A/N: I'd like to thank those you have found out this story now exists so quickly. So, you know, thank you.
She would have thought there would be more chaos in the fictional world of ninja bullshit, but well in a way it was peaceful. If she were to ignore Orochimaru. Except no, because he didn't like being ignored and then he became clingy. A nightmare, truly because it was both gut-wrenching and somewhat comfortable. It tore at her, really.
It was possibly because she was allowed to just chill about Orochimaru's apartment, which she made homey by ruining its meticulous atmosphere. He blinked at it for an entire minute, before he said something along the lines of understanding what it was like to have a wife now.
She had contemplated the idea of throwing her knife at him, but thought better of it. He was nothing like the original in terms of personality, but his skills were top-notch. Her excruciating way of entering his world may have made her indestructible, but effort was still effort. She'd rather not expend that often. Mental exhaustion was a thing.
The fact of the matter was that she was expecting some type of grand and unwelcome adventure that included her being pressured into making moralistic and righteous decisions, which would never work out because she just was not that type of person. She was more of the type to enjoy the world burning down, regardless of whether or not it was her who started the fire. Or lightning, or just abrupt explosions. Either or.
She was also expecting more canon-compliant characters and events, but she was always a fast adapter. It wasn't like she knew too much about what was different from the original and now, because she was confined to a weird reptilian man's apartment, but that was a strong factor as to why she thought it best not to think that his world wasn't fucked sideways.
Still, she could not help but feel the lingering disgust whenever she looked at Orochimaru or simply thought of him. Actually, she realised that she reacted as such to anyone whom she learned had a romantic inclination towards her. It was just much stronger because well, Orochimaru. It was her natural reaction, but hopefully she would grow out of it because being disgusted all the time hurt. Feeling was sure to hurt.
"It might be time for you to assimilate among the masses now." some old man's voice told her, which was most definitely the Hokage's. She continued to concentrate on creating her gummy brain, because making gelatine out of human bones and whatnot actually seemed to enhance the flavour. That was nice. It was easier to acquire human bones rather than animal bones since her roommate was a scientific maniac or something.
"That isn't exactly my forte, but if you mean that I can go outside and make conversation with people whom are just as likely to be lacking some perception of sanity as Orochin-chin… good to know. No, really."
Speaking of the tall tongue slut, Orochimaru was never exactly pleased whenever his former teacher would show up unannounced like an old creep, which was understandable because privacy was nice. Orochimaru was like a mentally challenged puppy that drooled bullshit from his mouth, but to everyone else he was apparently a fear-inducing basilisk that could kill someone with a look. Or he was a fear-inducing basilisk that could kill and impregnate someone with a look.
Even the Hokage was wary around his former but somehow still favourite student. That was surprising, because she was sure that he was a moron and therefore should not be capable of being wary of obviously dangerous people. Morons were morons for a reason.
But yes, the reputation of her roommate made him popular in the general sense that he was attractive, strong, legendary, mysterious and alluring. At least that was what he told her when she asked if he was popular among the crowd or not, which of course made her feel like she was about to die of laughter.
He was both pleased and yet not. So he did this weird thing with his tongue that was like wagging his tail but with his tongue through his mouth. Weird as fuck.
Tongue fetish? It would be highly unsurprising. Even expected. Her imagination thought it would be simply wonderful for more graphic images with uses of his fire hose-length tongue. No. Just… no.
The whole fact that he looked young confused her as to whether who was actually older, as neither of them aged and he appeared to be as if he was barely in his twenties. Attractive Voldewhore? She wasn't keen on him finding out her actual age when he asked, so she thought it would be best to give him what she thought was a secretive smile.
He licked her. She screamed.
Then she realised that he was older because though she was biologically eighteen, she was only mentally twenty years of age. So… gross. Or not? Because though he was like an old man in the original, she really had no idea of his actual age because for all she knew he could actually be in his early twenties. She decided it was still gross, because Orochimaru from canon.
"We have reason to believe that you truly mean Konoha no harm, after all you have been here. In Orochimaru's apartment. For over two years now." the Hokage stated, apparently struggling to speak or he was trying to imply something. She thought it purely for expositional purposes really. She did live within a story after all, the dramatic elements of stories popped up often. It got a bit annoying after a while, and it was his fault that she was stuck in the apartment of a reptilian virgin in the first place. "You are free to act as one of our many civilians and live a peaceful life within Konoha's walls."
"Sure, but you should already know that the amount of fucks I give about Konoha is equivalent to the amount of times Ecchimaru ̶ Orecchimaru? ̶ has had sex. Or fellatio. Or a rimjob. Anything sexual in essence." she murmured, in that offhand kind of manner that she generally did. She wasn't exactly sure how much of the world had changed from canon-compliance, but Naruto held a special place in her heart where she wanted it to burn. Fiercely. Like, she actually might hate it with how much effort she put into disliking it and all its bullshit. It was a shame that the premise of the story was offset by the execution, she thought. "Amalgamation of bullshit, right here."
There was an irony in her world switch. For shame, higher forces, for shame.
"You need to stop trespassing and you need to stop doing it when she's alone." Orochimaru's smooth voice intoned, or threatened. She thought it more youthful and much unlike the horrible sibilant voice of his voice actor. That would push her into attempting to kill him whenever she could, because that would amplify her disgust onto new levels. In all honesty, she had mixed feelings because it was a nice and attractive voice. She really didn't want to use those adjectives on him, but that would be denying the truth.
Then her face morphed in her signature expression of disgust upon realising the implications of her roommate's words. "Kill me." she whispered, looking to the ceiling in mock-prayer. The gelatine bubbled in an ominous fashion. Perhaps a Final Destination moment would happen and burn her eyelids.
"There is physically no way for you to die that I know of, for the moment. Besides, I am not a fan of necrophilia." the immortal-obsessed snake-eyed weirdo told her, what could be considered a pleasant smile plastered on his lips. "I want you alive, for science reasons."
She kneeled down and curled in on herself, feeling overall like she wanted to die because the reptilian freak made constant innuendos. It hurt her, it truly did. It would seem that new worlds meant a switch of pain; physical to mental. One day she was going to just implode, then she'd probably put herself back together. Or the higher forces would. She suspected that they had a sadistic sort of affection for her.
A bird slammed into the window. She forgot they even had a window.
"Right, well. I think it would be best if you were to go outside more, Shun-kun. Maybe purchase more feminine articles of clothing. To wear. Around the apartment." the Hokage suggested, no doubt eying her non-existent posterior before disappearing in a cloud of old man poof when Orochimaru did some kind of growling hiss. She imagined he drooled.
"Perverted creep." muttered the scientific mad man whose genetics might have come from actual snakes. "I brought more bones for you to boil and then consume. Touch me as a reward."
"Touch your pow-pow rod as your reward." she choked out, crawling into the cupboard underneath the kitchen counter. "Preferably away from me so I can neither see you nor hear you."
He hummed in thought. "I should record it then, so you can watch it later." was his nonplussed response, his footfalls silent as he walked away to go touch himself inappropriately. "I will think of you as I do it."
She closed the cupboard door and wished she were dead.
A/N: Because, as we know, Boruto's era of technology is up to modern standards. The possibilities, am I right?
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