They've got a sweet thing going on.
Puck and Rachel ended up in Boston together. She was determined to leave high school behind. Unfortunately, that meant him too. Which at first he thought was cool, but then it kinda sucked that his friend (yeah, threw him for a loop too) basically didn't want anything to do with him.
So he just started showing up at her place all the time. And Rachel's too nice to make him stand outside in the Boston cold for too long. All her friends loved him, so then she had a hard time telling him not to come back.
It didn't take long until they were back to being friends, and then they were best friends, and then they started sleeping together.
They sleep together three or four times a week and she was always at his place, so when her lease was up, it just made sense for her to move in with him.
But she's not like clingy or anything, which he kinda thought she would be. He lives his life and she lives hers. They just choose to do most things together, but she doesn't go all bitch chick on him when he wants to do stuff by himself, and he doesn't get all possessive when she wants to do stuff by herself.
So they do everything together, live in the same place and fuck like clockwork. He guesses they're like dating or whatever.
So when she starts getting all girly, he doesn't know what the fuck to think.
Like she wants to watch girly stuff on TV and she's pretty damn insistent that he watch with her. Even the non-girly stuff that they watch together she manages to make girly. He seriously comes home one day to find her crying on the couch. And not her usual cute little watery eyes, but like full on hysterical crying. He legit thought someone had died.
Rachel was crying because Joe and Alison were fighting on Medium and Joe was sleeping on the couch. She was actually crying over Medium. That show freaked her the fuck out or made her laugh, 'cause even he'll tell you those kids are hilarious (and kinda cute), but it's never made her cry.
That's not the only thing she cries over. The waterworks are non-stop.
Rachel's a staff actor with a local theatre company, and she's always super exhausted when they're doing rehearsals for a new show, but she finds some sorta balance once the show actually starts. So it wasn't like unusual for her to be napping every day when they were doing their rehearsals for The Sound of Music, but when she was still napping like four weeks into the show, Puck thought it was weird.
Then she starts in with the weird questions.
"Does this taste funny?" and "Can't you taste something metallic?" just seem weird.
But then she's getting dressed one morning, and he sees her examining herself in the mirror. He knows it's coming the minute she frowns at herself in the mirror and the turns to him.
"Do you think I look fat?"
"Oh, hell no. Don't even start in with that shit."
"Noah, this is a serious question."
"This is not a serious question. This is you trying to trick me. If I say you look fat, you're mad at me and I end up sleeping on the couch. If I say you don't look fat, you accuse me of lying and I end up sleeping on the couch. I lose either way." When Rachel's lip starts to quiver, he feels bad, but then he thinks about all the shit she's been pulling lately and he just gets mad. If she's trying to change their relationship, she's doing it the wrong way. "Look, I've gotta go to work. Try not to be a basket case when I get home."
Puck is pissed at Rachel all morning. Little, old, Mrs. Wong is probably never coming back. Who wants a massage therapist that does you more harm than good?
Where the hell does Rachel get off trying to change their relationship? They've been doing fine the way they are. And why couldn't she just grow a pair and talk to him about it, instead of doing her weird Rachel thing and trying to trick him into admitting that he's her boyfriend.
He likes that they don't have a label on it. She's his Rachel and he's her Noah. Who cares what the fuck they call it? It's not like he's not her boyfriend, he just thinks at 30 he's a little too old to be called a boyfriend. He makes jokes about their relationship not being serious, but it's way more serious than her being his girlfriend. Hell would have to freeze over before he'd let their relationship end, and even then…
He runs across the street to grab his lunch at 1:00. He's sitting there eating his sandwich, still pissed at Rachel, and watching this family across the room.
There's a mom with a baby and a kid that looks like he's maybe three. Every time the mom turns to deal with the baby, the older kid tries to make a break for it. Puck thinks it's fuckin' hilarious. His mom'll just get him back into his chair and as soon as she turns back to the baby, the kid's chubby little legs are sliding out of the chair.
When the baby starts to cry, the mom's attention is solely on her daughter, and the boy is out of his chair and halfway to the door before Puck scoops him up and takes him back to his mom.
Once he's back at his table, finishing his lunch, it hits him like a ton of bricks. All the crying and napping, the weird tastes, thinking she looks fat. He's totally knocked Rachel up.
He'd ditch his clients for the afternoon, but he's thinking he's gonna be needing the money.
Puck's out the door the second his last client has left. He's so fuckin' excited he can barely stand it. He can't wait to tell Rachel. He wonders if this is what girls feel like when they find out they're pregnant and have to tell their men.
Traffic crawls at a fuckin' snail's pace the entire drive home. When he finally gets home, he takes the front steps two at a time and lets himself into their apartment.
He's about to call out that he's home when he notices her on the couch. She's got her pillow and the giant fleece blanket he gave her for her birthday last year. And fuck, if she needs to sleep, he's gonna let her sleep. She's growing a person, for fuck's sake.
He's making Rachel dinner, all her favourites, when she wakes up. She's in her cupcake pyjamas and her hair is all messy and she looks totally adorable. She's also completely ignoring him.
She goes to the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later in her fluffy pink bathrobe and with fuzzy socks on her feet. She wanders into the kitchen and grabs a banana. When he goes to kiss her, she ducks out of the way and leaves the kitchen.
He hears her flip the TV on. He gives the food a quick check before heading out into the living room.
"Yo, I gonna get my kiss?" He asks her. She's wrapped back up in the blanket, with her head on the pillow, watching an episode of some '80s sitcom. He sits on the end of the couch and pulls her feet into his lap.
Rachel immediately draws her legs up so she's not touching him at all.
"You don't have to worry about sleeping on the couch tonight. I'll be sleeping out here."
"Jeez, Rach. I'm sorry, okay. You don't usually ask me things like that. You just caught me off guard."
"Your first reaction was to flip out. What are we doing if we can't have serious conversations? I think there might be something wrong with me." Rachel sits up to look at him.
"Rachel…"
"I am very serious, Noah. I'm tired all the time. I'm only making it through half of my program at the gym before I'm simply too exhausted to carry on. That would explain the weight gain except that I'm not really eating that much. Everything tastes funny and I constantly have this metallic taste in my mouth. Plus, I have this headache that just won't go away. Noah, I think I might have a tumour, and I need a little support right now." Her eyes start to mist up as she finishes talking.
He wants to laugh so bad. But he knows that if he does this'll be the only kid he ever has, 'cause Rachel'll legit rip his balls out.
"Rachel, I don't think you have a tumour."
"I know you think I overreact to things. But this has been going on for weeks."
"Rachel, think about all the things you've just told me. You're tired, you're gaining weight, food tastes funny, the taste of metal, and headaches."
"I know. I looked up the symptoms. It's either a tumour or I'm pregnant." He just looks at her and raises his eyebrow. "I can't be pregnant! I'm on the pill."
"Think it's safe to say it didn't work." He smiles at her and all of a sudden her face breaks out into her thousand watt smile and she's laughing through her tears.
"A baby!" Rachel lets Puck pull her closer to him. His hand snakes under her blanket, robe and pyjamas to rest on the warm flesh of her belly.
"A baby." Rachel lets the blanket fall completely and presses her hand over Puck's.
"You know this means you're going to have to admit that I'm your girlfriend?"
"Nah." She looks completely offended, before he pulls her closer and kisses her. "I'm thinking I'm gonna call you my wife."