"I've always wanted to be a spy, and quite frankly I'm a little surprised that the British Intelligence has never approached me."
Elizabeth Hurley
Thursday September 2nd , First lesson: Charms
Natalia Zabini's List of Hogwarts Hottest Guys
(Compiled during a particularly boring Charms lesson. In fact, the first lesson of the year. We are such good students. And with added commentary from ROSE WEASLEY, feel free to applaud...)
1) Darren McLaggen – This boy may be as thick as the Whomping Willow but how can you resist those deep blue eyes and that smile. (Agree...to an extent. Is fine as a bit of eye candy on the Quidditch pitch but not suitable Bring-Home-To-Daddy-Weasley material. Not that anyone in the world really is.)
2) Albus Potter – One word for you luvvie: Mmmmmmmmmmmm (Errlack. No comment.)
3) Louis Weasley – THIS IS WHY VEELAS SHOULD HAVE BABY BOYS. (Urm. Stop picking my relations since I cannot give commentary on the matter. SO yes, STOP. Pick someone NORMAL and actually NOT RELATED to me. Thank you.)
4) Scorpius Malfoy – He's like a blonde Mr Darcy...so mysterious... As for his chest – well, I hear from first party viewers that he has quite the muscular shindig going on. And a girl cannot turn that sort of bod down, especially with scrawny lads like Theo Davies roaming around. (Blonde Mr Darcy? WHAT? He is so not mysterious. He just smirks. All the time. Mr Darcy doesn't smirk. Mr Darcy is sultry and suave and has a gaze that fixes you to the floor and makes you want to dance with him at the Netherfield ball. Malfoy portrays none of these things.)
(However, am another first party viewer of six pack – courtesy of Al having him round for his birthday sleepover when we were 15 – and it had the potential to be fit. Several years have passed however, so will let this one slide.)
5) Professor Longbottom – He may be a bit old, but the way he wears his cardigan all buttoned up... (AGREE. He is the only man I know that can pull off the cardy and shirt look and still look manly. But never mention this to my parents.) (Yeah. Ditto. My dad would murder me AND Professor L.)
6) Lorcan Scamander – Not traditionally good looking, but rocks the attractive nerd look. (I think you mean Lysander, Lorcan is the fit Quidditch one.)
NEW 6) Lysander Scamander – see above. (Pah. Too girly.)
7) Lorcan Scamander – GOD. GREEK GOD. (MARRY ME LORCAN).
8)The guy who taught us apparition last year, such understated good looks. (Sometimes I worry about you. He was at least six times your age.)
9)Nicco Zabini – only because he is my twin and looks like me, therefore if I am to be considered gorgie-pie, he must too. (I prefer you.) (Good answer)
10) –
Are you actually going to listen to this lesson? You know, what we're being taught now might come up in our NEWTs. And if you're making another 'HOT BOY' list then STOP. You make one every year. – Isla
Ps. I hope Professor Longbottom is on the list or I will be VERY disappointed. Tee hee.
Such a sneaky little girl.
But I see the charms of Longbottom are not wasted on her. There is hope for her yet.
TO DO:
Copy charms notes off Isla
Captain badge?
Later, Potions
There is something mysterious going on with Malfoy and I am determined to know what it is. And don't even ask me why I'm so interested in the matter.
In fact, why shouldn't I be interested in the matter?
He is my cousin's best friend after all and I would be a pretty rotten cousin if I just left him to wallow around in loneliness whilst his mysterious Slytherin-to-the-core-and-therefore-very-sneaky best friend darts off being all mysterious.
Maybe there is something in Natalia's Mr Darcy theory. Except for the whole Netherfield dancing situation.
So you see, that is the only reason that I am interested in why Malfoy is being so downright bizarre. Okay, I may be slightly puzzled as to why he actually mumbled something that to an untrained ear may have sort of sounded like a compliment to ME of all people on the train yesterday.
But really, that was just a sign of his strange habits manifesting itself in a very, very bizarre way.
Besides, that is not the only incident that has occurred thus far today that could be considered a mark of some deteriorating health condition. Perhaps some kind of brain disease, or maybe a curse that causes madness and strange tempers. Whatever the case I am determined to get to the bottom of it.
For my cousin. Al. Since he actually resorted to sitting next to me in Potions today, something which he has not done since about second year when him and Malfoy became the most severely joined-at-the-hip bum-chums.
Things that Malfoy has done/said today that may be a sign of an underlying medical condition/madness
1) When Yasmin Jones wriggled her rather unpleasant 'seductive face' in his face whilst waiting in the hallway for Potions he told her to "go away because he was thinking and she was disrupting it". On another note, it is quite strange for Yasmin to be in our hallway in the first place since I wasn't aware she passed the test to do Potions to Advanced Level. Never mind. I must focus on the idiot at hand.
This is very bizarre.
Under normal circumstances they would have (cue vomiting attack) started groping and molesting each other in plain view of the public. That or started up the most flirting conversation that I can assure you, you will ever have heard in your life, filled with so many innuendos that you will want to drown yourself in your Yawning Draught once you actually get into the lesson.
But no. No snogging.
Not that I am complaining, it is sickening. It is not a nice sight to see on the first day back at school, particularly when you are still recovering from an debilitating illness that left you bedridden for a week as I am.
Al thought this development was strange as well, and this is what made me cotton on to the fact that his best friend is acting strange.
You see, had he made a pact at the beginning of the year (or similar) to try and draw his disgusting teenage hormones away from the darling females of the upper school, then Al, as his best friend and self confessed side-kick and companion through thick and thin, would surely have been let into this secret. He would not have left him in the dark, because that is not what friends do.
Thus, he must have been concealing something.
God knows what.
2) He chose to sit alone in Potions, telling Al that he could "Sit with his cousin for once, he'd be fine on his own."
First off, Malfoy is one of those people who is never alone in a class.
Not that I don't believe him that he would be fine on his own or anything, because let's face it, the boy is practically a genius. My mother would be proud to have him as a son, he is that clever. I don't even know if he works for his brains, and that is the most aggravating thing about it.
But seriously, if he wanted to work on his own then I'm sure he'd still get top marks, even though Al is also a bit of brainbox and can actually be rather useful at times.
So, basically, although I'm sure he would cope just fine being a loner in every class (not just Potions) he just never is. He always sits next to someone.
Usually Al so that they can gossip (they are worse than old ladies at times) but occasionally the odd girl that he wishes to take to Hogsmeade. Or worse.
This makes it very clear: he is mad.
Why, after all these years and the beautiful friendship that he and my cousin share, would he just up and tell him that he's quite happy to work alone and that he could sit with me?
Either he's plotting to make some kind of potion and doesn't want Al to know about it, or he just wants to be alone.
But when has Malfoy ever wanted to be alone?
He is like a social butterfly.
Fluttering from one person to another, but never on his own. Didn't I say that the first time I had ever been on my own with him was yesterday on the train?
It is very peculiar.
3) He HADN'T DONE THE SUMMER HOMEWORK.
Nor had I for that matter.
But he hadn't. He ALWAYS hands in his homework. Always.
So why has he suddenly forgotten now?
It just gets embarrassing when I the daughter of Hermione Granger the cleverest witch of all time (or whatever) is constantly showed up in class. I stick by my laurels when I say that I believe I descend from my dearest father.
No work ethic. This is what I mean.
But that will all change this year I promise I will work. Work, work, work.
Anyway, where was I?
Oh, yeah. He hadn't done the homework, or at least that was what we all thought since when Professor Danes came round to collect it he reached Malfoy's table and held out his hand and there was just no parchment being handed to him.
And that never happens. We were all in shock. Jaws dropping to the floor and all that jazz.
"Sorry, sir. I didn't get round to do it," Malfoy had said. And that was it. He didn't even try to get round it or make up some lame-arse excuse like I usually do along the lines of Sorry sir, it was eaten by my pet dragon and I had written so much that I just couldn't bring myself to re-write it.
It was just 'I didn't get round to it'.
Professor Danes of course let him off, just this once, since Malfoy is such a suck-up usually that one piece of homework missing hardly qualifies him to have three months detention and a permanent record on the matter.
But five minutes later I was walking past his desk to head to the store room and I saw a bit of parchment poking out of his bag titled: Potions, Summer Work: The Art of Improvisation in Advanced Potion Making.
And there was writing beneath it. He had done the work, but he just wasn't handing it in.
WHY? WHY?
If you actually do the work, then why would you not hand it in? You have so much to gain: good grades, the teacher's respect, the jealousy of Hermione Granger's daughter...
Why would you pass up such an opportunity!
So there.
That is why he is utterly mad. Bonkers mad.
Homework:
Potions: write an essay about pg 10 of textbook
Charms: wasn't listening. Must ask Isla.
What a lark! No more lessons today!
Hoorah for being a seventh year! Hip hip HOORAY!
Even later (but only mid-afternoon), Sitting on tree outside Greenhouse four
Ode to Professor Longbottom's Cardigan
Oh, ye of the cardigan, what beauty I see,
Yonder in this greenhouse from this marvellous tree,
A button adorning a knitted cardy,
Upon such a handsome Prof of Herbology.
(Hoorah for rhyming...but I think I am losing my touch. My literary-ness has gone downhill since being reunited with Longbottom's cardigan this term. Oh woe!)
Later still, sitting underneath tree now with Natalia
Natalia and I are growing very suspicious.
To start with we have witnessed, not one but two suspicious persons heading down to the Quidditch pitch this afternoon.
The first is Isla. Our dear, dear friend Isla Finnegan was seen by our spy eyes not four minutes ago marching down to the Quidditch pitch. Now you may not think that this is suspicious so let me remind you: Isla hates Quidditch.
She doesn't play it.
She hates to watch it. But we make her anyway since I am team Captain now and have been on the team since fourth year. Also I have assured her that she is my lucky charm and that if she does not come down to the pitch to watch me then I shall lose.
This, of course, is strange in itself.
Why would Isla go down to a Quidditch pitch?
If she does not play the beautiful game and there is no game that I am playing in for her to watch, then she has no possible motive for going down there.
Even worse...She is meant to be in a lesson right now! She has double divination straight after lunch and since she has never missed a single lesson in her entire school life before, there is no reason to believe that her missing one now is entirely innocent.
Add to this sighting, the yet stranger sight of Malfoy walking down to the pitch WITHOUT A BROOM and looking very angry (he threw a rock at the Giant Squid, and that is a sign of anger if I ever saw one). Then there is only one conclusion that one can draw.
"Natalia," I said, when we witnessed Malfoy chucking a rock into the lake then strolling determinedly over to the Quidditch pitch. "I am growing very ill at ease."
Natalia turned to look at me, all wide eyes and equal expression of confusion. "I suppose you are thinking what I am thinking." She said, in her usual manner of being rather vague about the matter.
Though, it appeared that we were both thinking what the other was thinking, and frankly it wasn't a very pleasant though to be thinking of at all.
"It depends what you are thinking."
"I am thinking," she said, lowering her voice. Not that anyone else would have been able to hear us as the rest of the school were either in lessons or sitting in the library or the kitchens (if they were a seventh or sixth year). "That we have just witnessed Isla walking towards the Quidditch pitch."
I nodded solemnly.
"Which is very odd. Followed by Malfoy, which is less odd, but still. What if the two are related?"
For a second I thought she had implied that the two of them were literally related. As in brother and sister. Or cousins.
But then the less stupid part of my brain realised what Natalia was trying to say.
What if they had both gone down to the pitch to meet up?
What if they were actually have a secret and passionate love affair?
I mean, it seemed unlikely to me at the time, but then the more I thought about it the more it became more and more possible. To start with, Malfoy had been acting very strange and Isla was skipping lessons and she wouldn't just do that for anyone.
Hell, I don't even know if she would miss a lesson for Natalia and I and we are her bestest friends in the whole wide world.
Therefore she would only skip it for her true love. She is a firm believer in all this 'true love' codswallop.
As for Malfoy...Well, it certainly explains his reluctance to play tonsil hockey with Yasmin this morning. If he is secretly in love with Isla and is planning on having little half-irish-half-snobby-englishman babies with her, then of course he wouldn't want to be going round snogging Yasmin Jones! Especially not in front of me, because I may relate the tale to Isla then she would be heartbroken.
I shrugged. "It is possible."
"Of course it's possible, but the question is why would she not tell us about this?" Natalia asked, looking very confused. But also very excited. A strange combination, but not one that is foreign to Natalia's over excited mind. "I can't believe our little Isla has a boyfriend!"
Then she let out the most awful squeal and clapped her hands together in happiness.
I felt that it was my duty to inform her of the fact that she appeared to have forgotten in all her excitement.
I mean, yes, Isla may potentially have a boyfriend which is brilliant and long overdue since she is such a stunner. But, err HELLO.
MALFOY?
MALFOY!
Of all the people in the school she had to pick to have her secret clandestine affair with, it just had to be MALFOY?
I hit Natalia on the arm. "Get some perspective, Natty. This is Malfoy we're talking about!"
"So?"
So!
"So...It's MALFOY."
She raised her eyebrows. "I know it's Malfoy. But what's the problem? Sure he can be a prat at times, and maybe he is a little...promiscuous but surely he'll have put that all behind him now that he and Isla are going to make beautiful babies together."
She grinned inanely.
"Exactly," I said with hushed panic. "Exactly. Once a man-slut always a man-slut! What if he cheats on her and breaks her fragile heart! We'll be there to pick up the pieces and she might be forever broken and lose her faith in men!"
Natalia looked to be contemplating the thought for a moment or two.
"There's only one thing for it," she said, in a tone that implied she was ready to get off her bum and get into action for Merlin knows what crazy scheme she was currently planning in her head. "We're going to have to spy on them."
"But...but!" I exclaimed as she stood up and dusted her robes down from the bits of dead leaves and grass. She turned to look at me. "What if they are having an affair? I don't want to watch it."
"Well if they are having an affair, then we will notice that from afar and run for it."
"And if they're not?"
"Then we can sneak into the kitchens and get some food. I am famished after that horror of a Care of Magical Creatures lesson I just had."
And that is that. Now we are off to the Quidditch pitch to catch them in the act.
I can't help feeling that I don't want to catch them in the act. Purely for my mental health and state of sanity. Who really wants to see their best friend getting physical with one of the biggest idiots you have ever met in your life?
Precisely, no one.
But if they really are going out, then there is nothing else to it than to threaten Malfoy. Something which I shall no doubt enjoy immensely.
I must say it is a relief that Malfoy may be having an affair. Now I no longer need to worry about why he didn't sit next to Albus this morning in Potions and why he didn't hand in his homework.
Clearly the madness of being in love has got to him and he is doing crazy things. He is blinded by his emotion...Which is quite endearing now that I think about it.
Even so.
PLEASE GODRIC DON'T LET THEM BE SNOGGING.
Tips on being stealthy – a quick reminder from Natalia
DON'T make a lot of noise.
DON'T stand in obvious places, eg. Middle of Quidditch pitch.
DO try to remain unseen and unheard.
DO try to be very observant of your surroundings so that you can tell whether someone is approaching and are able to capture lots of information about the people that you are observing.
I get the feeling, worryingly, that Natalia does this a lot.
Even later later, the Quidditch pitch hiding behind stands
There is no one here. The mystery deepens.
Never mind, now is the time for me to embrace my new-found inner know-it-all. I am going to go do the Charms homework that we were set earlier on.
Well, first I will go find someone in our class to ask them what the homework was and THEN I will do the homework. My mother would be so proud of me.
Even later, The library
What does this even mean?
Are we actually supposed to know about this stuff! Do the Professors not comprehend that maybe some of us have more important things in life to be doing (for example, making a list of all the attractive lads in Hogwarts) rather than listening to them lecture on at us every lesson?
Essay: Describe and explain the limitations to the Fidelius Charm
2ft of parchment – Due date Monday September 6th
A 2ft essay!
On the first day back!
Some people are just too cruel. They are heartless beings and they have no respect for those of us still recovering from ghastly illnesses contracted from falling in swimming pools.
I must do this essay though, since unlike some people I cannot do homework and then not hand it in and get away with it. If I don't hand in homework then the Profs are not just going to let me off. Except Professor Longbottom might if I compliment his cardigan. Unlike some people I can't just GET AWAY with anything.
It is beyond all madness that I have ever seen before, that someone would not hand in homework when they have quite clearly done it. Especially if they are someone who has never voluntarily missed a homework deadline in their life before, despite what you might think with his air of being above all the school rules.
Argh.
I need to do this essay!
Later later later, still in the library
Even though this whole secret-love-affair with Isla and Malfoy is a little bizarre. Okay, a LOT bizarre. There are some good things that may come out of it, as far as I can see.
The first is that Isla may become less inclined to follow the rules as diligently as she has done in the past. After all, you skip a lesson once and you never go back. I am not, of course, saying that she is anywhere near close to becoming a delinquent, but with a bit of rule-breaking behind her she may agree more happily to Natalia and my more frequent needs to go against the Hogwarts Rule Book Edition 9.
That or we can use her rule-breaking as bribery.
Either way it implies a significant amount of freedom. Hoorah!
The second is that Al now has opportunity to hang out with me without having to drag his horror of a best mate along. All these years that Al has been in Slytherin it has made it harder and harder for us to hang out and plot pranks and make up Quidditch moves as we used to do since he always had his tag-along mates, and I always had my tag along mates.
Fortunately, with Isla and Malfoy probably off procreating, and Natalia busy...actually I'm not sure where she is but I am sure food is somehow involved. But with all this loss of friends, we have no choice but to sit in the library together and be stupid, something I have missed.
I mean, Louis tagged along too, but he is fast becoming my second favourite cousin so I was quite happy to let him sit with us.
And not only were we displaying the beautiful Weasley bond, we were also showing all the poxy little first years the beauty of inter-house relations as we are all from different houses.
Anyway, our gathering got steadily more interesting when the conversation switched rather quickly from the Quidditch Premier League to Al confessing that he and Malfoy had had an argument.
This is rather news-worthy stuff.
Those two have never argued, as far as I am aware.
Actually, there was that time they had a little tiff about who got to ask Rachel King to the Christmas party in fourth year, but that only lasted about half an hour then they were back to skipping round the castle and casting permanent wedgie charms on first year Hufflepuffs.
"What about?" Louis asked. I could tell he was just as intrigued as I was, because let's face it, we are Weasley's and therefore it is our prerogative to be nosy. "A girl?"
"Pah! As if they'd argue about a girl. It's obviously about Quidditch," I told him. Since it was quite obvious. I mean, yes, they argued over a girl that one time, but if they are getting so worked up about something then surely it must be something to do with Quidditch.
It always is with men.
Bah. MEN!
"It doesn't matter...It just..." He stopped for a moment and put his quill down. "Nah, it doesn't matter." He said shaking his head and picking his quill back up again.
Me and Louis exchanged a look that told each other to never give up and continue trying to get it out of him. We know what is best for this boy and he needs to get his rage off his chest.
"Well, if it doesn't matter, then whatever." I said, trying to appear nonchalant.
Actually, I am quite convinced that I came across as very nonchalant. I am a very good actress when I want to be you know.
So there I was looking all nonchalant, and Louis was looking nonchalant too (however, that was his usual face so I cannot remark on his acting abilities here) and I could just tell that Al was slightly concerned that we, as true nosy Weasleys, were not pressing the matter further.
He was itching to tell us why.
"He lied to me."
"For Merlin's sake, Al. Could you sound more like you two are married?" Louis remarked, rolling his eyes dramatically. Perhaps there is a thespian lying deep down inside that boy.
Perhaps.
There is a reason he is nearly my favourite cousin after all.
"Oy!" Al complained. "It was about Quidditch!"
As if that would explain it all!
Quidditch!
"Let me get this straight," I inputted. I plopped my quill down on the beginnings of my charms essay. Alright, the title of my charms essay since that was as far as I had got in however many hours I'd been there. I am just not cut out for all this working malarkey. "He lied to you about Quidditch and now you are not talking to him."
Al paused for a second before nodding vigorously. "Yes."
BOY does this Slytherin have PROBLEMS!
Now, I will be the first one to admit that Quidditch is crucial to live a happy and fulfilled life, but really there is no need to argue about it. Unless someone insults the Chudley Cannons chances in the league, because you know that is just rude. Boys are so stupid sometimes.
"You should be angry too. He lied to you as well," Al piped up, thrusting his quill angrily in my direction. He seemed to believe this was a very dramatic way of phrasing it, complete with action and then returned to his essay without another look towards either Louis or I.
And no matter how hard we tried we couldn't get him to talk for the rest of the evening.
This is ridiculous.
What on earth could have happened that is Quidditch related, when the Premier League season hasn't started yet and not a single game has been played at Hogwarts to merit such an argument?
So many utter mysteries to solve, and so little time!
Mystery #1) Why Malfoy didn't hand in homework that he had completed.
Mystery #2) Secret quidditch pitch rendezvous between Malfoy and Isla.
Mystery #3) Argument between Malfoy and Al that may spell end of their friendship.
Now that I think about it, all the mysteries involve Malfoy.
What a mystery.
A/N: Thanks to anyone who reviewed, I really appreciate it :) Anyway, you know the drill, if you have any constructive criticism or any ideas you want to share please let me know, and also if you just want to let me know what you thought. :)
Gco.