Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Future Diary, any resemblance to any other Harry Potter or Future Diary fan fiction is coincidental and plagiarism is not intended. No flames please constructive criticism only.
AN: If I didn't mention it already I have bumped the timeline up by ten years. Also I am doing Foreign languages differently on Lupin Horrors advice. Just a heads up
"Normal Speech"
"Foreign Language" Portuguese in this chapter
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Five years later
Riding in a black limousine along with several body guard escorts was Cardinal Francis Richelieu. He was currently riding in a secure motorcade escort in Brazil, specifically Rio de Janeiro after being sent by his holiness the Pope on a mission to ensure the strength of the faith in the country.
The reason for his secure motorcade escort was the sighting of Minene Uryu in the country. Anyone else would have run away in fear of the infamous god hating terrorist but not Richelieu. No if he ran away then it would send the message to their followers that god's holy men were cowards and Richelieu was no coward.
Ever since Minene had killed the cardinals that were meeting with Anglican bishops five years ago she'd only dealt greater and greater blows to all of the Abrahamic religions but the followers of Christianity seemed to be her favourite target. She had gotten only bolder since her murder of the Cardinals and had even issued Richelieu with a death threat.
The Pope had ordered Richelieu on this holy mission before the death threat was issued, but when the threat was issued the Pope had changed his mind and planned to cancel the mission. Richelieu had managed to convince his holiness otherwise through great persuasion. He would not allow this heretical she-devil to dictate where the church went and when it did so.
Suddenly the limousine came to sudden halt causing Richelieu to be jerked violently forwards.
"What is going on?" He demanded of one of the men serving as his bodyguards "What is the taking so long?"
"I will check your eminence" the bodyguard said picking up his radio "Car one, status update, what's the hold up?"
"Sorry main car" Came the apologetic reply "We're just checking something out it shouldn't take-"
A loud noise cut off the radio.
*boom*
"What was that?" Richelieu demanded as the sound came again this time closer.
*boom*
Another it was clearly an explosion, but where was it coming from?
*Boom* *Boom* *Boom* *Boom* *Boom* *BOOM* *BOOM*
The explosions seemed to be happening all around them but they couldn't actually see them nearby except for a few fireballs coming over rooftops.
"Get us out of he-"
The bodyguard was cut off as the car in front of them exploded. The fiery wreckage flipped upwards and crashed down blocking the road ahead. The same happened with the car behind and the one to the side. Unfortunately Corcovado Mountain was to the left side, so the car was unable to escape from its predicament.
*KABOOM*
Suddenly the car that Richelieu was in was flung onto its side and the Cardinal found himself flung out of the vehicle and through the air. As he opened his eyes he saw the vehicle aflame and his bodyguards dead. It seemed that the lord was on his side after all.
"Damn that witch" Richelieu breathed out as pain wracked his body when he stumbled to his feet. "But I will not be deterred I am Cardinal Francis Richelieu and I will not let that heretic scare me with her de-"
*Boom* *Boom* *Boom* *Boom* *Boom* *Boom*
The Cardinal paused as he heard six explosions resound from, above him? Richelieu looked up and what he saw nearly gave him a heart attack. The statue of Christ the Redeemer was falling from the mountain and it was rapidly descending towards him. Richelieu held his hands out in a feeble defensive gesture.
"NOOOOOOOO-"Richelieu's last word in life was cut off as six hundred and thirty five tonnes of reinforced concrete and soapstone in the shape of Christianity's messiah came crashing down on him, ending his life.
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Minene cackled madly as she ran through her escape route from the Brazilian police. Apparently they didn't take too kindly to her using a monument to kill a Cardinal for some reason. As she turned a corner and ran down an alley one of the officers yelled at her in Portuguese.
"Freeze or we'll shoot Minene" one of the officers yelled as they chased her into the alley
"Screw youpigs" Minene yelled back impertinently as she pulled out a detonator and pushed the button.
Suddenly the wall behind her exploded killing her pursuers as they made their down the alley, in the ensuing blast. With them out of the way she ducked into a nearby sewer grate and continued her escape unseen thanks to the chaos that was occurring in the city.
Luckily the other bombs that her apprentice had planted around the city had caused enough chaos to keep the authorities busy and off of her tail as she made her escape out of the country. A boat was waiting along with her apprentice to take them both out of the country.
"I fucking hate third world country sewers." Minene complained as she waded through raw sewage "Ugh it stinks down here, first thing I'm gonna do when I get the opportunity is take a fucking shower."
After several more minutes of complaining and grumbling Minene looked at her pocket map and saw that it was time to leave the sewers. So she climbed up the ladder and out of the nearest hatch and sure enough she was now in the harbour. She could even see her escape boat ready and waiting.
She put on a helmet that she quickly nabbed from a nearby stall and placed it on her head causing more liquid sewage to be squeezed from her hair and come down her face.
"Lovely" she grimaced as she made her way to the escape boat.
As Minene stopped at the small Cabin Cruiser that was docked at the pier, it had enough food, fuel and water supplies to get her and her passenger to Venezuela and from there Canada. She'd had enough of hot countries for a while, it was time for a change of weather and chilly Canada sounded like just the place to get away from this damned heat.
As she got close to boat a voice confronted her.
"What's the password?" a youthful voice demanded
Minene was not in the mood right now, she was reeked liked hell, she was sweaty and hungry.
"Is it 'let me on board before I lose my patience and hurt you?' " She demanded impatiently.
Her response was a ramp being lowered towards the pier. She stomped across the ramp boarded the boat, but not before tossing the mooring line that kept the boat tied to the dock away. She then jumped down into the boat and stomped towards the helm of the Cabin Cruiser.
Waiting for her, dressed in a green Hawaiian t-shirt with purple shorts and trainers was her eleven year old apprentice Harry Uryu, though his birth name was Harry Potter. She'd officially renamed him a few years ago on a whim. Not that it was legally official or anything but that didn't really matter to her.
The first thing he did upon seeing her was to crinkle his nose in disgust.
"Ugh jeez Minene I thought I planned that escape route for you to go 'through' the sewer not take a swim in it" he chuckled at her expense.
Minene was annoyed, not only at his smartass remark but at the fact that she was hungry and he was munching on a hotdog while being a smartass. Her revenge came in a simple manner.
"That does it c'mere" she grabbed Harry and put him into a headlock causing him to drop his hotdog onto the floor, as this happened she clenched her free hand into a fist.
"Hey hey hey wait wait" Harry begged knowing what was about to happen "I take it back I'm sorry."
"Too late punishment time" Minene grinned and brought the fist down, gently applying it to the top of his skull.
"Hold on wait no!" Harry pleaded knowing it was futile.
His pleas went unheard as Minene began to rapidly and began to vigorously rub her knuckles along his scalp. Harry flailed in pain and kicked the control which started the boats engine causing it to proceed aimlessly away from the docks. Not that this deterred Minene of course she kept her noogie up until she saw blood leaking from the top of Harrys skull. Satisfied that he'd been sufficiently reprimanded she stopped. Then Minene removed her and clothes tossed and them overboard, then she dumped some ocean water over her body and then dried herself off, before putting on some fresh clothes and taking the wheel.
"So where to next?" Harry asked rubbing his head painfully.
"To Venezuela and then Canada" Uryu replied slightly more cheerful now that she stunk less and the fact that her plan went off without any major hitches, well except for the sewer part but that was a moot point now. "By the way some of those diversionary explosions were in weird places what was with that?"
"Oh I just left them a little message was all" Harry grinned smugly
Minene looked at her apprentice and contemplated asking him what he meant but then she decided that it was unimportant so she simply shrugged it off.
Harry was good at distractions and his part of their operation was logistics and minor support, none of the authorities knew that he existed so they weren't after him. This was due to the fact that they kept far away during operations. He would wait near the escape route for her or hidden inside the escape vehicle that was prepared ahead of time. Shaking her head she resumed steering the boat which was now far away from Rio and continued heading north.
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In a police station in Rio de Janeiro, Lieutenant Fernando Rodrigues was beyond angry. The city was in chaos and he was still waiting for a status report on what exactly had happened. The army had moved in to help calm the panicking public down.
An officer finally came up to him holding a large map.
"Report" the lieutenant ordered
"Sir, our report concludes that the bombings around town were only a diversion to allow the escape for the person that assassinated Cardinal Richelieu to go off more easily." The officered reported diligently "We believe the weapon of choice was the Christo Rendentor itself."
"What?" Fernando snapped "Who on earth would topple a monument just to kill one man even if he is a Cardinal?"
"We have concluded that the perpetrator was none other than Minene Uryu the terrorist sir" the officer stated
"Minene? Impossible" Fernando barked "There is no way one woman could do all of this damage and topple a monument in order to kill one man. No it has to be the work a large organised group"
"But sir we have proof" the officer stuttered "The materials used in the explosives are consistent with ones that Minene recently used explosives in other countries and she was sited running from pursuing officers throughout the city"
The officer handed over a map which Fernando snatched and opened. It was of the city and had black dots over it.
"What is this?" Fernando demanded impatiently slamming the map on his desk
"The sites of the diversionary explosions sir."
Fernando starred at the map for second before he saw something and snatched a pen from the officer. He connected a few dots until it formed the letter M.
"M what could that-" Fernando paused as he saw more letters.
He began connecting the dots and as he spotted more letters he connected the dots on those as well until finally a message was spelt out, he glanced at it for a few seconds before calmly turning to the officer.
"Officer please leave my office and wait outside" Fernando ordered.
The officer complied and left through the door less exit. He stood outside and waited.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHH!" the Lieutenant let out a scream of frustration and anger so loud that all activity in the station stopped and looked his office.
The map drifted out gently and the officer picked it up. He read the message and his eyes bulged at what it said.
'Minene Uryu was here' was spelt out over the map of Rio de Janeiro.
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Harry opened his eyes and found himself in the Causality Cathedral. He looked up to see Deus Ex Machina staring down at him from his throne which rested in a broken semi-sphere, which hovered in the centre of a wide circular platform, supported by a column, the kind that you would see in Greek architecture, it was surrounded by twelve such structures. He'd first met Deus and Murmur about three years ago, apparently Deus found him interesting, something about Harry being an anomaly
They spoke about numerous subjects and Harry had learnt quite a bit from Deus who as the God of Space and Time knew more than anyone about the universe and how it worked. For example Sun Tsu wrote the Art of War while he was completely drunk off of his ass. It was kind of scary, if the greatest strategist in human history could write such an important guide while drunk then what could he have done while sober and focused?
"Ah Harry you're here good" Deus said with his usual grin "It's that time again"
With that a Deus sized chess board appeared floating between them. Deus could move his pieces manually however Harry had to call out to his pieces and they would move according to his commands. Deus gave Harry a chair that floated above the board so he could see what was going on properly. If there was one thing Deus liked it was fairness, he was a man of honour and never cheated and always played fair.
"You want another re-match Deus?" Harry asked "Alright let's do this"
Harry sat down in his seat which floated to give Harry a bird's eye view of the board. Deus was playing as white this time. Minene eventually appeared and stood next to Murmur who was reading some manga, not at all interested in the chess match that occurred weekly at pretty much the same time.
"So they're at it again?" Minene asked watching the match occur between her apprentice and what essentially was God.
"Yup" Murmur replied reading her manga "It seems he either never learns or just doesn't to be known as sucking so badly at this kind of game"
"Checkmate" Harry called out signalling his victory
"DAMN IT" Deus roared in anger.
It was amazing how the God of Space and Time, controller of the Akashic Records (AN: Not a fate reference this is actually Future Diary cannon) and supreme ruler of the universe could suck so badly at chess. He'd challenged Harry once a week every week at the same exact time for three years now and not once in those three years had he ever beaten Harry in a match.
"Hey kid we arrived in Venezuela a while ago" Minene called out to Harry "We're currently in a pretty decent safehouse. We'll get going to Canada in a few days."
"Tell me you at least took a shower first cause you still smelt like the sewer the last time I checked, just so you know" Harry commented with a grin.
"You little wise ass, this place exists in the space between human imagination, it's an Illusionary world remember?" Minene reminded him with anger colouring her voice "So you have to wake up some time and when you do its noogie city."
With that Minene vanished leaving a cackling laughter behind.
Harry looked up at Deus.
"I don't suppose you'd let me hide out here until she simmers down?" Harry asked nervously.
"You'll be receiving some very interesting mail soon young wizard" Deus said ignoring him
"OK but what about hiding out?" Harry asked anxious.
Deus simply leant down and grinned at him.
"Noogiedmansayswhat?" Deus asked quickly
"What?" Harry asked confused suddenly his floating chair vanished causing Harry to fall down the long drop in the space between the platforms. This meant one thing Harry was being ejected from the Cathedral.
"AAAAASSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHOOOOOOOLLLLLLEEEEE!" Harry called up as he was sent plummeting back to reality.
Murmur peeked down the gap where Harry had fallen.
"You can be a real dick sometimes boss you know that?" Murmur commented sardonically.
Deus responded by laughing deeply at his assistant.
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Harry awoke after Deus had thrown him out of the cathedral and the first thing he found was that he could not move because of a strong grip around his neck. He grimaced and opened his eyes to see Minene grinning down at him; her knuckles were already touching his scalp.
"I don't suppose an apology would help me out right now would it?" Harry asked nervously.
Minene simply shook her head still grinning. Harry resigned himself to his fate and the noogie began. A few minutes and a bleeding scalp later Harry had finished cleaning the blood off of his head just as a tapping came at the window. Harry reflexively ducked behind the doorway out of site just in case the law had found them.
"Get out of there you idiot" Minene sighed walked past him "We're fine here; no one even knows that this is where we're hiding out."
Minene walked over to the window and let in a bedraggled owl that was clutching an envelope. She quickly snatched the envelope from the owl which had an indignant look on its face and regarded the address.
Mr. H. Potter
The Back Room
Orinoco River Safehouse
Delta Amacuro
Tucupita
"Crazy wizards and their stupid tracking magic. There's gotta be a way to block it, I'll have to do some research about that when I get the chance" Minene grumbled.
She turned the envelope over, broke the seal and opened the letter up. Then the woman terrorist pulled out two pieces of parchment and took a look, the first piece read:
HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY
Headmaster: ALBUS DUMBLEDORE (Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorcerer, Chief Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, International Confederation of wizards.)
Dear Mr. Potter,
We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment. Term begins on September 1st. We await your owl by no later than July 31st.
Yours sincerely,
Minerva McGonagall,
Deputy Headmistress.
"Humph pretentious bastards" Minene snorted
She took the other parchment and began to read that as well.
HOGWARTS SCHOOL of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY
UNIFORM
First-year students will require:
1. Three sets of plain work robes (black)
2. One plain pointed hat (black) for day wear
3. One pair of protective gloves (dragon hide or similar)
4. One winter cloak (black, silver fastenings)
Please note that all pupils' clothes should carry name tags
COURSE BOOKS
All students should have a copy of each of the following:
The standard book of spells (Grade 1) by Miranda Goshawk
A history of magic by Bathilda Bagshot
Magical Theory by Adalbert Waffling
A Beginners guide to Transfiguration by Emetic Switch
One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi by Phyllida Spore
Magical Drafts and Potions by Aresnius Jigger
Fantastic beasts and where to find then by Newt Scamander
The Dark Forces: A guide to self-protection by Quentin Trimble
OTHER EQUIPMENT
Wand
Cauldron (pewter, standard size 2)
Set glass or crystal phials
Telescope set
Brass scales
Students may also bring an owl or a cat or a toad.
PARENTS ARE REMINDED THAT FIRST YEARS ARE NOT ALLOWED THEIR OWN BROOMSTICKS.
"So what's the letter say?" Harry asked with yawn.
"Change of plans kid we're not going to Canada" Minene said "We're going to Britain"
"To Britain why?" Harry asked he wasn't too fond of his old home country or any country really, he preferred life on the move with Minene she was like a wild older sister…..that enjoyed blowing stuff up and killing religious people but you get the idea.
"Because you're going to school kiddo" She chuckled.
"What school? why?" Harry demanded suspiciously.
Harry possessed enough general knowledge, so that he could easily blend in any first or second world country and he was especially skilled when it came to electronics and chemistry mainly thanks to his training with FARC which began when Minene took him away from Britain. It was long and gruelling but it definitely paid off. Harry could make his own bombs, could put up a decent fight in Close Quarters and was pretty good at scouting out both urban and non-urban terrain.
"Because you're going to learn magic" Minene replied ignoring Harry's tone "Remember your little teleporting trick? That's just the tip of the iceberg; when you've learned enough of this hocus pocus we'll never be caught by any of morons that are looking for us or rather me."
"Oh yeah" Harry said with realisation "You have mentioned that whole magic thing a few times over the years" He suddenly remembered a few discussions his older sister figure had with him concerning his 'abilities'.
Apparently before taking Harry with her on her 'adventures'. Minene had taken some time to have a 'chat' with his aunt who knew all along that Harry and his parents were magical and that an evil wizard called Voldemort that had murdered them, so they had not died in a car crash like they had told him.
"Well pack your shit kiddo because we're off to London" Minene announced "But first"
Harry's guardian grabbed some paper and a pen, and began writing a reply.
"Dear Professor McGonagall, Harry would be delighted to attend your school however we don't have the money to purchase his school items. Is there any way you can help us with this, please send your reply to this address within two days because we will be leaving it after that. Yours Sincerely Harry's Guardian Uryu" Minene narrated her letter before stuffing it in the envelope and giving it to the owl "You take that to that Professor McGonagall or whatever got it?"
The owl flew off out of the window soon left their sight.
"Well then that's that" Minene said brightly
"So now what?" Harry asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Now we wait" she replied with a chuckle
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About a day later when the owl arrived with the reply Minerva McGonagall was currently standing outside the door to the headmaster's office. She quickly opened the door and strode towards Dumbledore who was currently sat at his desk attempting to solve a rubix cube.
"Albus" She said loudly grabbing his attention and thirsting the letter towards him "The letter found him and we have a reply. He's overseas in Venezuela, what in Merlin's name is he doing there?"
"Ah Venezuela" Albus said as he read through the reply "I took a sojourn there when I was going around the world several decades ago as I recall"
"Albus" Minerva snapped "This is serious what if he is in danger? You know what happened to Dursleys and what if this Uryu person is worse what if they murdered the Dursleys?"
"Minerva I investigated and I assure you the Dursleys died due a gas main exploding" Dumbledore replied in a reassuring voice "There was no trace of magic at the site, and if Harry was in danger from Ms Uryu then we would not have likely received a reply. Besides we have no evidence that this Uryu person was responsible for what happened so throwing around baseless accusations will get us nowhere."
"Well we should do something, maybe remove him from this Uryu person until we can determine if they're safe" Minerva suggested.
"No Minerva that is a terrible idea" Dumbledore replied gently "Harry has been with this person for five years that is long enough for them to establish themselves as a very important figure in Harry's life."
"Well why can we not simply use a memory charm or a potion to make him forget this Uryu?" Minerva asked demandingly "That way it won't be an issue and we can restore them if Uryu is safe"
"For a couple for reasons Minerva" Dumbledore sighed massaging his temples "Firstly if Harry's bond with Ms Uryu is strong enough then even the greatest memory charm nor the strongest potion will be enough to keep Harry from remembering her and this will serve to only alienate him from us. To the unenlightened Love might seem like meaningless words but Love, even more so than any spells cast, rituals undertaken, or potions brewed, will forever be the strongest of magic's. Other magic's might be able to delay Love for a while but ultimately it will prevail. You see Minerva despite what some in our society might think we who have magic are not gods our powers have limits or do I need to remind you of Gamps laws of elemental transfiguration?"
"That is completely different Albus and you know it" Minerva said "But what will you do then?"
"I will adopt a wait and see approach, have some of the professors take note of Harry's behaviour" Dumbledore answered "No matter how well you train someone glimpses and hints of what they have done to Harry will sheen through giving us clues about the person in question. I will not remove him from a person he loves based on our worries. He is alive and we will see what kind of person he is. That is my final word on the matter"
Dumbledore wrote a reply and tied to an owl which flew off.
"My reply told them you will give them the key to Mr Potters vault in three days. Around the time you intend to show Ms Granger around isn't it?" Dumbledore asked
"Yes it is, I'll give them a list of stores they need to go to while I show the Grangers around." Minerva replied "The reply I received seemed to indicate some familiarity with our world so they probably don't need a guide. But I shall ask just in case"
"Very well" Dumbledore said as he went back to his rubix cube.
Minerva McGonagall simply sighed and strode out of the Headmasters office.
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After about another day, some packing and preparing, ten water bottles, six ready meals and seven noogies later the owl finally returned with the reply letter. Minene took it from the owl and read it.
"Dear Ms Uryu
We are pleased to know of Mr Potters safety and Professor McGonagall will be waiting for you approximately two days from now in the Leaky Cauldron to give you the key to Harry's vault key for Gringotts the wizarding bank. The Professor will be able to guide you around along with another new student and her parents on that day. We hope that this is not an inconvenience and Professor McGonagall will provide a list of shops where the necessary school Equipment can be acquired just in case there is an emergency that requires her attention.
Yours Sincerely Professor Albus Dumbledore"
The terrorist thought what she'd read over for a few seconds before she realised something.
"Wait a minute I never gave my gender in that letter I sent, so how did they figure it out? Minene demanded with annoyance and slight paranoia.
"Maybe it was just an assumption or a lucky guess?" Harry suggested with a shrug before leaning back into the sofa he was sitting on.
"Humph maybe" she snorted "Anyway we're all packed up, so we'll get going as soon as my disguise on."
She left the room and after a few minutes she returned wearing a pair of yellow shorts and blue polo shirt. Covering her purple hair was a brown wig that was tied into a bun and her purple eyes were now coloured hazel as well, clearly thanks to a pair of contacts.
"What's the matter no smart ass remarks?" She asked with a smirk
"I've had eight noogies in the past twenty four hours alone, I'd rather not make it nine if it's all the same to you" Harry replied dryly
"Aw what's the matter afraid to go for the record?" Minene chuckled.
"I've lost enough blood from my head for now, but thank for offer anyway" Harry replied sarcastically.
"I disagree come here kid" with that she leapt over the sofa.
Harry was already on his feet and running away but Minene was hot on his heels.
"Come on Harry let's make a world record the most noogies within twenty four hours" Minene called after him playfully
"NOOOOOO!" He yelled with panic trying to shake his crazy custodian off.
But she would not be shaken off so easily, years of running from pursuers in the Middle East when she was young and from the authorities after her bombings had made her extremely fast on her feet.
So it was really only a matter of time before she caught Harry once again. Minene dove for her young charge just as he was attempting to run around a corner. They tumbled over each other and rolled until they slammed into a wall.
She hauled Harry to his knees and got him into a headlock once again ignoring his loud protests and denials. After tightening her headlock to prevent him from escaping Minene put her knuckles to his head, after feeling her knuckles touch his head, Harry's attempts became even more desperate than before. But it didn't help him and the noogie began.