there? Oh. You are? Good, I think....this must mean you are at least somewhat interested in whether or not Wuffie will get his man. I don't know yet, to tell you the truth. I'll just play it as it goes along, so watch out. And once again, as much as I want them, my boys are not exactly mine. Just in my own mind. (Bis alert! Miriya is now in insanity mode!) And I swear, I am a huge 2x5 fan!!! I just live for pathos, thus this piece of madness.
As before, ~squiggly lines~ indicate dreams. Such strange things they are...dreams, I mean.
The lyrics, *once again, in italics* are from Soft Shoulder, one of the greatest songs I have ever heard, by the guitar goddess Ani Difranco. She's really something, you know that? Inspiration galore! And the only singer I know (save for maybe Pink Floyd) with as many albums, if not more than REM!
And this time, I would like to personally thank all those people who encourage me to keep writing these twisted little stories...and the gods of anime who created the pawns for me to play with in the first place. Amen...*bow, bow* May the gods bless you all and keep you inspired... And thank you, Beloved Reader, for ingesting this little dream world of mine.
So. On to the show.
~Miriya Valentine, twisted spinner of dark dreams and sad tales~
Oh, yeah. Um, if ya want it, just tell me where it's going, kay? (*thinks* would someone want this?) Warnings...um I'm not sure what you'd call it...this story is absolutely dripping with sentimentality, no citrus whatsoever (*shrinks back* sorry, lemon-heads...later! I promise! *grumbles* that is if someone likes my stuff...), sadness. Lots of sadness. And Hee-sama having a hell of a time making up his mind...I don't think it's that bad, really. Oh, and quick apology--I'm still really new at this, but I promise better will come along later.
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I don't keep much stuff around
I value my portability
but I will say that I have saved
every letter you ever wrote to me...
Heero stood in front of a massive oak-rimmed mirror, deep in the heart of the Peacecraft castle, holding a crumpled and worn piece of paper as if it were a dear friend. The writing, though faded and smudged, was the most important thing he had at this moment. Save, perhaps, for the treasured memory of a braided angel who he'd left behind. He didn't even need to look at the letter, he'd long ago memorized every word, every curve of the elegant script.
1 hour. 60 minutes until he sold his soul. He looked up, empty-eyed, empty-hearted, into the pristine glass, grimacing at the haggard reflection it threw back at him. He'd not been able to sleep, his betrayal had haunted him even in his dreams. Still, reasons unknown to even himself, he stayed here, instead of running back to the one he loved, like his heart constantly begged him.
There was a knock on the door. Heero turned, tenderly folding the battered piece of paper back into its original form, placing in his breast pocket. Close to his heart. Then, with a sigh, he moved across the floor, opening the door to admit Relena's personal butler.
Pargan looked at Heero in mild surprise. The boy looked like he'd received little sleep, but the old man figured it was due to pre-marital jitters. After all, within a few hours, he'd be married to the most powerful girl in the world. He put on his most affable smile, inclining his head slightly to the Japanese boy. "Are you ready, Heero?"
Silently, the dark-haired boy nodded, bowing his head. "I am."
...the one you left on my windshield
outside of that little motel
is in the pocket of my old gig bag
from back when life was more soft shell ...
Heero now sat in an old-fashioned velvet chair, Duo's letter once again in his grasp. He couldn't forget about him, as much as he tried. The memory would never fade, as long as Heero lived, would never dull in the slightest. //So why the hell am I here?// Truthfully, he could not answer himself.
He could already hear the din of the already gathered crowd. Everyone loved Relena, wanted to be there in her moment of glory...everyone but Heero. The formal attire the Sanq Kingdom was stiff and constricting, reminding him of his life to come. Trying to escape, he closed his eyes, remembering one of the happier moments with Duo. It had been something so simple, just the two of them, Duo snuggled close to him, telling him of the life he'd led prior to the great war...but any moment with the braided one was infinitely precious, good times or bad.
Heaving a great sigh, he turned his attention back to the letter, a gentle, sad smile playing across his lips as he looked at the silly drawing Duo had scribbled along with the note. He'd always known how to make Heero smile.
20 minutes.
...letters littered with little lewd pictures
drawn by the ghost of woody guthrie
who would use your big thick hand
just to draw one or two for me...
"Hey, Duo...are you awake?" Wufei Chang kept tired eyes on the road, watching disinterestedly as the thin yellow lines passed beside the car. He'd been driving for a long time, with nothing but the radio and Duo's erratic bouts of chattering. But that was enough for the silent Chinese boy...Duo's presence was more than enough.
The braided boy seemed to slip between moods, one moment cheerful, almost back to normal, then the next moment, especially if a sad song came on the air, contemplative and withdrawn. In the time they'd been traveling, Wufei'd managed to read quite deeply into the other boy's mind, painfully realizing that he would never be whole without Heero. Even at his most cheerful, he knew it was only a shadow of Duo's former self, something to keep him alive. He needed Heero like a drowning man needed air, and Wufei would never be able to take his place, even had he the chance.
The Chinese boy brushed a strand of raven hair back behind his ear. That was the painful truth of reality.
"I'm still here, Wu-man...what's on your mind?" The violet eyed boy whispered, floating somewhere between the two extremes.
//You.// "Not much, Duo. We should be there by tomorrow." Wufei replied guardedly, keeping his eyes from straying to his companion. He knew he should begin the process of rebuilding the walls around his heart now, but didn't have the energy to even attempt such a monumental battle with himself. It was easier just to let the pain fill him, wash over him like a tidal wave.
"I don't think it will be in time."
Wufei sighed softly, gripping the wheel more firmly, as if for support. "It doesn't matter. Time has no meaning." //Time is everything...my time here with you...too short, even if for eternity...//
...I think of your letters as love letters
which is how I think of songs
in that it is the writing of them
that tends to carry us along...
"It's time." Pargan's voice was gentle, bringing the Japanese boy from his far-away reverie. Somehow, the old man realized that it wasn't jitters at all. He wondered if this was the right decision...the boy hadn't the heart for what was going to happen...
Without a word, Heero stood, tucking away a folded piece of paper. "Thank you."
And then, the old man escorted the boy to his place, feeling suddenly weary. The crowd, the lights seemed at once too much, too bright. But there was no turning back now. Today was the day. The little girl he'd raised was growing up, much too quickly, and today she was going to give herself completely to this boy, who stood here completely expressionless. Serene. As if about to be sacrificed, thrown to the wolves.
Heero stood at the end of the aisle, looking out over the multitude of people gathered for this day. He felt suddenly dizzy, nodding to one girl who waved at him, recognizing her from one of the schools he'd attended. There were so many people there, each a part of this girl's life, nameless faces that he'd encountered in his life. That he would encounter again, in this new life he was about to begin.
A sudden hush, then the collective intake of breath as Relena stepped through a door, arms linked with her oldest friend and guardian. She was absolutely radiant, dressed as a true queen would, focused completely on the boy she was to marry. But Heero could not see, his mind was spinning another vision, one with darker hair and an irrepressible smile that gave him life. //What the hell is going on?//
The girl seemed to glide up the aisle, Heero linking arms with her for the final stretch, movements automaton. But that held no meaning for the child of the Peacecrafts, she knew that he'd change in time. //All I need is time, Heero...you'll see...//
The priest looked the couple over, thumbing open the small book in his withered hands. Something didn't seem quite right, there was no joy, nothing even remotely close to happiness in the boy's expression. No emotion at all. He'd heard the story of the legendary Heero Yuy, and wondered if this was the way he would be forever, even at this exuberant girl's side. He made no words of it, however, and simply began reciting the sacred passages that would seal the two together for as long as forever was, however long that was anymore.
Heero could only hear a dull buzz of the old man's voice, his mind was once again weaving another dream even as he stood before the alter.
~ "I do." the words were completely mechanical, as if forced from his lips. Heero turned to look at his bride, watching her face impassively as she leaned toward him, their lips meeting, sealing the hallowed rite. He felt as if he was suffocating in the gesture, but endured silently.
"It's done, Heero." she whispered, a radiant smile on her face. He nodded.
He led her out onto the dance floor, as tradition demanded, taking her in his arms. All around them, people watched, the orchestra striking up a cheerful tune. With shock, he realized it was the one Duo had often listened to, sometimes coaxing Heero away from the laptop to dance with him.
The crowd revolved around them in time with the music, and Heero looked past her shoulder to the faceless people, every move precise. In a flurry of motion, partners were switched, Heero acquiescing his bride to one of the faceless individuals that whirled around them. Then, with mild curiosity, he looked down at his new partner.
Sparkling amaryllis eyes smiled up at him, framed by rich chestnut. Duo.
Heero embraced him tightly, burying his head in the other boy's long mane. "Gods...Duo, I'm so sorry...forgive me..."
Still smiling brilliantly, he faded from Heero's embrace...
He stood alone on the dance floor, a sense of loneliness threatening to consume him. "Duo!"
There was no answer.~
...and I danced to tone of your old tunes
with my true love on our wedding day...
Heero started, glancing at his side in horror. There was no way out...was there? He suddenly stepped back, as if just realizing the magnitude of this event.
"Heero?" Relena asked softly, glancing worriedly at him.
"Relena...I'm sorry. I can't do this." His voice was distant, hardly comprehending her at all. One face, one person in his mind.... He turned and stumbled down the aisle, ignoring the startled murmur of the crowd, the bright lights of the cameras as they documented his retreat from the shocked girl who stood numbly, still in place. //Tell me this isn't happening! Gods, Heero...don't go...//
He didn't look back. //Duo! I'm coming for you!//
It was almost dark. Wufei rubbed at his eyes in a state of mild exhaustion, listening as another song came on the radio. Duo had been quiet for quite a while, though he was still not asleep. "Hey, Wu-man...you ever heard this song before?"
"No." The tune was soft, a soft alto singing with noticeable emotion.
"It's one of my favorites," came a soft reply, and Duo began to sing quietly along with the radio. Wufei listened, more to the gentle tenor than the singer herself, and could feel the heavy strain of the lyric's impact on his soul. //So tragic...just like your situation.//
"I've a lack of inhibition, I've had a loss of perspective,
I've had a little bit to drink, and it's making me think
That I can jump ship and swim, that the ocean will hold me
Cos there's got to be more than this boat I'm in..."
"Hai," Wufei breathed, "so true..."
...and your voice sang the way my heart would sing
if it finally knew just what to say...
"They can call me crazy if I fail, all the chance that I need
Is one in a million, they can call me brilliant, if I succeed,
Gravity's nothing to me, moving at the speed of sound,
I'm gonna get my feet wet until I drown..."
Duo seemed to choked up to continue, and Wufei made no comment. He himself felt the sadness flow over him as the song sank in, marveling at how a simple piece of music could play with emotions in such a profound way. It seemed to fit the occasion, and that alone, that someone would be able to describe such intense pain in this way, was devastation in itself. //No one should ever go through this...//
And in silence, Wufei drove on, allowing Duo to go on unsuspecting. Within the course of an hour, Duo was asleep, his soft, steady breathing a comfort to the sad Chinese boy, perhaps the one who loved him more than anyone else. The silent watcher, the braided boy's protector, under the mask of close friend...Duo would never know.
Hours later, Wufei finally looked at the clock on the dashboard. 12:24 am, and still far from their destination. He was suddenly startled by Duo's soft voice. "Wu-man...could ya stop for a while? I mean, so we can stretch or something? I'm really tired, and I can just imagine how you feel."
"Alright." The Chinese pilot pulled over on the side of the road, turning off everything but the radio. He quietly stepped out of the car, stretching, then sitting on the hood. Duo also got out, every moon-kissed move followed by Wufei's watchful onyx gaze.
He stretched languorously, looking all too ethereal in the soft moonlight. To Wufei, it wasn't hard to imagine angel wings unfurling from the smaller boy's back-iridescent white wings spreading out to engulf the chasm-rift distance between them. To reach out and touch them...
Duo turned, joining his raven-haired friend on the hood. He lay back against the still-warm metal, head resting on his folded arms, the brilliant violet eyes hidden by long-lashed eyelids. Wufei gazed in silent contemplation at the other boy, the vision of downy wings still fresh in his mind's eye. That faraway dream where there was no pain, and he could be the one to comfort the young angel...
"Heero and I used to go out and look up at the stars all night...back then," the braided boy said softly, opening his eyes to look at Wufei. To him, it seemed the whole universe was reflected in those bright violet eyes, huge...and tragically empty. A broken universe, looking for completion, begging for that which would make it whole again. That dream faded slowly, graying until there was only the dark angel before him, so close, yet so inconceivably far away. //Fate is a cruel thing...// "They seem so different from here. Like they're messed up somehow...I don't know why." Duo's voice was thoughtful as he returned his gaze to the sparkling cosmos above.
"Because we're so far away from home." Wufei replied, the scholarly tone creeping into the Chinese boy's soft tenor. //Indeed...so far away...//
...two people pulled over on the same night
to look up at the same stars
they both found their wheels were spinning in a soft shoulder
when they both got back into their cars ...
Duo smiled slightly. "I guess you're right, Wufei," he whispered. "It'll be nice when we get back, won't it?"
He didn't see the slight misting of velvet onyx eyes, didn't feel the heated pain smoldering, burning the edges of the other boy's mind. "It'll be great, Duo." He'd long ago dropped the old 'Maxwell' he'd so frequently used to address the braided boy. Part of him was dying, so slowly, so painfully...
He laid back as well, his shoulder brushing the bent elbow of his companion. The stars did seem strange here, and he saw why Duo insisted they were out of place.
The soft strains of a song came on the radio, and both boys listened in silence as a singer told the tragic tale of unrequited love, the agonizing pain of greatest loss. There seemed to be nothing more to say, perhaps both were fearing to break the strange barrier between them that had been erected, one knowing neither how or why. But he took it in stride, knowing Wufei was not the most talkative person. And he understood, to the best of his knowledge-completely unaware of the agony the Chinese was bearing for him.
Wufei fought his feelings desperately, praying that he'd have the strength to continue to wear his mask of simple concern. It was the only way to survive this intense pain. But the battle was a losing one, he was too weary to fight much longer...
...and they missed fate's appointed rendezvous
and then a whole lotta time went by...
From his side, a pale, slender arm reached out, long fingers extended out towards the starry sky above, blotting out the full moon with a fingertip. "I kinda wish I could touch 'em," the quiet tenor spoke, closing his eyes with a soft sigh. "They look so far away. It was fun being out among them, up in space, don't you think, Wufei?"
The Chinese boy was surprised that his companion had dropped the usual "Wu-man" name he proclaimed to hate so badly, actually using his full name. He smiled slightly at this small concession. "We were always fighting in space, Duo," he muttered, studying the stars above.
"But-"
"Yes, it was nice being up there."
Duo sighed inaudibly. Wufei had always held a special place in Duo's heart, and Duo knew he always would. He'd long ago fallen for the silent warrior's infallible strength and courage, and chased him until he realized that Wufei would never love him back. And so, he'd formed a relationship with Heero, and had found true happiness. Or so he'd thought. He looked back on his memories, knowing the very gesture of chasing Heero proved the Chinese wanted nothing more than friendship. He absently wondered what would have been if he'd said something, disclosing his true feelings with Wufei before he'd loved Heero. But he'd never know, now. It was much too late for that.
As he lowered his hand, Duo turned to glance at his companion, surprised to see two shining onyx orbs mirroring his reflection back at him. He smiled slightly at the other boy, the expression one of camaraderie and promise.
...and then one day they were done worshipping the landscape
and they just put down their hands and moved into the sky...
Promise that he'd be happy one day again. Wufei swallowed hard, giving Duo a weak smile in return. //He looks so beautiful when he smiles...//
Both boys looked at each other for a while, each wondering what the other was thinking. There was a peculiar sort of peace that hovered protectively over the pair, allowing each to see inside the other, though both of them brushed such insight off as mere fantasy.
Wufei was the first to break the silence, made uncomfortable by the strange calm. He sat up, rubbing his temples, wishing for the strength to keep going. Duo seemed to feel better, though, and that gave him at least a little peace of mind. "We need to get going, Duo," he whispered, eyes still focused on his violet-eyed companion.
The sadness in Duo's heart was well hidden as he relinquished his position on the hood. //I guess I'll always wonder...// "I guess...let's head out, ne?"
There was no reply from the raven-haired boy, only a nod as he opened the door. Duo climbed into the car, and smiled at the stars. //It won't be long, now...//
Wufei pulled back onto the deserted highway, turning on the headlights to light the way. It was already past one, and he wanted to get to the next town, find a hotel, and get at least a little sleep before heading out on the last leg of their journey. It was getting even harder to continue like this...
...they had barely said hello then it was time to say goodbye...
~fin~
******************
And so ends part 2 of this delightful little series. I'm really sorry about this, folks, but I had to. If it makes you feel better, 2x5ers, I'm crying as I finish this. I've written some really sad shit before, death and loss and tragedy in general, but this one really strikes a chord with me.
miriya: *hugs wufei* I'm so sorry!!!
wufei: then why did you do it? It could have gone either way!
duo: *sniffs* but I don't even like Hee-chan! He's mean! *looks at miriya imploringly*
miriya: *wipes eyes* I swear I'll never do it again...
duo: *nods* okay, if you promise...
Excuse me, conversing with my boys...but as I was saying, I'm not the happy-ending kind of person so I had to do it this way. Don't hate me! (Wufei is glaring at me right now, and Duo is holding a scythe to my muse's throat in a rather threatening fashion.) But if you're not fond of this--have no fear! Only one more part until it's over!
And if you were wondering, the song that came on the radio that Duo was singing with was none other than Swan Dive, also by Ani Difranco. I consider this my anthem, in a way, and it wanted to be heard in this story, so I obliged. And Wufei is right, it is *really* sad, one of the saddest songs I have ever heard in my life.
Once again, questions, criticisms, comments, and cookie-recipes are begged of you. *imploring anime eyes* Please??? I have no life, so this is of high interest to me. Thank you for reading this, too, by the way--I just thought I should say...
And so, beloved reader, tune in next time for part 3...Providence. Good day/night/morning, and Shinigami keep you safe.
Miriya Valentine
miriya_valentine@hotmail.com