Kingdom Hearts: Bloopers
Intro: (shivers and sips from cup of hot cocoa) Goddamn weather…stopped me from updating around the holidays, stopped me from doing anything for the holidays on FanFic. (growls deep in throat) So then, I suppose I have to write a normal chapter for you guys. No special Christmas stuff, maybe at the end of this year. (shrugs) Anyhoo, enjoy!
WARNING: Lotsa character bashing in this chapter. And there's a few references to Vampire Knight as well. And fans of the Gullwings might wanna skip the Gullwing blooper.
Disclaimer: Don't sue me, I'm funny.
Chapter Two
Attack of the Fans
-Scene with Seifer in KH2-
"You're the only ones who'd take it, ya know?" declared Rai, putting his fists onto his hips.
"Oh yeah?" retorted Hayner.
"Nice comeback there, blackie," taunted Seifer, coming around the corner.
"Err…I'm blond," Hayner said.
Seifer made a U-turn and left the sandlot.
BlueFox: (points) He admits it!
Take 2
"You're the only ones who'd take it, ya know?"
"Oh yeah?"
"Nice comeback there, Zell."
O_o went Hayner. "I'm not Zell."
"Then why the hell do you have that gay-ass tattoo on your face?" asked Seifer, trying not to laugh.
BlueFox: Such words, Seifer.
"It's not a gay-ass tattoo!" argued Hayner, self-consciously covering the tattoo. "It wasn't my idea."
"Then whose was it?"
Hayner's eyes slipped to BlueFox, which caused everyone to look at her.
BlueFox: . . What are you talking about? I had nothing to do with this.
"Suuure you didn't," agreed Roxas disbelievingly. "Just like Cloud's hair going pink wasn't your fault."
Tetsuya: (buries face in hands) Let's just…pick this up tomorrow. Hayner, go get that gay-ass tattoo off your face.
Take 3
"You're the only ones who'd take it, ya know?"
"Oh yeah?"
"Nice comeback there, Loz."
"Wha?" Seifer held up a mirror for Hayner to look through, only to see himself with silver hair.
"DAMMIT!"
Take 4
"You're the only ones who'd take it, ya know?"
"Oh yeah?"
"Nice comeback there, Zero." This time, Hayner had silver hair that wasn't sticking up, silver eyes, and a black tattoo on the side of his neck. His eye started to twitch spasmodically as he looked at BlueFox.
BlueFox: Erm… (hides tattoo needle behind back)
Tetsuya: (sighs)
(Offstage)
Riku, Kadaj, Loz, Yazoo, Sephiroth, Kuja, Ansem, Xemnas, and Ultimecia (and any other silver-haired being from FF & KH I forgot) were all grouped together. Riku was the first to see Zer-er, Hayner, walk by.
"Love the hair, Hayner," he taunted.
"(Censored) you, Riku. (Censored) you."
-Mickey's Entrance in KH2-
Sora collapsed against Donald and Goofy as more of those strange white things attacked. He held up the Kingdom Key in a futile defense, and then the enemy was gone.
A strange buzzing sound filled the air and some weird little…thing…figure, it, whatever it was, flipped around, making strange yelling sounds as it killed all of the white enemies, and then ended with his green weapon thing extended out beside him.
Sora leaned forward and reached out to poke the mysterious being. "You aren't Mickey…"
Donald and Goofy jumped him. "OMFG! It's YODA!"
Jedi Master Yoda turned to Donald and Goofy, putting away his lightsaber. "Strong these things seem to be." And then he tossed Donald some kind of pack and ran off.
Tetsuya: Chaos, mind telling me where Mickey went?
Chaos: Erm… He's, really, really, really, really, … … …sick?
Tetsuya: He quit didn't he?
AC: That's putting it a bit harshly…but yeah.
Tetsuya: …
-Axel's Entrance, Re: CoM-
"HELLO!" cried Axel as he came onto the scene, winking and pointing at the screen.
There was a slight wind by where AC and BlueFox had been sitting on either side of Tetsuya, and he blinked a bit, before following the smoke trail to where the two had gone.
BlueFox & AC: (squeal) AXEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLL! YOU'RE ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVVVVVE!
Tetsuya: The remake was a bad idea, wasn't it?
-Scene w/ Leon and Yuffie in KH1-
"Now you're, you're gonna…" Sora passed out, and Leon got up.
"Looks like you're losing your touch, there," Yuffie grinned and said smartly, "Leon."
"That's Squall… Waaaaiiiit."
Tetsuya: YUFFIE!…
-Leon's Entrance, Re: CoM-
So, Leon's lines came onto the screen, and BlueFox had been duct taped to her director's chair. AC's gone home. Even so, Tetsuya's getting a bit weirded out with the drooling fangirl beside him.
Sora turns, and instead of saying Leon, he says, "Kaname Kuran?"
…
…
…
"No, Sora, I'm Leon."
"No, he's Squall!"
Leon spun around and started to stomp offstage. "YUFFIE!… you know I'm Leon in KH!"
"I know, I know."
"Then why do you call me Squall?"
"'Cuz it's fuuuuuuuuuuun."
Tetsuya: Why did I agree to this…?
BlueFox: (shrugs)
Tetsuya: And who the hell is Kaname Kuran?
(An army of Vampire Knight fangirls invaded the set of Re: Chain of Memories, and we apologize for the delay in the release of the game. The director was recovering in the hospital and didn't trust me enough to give me the key and let me direct it. The bastard…)
-Scene w/ Gullwings' Entrance-
"Excuse me," came a soft yet small voice from behind Sora. He turned, yet saw nobody, until the three Gullwings floated up into his eyesight. "What're Leon and the gang up to?"
Sora's face went deadly calm, and he held out his hand. At first, everyone thought the Keyblade was going to appear. But then…it didn't.
A flyswatter did instead.
Donald and Goofy gave Sora really wide-eyed stares and BACKED AWAY and Sora raised the flyswatter. The Gullwings' eyes grew big as well.
"Wh-What are you doing?" Yuna asked in an extremely small voice.
(We apologize, again, but due to the extremely graphic Gullwing-slaughter that happened following this, we have deleted this part of the chapter. We apologize for any inconvenience.)
BlueFox: (puts her head between her knees to stave off the nausea) Oh. My. God.
Sora walks by, seemingly very happy.
Tetsuya comes in, having left for a lunch break, and sees what's happened.
Tetsuya: Now you see why I don't let you direct on your own.
-Cloud Summon in Re: CoM-
Sora summons Cloud, Cloud gets as far as he's about to flip his hair, and the card gets broken. This happens various times.
BlueFox: (screams like a banshee) GODDAMN YOU! (mauls Heartless without using cards) Let me see Cloud flip his hair, dammit! Stop breaking the damn card!
Tetsuya: BLUEFOX! Calm down! Those are actors you're tearing apart!
BlueFox: (looks at bloody remains) Ooh… (runs away like Napolean Dynamite)
-.-.-
End: Guys, you HAVE to send in fanmail! Otherwise, I'm taking this story off! But send in more ideas, too! Thanks for reading!