Month Three:
Cammie,
Hey Gallagher Girl. How are you? I can't believe it's already been three months since I saw you last. I hate being away from you for so long. I've asked Grant and Bex to make sure you get these letters at the times I've written on the envelopes. I would tell you where I am but the Director would likely kill me. Also, he hasn't told me where I'm going, so I can't actually say. All he told me was that this mission has an estimated 60% survival rate and that if I didn't go, people I love would end up dead. But you knew that.
You see, Cam, I wasn't actually going to tell you that at first. I had to though. I can't keep things from you. I wish I could have stayed at home with you, but I know I couldn't have. Whatever it is I'm doing right now is too important. At least it had better be, because I miss you.
Have you been on any missions since I left? How's your mom? Is Joe doing okay without me? I know how hard it is for him to function when I'm not around (read that like I'm smirking at you, Gallagher Girl). Are the girls doing well? I know that Bex wasn't actually home when I left. Grant told me something about a mission in Peru, but he wasn't totally sure himself. I think Macey was in Paris, but I'm pretty sure she was just shopping. I did say bye to Liz though. It's pretty easy to track her down when she's teaching at Gallagher.
Gallagher Girl, try not to get to upset with the Director, okay? I know you've probably already been up to his office a bunch of times to try and weasel information about me out of him, but in all likelihood it hasn't worked out too well for you. Take a deep breath. He's just trying to keep us both safe. I'll do my best to write to you from wherever I am if it is safe enough.
Hug Joe for me, okay baby?
I love you,
Zach
Zach,
You're right. Trying to get information out of the Director hasn't been going very well for me. I've only yelled at him twice though. (I might have punched a hole through his wall once, but I was really angry.) I know he's just trying to keep us safe, but it doesn't make this any easier. Honestly, I don't think he knows very much himself.
I'm doing alright though. I spent two weeks this month on protection detail for the President's kids. Somebody tried to kill them four times the first week. I got them though, and I kept the kids alive and safe. Last week, I joined Bex in Peru. We finished off her mission together and then came home. I should be leaving again soon unless some arms dealers decide to quit their life of crime.
I've decided that I will write you responses to your letter so that when you get back, you will have a record of everything that has happened in your absence. I would also like to point out that it was a total surprise when Grant showed up at our house to give this to me.
Macey is back from Paris. She was shopping like you said and is pretty upset that you left without saying goodbye. Liz is in Afghanistan right now, working with some military medical scientists to develop a cure for a particularly nasty sickness that has been killing soldiers there. Of course that is top secret, so don't tell anyone. Bex and Grant are at their flat in England right now. Both have a one month leave, so they're relaxing. Mom is doing okay. She has taken over Joe's Covert Ops class for the time being because he is on a mission somewhere. We don't know where. We don't know for how long. Mom misses him, not that she'd admit that. Last time I saw the Director, he told me Joe was fine. That's something at least. It's more than he's been able to tell me about you.
The stupid thing about this is that we've both been on longer missions than this. Maybe it's different this time because of the survival rate you've been given, or the fact that I know nothing about what you're doing. I don't know. What I do know is that this is so much harder than usual. I miss you Zach. I miss you a lot. Come back to me, okay?
Lots of love,
Cammie
Chameleon,
Hi, darling. I'm sitting in a quaint little cafe in the Bahamas as I write this. You would laugh if you could see what I'm wearing. I look a bit like the island has thrown up on me. I'm on a vacation with my girlfriend right now (don't worry, you don't need to be jealous). Her name (at least in these letters) is Big Nose. She looks nothing like you.
I can't tell you anything else about what I am doing, or where I have been. I would, but then you wouldn't be safe.
The coffee here is superb. You would probably hate the cafe though because you can't really see what is happening outside of it. Also, there are only two points of exit. For right now though, that works to my advantage. If I cannot see out, other people cannot see in.
This is supposed to be a vacation after all.
Don't worry about me compromising my cover by writing this. Big Nose is asleep in our hotel room and I will mail this the second I am finished writing it. Plus the ink is of the invisible variety that Bookworm makes, so only you will be able to figure out how to read it. In fact, one of the men who works here just looked at me like I was crazy because he was topping off my coffee and happened to notice that I am staring at a blank piece of paper. I had to explain to him that I my girlfriend wants me to journal about our trip, but that I don't really know what to write. He laughed and told me to talk about the beaches and how beautiful her hair looks in the island sunlight. her hair might look nice, but Chameleon, Big Nose's face ruins the effect.
Unfortunately I just talked myself into having to write a journal about this trip. That's okay though. BigNose has actually requested I write one.
It has been five months since I saw you last. (Four months of dating Big Nose. If you ask me, I think it is a bit too early on in the relationship to start inviting your boyfriend to spend a week with you in the Bahamas. Especially when you know his bosses get angry when her misses work.) Our record is thirteen months though, so I guess that isn't a big deal. Still. I miss you, my love.
How are you? How is everyone else? How are your mom and Wise Guy?
I love you,
Shadow
Zach,
I just got your letter from the Bahama's. Big Nose, huh? I have to say, I am a little bit jealous. A one week island vacation and a hotel room. What I wouldn't give for that with you.
You're right, the cafe seems like a place I would hate, but I feel like I probably would laugh at your outfit. (I'm thinking swim suit and a short sleeve button up that you haven't yet buttoned up. Oh... flipflops and sunglasses!)
Remember that mission we did in the Bahamas where our cover was that we were honeymooning newlyweds? The look on that maid's face when she walked in and found us both sleeping on the bed head to toe in black with our muddy combat boots on the white comforter was priceless. They made us pay to have it dry cleaned. Personally I think that the Director's face when we filed the dry cleaning bill as a mission expense was better than the maid's face when she found us like that.
Joe and my mom are good I think. Joe got back from his mission two months ago, according to the Director. I haven't seen them yet though. Just after I got your first letter I left for that mission involving the arms dealers. I just got back this afternoon. Or yesterday afternoon? I'm not sure. It's really late. Well, early I guess. So yeah, it was yesterday afternoon. I was stuck in debrief until a few hours ago, and then I came home and unpacked. I just got your letter now, because I went to get the mail. I couldn't sleep.
Everyone else is good as far as I know. Liz is still in Afghanistan, but she should be back next week. Macey is off somewhere in Italy dealing with something need-to-know. Bex and Grant are on a leave of absence (on call though, of course), so they're in England visiting Bex's parents. My guess is that they are doing some odd jobs for MI6 at the same time though, because there is no way those two can go a whole month without some kind of action.
I haven't seen you in six months now. Hurry home.
I love you,
Cammie
Month Six:
Cammie,
It's been a while, darling. Wherever I am, whatever I am doing, I know I miss you more than anything.
Is Abby back yet? I talked to her before I left over a secure channel that the Director got me on. I told him I wouldn't go on the mission without speaking to her, so he pulled some strings. She was supposed to arrive home six months after I left, and when she does she will have a surprise for you ready and waiting. She can't give it to you unless you give her the password though. I decided to be overly mundane and went with PASSWORD as the password, so you can't forget it. Not that I'm insinuating you would, however that time in Kabul where we had to pull off a diamond heist might beg to differ. Anyways, if Abby is back give her a call. If she isn't, give her a call when she is.
I know that by now you have probably considered hog-tying the Director to a chair and beating him until he told you where I am. I know that after that failed to turn out positively in your mind, you probably considered the same scenario but with truth serum instead of the whole old fashioned beating thing. Please tell me somebody talked you out of it? Gallagher Girl, the Director is only protecting you. I have no doubt you've been in his office once a week every week you've been able for the past six months. Cut him some slack. He cares about you, Cam.
How is everyone?
Enjoy your gift, Gallagher Girl. I'm sure you are going to pretty surprised by it, but Abby and Macey said they would help. Be patient and let them, I know how endearingly independent and bull headed you can be. You'll love my gift once you get over the initial shock. Think of it as a mini-me, handpicked by me. We even share personality traits.
Hug Joe for me again, okay? Next to you, I probably miss him the most.
Also, my next preplanned letter won't come until month twelve. That is in the hopes that I'll be home soon and you won't need another. After that they'll come every year, once a year until I am home. Hopefully we won't need more of them after this, though.
I love you,
Zach
Zach,
I love you too, but a puppy? An eight month old, very cute, chocolate labrador? I see what you mean about the personality traits. Devious, over confident, and child like? I'd say you both fit the bill. I mentioned he was cute though, right? I guess that's the difference.
I love him though, Zach. I got Mom to agree to let him stay with her and Joe at Gallagher while I am on mission, so I don't have to worry about finding a dog sitter. I currently have two months leave, so Bond and I have been going to some of the CIA dog training courses. By the end of next month, he is going to be the best trained dog in Virginia. The Director actually asked if he could borrow Bond for a bug search of headquarters yesterday. Apparently somebody was actually brazen enough to tap our phones. Well, somebody other than Uncle Sam, that is.
Bond and I have been getting along really well. When you get back your pillow will probably smell a lot like dog though. Also, Abby says to tell you that she is never being a part of one of you surprise-Cammie-schemes again. Apparently last time it cost her one of her favourite knives and this time it cost her a rug Townsend just brought back from a mission for their apartment. She also mentioned that he will be billing us for the rug. Something about it being a gift from some royal family? I don't know, I was too distracted by Bond and his cuteness.
Everyone is good. Liz is still in Afghanistan, but she sent me a postcard about how tired she is of the military base she is on. She also said that if her mission is extended again after this time, she will book a flight and come home as a deserter. Grant and Bex finally caught a break and were assigned a two person mission. I'm not sure under what circumstances or where, but I know they are posing as a very wealthy couple with a penchant for illegal weapons sales. Macey is still doing her need-to-know thing somewhere in Italy. Mom and Joe are at the school right now, but I'm pretty sure they're getting ready for something. What? I don't know.
Some things never change I guess, right?
Be safe, Zach. I like you in one piece, not multiple.
I love you,
Cammie
P.S. Joe says hi, and thanks for the hug. He also said, and I quote, "He misses me the most next to you? And what's with the 'probably'? He was my best man at the wedding. He better be missing me like hell, otherwise I'm making him pay for the tux I bought him." So basically, Joe misses you too. Also, thanks for the heads up about the letters. You... always the optimist with the backup plan of the pessimist. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. Yeah?
Month Twelve:
Cammie,
First things first: I love you. I don't know where it is I am right now, but I know that. I will always love you. Cam, this letter is going to be short. I don't know what I can say to you other than that I love you, and that I miss you. Tell everyone else that I miss them too, alright?
How did you like my surprise?
This year has been a long one for both of us, I am sure. I hope I'll be back to you soon.
I love you, Gallagher Girl.
Love,
Zach
Zach,
I love you too.
Liz is back from Afghanistan and teaching at Gallagher again. Mom and Joe are somewhere in the Middle East doing something, but the Director assures me they are safe. He has stopped telling me that about you. Last time I was in his office he looked at me and said, "Cammie, your husband is fine. He'll be fine." Not exactly reassuring. God, Zach, I hope he is right.
Macey and Preston finally decided to get engaged. The wedding is in three months. Bex is pregnant. She is two months along. Macey has already started designing her a custom bridesmaid dress.
I wish you were here.
Bond is getting big. He still sleeps on our bed, so I'm really sorry about your pillow.
I spent a few months in France tracking down a terrorist ring that was hiding there. Apparently croissants and cheese are good incentive when picking a country for your entire organization to go to ground in. I ended up getting them, but not before I had to go scuba diving. I'll tell you all about it when you get home.
I miss you so much Zach.
I love you,
Cammie
Zach,
Bex had the baby! He looks just like her, but with Grant's eyes. They're so happy. They've asked us to be the Godparents. I figured that you would love that, so I said yes on your behalf. Your Godson's name is Jacob. Bex just left last week on her first mission after his birth, and she left Jacob at home with Grant. He was just called out this morning on an emergency mission, despite his protests. I'm sitting on our bed with Bond while a three month old baby boy sleeps in the spare bedroom. I have a baby monitor beside me, Zach.
The spare room looks a bit like a nursery right now. It has a crib and a changing table, and I put one of our old rugs in it. You know the one: it has all of the blue and yellow polka dots. I think it was a wedding gift, but I'm not sure. We never used it though. We never had a reason to. It works perfectly in a nursery though.
This makes me miss you so much more, Zach. I know you have mixed feelings about being a father, but I think you would love this. I have a few weeks leave right now because of the length of my last mission. This time I was in Jerusalem. I'm not really sure why, I was just gathering intel on something. I'm not sure what. It took just over four months though. I got back three days before Jacob was born.
I put a picture of Jacob in the envelope, so I hope you opened it like a normal person instead of tearing at it.
I love you Zach.
Love,
Cammie
Month 24:
Cammie,
I'm so sorry, baby. I should be home. I wish I was home. I will be though. I promise, I will be. How is the dog? I was going to say puppy, but he isn't a puppy anymore, is he?
How are you?
How are the girls?
How are your mom and Joe? Tell Joe I love him for me, please.
Is Grant doing well?
I miss you Cammie.
I love you so much.
Love,
Zach
Zach,
The girls, Grant, Mom, Joe, and I are all good.
Macey and Preston got married before Jacob was born. The wedding was beautiful. Macey bought you a tux in case you got home in time. You didn't, obviously. The ceremony was in the gardens at Gallagher, right where Mom and Joe got married. Then the reception was in the great hall.
Of course Macey had the whole thing scheduled down to the second, and it was quite possibly the most organized wedding I have ever seen. Macey's dress was beautiful, and the bridesmaid dresses she chose for us where all equally as beautiful. I have to say the whole thing was perfect. Simple elegance. It reminded me of our wedding.
Bond is definitely not a puppy anymore. Yesterday, while I was unpacking some groceries, he ate half a pot roast. He loves Gallagher though, and the students love him.
I'm not sure where Liz is right now, but I have a hunch that she is still in the States. The Director said she is totally safe, so that is something. I think she might be developing weapons for our military.
The last mission I went on was actually in the military. They put me into a special forces unit for a few months to find a mole they suspected was in the unit. They were right. He was selling information to the highest bidder, as well as spying for the Russians. I got him though.
Jacob is growing fast. He is so cute. You would love him. I'm sure you will , when you get back.
I miss you, Zach. Please come home.
I love you,
Cammie
Chameleon,
I don't know when I'll be back. I don't know if I'll be back. Things here have taken a bad turn. I can't really tell you anything more than that.
Chameleon, I am so sorry. We always knew that our lives would be this way, but you deserve better. You deserve so much better than this.
I am going to have to run. For the sake of my cover, and yours, I am going to have to run.
It has almost been three years, baby. If you had asked me where I thought we'd be by now three years ago, my answer would have been this: Chameleon, I would have told you that we would be together. Maybe we'd have a little baby boy or girl who would look like both of us because that baby would have been both of us. I would have said that we'd own a minivan and be trying to balance parenting against spying. I would have told you we would be safe (as safe as a spy can be), and that we would be happy. I would have told you that I would have just finished putting up baby gates all around the house because our little baby was learning to walk. I would have told you we would have a life together. The life we've always wanted. Chameleon, I wish I could give it to you.
Instead, I will run. I will keep our covers intact. I will try to stay alive.
Any tips?
It wasn't supposed to be this way, Chameleon. God, I wish it wasn't. I can't change it though. You can't either, honey, so don't beat yourself up.
I wish I could talk to you. I wish I could kiss you, and hold you. I wish I could hear your laugh. See your smile.
I wish I could tell you in will all be okay. I can't though. We would both know I am lying.
I hope this isn't goodbye, Chameleon. I'm going to do everything I can to make sure it isn't goodbye. If it is though, I need you to know that I love you.
To the moon and back, Chameleon. Always.
I love you so much.
I am sorry.
Love,
Shadow
Zach,
I play a game in my head now. I try to picture what you would say to the little things that happen every day, or how you would react when I'm on a mission if you were me. On the nights when I can't sleep, I look through our old pictures and let myself replay all of the moments I have in my brain of when we were together. I don't want to forget what you sound like, or how your lips feel against mine, or how your arms can ward off the worst nightmares. Bond tries, but he isn't you.
Zach, this isn't goodbye. It can't be.
I know you'll come home to me. I don't know how I can keep going without you. You have to come home, Zach. There is a little boy waiting for you here. He just turned one. I don't want to have to tell Jacob about the man he calls Uncy Zach. I don't know if I can. I need you to be here so he knows.
Zach, be careful. Running is hard. You asked me for advice? Well, here it is: Don't stop. Always move, always stay one step ahead. Do whatever it takes. You have the skills, use them and don't feel badly about it. If you need to abandon your cover, do it. Don't trust anyone, Zach. Don't get caught.
Come back to me.
I love you.
Love,
Cammie
Zach,
The Director knocked on our door today. It has been 38 months. He told me you have been dark for four months, and that you have been declared MIA.
Grant delivered one of your letters with Jacob two months ago. I couldn't open it. I am not opening another one of the letters until you are home. I can't.
I love you, Zach. Please be okay.
Love,
Cammie
Zach,
I went to Grandma Morgan's funeral today. She died five days ago after spending two weeks in the hospital post stroke. I wish you were here. You've always shared my pain and now I am feeling the full weight of it for the first time in a long time.
Come home to me soon, okay?
I love you so much.
Be safe, Zach.
Love,
Cammie
Zach,
It has been four years.
Jacob is two now.
You haven't had contact with anybody at the CIA for almost a year. Yesterday while I was at Langley, the Director asked me about putting a headstone up for you in the CIA memorial graveyard.
I said no.
I'm not going to believe your dead until I see your body.
Bond is really big now. He still sleeps with his head on your pillow.
Mom and Joe are somewhere in Nicaragua. Macey is pregnant with twins, and Liz is off in Rome helping with a mission. Of course she isn't in the field, but she is the one running the thing. Remember the last time we were in Rome? Bex is in Oxford, and Grant is in Germany. I am filling in for the P&E teacher at Gallagher, who is in Paris. I have Jacob with me for until either Bex or Grant get back.
I love you Zach.
I wish you were here.
Love,
Cammie
Zach,
This morning a man I almost didn't recognize showed up on our doorstep. He was you, but looked older and with a beard. He looked exhausted, until he smiled. When he smiled I knew it would be okay.
Zach, it has been four years, five months, and seventeen days, but when you smiled it was like I saw you yesterday.
You dropped your duffel bag on the floor and pulled me into your arms, and I tried to convince myself that you were real. You see, Zach, I've imagined you walking into our house so many times over the past few years that I wasn't sure if you were just in my mind.
You held me while I cried though, and kissed away my tears, and told me that it would be okay now.
I've wanted you to say that for so long.
We sat and talked until the Director knocked on our door, and you went to see who it was. You went and opened our front door, Zach. You.
The Director had come by to see me because he wanted to make sure I was holding up okay. He has been dropping by about once a week lately, if I'm not on a mission. To say he was surprised to see you was a bit of an understatement. Apparently you skipped the official channels, debrief, and legal travel arrangements because the CIA had no idea you were back, let alone alive.
The Director ended up calling a unit and you were debriefed in the kitchen.
It is 12:00pm now, and he unit got to our house at 6:00pm yesterday night. Apparently four and a half years takes a long time to unload, even when most of it is covered by your files. The unit said that you'll need to go into Langley tomorrow for the rest of your debrief because they were only at year two, month six when the Director finally told everyone that we could continue your debrief at another time.
You are in the shower now (hopefully shaving off your beard). Bond is sitting outside the bathroom door, whining and staring at it. I think he is worried you are never going to come out. Honestly, I'm kind of with him.
We have a lot of catching up to do, Zach.
Right now though, I am just glad you're home safe and sound.
I love you.
Thank-you for coming back to me.
Love,
Cammie
A/N: So, what do you think? Leave me a comment to let me know, or PM me. I hope you liked it.