I'd like to clarify a few things before I continue with this story.
First, to everyone who reviewed, thank you for you feedback. I'd like to address a couple common complaints.
To the reviewers who complained that Rachel is always the villain in my stories: I like to keep the characters at least a little bit in canon. Rachel and Puck are probably the two most improperly used characters on the show. They're forced back into old habits with no respect for character growth whenever it suits the purpose of the writer's new plot. The problem here is that Puck is for the most part an underdeveloped, undefined character which is great for me because it means that his potential is endless and exploring his character is fascinating to me. Where Puck is undefined, Rachel had been overdefined and overused to the point that the only consistence to her character are the negative traits that appear in my stories. For the record I adore Rachel Berry. If I didn't then I wouldn't write Puckleberry. But as long as I keep things a little bit in canon, Rachel will have at least some of the negative traits that the Glee writers have saddled her with. So I take the hand she'd been dealt and write through it, I build her up and explore the character growth that could happen in the future.
Finally to the reviewers who complained about the angst in my stories: You're not wrong, I love me some angst. But for the record I don't believe that canonical Puckleberry can exist without some angst. I also make sure to tag appropriately and this story was tagged under the angst/romance genres. So Full Disclosure: If you don't like angst then my stories aren't right for you. There are several incredibly talented writers who might meet your needs in a way that I can't.
Here's Rachel's POV. Thanks for reading.
She held the ice pack to Jeremy's eye and bit back a roll of the eyes. She was an idiot.
She should never have brought him to the reunion. She barely knew the guy and three mediocre dates did not a relationship make. Never mind inviting a virtual stranger to her ten year reunion. She hadn't examined her reasons for inviting him too closely but she imagined they fell somewhere in between spite, pride and a whole lot of anxiety over coming face to face with Noah Puckerman after five years.
She'd met Jeremy a few weeks earlier when she'd come home to celebrate Hanukah with her fathers. They'd met in the supermarket and embarked on a whirlwind (boring) affair. Three days ago she'd woken up in a panic as she realised that she should bring a date. She needed to bring a date if she was ever going to face him again.
She was rethinking that strategy at the moment as Jeremy nursed a black eye and she was trying not to choke on an unhealthy amount of regret.
She'd expected him to bring a date, someone beautiful enough to make her jealous. She'd expected him to show up and maliciously rub her nose in what she'd willingly given up. But he hadn't because that wasn't who he was. He'd showed up here, in the town he hated more than he hated her. And she was pretty sure he'd done it just for a glimpse of her. Because despite being a stubborn pain in the ass with a weaponized body, he was also a romantic and he'd loved her more than anything else for two years. She'd expected the worst of him and had shown everyone the worst of herself instead. He'd certainly aimed more than a few vicious words her way but she'd always had the edge on him in the fighting department. They knew exactly how to hurt each other but only she was ever horrid enough to go the whole nine yards. He'd snap and he'd fight but never with the same maliciousness. Where he aimed to wound, she aimed to kill.
"Well, being with you is the greatest mistake I've ever made."
Yeah that sucked. The worst part was the look in his eyes before he turned around and walked out of the gym. When he'd initially returned from his tour of duty it was impossible to read him. It had taken almost a year of being together before some of those walls came down around her. It turned out that those walls had never fully gone back up. Before the mask went up tonight and he turned away she saw exactly how those words had affected him. He believed them. He believed that she regretted him, that maybe she'd never actually loved him.
And boy did that cause her chest to burn.
She had always loved him, in some way or another and the fact that he doubted it was horrifying.
The two of them had fallen into a relationship all those years ago with no real beginning but a very final end. They'd lived together but by the end they'd been no more than roommates. He'd become so distant and she'd been so wrapped up in her own life that things had finally come screeching to a painful halt. The fact that they loved each other hadn't stopped them from yelling obscenities or herself from throwing his beautiful roses at his head.
She'd spent the last five years fixating on the moment where he'd all but begged her not to take that last step. They'd been living in a world without colour for so long and the fight had made her feel alive. They hadn't even fought in months and it was the first time she'd seen genuine emotion from him. She'd been out of control as she grabbed the box that held her heart and glared up at him. His eyes had warned her but she'd been too consumed with emotion. The sound of the paper ripping had echoed through the apartment along with her disdainful use of his nickname. She'd glanced away from the fourth letter and she was suddenly very cold. His eyes were that of a man who was being burnt alive, tortured by someone he'd trusted, someone he'd loved. And in that moment she realised she'd pushed him too far. Her fingers kept tearing even as her body shook. Her eyes dropped to her feet and tears started to form as she looked at the remnants of his love for her. When he'd walked out she hadn't followed.
So maybe his belief that she meant what she'd said to him earlier wasn't surprising. She'd given him every reason to doubt her.
"I think I should go." She looked blankly at Jeremy and realised she'd been spacing out and the poor guy had taken a punch for her.
"I'm sorry." She mumbled as he walked away from her.
She was sitting in a darkened corner of the gym and her eyes wandered over the garish decorations. Puck had walked out of the building two hours ago. She had been a little surprised that he hadn't hit Kurt as well, since he'd been the one to start the whole thing. She supposed that he'd been too desperate to get away from her.
She closed her eyes and dropped her head into her hands. Things hadn't always been so toxic between the two of them. They'd been friends in high school and things had been so great between them at the beginning of their relationship. She remembered their first weekend in their new apartment, happily christening every surface and room of their apartment.
The problem was that she'd known him in high school, they'd understood each other in ways that she and Finn had never been able to. When he'd come back from his tour he'd been different. He wasn't the same man as the one she'd once known. She had been too wrapped up in herself and her own life to really try to get to know the new Noah Puckerman. She gritted her teeth as memories washed over her. He'd tried to let her in and it had always hurt her to hear about the things he'd experienced and the people he'd lost. She remembered the look of disappointment that crossed his face the last time he'd really talked to her about the Marines. She'd been crying as she pictured him desperately trying to keep his friend alive and he'd grown too tired to keep comforting her. She hadn't realised until they were over just how much he needed her to comfort him. He'd given her so many opportunities to fix things before they were broken and she hadn't. So he'd burned all by himself, tossing and turning through nightmares out on the couch because he couldn't trust her to take care of him.
Rachel had failed Noah in more ways than even she'd been able to count. She'd been mildly aware of the fact that he was pulling away at first but she'd been too upset with him to investigate. The first week that he'd missed a Funny Girl show she'd been too furious with him to care about why he'd done it. She'd ignored him for a week and when he hadn't shown up the next week either, she'd resented him. She had spent days just picking fights with him and trying to provoke him.
She still remembered vividly her last fight with Kurt before moving out of the loft. He'd yelled that Noah would become that Puck from high school again and if she ever pushed him too far he'd lash out and hit her. But that wasn't the kind of man that he was in high school or after. He'd never been angry enough in his life to lay a harmful finger on her. He'd simply withdrawn. And as the weeks became months she'd ceased to provoke him.
He'd never stopped loving her though. She'd seen it there in his eyes even as they skirted around each other. She'd seen it in his actions when he continued to cook enough food for two, always placing the leftovers in the fridge for her. She known it in the way that his best friends didn't hate her before or after their breakup despite having every reason to.
She'd never loved him enough. Her true love had continued to be exactly who it had always been; herself. And instead of taking pause at the plea that came from his lips that last time, she'd relished in the feeling of being alive. She'd broken his heart. And she'd regretted it every damn day since.
So there's Rachel's POV and please if you're just going to flame again, please don't bother reviewing. My recent urge to write constantly has been seriously tempered by the negative reviews.