Disclaimer: I don't own Awkward.

"Jenna, what are you doing? Why are you crying and why do you have a knife? Did Jake try something tonight? I'll kill him." I rambled as I slowly made my way into her room.

She was crying so hard and the hand holding the knife against her wrist was shaking. I was so scared that it was going cut her. I reached out to grab it, but she jumped back like I was going set her on fire.

"Just go away please! I'm fine, so just go away okay." She shouted crying even harder.

"You're not fine. You're holding a knife to your wrist and crying." I said. "Jenna please, tell me what happened. Tell me how I can make it better. Please, please, please give me the knife." I said reaching out to her again.

"You can't make this better. No one can make this better. Hell you actually being here right now is making it worse. Should I feel grateful that you came here and gave me your little I love you speech? Huh? You kept me hidden, made me feel like shit! You took my virginity and then told me that no one could ever know it happened!" She yelled, still crying.

"I know, I know I'm sorry. You should hate me. I hate me, but Jenna it's no reason to hurt yourself. Please don't do this." I pleaded with her, starting to cry myself.

"GOD YOU'RE CONCITED! You think this is about you? Please Matty you're not that important. NOW WILL YOU JUST LEAVE?" She screamed

"NO! NO! Not till you give me the knife. Just give me the knife and I'll go." I said.

"Why do you care so much? Why are you here now? Everyone thinks I tried to kill myself, I'm thinking that I should actually do it. So please just go." She cried.

"I never thought that. Please don't do this. I don't know what I'd do without you. Think about Jake, Tamara, Ming. Think about your mom and dad." I pleaded, finally getting close enough to grab the knife.

"My mom! My mom is the reason I'm doing this. You know that note on the back of all the winter formal ballots? I've trying for awhile to figure out who wrote it. Turns out it was my mom. If wasn't bad enough that people at school thought I was a loser. My own mother pretty much told me I was so big a loser I could die and no one would care, her included." She cried.

"God Jenna I'm sorry but this isn't the way to handle it. Please give me the knife." I said finally able to reach out and grab it. I quickly threw it across the room and pulled her to me.

Once she was safe in my arms she broke down. Sobbing so hard her whole body was shaking. I squeezed her as tight as I could, realizing that I too was crying. Slowly I sank us down to the floor, pulling Jenna into my lap and rocking gently. The two of us sat on the floor of her room crying for good hour and a half. My heart was breaking for her. That letter was cruel. How could her own mother write that? It took awhile but finally her sobbing stopped, the shaking stopped, and she spoke.

"I'm such a freak." She moaned.

"No, you are not a freak. You scared the shit out of me. But you're not a freak. You are smart, beautiful, funny, sweet, and caring. You are the most unique person I have ever met. I love you Jenna Hamilton and if anything ever happened to you I'd be devastated." I said holding her a little tighter and kissing her on the head. "How are you feeling?" I asked.

"Like crap. I feel like the biggest loser, embarrassed that you saw me like this, and exhausted." She sniffled. "God I must look awful."

"You look beautiful." I said pulling back a little and wiping some of the tears from her red, puffy face.

"You're such a liar. I should probably go get changed." She said pulling out of my embrace and standing up.

While she was in the bathroom cleaning up I grabbed the knife off the floor and returned it to the kitchen. Then I sat on the edge her bed waiting for her to come back out. Twenty minutes later she emerged with her face clean, but still a little puffy. I wanted so badly to just get up and go hold her.

"You're still here." She said a little surprised at seeing me perched on the edge of her bed.

"Of course I am. I'm not going anywhere Jenna. I told you, I love you, and it can't be too late." I said standing up.

"But Jake." Was all she said.

"I talked to Jake. I waited for him to get home tonight, I told him everything. He likes you and I know this is totally your choice; but he told me to go for it with you. I love you Jenna and I understand completely if you never want anything to do with me again. I know I've been a jerk and screwed up more times than I can count. I know I don't deserve you and that Jake is a better choice, but he can't love you like I can." I admitted.

"How though? How could you still want me after, what I did to you? I kissed your best friend. I threw our relationship away earlier tonight for him. How could you still want to be with me when I let you screw me before you ever took me on date? How could you still want to be with me after what you just saw?" She asked.

"Because like I said I love you. I know why you picked Jake tonight; I wouldn't blame you if you did it again. Jenna I know you think I didn't tell people about us because I was ashamed of you or something. I'm not that wasn't it at all. I didn't want anyone to know because I liked having you to myself. I kept you to myself because you know I have a rep as a player and I didn't want anyone thinking you were just one of many conquests. Which by the way, half of them never happened. When you asked what we were at the bonfire and I said I wasn't ready for a relationship yet. It wasn't because I didn't want you to be my girlfriend and that I thought you were a whore. I've never had a girlfriend Hamilton. I didn't want to mess things up between us. Plus you're so much cooler than I am and a better person too. I felt I wasn't good enough for you. You deserve better." I confessed.

"Wow you and I really need to work on our communication skills." She laughed.

"So does that mean that there is an us?" I asked hopeful she'd say yes.

"Yes there is an us." She laughed. It was so good to see her laughing.

"Come here." I said pulling her toward me and kissing her. "I love you Jenna Hamilton."

"I love you too Matthew Mckibben" She said with a smile.

"How about we get you to bed now?" I asked pulling back her covers for her.

"Will you stay with me?" She asked.

"Of course." I said stripping down to my boxers and climbing in. "Mind if we just cuddle?" I asked pulling her toward me.

As much as I would have liked to do more; I really just wanted hold her and feel her body against mine. She had scared me so badly tonight. I really thought I was going to lose her. Right now I just needed her in my arms where I knew that she'd be safe.

"I would really like that." She said with a yawn. And just like that she was asleep. I reached over turned off her bedside lamp and quickly drifted off myself.

AN: I don't know; should I leave it here? If I do continue it probably won't be for awhile, school is kicking my butt and I just really needed a break and this story kind of came to me out of no where. Especially this suicide part. I was so surprised when I typed the whole knife thing at the end of the last chapter. I hope you liked this one.