Four Men and a Lady

Doug was getting married to his girlfriend, Tracy. Phil had planned to throw a bachelor party in Las Vegas. While at the Garner's house getting his suit tailored for the wedding. Sid, his future father-in-law, offered to loan him the Mercedes for his bachelor party...with the promise of never to let either Alan or Phil drive. Doug's cellphone then rang.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Dougie?" said a female voice.

It was Ava.

"What's up, baby sis?"

"Hey, I know your bachelor party is this weekend but I need a favor."

"What is it?"

She excitedly told him that her championship game was being held in Vegas after a team dropped out. She even bought him and his friends in case they wanted to go.

"That's great, Aves," Doug said with a smile. "So I guess you need a ride there?"

"Yea. Drop me off at the Riviera. I'm meeting the team there because our game is there. You guys can come to the after game party. We're holding it at the Three Angry Wives Pub."

"Alright, baby sis. I'm at Tracy's parents' house. We're gonna go pick up Phil and Stu."

"I'll be there in a few."

That's when Ava came running up the Garner's driveway, holding her bags. She was dressed in jeans and a black skull t-shirt with her Converses. Her short pixie hair was wild as ever.

"Hey, Sid," she said with a wave. "Can't wait for the big day, huh?"

Sid gave her a small smile. Ava was alright for a person. He didn't like her reputation so much. At least she wasn't dumb as Alan though.

"Yea," he said. "Hear you got a game in Vegas."

"Yea. Wish me luck, sir. I'll see you soon."

She hopped in the car with Doug and Alan. The two of them greeted each other politely. Ava didn't really care much for Alan. She liked Tracy, but Alan was a weird one.

Stu was packing his bags for his weekend with the boys. They were going to pick him up once Phil got out of his job at the school. Stu had closed the office on Friday so he could was especially afraid since Melissa would freak if he told her he was going to Vegas. He had a cover story about them going to Napa Valley, staying in some bed and breakfast at a vineyard. He researched names of B&Bs to cover his tracks.

"Don't forget your Rogaine!" barked Melissa.

"Rogaine, check," Stu said, dropping it in his toiletries bag with tightened lips.

"And don't forget to use it. I can totally tell when you forget, your hair just looks thinner."

Stu swallowed his hurt and embarrassment. He hated being told that he was balding.

"Using of the Rogaine, check," he replied.

"And make sure you call me right when you get to the hotel. Not like the conference in Phoenix. I had to wait two hours for you to call me."

UGH! This bullshit AGAIN! Melissa always called Stu whenever he left to go to dental conferences or leaving anywhere. She thought that he was going to cheat on her while away, which wasn't true. Like he ever would!

"Yea. I was the keynote speaker," Stu said. "I was late to the podium."

"Still?" she snapped.

"Yea, you're totally right," he said defeated.

He leaned in to give her a kiss, but she jerked her head away in disgust. He didn't get it. What did he do that repulsed her?

"What is the matter?" he asked.

Every time he tried to get close to Melissa, she wouldn't let him touch her. They hadn't been intimate in almost a year. It pained him to think about that she had cheated on him last June on a cruise with some staff member. And she was punishing him? That made no sense!

"I dunno," she said, sitting on the sofa with a cup of tea. "I hope you're not gonna to go to some strip club while you're up there."

"Melissa, we're going to Napa Valley," Stu assured, sitting next to her. "I don't think they have strip clubs in wine country."

"Well, I'm sure if there is one, Phil will sniff it out," she said, acidly.

Her jaw jutted out of the wavy curtain of her dull brown hair, her mean eyes glittered behind her horn-rimmed glasses, filled with hate. She despised all of Stu's friends, especially Doug's slut of a twin sister, Ava. Thank God she was not going with them. That slut was too much of a temptation for Stu. Melissa insisted that she would be present any time Ava going to be around. Often, Stu had to lie whenever he went to his friends' houses, saying she wasn't going to be even though she was.

"It's not going to be like that," he promised. "Besides, you know how I feel about that."

"I know. I know. It's just boys and their bachelor parties…it's gross." She shuddered in disgust.

Stu nodded like a puppet, even though he didn't agree with her. "You're right…it is…gross."

"Not to mention, it's pathetic. Those places are filthy. And the worst part is that little girl grinding and dry-humping the fucking stage up there…that…"

"That's somebody's daughter up there," they said simultaneously; Stu faltering his words, forcing himself to speak those words.

"I was just going to say that," Stu added, not even recognizing what the hell he just said.

"I wish your friends were as mature as you were."

"They are mature. I wish you just got to know them better."

"Paging Dr. Faggot!" yelled Phil from outside. "Dr. Faggot!"

Stu frowned, lowering his head, mortified since they were using his nickname. If only he hadn't done that play Cabaret in college! Fuck!

"I should go," he said quietly.

"That's a good idea, Dr. Faggot," she replied with cold sarcasm.

"Have a good weekend," he said. "I'll miss you."

He leaned in to give her a kiss, but she tilted her head away and all he got to kiss was her shoulder. Really?! That was what it came to now? His own girlfriend couldn't kiss him goodbye!

He went outside, carrying his luggage towards the boys, who were sitting in a classic Mercedes, which Sid Garner, Tracy and Alan's father, had lent them for the weekend in Vegas. He hurried over to the car and placed his bags into the back and got in.

"Hey guys," he said stiffly, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"Hey, Stuey!" called Ava. "You alright?"

"What are you doing here, Ava?" he asked surprised.

"Hitching a ride," she said. "Game's in Vegas. And don't worry...I won't crash the bachelor party."

"I know you wouldn't, Avers," laughed Phil.

"So what happened, Stu?" Ava asked.

"Melissa gave me a stupid lecture," he said.

"Oh?" Ava said in feigned surprise. Then imitated Melissa "Don't be going to strip clubs, Stu. Don't forget to call me when you get there, Stu."

Stu frowned slightly. He didn't like it when Ava made fun of his girlfriend. Phil laughed. Doug shushed her with a quiet sniggered and Alan looked a bit dumb.

That's when Melissa's ears perked up when she heard Ava's voice. She just appeared out of nowhere like she used some form of slut magic. It was amazing that Doug and her were twins. They were so unalike: Doug was prim and quiet while Ava was wild and loud. Jealously, Melissa went outside to investigate.

"What is she doing here?" Melissa demanded, pointing an accusing finger at her.

"Relax, Melissa," Ava said. "Dougie's giving me a ride to my game."

"Game?" Melissa questioned, her mean eyes slit. "What game?"

"Um...roller derby. Like duh! It's in Sacramento, so it's on the way to Napa Valley." Ava knew about the cover story since she cleverly gave Stu the idea.

"Stay away from Stu!" she warned.

"Jesus, Melissa! What the fuck did you eat for breakfast, Kellogg's Frosted Instant Bitch?"

Phil and Doug laughed really hard. Alan, her future brother-in-law, guffawed. Stu bit his lip, trying to suppress his laughter. The boys really liked Ava since she constantly burned Melissa.

"How DARE you speak to me like that!" she spat venomously.

"Go," Stu whispered to Doug desperately, knowing the two women would start fighting. They had bad blood between them.

"Eh, fuck you, Melissa! I don't give a shit what you think. Why don't you sit on this and spin? Maybe it'll take that giant long stick out of your tight asshole."

She flipped her the bird with her black and red nail polished finger, then leaped gracefully in the Mercedes, smushing in between Stu and Phil. They took off, the boys were laughing so hard, leaving a shocked Melissa standing in the driveway.

"Honestly, Stu, why does Melissa think I'm going to start humping you? She knows we're just friends." Ava said.

"I have no idea," Stu replied with an eye roll.

"Uh because you practically squish your fairy tits into Stu every time you hug him," Phil joked.

Ava huffed. "Oh right," she snapped sarcastically. "Guess hugging leads to humping, right?"

Stu blushed a bit.

"Anywho," said Ava. "I paid for your tickets in case you want to stop by. You can come to the after game party."

"Really?!" Phil said, excited.

"We'll think about it," said Doug. "We don't know what we're gonna do when we get there."

"Oh, come on!" said Phil. "We always have fun at Ava's roller derby games."

"Is that the one with chicks on skates beating other chicks up?" Alan asked.

"Yes, Alan," Ava said, rolling her eyes. He was such a dumb fuck. She didn't hate Alan, she thought he was kind of strange...almost had the mind of a child.

"We're in!" they all said.

She reached for the beer Phil was holding and took a sip. Stu watched as she lazily stuck the lip of the bottle in her mouth. It looked so suggestive. She must be really good at blowjobs! Stu though to himself. Yet, he had to push those thoughts out of his head. He had a girlfriend...even though Mistress Temptation herself was sitting right next to him. She sighed after taking a sip; her lip gloss left a sparkly red print. She handed the beer to Stu, wiping the print off.

"Don't wanna get my lipstick on you. Right, Stu?" she giggled.

"Thanks," he said, taking a sip.

As they drove down the highway, Alan whooped, screaming "Vegas! ROAD TRIP!". Ava did the same, laughing with Alan. She sure loved having fun with the guys! She even mooned a few truckers, making the boys laugh.

"COME ON!" Phil whined, anxious since Doug was driving the speed limit. "Just till Barstow! Everyone's passing us!"

"Absolutely not!" Doug said. "I promised Sid I would be the only one driving this car. Tell them, Alan."

"Guys," said Alan. "My Dad loves this car more than he loves me."

Ava smirked. She leaned over the front seat and grabbed the wheel of the car, making the car swerve. The guys all yelled, hearing angry honks from cars.

"FUCK! Ava!" Doug cried out. "Jesus!"

"What?" Ava said, feigning innocence. "I'm just having fun, Dougie!"

"Yea, your version of fun could get us in the morgue, baby sis," Doug said sarcastically.

Stu tried hard not to stare at her ass. Phil smirked lecherously and nodded at Stu, making suggestive gestures of him humping her from behind. Stu shook his head no. Then, Phil pinched her ass, making the girl whip her head around, looking at the boys.

"Stu did it!" Phil said quickly.

"What?! I did not!" Stu shot back.

"Bullshit! You were checking out her ass, you perv!"

"No I wasn't! Plus you're the one who spreads the sexual tension around here like a STD," Stu huffed as he groaned and looked back out the window.

Ava shook her head, laughing. Guys! She sat back down, smushing next to Stu and Phil.

"Yea," she added to Phil. "Mind your own dirty, pervy business, Perv Phil."

"Alrighty, you dirty whores," said Doug. "I swear I will turn this car around."

"You need to relax and enjoy yourself," said Phil. "Because after Sunday, you're gonna start dying a little bit every day."

"Yea," said Alan. "That's how I managed to stay single."

"Really?" said Stu, unsurprised.

"Yea," Alan replied.

"Why did you get married, Phil?" Ava said.

"I dunno...to avoid fucking you, I guess."

"Oh hardy-har-har!" Ava laughed sarcastically. "You probably couldn't handle it, Phil. You'd probably blow your load once you got inside me."

Doug sighed. Phil and Ava were constantly bantering with sexually provocative jokes. It was embarrassing sometimes; they were two dirty, foul-mouthed lechers.

"How about you, Aves? You got someone special back home?" Alan asked.

"Nah," said Phil. "Ava's just a wham-bam-thank-you-man kind of girl. That's why she's so awesome."

"Are you calling me a slut, Phil?" Ava said playfully.

"Well, you are!" he leered.

"You're just saying that because you've always wanted to fuck me."

Phil laughed. He remembered the time they were teenagers and she gave him an awesome blowjob in the shed. It seemed only yesterday: how good it was and Ava was so talented! He had to shove his fist into his mouth just to keep himself from making noise. She played with his balls, squeezed his ass, stroked him...even played with his taint, something he never expected. When he came, he couldn't help himself and screamed loudly. They almost got caught by her father. Ava dived behind the lawnmower. Phil remembered Mr. Billings, staring at Phil sternly with his pants around his ankles, stammering an excuse that he needed a private place to masturbate. Mr. Billings laughed so hard, telling him to get himself dressed before Doug's mom saw him. Ava suggest that they don't do it again and keep it a secret.

"Let's just keep this between us," she said. "Don't be bragging to anyone either. Daddy and Dougie don't need to know."

OK!" Doug said, exasperated. "Could you two crazy whores stop? Ava, I want you to behave yourself and keep your legs closed when you're around my friends, especially in Vegas." He had to be the responsible adult. He was protective of her.

"Fine, big brother! You sound just like Dad, you know." She sulked in the back seat.

"Well, I promised him I would look out for you."

They stopped at a gas station. Alan decided to pump gas while the rest of them went inside to grab some snacks and drinks. Phil saw Stu looking at Ava who was chatting on her phone. He knew Stu always had a crush on Ava ever since they were kids.

"Can I interest you in a sample of pussy cake, sir?" he teased.

Stu blinked and slapped his friend in the shoulder, "Shut up," he said with a slight blush.

Stu just couldn't help but stare at her. Why did he

"What?" said Phil.

"I just...no..." he then sighed, "I know it's wrong but it just- I feel cozy around her." He then facepalmed, "That sounded corny, right?"

"No, man," said Phil. "You and her have been best friends since we were kids. And you've had a crush on her since the fourth grade. Honestly, you should fuck her. Make it a crazy memory in Vegas. I mean your bitch girlfriend cheated on you. So what would be a great revenge than fucking the one person she hates?"

Stu looked over at the girl before back at Phil, "I can't," he said. "I'm not a cheater. But then again, I guess you're..."

Could he really do it? Should he? True, Melissa cheated on him and it hurt...and he still had feelings for that brunette who almost kissed him when they were ten.

"God I feel more stupid than Alan. God dammit Phil.. Stop being such a pervert." He rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Seriously,

"Then if you don't want to fuck her, then buy her a drink at least," Phil suggested. "Ava wouldn't turn down a drink."

Stu frowned a bit. "I guess..."

Ava found Stu browsing the aisle. He pushed him towards her. Stu stumbled a little and walked towards Ava, who was buried in her iPhone, texting. Stu cleared his throat and Ava looked up.

"Hey," she said. "I know you didn't pinch my ass, Stu."

The two of them smiled.

Ava liked him. She thought Stu was really cute, good-looking, shy. She wondered if dentists had good oral skills. Yet, she couldn't seduce Stu...well, she could, but she didn't. He was really nice guy. Not to mention, she always felt it was bad luck to fuck her brother's BEST friends.

"By the way, thanks for the cover story for Melissa," he said.

"No prob. You deserve to have fun with the boys in Vegas, Stu. After all, isn't what you do there, stay there?"

He smiled, lightly chuckling.

"So, how is everything? You know, with Melissa and all?" Ava asked.

She hated talking about the She-Bitch, but she wanted to know how Stu was holding up ever since she had cheated on him on a cruise.

"Everything's fine," he said.

Truth be told, it wasn't. He didn't want to admit it...along with his feelings for the woman who he carried a torch for in his heart for a very long time. He wanted to tell her that it had gotten worse ever since it happened and that they hadn't been intimate in over a year. It still bothered him that Melissa couldn't even give him a kiss goodbye.

Ava had a feeling it wasn't the truth. But she didn't press the issue. "I just wanted to know how you're doing. It must've been terrible."

"Thank you," he said appreciatively.

Stu liked that about Ava, despite her colorful personality and reputation, there were good qualities to her. She was a genuinely caring person. She listened. She made him laugh. They looked at each other. God! She was so beautiful! He wished he could go back and ask her out that day.

"Ava?" he said, his voice trembling.

The brunette hummed as Stu got her attention. He seemed to have something on his mind.

"Are you OK, Stu? You're sweating."

"I-I'm fine. Anyway, I was wondering..." Stu began, fumbling his words.

Phil was staring at him like he was an idiot, mouthing 'what are you doing?'

"Maybe...after the game...when we meet up after...I could...buy you a drink? J-just as friends...of course."

Ava smiled. "Sure, Stu! I'll buy you one at the Three Angry Wives. I told the girls we could go there since I heard not only is a reputable place, but I figured it's kind of an ironic joke among us...well, except me and Alan. Also, one of the girls told me that her husband's band is going to play there. They do Irish-punk music."

Stu smiled. "Sounds fun."

His phone rang, interrupting the moment.

"I'd better get lost," Ava said. "Before Darth Lady senses a disturbance in her force."

Stu laughed and answered to phone. Ava watched as he talked on the phone and went to pay for her snacks. She felt sorry for Stu for being in such a terrible relationship with that emasculating bitch. Then, she cheated on him and he forgave her. Ava didn't think that he should've. Yet, it wasn't her place to tell him even if she always spoke her mind. Stu was her friend and she cared about him a lot. He was such a sweet man who deserved better.

Stu joined up with Doug and Phil, who were looking out the window at Alan. He was yelling at an old man, freaking him out.

"What were you and Aves talking about?" asked Doug.

Doug had seen Stu and Ava hang out a few times, talking mostly. Stu always respected Ava and treated her well. Even though his twin sister was no angel, she deserved to be treated like a queen. He promised his parents on their death that he would take care of her.

"Nothing," Stu said. "She was asking about how I was doing with Melissa since...you know."

"She's a good kid," Doug said, seeing his sister chatting away with the cashier, laughing. "Even if she is...well, colorfully embarrassing. Everything good with Melissa?"

"Yea. Just told her we're two hours outside of wine country. She bought it." He smirked evilly.

"Don't you think it's strange that you've been in a relationship for years and you have to lie about going to Vegas?" Phil said.

"Trust me, it's not worth the fight."

"Oh, so you can't go to Vegas," Phil said, exasperated by Stu's excuses for his bitch girlfriend. "But she can fuck a bellhop on a Carnival Cruise Line?"

"OK," sighed Stu. "First off, it was a bartender. And she was wasted. And if you must know, he didn't even come inside her."

"And you believe that?" He scoffed.

"Yea. Melissa's grossed out by semen."

Doug went outside for a moment, seeing Alan fighting with someone and went to break it up. Ava was standing by the front, buried in her iPhone. Stu stared at her. Phil always suspected that Stu had feelings for Ava: how he stared all adoring at her, how shy he smiled and laughed, how they just spent their days just talking. He teased him all the time about it.

"You should fuck her, Stu," Phil said. "Get it out of the way while you're in Vegas."

"I'm not going to cheat on my girlfriend by sleeping with her archenemy."

"Are you kidding? That's the perfect revenge sex. You could even the score between you two."

"It's not going to happen, Phil. Besides, I respect Ava enough not to do that."

"Right. You respect her not to get your ass kicked by her older brother," Phil said sarcastically. "You're such a pussy, Stu! Jesus, how can you say no to that?" He gestured to Ava.

"Even if I was willing to entertain the idea, I don't think she'd sleep with someone like me."

"Then, ask to buy her a drink when we're out."

Once they were refreshed and stocked, they climbed back into the car and continued on to Vegas. Ava looked at her phone for a moment and then grabbed her bag that had her uniform in it.

"Here, Stu," she said. "Hold my bag. I gotta change."

Suddenly, Ava's shirt was pulled up over her head and she was dressed in a black sports bra.

At that moment, Stu heard Meatloaf singing the second chorus line of Paradise by the Dashboard Light. He could see her smiling at him seductively and winked at him, the wind blowing behind her, making her hair rippling. Here he was, gazing at his best friend's sister, half naked. Her perfect tits just a few inches from his nose.

Stu began to fantasize about Ava: in the back seat of a car, making out wildly with her, their tongues tangled. Ava straddling his lap, letting him grope her: one hand on her breast, sucking on a perk nipple and the other between her legs, stroking her hot pussy; her moaning and running her hands through his hair. Then, she would unbuckle his belt and pull his pants down, her dark blue eyes glittering seductively and sink right onto his hard cock...ohhh! Stu would give anything to have sex since he hadn't in over a year...except with himself.

"Stu…STU!" said Ava. "Are you OK?"

"Huh?" he said, dumbly, snapping back to reality. "Um…yea, just lost my train of thought…"

Ava smirked. "Were you staring at my boobs?"

Stu lowered his head, blushing, taking off his glasses. "Sorry…I didn't mean..."

"It's OK," she said, smiling gently. "You're a guy...you see a pair of tits in your face, I know you're gonna stare."

Stu laughed, a little uncomfortable. Ava always made him laugh.

"Ava!" sighed Doug, embarrassed and exasperated. "Really?! Come on! You need to do that now? You couldn't do that at the gas station?"

"Coach said we have to be in uniform when we get to the Mirage. We're just dropping our shit off and getting into the van. Besides, it's not like any of you guys seen this before!"

"I haven't," said Alan, dumbly.

Everyone ignored him, rolling their eyes. He was such a dumb shit.

"My friends don't need to see you in your underwear," Doug said, placing a hand on his forehead. His sister could be so embarrassing sometimes.

"Pfft! They've seen me plenty of times, in a bathing suit. I'm sure I'm no different than any other woman. Right, guys?"

Doug rolled his eyes. His sister could be so impossible!

She pulled on her team uniform: a very demented black and red Catholic schoolgirl uniform with her derby name emblazoned in red on the back. She buttoned up her shirt, which had a skull and crossbones patch on the collar. She wore a skull and crossbones necklace that lingered just above the soft valley of her breasts, which brimmed over the top. Her shirt came to her pierced navel that had a red jewel and she had a tattoo of a scorpion on her left hip.

Off came her jeans. Her legs were muscular and smooth; her right ankle was tattooed with a wicked red rose looped around with thorns that pierced through her flesh. She wore black bikini panties. So sexy! How Stu would give ANYTHING to feel those legs wrapped around his own! He wanted to pull those panties off with his teeth and worship her hips, she would part her legs and...

The demon inside Stu was locked in a cage, screaming and rattling the bars, demanding to be released...Melissa had the key.

"Bag, Stu!" she said, firmly.

"Uh...sorry..."

"Staring at my pussy, are you, you bad boy?" She smirked.

"No, no!" he denied, sweating. "I wasn't..."

"Whatever you say." She shrugged.

Phil was sneaking peeks at her through his sunglasses, trying to not make it obvious that he wasn't looking. Even though he was happily married, it still didn't stop him from sneaking peaks at Ava from time to time. Alan stared vacantly through the rear-view mirror. Doug was completely mortified.

Ava pulled on her short skirt and stepped into bloomers. Then she pulled on her knee high socks gracefully over her legs. Then stepped back into her Converse sneakers.

Doug dropped Ava off at the Mirage and she waved at them, saying she'd see them later. The four boys drove in complete silence as they drove toward Caesar's Palace since they had all seen Doug's hot sister undress right in front of them.

"So, Doug..." said Alan, breaking the awkward silence. "Your sister is a hot piece of ass."

"Shut the FUCK up!" Doug said, vexed. "Don't EVEN think about it!"

Stu decided it was best not to ask Doug about dating his sister. Definitely a violation of the Bro Code.