A/N Man, this is getting complicated! And I'm only on the second draft. I never tried to pay attention to how I write this closely. If you watch the news and some guy is going nuts and… Oh heck that happens every day doesn't it?
Anyway, this is the next draft in the evolution of Freddie's epistle to the girl that is turning his world at some strange angles. Some stuff is the same, some is gone, some is changed. It should be a little better. It's a second draft.
Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly, but if I did, I would share it with you nice people just like Dan S. does.
iCan't Send This
Chapter two: Second Draft
To:
From:
Subject: What Up?
Samtasm,
Okay, I read the last version of this and it was pretty chizzy. I'm trying to figure out where I am, where we are in this. We've been dating a few weeks now. Sam Puckett and Freddie Benson are dating. What the heck is that about? That's like saying Batman and the Catwoman are going to work together to end world hunger. I'm Batman in that picture by the way.
I never expected to be in this place. Not with you. I expected to be with, well for a while I thought it would be Carly, but this, this, it's pretty cool. It's way cool. Cooler than I ever thought I'd get to.
I have to find a way to send this letter when it's right. It has a lot of stuff that would make you mad, but I can't be scared that you'll break my arm—I don't think you would do that anymore- but I don't want you mad at me either. It isn't that you being mad at me isn't something I'm used to, I just don't like the idea of us being on opposite sides. Which is pretty weird if you think about it, I mean, you and I have always had a well, we tend to be on different sides, historically.
I actually like arguing with you about almost anything. It was always fun, even when you would conclude the argument with some kind of assault and battery. But now I look at your eyes when we square off. Your eyes flash when you're mad, did you know that? An angry Sam is so hard not to look at. I look at you a lot now, I stare a lot, and I think that's weird too. But I can't stop, ether. I like it too much. You are my exotic bacon. I get it now.
I like all the names you call me, not dork so much, but the games with my name. Fredwich, Fredifer, Fredly, Fred-o-matic, Frederella, Fredface. How would you feel if I called you Samantha, Sammy, Samson, Samsonite or Samtastic? Yeah, I didn't think so.
Did you ever think we would kiss so much? I mean, after that first kiss it was back to the game. Man, kissing you is really, really cool. Not just because you're pretty, kissing any girl rocks, but, well, I've only kissed a few girls, and, I'm getting lost here. How many guys have you kissed? I wonder about that sometimes and I tell myself it's none of my business, but I think that it is becoming my business, and I don't get that at all. I used to know the rules and I don't anymore.
You know I don't have a lot of experience with girls, I mean I've had a few dates and I can talk to girls better than I used to, but I never thought I'd end up with someone like you. I mean you rock, you and I are pretty different—I think, but when we are together we kind of –fit. When I was chasing after Carly it seemed like she was the right type, y'know? Good grades, college bound, being pretty was a bonus, but when we dated for that hour or whatever it was, it was, empty or something. You knew that. You are wicked smart Sam Puckett, in ways that standardized tests can't measure.
You and I have been dating for a few weeks now. We are a couple, I think. Yeah, I'm almost sure of it. And I have to tell you I NEVER thought those words would apply to you and me. Don't get me wrong, I like it, and that's part of why I'm writing. I like dating you, I like YOU, more than I ever thought I could when doing the show or being tricked, or slapped or pelted with objects. I'm still kinda cheesed about the electric shock pen that dropped me, but, anyway, I never thought of you and me like that, y'know, the good way?
I've never asked you when you started liking me. Something that scares me and I never want to tell you this, I wonder if this came on so suddenly maybe it will go away the same way. I really hope not, because I like this. I like it a lot.
Visiting you at Troubled Waters
I want to cook for you sometime. I have a lot of recipes that I found on the Net. I'm not too bad. My mom works some pretty crazy shifts at the hospital so I had to learn to fix stuff for me and then her. I can rock spaghetti crust pie, and my hamburger casserole came in second place in a contest mom entered it in. I use sweet Vidalia onions and ricotta cheese which I added on my own. I was very proud of that.
There is no way I'm sending this letter.
All my life I've been pretty sure what I was going to do. I'm a nerd and I'm going to college to do some nerd thing. You have shaken all that up. Sometimes I look at you laughing with Carly, drinking an Uber Blueberry Blast (how do you do that? Why don't you weigh 300 pounds? And I will keep buying them for you, because they seem to make you happy, and that's enough explanation on that), sleeping on the couch and I see my life as this whole other thing with limitless possibilities. When I'm with you I think, _If I can be with this wild, gorgeous lady, there isn't anything I can't do._ You are a lady Sam. I'll take a butter sock to anyone who says otherwise.
Thanks for having the courage to kiss me that night.
Thanks for keeping kissing me. I don't know if you are enjoying it, but you keep coming back so that has to mean something because you don't do things you don't like to do. You say what you want. I don't know if I can ever do that, but I hope I can. I don't know where this we, thing we have become is going, but I think it's special and I want it to last.
I'm pretty confused these days and I like that. I mean, I have to plan stuff and lay out what I'm going to do. It's like putting the show together, or designing computer code. It has to be structured. You aren't like that. I can't put you in an If, Then, Else, statement because you do things that I don't always see as even possible.
You are so funny. I've never told you that. You are so creative, some of the best iCarly bits have been yours. The other night we were watching that awful movie, I like bad movies for some reason, but watching them with you was, like, wow. You made watching them so fun. I tried my best to keep up with you, but dude, you are quick. It was like every dumb thing those characters did you had something to say. I knew I couldn't keep up, so I just kept feeding you facts about the actors and directors and you just ran with it.
I'm really surprised to be sitting across from you some nights or side by side watching TV. I look at you a lot. The other night you fell asleep on me when we were watching the download of the new _McGroin_ movie. I can't believe you had me download copyrighted material. That's a crime, but it was fun. And I made you smile. I broke the law and made you smile. I'd do it again for sure.
I sat there and I watched you sleep. I whispered your name, "Samantha" and you smiled then too. That smile of yours is becoming something I, wow. I'm getting carried away here. Anyway I watched you breathe, Sam, I don't know how long we did that, but, I can't describe what I felt that night. Warm, strong, safe, confident, fragile, part of something.
What's your ship? Remember when Carly made us watch TwiBlood? She said she was looking for ideas, for the show, but she sure did shush us a lot. And thanks for coming up with the idea of me as the vampire. Man, the women really dig it when I do that guy. The other day at lunch Janice Bruckner…
No, not sending THAT part. Pretty sure Janice and I would be buried together for a simple conversation. No worries though, Sam, I'd never do anything to make you sad. I've felt that way for a long time, even before we became whatever it is we are.
Anyway, I can't see how any woman could resist the wolf dude. When he and what's-her-name were building the bikes they had something, like when you and I work on a show. You called vampire guy "Fish belly white" which was funny. Did you pick me as him because you were attracted to me then? How did you know I could do it?
Man, I DO think too much.
On the Internet I found the video of the pageant you won. I should have been there that night. You can dance, Sam. I can't dance. I mean I can stand and do that slow shuffle thing, but nothing that takes any kind of rhythm and coordination. Would you be interested ever in dancing well with me? I'd do the work. I'd work hard to dance well with you.
That rap you did at Kenan Thomson's house was incredible. My point is, you keep reaching inside yourself and pulling out these moments. Sometimes I want to shout how amazing you are. I never knew I felt that way. I don't think I've ever felt that way about anyone.
Butter. I sound like a girl. I mean, I'm a guy, and we are supposed to be a certain way. And I am that way, but I have these other thoughts and feelings that don't seem guy-like and I'm pretty sure you don't want to hear that stuff from me. But I want to say them. If I don't tell you, how will you know? I mean, friends tell each other things, and we are friends, I'm pretty sure of that now, I wasn't always. But you don't want to know, you like me a certain way, but what if I'm not the way you think I am? You and I played a game for a long time and I learned the rules, but this new game, I'm loving it, but I don't understand it.
I admire you. You do things that I would never do, and because I've been with you. Jumping out of a plane (okay, you pushed me but I would have jumped on my own, eventually) staying in that roach motel, breaking into the photo studio, confronting the Dingo writers that were swiping our stuff, I would never do those things. You break the rules a lot and I, well I don't. Big surprise, huh?
Surviving your mom. My mom is her own kind of handful, but when I met your mom, when I see what you have grown up with, I want things to be better for you. I want to invent a time machine and go back and make your dad stay. I want to tell him how incredible you are and how he should stay so he see you grow into this wild, exciting person who, I really think is going to make a difference in life, I know because she has made a huge difference in mine.
Okay, so, here's what's on my mind: Panties. I know you don't like the word, but, man, how do I type this? I've been thinking about panties. I mean, your…panties. I swear I don't mean this in a dirty way, my heart is beating so fast right now. I'm thinking thoughts that I never, that well, sure I think those thoughts, I'm a guy, but I never thought them about you. I mean, you are pretty, shoosh, you are way past pretty, that night at the lock-in when I was looking you in the eye it was like I turned a corner and suddenly you were there looking the same, but totally different too. I don't get it. It's why some people write poetry I guess. Anyway I'm getting away from your panties, uhm, well, I don't mean it that way, but I never thought these kinds of thoughts about you before, I probably should have, I feel like maybe I wasted some time.
So, panties, the other day in the studio you bent over to pick up some cables and I looked down at your back, and, I, uhm, I don't think you were wearing, I could see…
Yes I was looking at your, well you have a great, not big or anything, but fantastic… It's not wrong to look at that part of you. I think I can do that now can't I? I mean you are more than just a perfect…
No, I'm not sending this.
Anyway, I've been thinking about where this "we" thing is going. What if we do something and we can't go back? I mean that.
The other night when we got back from eating at Nacho Business we tried to watch the end of _McGroin_ and we went a little further, I've never been drunk in my life but I think that must be what it feels like because I was not who I think I am. I would never hurt you Sam, but that guy I was that night. I'm not sure how I felt about him.
No, I'm not sending this.
Thinking (too much) about you, Freddie.
Freddie Benson
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"These aren't the 'noids you're looking for"—Nug Nug.