So yeah. My friends and I just got murdered by some psycho guy in a fur suit. That's why I'm pretty confused when I open my eyes. I know that wasn't a dream, and I know what I'm seeing now isn't a dream, so what the heck just happened? I stand up. Why on earth am I not at home?
"Nick? Is this real?" I whip my head around. That was definitely Andrew's voice I just heard. I see the Chica animatronic standing next to me. She's speaking with Andrew's voice. I now know how people who take hallucinogenic drugs feel. Remind me to never take hallucinogenic drugs.
"Andrew," I tell the chicken, "I do believe that I am having a nightmare. Please leave me alone for a while so I can stop seeing things."
"Nick. I think this is real," he says. I stare at him and shake my head very slowly. "Nick, some guy killed us, and now we are possessing these costumes. I know this sounds crazy, but it's all happening," he says.
"Please, man," I sigh, "I'm trying to enjoy my birthday. Does everything have to be ruined?"
"Seriously, Nick! Do you think I want to be the world's ugliest bird?" he shouts.
"I've always thought she was kind of pretty." Lisa says this. We turn and see Freddy.
"You're here, too?" Andrew and I say at the same time.
"At least you both look cool," Andrew huffs, "I get stuck being the stupid girly chicken."
"Oh, so she's uncool just because she's a girl?" counters Lisa, "Cuz if you think all girls are fragile little sissies, I'll-"
"Guys! Now is not the time for fighting!" I push them apart. "Please! Do you think I like this? Of course not! At least I'm not fighting about it, though!"
"Yeah, none of us got reincarnated as something cool," agrees Lisa, "I really wish I could have become Foxy." Just then we hear crying.
"Tess!" Andrew calls, "Tess, where are you, sis? I'm coming, just stay still and I'll find you!" We see Foxy standing in the doorway, crying. Andrew groans. "I turn into a girl chicken and Tess gets to be the awesome pirate? Gimmie a break, fate!"
"Just shut up and let me think!" I shout. Everyone gets quiet except for Tess, who's still crying of course. I sit down and put my hands over my head, which isn't easy cuz my rabbit ears are so darn huge. Anyway, I'm trying to think of some way that our problems are even possible when I start laughing. Andrew and Lisa look at me like I'm nuts but I keep laughing anyway. "Of course!" I say when I finally calm down, "My mom can help us!"
I practically skip out of that room and down the hallway. Mom's in the guardroom looking very official in her night watchman outfit. I stop outside the door. Something isn't right. She's crying. Oh yeah, I realize, her kids just died. Of course she isn't going to be alright. I sigh. Hopefully, seeing me won't be a bad shock for her.
"Kill me," she says. She doesn't even look up. "You killed my sons. They were the only thing I had left to live for. I don't want to live anymore."
"Mom. Please don't be sad. It's me."
She slowly raises her head. "Nick?" she whispers, unbelieving.
"Yeah mom it's me. This is probably the most awkward moment in the history of ever, but yeah. It's me." I quickly explain our situation.
"This is absolutely unbelievable," she says, "My mind is completely blown." She cocks her head to one side. "Where's Richie?" she asks.
"Mom! I don't know! I'm in the middle of a reality crisis right now, and you expect me to be looking for my brother?!" We hear a faint whirring sound. An animatronic bear appears in front of us. It has filthy yellow fur and no eyes and Richie's laugh. "Well, we found Richie"
"So what are we going to do now?" asks Lisa once we all meet up again.
"Yeah, we have to find some way to fix all this. Richie's teleportation ability is getting really annoying," I grumble.
Mom puts her hands up and we all quiet down. "There's only one thing I know of that can help us in a situation like this," she says. We all pile into Mom's car, which is probably stealing but who cares, and we start to drive. We pull up in front of a house with the word "Afton" on the mailbox and Mom gets Richie to teleport us all inside.
"What the heck are you doing in my house in the middle of the night?! And why do you have my robot animals with you?!" shouts a man who I guess is Mr. Afton.
"Sir, you own this pizzeria. My sons and their friends have been reincarnated as your robot animals. Do you have any idea why?" Mom asks.
"I do not!" shouts the man, "I'm just trying to run a business! Get out of my house!"
"You painful lack of security got these children murdered! You get these kids iout of this mess or at least bring their murder to justice instead of sweeping it under the rug like you do with everything else!" shouts Mom.
"I don't sweep things under the rug! Nothing bad happens at my franchise!" Mr. Afton argues back.
"The bite of 1987, the murder of that kid at a sister location, several employees getting killed by unsafe springlock costumes, and that's just to name a few. I'm seriously wondering why I even chose to work at this place," Mom gives him a hard look. "If you don't do something about these children, I am going to sue you."
"Guess what? The joke is on you! I am the corporate overlord of this world! Nothing you can do will ever make me pay for my crimes against humanity!" he laughs hysterically. Mom looks like she is going to strangle him, but she sighs and counts to ten. She gives her boss a very cold look and turns to leave.
"Are we ever going to get fixed?" whimpers Tess. Mom gives her a pat on the head and a reassuring smile. Then she toilet papers Mr. Afton's house.
"Get in the car," she says once she's finished. We all pile into the car again and she starts to drive. "I never thought I'd have to do this, but I guess I do now," she sighs. I don't question what she is going to do because I'm pretty nervous about if we'll ever get back to normal.
"Hey, something's been bothering me," Andrew breaks the silence, "If we all got stuffed into costumes in the back room during the day, why are we possessing the animatronics that were on the stage instead of the costumes that we actually got stuffed into?"
We all turn to him (except Mom because she's driving). None of us say anything. "Just wanted to point that out," Andrew mumbles.
Soon we stop. I'm confused because we're in front of my house. "I'm going to try this, so cross your fingers it works," she says. I try to cross my fingers as she takes out a card. It says: "Fanfic Altering Life Cheat that Manipulates Reality (one use only)"
On the card Mom writes "And then everything went back to normal. The end." on the card. Magically, this actually works. "Well, that was lucky," I say.
We all go home and live happily ever after except for the fact that Mom explained to Andrew and Lisa's parents why we were missing all afternoon and night and our parents never let us out of their sights again. The end.
This was meant to be funny. I do not think that murder is funny, but I think that Nick and his friends being awkward is funny.