AN: (Cross-posted from AO3)

I do not have a cat. I have minimal knowledge of how to keep a cat. I just know my uncle's cat likes climbing all over me like I'm a tree.

Therefore, I do not take responsibility for an accurate narration from the POV of a cat. Please suspend your disbelief that a cat has the necessary colour vision to tell that Sayo is blushing like a tomato. Or maybe they can tell from her scent? I don't know...

PS - Cats are awesome. I am not Yukina.

Tags: aged-up characters, implied sexual relationship, drabble (sort of?), established relationship, cat narrator

The Cat Speaks

"So, what should we call her?"

"Minato-san."

"No, but Minato-san, that is your own n-"

"Minato-san."

The shorter human bent down and put her hand on me. Rub, rub. Very comfy. "You are now Minato-san," she repeated.

The taller human breathed out very hard. She did not look unhappy but might've needed a nap. Or food. Food and naps are good.

"Alright. If Minato-san says so…"

I am a cat. I live in a place with many, many humans called a "city". City is good because there is lots of food. But there are too many humans, and humans are weird. They can turn rock to big scary things. Some of these things are very tall. Taller than the tallest trees. Most are cages for humans. They enter the cages by day and escape by night. The ones where young humans are caged are called "schools", while the ones older humans are caged are called "offices". At night, humans hunt for food at other big rock shelters called "stores". After that, they take the food to the smaller shelters called "houses" to eat and sleep.

Humans have an obsession with these rock shelters. If a cat goes in without a human to bring them, there will be consequences. A cat must understand that most humans are horrifying creatures. They are big. They are angry. They can grow extensions from their arms called "brooms" that are moving tree branches – do not get struck by one of those extensions under any circumstances. But humans are also very slow. The key is to avoid them. So long as you do not go into the rock shelters they will usually ignore you.

Humans are also very wasteful creatures. They will leave food all around the outside of their rock shelters, so you do not need to go inside to find it. Many other animals will come for the food. A cat must be careful of the vicious ones – the large dogs, foxes, tanuki. Smaller animals are good to catch. Extra food. Delicious and easy.

In a city, the rock shelters are everywhere. Between them are paths called "streets" full of shiny moving boxes mounted on four rolly black things. Unlike humans, those boxes move very fast. Faster than a cat can jump. Every cat knows another cat that was hit by a moving box and died. Very dangerous. Do not go near the moving boxes. Do not walk onto the streets. Hunt around human rock shelters by night, sleep in your den by day.

Where best to make your den? The rare pieces of grass in the city called "parks". Like I said, most humans are caged during the day, so parks are empty then. There are giant tubes and slanted planks and swinging pieces of wood that younger humans use to entertain themselves by dusk after they escape "school", but in the morning and early afternoon, those are the best spots for a nap. Warm and comfy. On occasion, a rare friendly human may come by to give us food and pets. The shorter human who named me "Minato-san" is one of them.

The friendly human came very often. She was usually alone, but when she was not I have heard other humans call her "Yukina". She brought us food and talked to us and ended her sentences like a cat…at least when she was speaking alone to us anyway. She was a little weird in front of the other humans.

I met Yukina when the weather was still hot. Later, it got cold and I nearly died. Yukina picked me up and brought me to her "house" which I have since made my permanent den. That was when she named me. She doesn't eat and sleep alone in the house. Another human stays there – the taller one. She is called "Sayo".

Sayo is both my second-favourite and least-favourite human. Sayo's coat is fluffier than Yukina's and is an odd colour like the cross between the sky and a tree. It is very warm and nice to sleep on. Her paws are also bigger, and the claws are harder and scratchier than Yukina's. They are nice to rub on, except Sayo rubs too hard. She is a rude human. She calls me "Neko". I am not "Neko". I am "Minato-san". When I go to her for pets when she calls "Minato-san", she ignores me and talks to Yukina instead. See? Very rude.

Like earlier tonight, she was on the big, bouncy raised rectangle they call "bed" with Yukina. Sayo is not a very fair human. She pets Yukina too, but when she does, it is gentle. She runs her paw through Yukina's coat without ruffling it. She also licks Yukina, but never licks me. So…she was licking Yukina's mouth earlier and kept at it for a long time – maybe she was giving Yukina food and keeping it a secret from me. Then she started stroking Yukina from face down to belly. It must be comfortable, because Yukina purred.

"Nnn…Sayo…"

"…Minato-san."

Thinking Sayo finally remembered about me, I jumped onto the bed. She would pet me right? And give me food? I wanted an offering of salmon and chicken thigh.

Sayo didn't give me anything. She stared at me and whined. "Neko, not now, okay?"

What do you mean not now? You called for me. And I am Minato-san. I am not Neko! I want my chicken thigh!

"You can't blame her. You called her name," Yukina said, sitting up to take me into her arms. "Am I right? Minato-san?"

Mmm…comfy. That was why Yukina would always be my favourite human, even if Sayo had the nicer fur.

Sayo breathed out really loud. Maybe she was sick. "This is precisely the reason why I said it was not a good idea to name her after yourself!"

"That is not a problem. I have another name."

"But…"

Yukina kept looking at Sayo, and Sayo started changing colour like meat on that hot plate they called a "pan". What a powerful attack. I hoped Sayo was okay.

"Ve…very well. I'll try, Yu…Yukina-san."

Sayo's defeat was short. After stuttering those words, she became very energetic and continued licking and petting Yukina...hard. Yukina too forgot about me soon after.

I narrowly avoided a stray limb as they tossed about on the bed thingy, leaping down to safety on the ground. I stalked off to my bowl – at least it had been filled with new food, but it was the usual mush kind and not my promised chicken thigh.

Humans are the worst.