Lindsey's Story

Dr Lindsey Novak was sitting by herself in the Mess aboard the Daedalus; she had another five minutes before she went on duty. She saw Dr Kavanaugh enter and she tried to slide further down into her seat, hopefully he wouldn't see her.

"Ah Dr Novak, I've been meaning to tell you about your calculations for today's diagnostics" Kavanaugh gave a patronizing laugh, "you don't really think that something like that will work do you, you should really leave things like this to the experts", Lindsey breathed in deeply

"Like me and Hermiod" she replied, he smiled again

"No like me, if I hadn't been stuck in that god-awful city with those god-awful people and that...that...woman, I'd have your job" he said pompously. Not if General Hammond had his way she thought, he'd personally recommended her for this post and had sent her an old family recipe to cure hiccups, for which she'd been eternally grateful. "see you in the engine room and we'll see who is right babes"

In the engine room, Novak and Hermiod were running their diagnostic when Colonel Steven Caldwell's voice came over the intercom

"Dr Novak I'd like you and Hermiod to come up to the Bridge please" he said, Novak looked at the Asgard who shrugged, at least she though he shrugged, you could never tell with him and they left.

After they left Kavanaugh started to override their protocols and run his own diagnostic. He wanted Novak under him in more than one way, so he decided to show Colonel Caldwell just how good he was at this kind of thing, seeing, as he didn't appreciate the reports Kavanaugh had been sending him every week about the inept leadership of Atlantis.

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On the Bridge, Caldwell and the two engineers were going over some logs when his pilot, Major Emma Cooper, noticed a problem occurring.

"Sir we're losing Hyperdrive" she called out

"Drop us out of Hyperspace," he said, making his way back to his chair

"Yes Sir" she replied. He turned to Novak and Hermiod

"Well?" he asked

"I don't know what to say sir, we've been running the regular monthly diagnostic, I made a few modifications which I gave to Hermiod to approve, but they shouldn't have caused the Hyperdrive to malfunction," she explained

"Dr Novak is correct Colonel, I did approve her modifications, they would not have caused this to happen, I made sure of that" said the Asgard "the only thing that could have caused this is if someone were to run a conflicting programme in conjunction with Dr Novak's modifications". It all started to slot into place,

"Kavanaugh" she said between gritted teeth.

Steven Caldwell and the two engineers swept into the engine room to find Kavanaugh running between consoles like a headless chicken.

"Dr Kavanaugh, report please," said Caldwell

"The Hyperdrive engine shut down" said Kavanaugh, Caldwell sighed

"I'm aware of that Doctor," he said

"It must have been the Diagnostic, I said that her calculations were wrong and she shouldn't run them," he said

"You...you...'hic'...damn" she stammered

"I'm not interested in finger pointing at the moment, just get the Hyperdrive back up and running and I'll see you in my office with your reports afterwards," said Caldwell and left.

"You jackass, you 'hic' son of a 'hic' bitch," she screamed "you're not going to 'hic' get away with this" he gave a patronizing smile.

"Oh please your calculations were screwed from the start, if they were perfect they wouldn't have reacted badly with my superior programme" he said, he put his hand on her arse and began to stroke it "of course if we work together on this I might make a favourable mention in my report, if you know what I mean". Novak's eyes widened as the implication of his words set in

"Why you little 'hic' oh for pity's sake" she spluttered

"Oh God, if your control of the engines is anything like your control of your diaphragm then we may as well hitchhike home" he retorted. Some of the personnel started to edge closer, if this turned ugly they may need to wade in to break it up, some of them had seen Lindsey lose her temper before and it wasn't pretty.

"I may have no control over my 'hic' diaphragm but at least I don't faint when confronted by Ronan Dex" she replied, she stamped on his left foot and then gave him a kick in his right ankle that would have had French soccer players clamouring for her to play for them as she stormed out.

Hermiod wandered into the mess hall looking for Dr Novak, he spotted her in the corner, and it looked like she was crying.

"Please Dr Novak, do not upset yourself over Dr Kavanaugh's words", he said, placing a hand on her shoulder, she sniffed.

"I'm sorry Hermiod I didn't mean to leave you alone in there, I couldn't face him, you know he's going to blame me for this and if I don't...'hic'...oh this is a nightmare...if I don't...erm...procreate with him, he'll have my job taken away" she said, Hermiod blinked at her

"Dr Kavanaugh wants you to carry and give birth to his child or he will tell Colonel Caldwell that the engine failure is your fault?" he asked. Novak smiled

"Not have his child but he wants to...um...practise the act that leads to conceiving one" she said blushing

"But the engine failure is not your fault, it is his" replied Hermiod

"I know, but you know what will happen, Colonel Caldwell will ask for my report, I'll get tongue tied, start hiccupping and Kavanaugh will walk all over me and I'll agree to everything he says, I wish I had a backbone" she said

"Leave this to me, I would appreciate it very much if you would help me eradicate Dr Kavanaugh's programme before I am forced to eradicate Dr Kavanaugh" he replied. Lindsey laughed and stood up.

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Six hours later Lindsey and Hermiod were standing outside Caldwell's office waiting for Kavanaugh

"Hermiod are you 'hic' sure this will 'hic'...oh hell...work" she whispered, Hermiod produced a bottle and handed it too her

"Drink this, it will help with the trapped air in your Diaphragm" he said. Lindsey looked uncertainly at him, but at this point, she was willing to do anything. She unscrewed the top and swallowed it down in one, her knees buckled, her eyes crossed and her head started to spin.

"Oh my" she gasped "what is that"; Hermiod didn't answer but pointed to where Kavanaugh was approaching. Lindsey breathed in deeply and tried to focus, she wasn't going to let the smug little shit get away with it.

"Doctors, Hermiod will you come in please" said Caldwell.

After about ten minutes, Caldwell put the reports down

"Well it's obvious that you're both blaming the other for this" he said

"Sir you don't know the half of it, this...this...excuse for the male of the species screwed up my diagnostic with some pretty crummy calculations of his own. Then he ran them behind my back and then he tried to blame me for it. If that wasn't bad enough he hinted that if I slept with him he'd make a favourable report and he thought I was going to go along with it, the creep" Novak exploded

"Is this correct Dr Kavanaugh" asked Caldwell, Kavanaugh looked like he was going to faint

"Of course it's not, I've never made sexual advances to her or any other woman on this ship" he said

"Ha! that's not what I've heard, according to Emma, Vicki, Janis, Laura, Yvonne, Lucy and about a dozen other women he's got more hands than an octopus" said Novak.

"Colonel Caldwell I can corroborate Dr Novak's story" put in Hermiod as he handed over a data crystal. Caldwell went to a screen and viewed the evidence.

"I think the material here speaks for itself, I asked Hermiod to install some Asgard monitoring equipment in engineering after I received a few complaints from the women down there about you Dr Kavanaugh". He tapped his earpiece "I want two Marines in my office to escort Dr Kavanaugh to the Brig" he said.

"You can't do this" protested Kavanaugh

"I think you'll find I can Doctor, Dr Novak, in the light of this evidence no blame will fall on you for this incident" Caldwell said.

"Oh thank you sir, may I go now, I don't feel too good" she replied

"Certainly" he replied dismissing them. If he didn't know any better he could have sworn Novak was drunk, but she wasn't the type and he certainly couldn't smell it on her, she must have found some courage from somewhere. He sat in his chair and started to laugh, he'd have to tell Hank Landry and Jack O'Neill about this.

Outside the office Novak dropped onto one knee and hugged Hermiod

"Thank you so much" she said, she kissed Hermiod's cheek as the guards escorted Kavanaugh out "you're more of a man than he is".

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The women of Atlantis were laughing so hard some of them were doubled up

"Oh I wish I'd been there" said Elizabeth "the thought of that little creep spending a week in the Brig had made my day".

"I had to deal with a man that had many hands once" said Miko Kusanagi. They turned to look at her

"Come on Miko 'fess up" said Laura, Miko smiled at the memories.

"It all started when..." she said

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Next time, Rodney 'Octopus Paws' McKay gets his comeuppance