Notes: Hi again! I am now posting Camus's songfic. His was finished last night, and the song I used was "Pain" from the ending of Xenosaga 1. I haven't played the game , but my best friend recommended it for Camus, so here it is. It's a really pretty song, and you should go listen to it on You tube or something if you've never heard it.

Thanks so much to my reviewers: Narwe, LSN, Nao-san, and Walkure. I'm very glad you liked it so much.

I've noticed that Shura's turned out angsty, Saga's dark, and Camus's depressing. Hm...maybe that says something about them. Anyway, go check out my blog and vote in the SS poll!! Also, if you like this and want to see more, please tell me so, because I'm still considering doing a few others. I don't know if it will actually be connected, but they'll be like bonus fics. I already have a song for Milo. So, enjoy!

Camus – Pain

Why was it always this way? Why did he always have to face people he knew and cared for? Why did he always have to remember?

First we touch, and we hurt each other
Then we tear our hearts apart

Was this the fate of the Gold Saints of Athena? To always meet against each other in battle, to always be at odds, to always be in pain, unable to speak. Before, when they were still alive, they had already fought amongst themselves, wounded each other in hidden unseen places. They had already destroyed their own hearts in guilt and doubt.

We are too close and I can feel the pain
Fill my empty heart

Camus could almost imagine it flooding into him—this unknown ache that surpassed feeling. He had always kept his distance as much as possible, but seeing the familiar background of Sanctuary and the familiar faces of his one-time friends made him suddenly remember again.

Is this pain too much for me?
Can I stay the same?

As the burning ache devoured him and the flames burned out on Sanctuary's fire-clock, Camus wondered if he would still be able to keep up his façade. Perhaps this would be the time that the pain would force him to let go of his cold mask. Perhaps this would be when everything changed.

When this pain consumes my heart
Will I be able to hold on to my soul?

The time seemed to pass too quickly. He often asked himself if he could do this. His soul would need to do what his heart could not—continue through this broken masquerade. And as he felt the Athena Exclamation form from his attack, there was a throbbing in his chest. What little soul he had left would have to do now.

Kindness is something I don't want or need
The sunshine would just dissolve me into light

He had never asked for kindness, never given any, never expected any. He would rather brave the disapproval and fury in Milo's eyes than any kindness from anyone. And anyway, kindness would not have helped. It would only make the guilt worse.

Give me a pain as pleasing as your sigh
So I can feel you all the day and night
And keep me from fading away

All he knew was that he had to find Athena. If Athena hated him, if she punished him, it would still be worth the pain to give her the secret. After Shaka's death, the only thing he was still surviving on was Athena's presence halfway across Sanctuary. Without that hope, his weary soul would already be returning to the peaceful sleep of death.

Even when we behold each other
Somehow our eyes do not meet

Forming the Athena Exclamation was less difficult the second time. Camus was still shocked that he was doing this again, and within minutes of the last one. Milo stood across from him…and formed the Athena Exclamation with Mu and Aiolia. Camus could not look Milo in the eyes. He glanced up at his friend's face, and saw the Scorpio Saint turn his gaze away.

And when you hold me in your strong embrace
Still I feel no heat

Milo took him to Athena. It was the longest, most excruciating trip he had ever taken through Sanctuary. Even though Milo was carrying him, he could feel nothing but anger from his old friend. Was this really Milo? The affectionate, warm, friendly Milo he had once known?

But it gives me such delight
To feel you closer now

He could not blame Milo for being remote, or for being angry. In fact, Camus was incredibly glad that Milo was there. Even though he knew how much he was hurting Milo, how enraged Milo was about it all, he still felt better at the Scorpio's presence.

I know I am true to myself
Though it cuts deep into my heart somehow

Upon returning to Hades's Castle, Camus thought bitterly that he was exchanging his soul for Athena, and he still let her die. Every action he had committed was according to his beliefs and morals, and yet, he felt as though he had failed at everything. His beliefs were not good enough.

Kindness is something I don't want or need
The sunshine would just dissolve me into light

It was worth every pain, he told himself, mentally sighing as the sunlight poured over him. Athena did what she needed to do. "Sensei! Sensei!" Hyoga's voice broke into his thoughts. The boy held Camus in his arms. Camus closed his eyes and tried to pretend he did not care about Hyoga's concern. He could already sense his borrowed body turning into points of light. It feels so light.

Give me a pain as pleasing as your sigh
So I can feel you all the day and night

At the end, he was glad that Hyoga was there. It felt fitting to say something to his student before he left the earth a second time…perhaps what he had not said the first time. And as he faded, he saw Hyoga's still face, with tears flowing silently downward. The last thing he thought was that, if only for Hyoga's sake, it would have been nice to have a little more time.

And keep me from fading away

A/N: formatting has been fixed as of 8 august 2007.