Author's Note: Enjoy everyone!+ Please review, more reviews, means more chapters!:)
Chapter Two: Hurt All Over Again.
Don't ask my reasons on why I'm going back as I'm not even sure myself. Part of me was telling me not to go as I'd get hurt all over again but I wasn't listening to it; what could possibly be there that could hurt me? Aside from the fact that it's the place where I met and fell in love with Edward. The name tugged at my heart strings but tears don't spring to my eyes; I can never cry again. I glanced at the clock, it flashed 8:50am. School starts in 15 minutes; I don't dare get there any earlier. If I arrive before everyone else, I'll started remembering everything that happened there and that will cause nothing but memories and pain. I can't take it anymore; one more thing and I'm sure I'll breakdown.
I quickly glanced in the mirror, checking my appearance and outfit. I'm sure Alice would approve; the sudden thought of her ripped the hole in my chest that I'd tried so hard to keep closed. I closed my eyes and sucked in a deep breath, willing the memories out of my head and the pain out of my heart. I can do this. I opened my black eyes, aware that I hadn't hunted for weeks. Or was it months? I find no satisfaction when I hunt; it doesn't rid me of any pain, doesn't make me feel any stronger. Without my family, I'm weak; no matter how much blood I drink.
I flattened out a crease in my jeans, rubbed a dark smudge off my cream Vans and swirled my hair around my face. I was as ready as I'd ever be. I snatched my car keys off the cabinet and flitted downstairs; not bothering to lock up the house. Who would dare break into a vampire's home? A weak smile stretched across my lips but it immediately fell. I never smiled. Ever.
I slid into my Ferrari F430, relishing the purr of the engine, the soft leather that surrounded me. I glided my hands over the wheel as I reversed out of the garage, trying not to think about what I was getting myself into. I turned around corners, well known streets I'd passed before, the difference was the Cullens weren't there. I swallowed heavily as I drifted through the school gates and into a empty parking spot; ignoring the stares my car was receiving.
I gripped the steering wheel; willing myself to calm down, nothing was going to happen. I took a deep breath and peeked out of my side window; wondering whether my car was conspicuous. My eyes swept the parking lot, frowning at the old and rusty vehicles; it seems I was going to stand out a lot more than I wanted to.
My gaze locked on a Volvo, silver in colour, same model. Same everything.. My heart lurched into my mouth and my body immediately locked down, not letting me move. I couldn't breathe; I was completely paralyzed. Would it be them? Could I deal with seeing their faces again? I closed my eyes, trying to think straight. I could either drive away and never come back or I could carry on and act like I was no one they'd ever met before. Would I be able to be around them and pretend I'd never met them before? Possibly. I was strong enough; wasn't I?
I took a deep breath and stepped out of the car, shaking my head slightly at the faces of the students that had spotted me. All of my beauty was a trap; a disguise to lure my prey in, I was more dangerous than any of their nightmares put together. I locked up my car and gracefully strode over to the main office, wanting to turn around and run away but my feet kept on walking. I pushed open the door and stepped inside the claustrophobic room; nothing's changed. The only difference was the receptionist; she was a young girl, perhaps 20 years old? Her fashion sense was dreadful and I repressed a shudder as I cleared my throat to catch her attention. The girl's head shot up and her eyes appraised my looks and outfit; I rolled my eyes and rested my hands on the desk.
"I'm Izzy Masen, the new girl. I've come to collect my schedule." I stated, trying to look interested. Of course I lied about my name; I did it to cover my tracks incase I met them again. The receptionist looked slightly dazed; so I drummed my fingers on the wooden bureau to snap her out of her thoughts.
"Ah yes, Izzy. We've been expecting you. Here's your timetable and map." She explained, pulling several papers out of a precariously stacked pile and showing me the best way to get to each of my lessons. I let her drone on, ignoring every word she was saying.
"Thank you very much." I thanked her once she had finished her little speech.
"Your welcome and have a wonderful time at Forks High." The receptionist called as I sauntered out of the office. Yeah right, like I'd ever have a good time here.
The bell must of signalled as the parking lot was slowly emptying of students and cars were finally being locked up and left. I strode towards my first lesson; brushing off the lusty stares and jealous looks I was getting off the school population. On the outside, I looked calm and collected but deep down, I was shaking with nerves. Was that the Cullen Volvo? What would I do if they were here? Questions buzzed inside my head as I pushed open the classroom door. I was deep in my thoughts as I gave a slip to the teacher; he seated me at the back of the class where I sat for the remaining hour, trying to push the distinct memories of the conversation Edward and I had in English, a few weeks before they left. I rubbed my temples, willing the words out of my head. I can't listen to them again.
I wasn't aware of the bell as it sounded for lunch; the worst time in the entire school day. The canteen held so much I remember. The first time I saw them, the time I sat withEdward. Sometimes the memories are worth the pain; I thought as I glided out of the classroom.
I can do this.
I sucked in a deep breath, took a step forward and pushed open the canteen doors. Several pairs of eyes turned to stare at me; but luckily none topaz coloured. Just greens, blues and greys. I sighed out in relief and stepped inside the canteen, letting the smell of revolting human food wash over me.
A sudden stillness in the far side of the cafeteria caught my scorched eyes and I turned my head to look. My body froze, my head locked, my thoughts span. It's them. Here I was, standing in the same room of people that I love, yet they just don't care that I love them. They don't care whether or not I live or die. To them I'm just another girl, just another stranger. To me, they are my best friends, the only people I have left.
The memories I kept on strict lockdown flooded my mind; making me remember.
"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." His eyes cold, voice harsh.
You... don't... want me?"
"No."
I shook my head, wrapping my arms around my chest to stop the hole ripping open. I can't do this anymore. I can't cope with this pain. Could the Volturi rid me of the memories? Break my neck and make me forget? I wonder.. I sat at the nearest empty table; not bothering on getting any lunch, it's not as if I'd eat it anyway. I rested my head in my hands and gasped in a deep breath, scents hit me like a wrecking ball but I ignored them; nothing ever appealed to me.
I permitted myself one glance at the Cullens, any longer and I'd get hurt all over again. Just breathe, Bella; I told myself as I looked up.
"Just hit play and watch my life fall apart." I muttered under my breath.
Their faces in my new eyesight astonished me; my weak human eyes did no justice to their beauty.
Alice was holding her head up in her delicate, pale hands. She was staring out of the window, grief apparent in her topaz eyes. Her ink black hair stuck up in several different directions, yet she suited it. Something was bothering her, you could see it.
Next to her was Jasper. His eyes were laced with apologies; yet they were transfixed on Alice. His honey blonde hair hung over his face as if he was embarrassed with himself.
On the other side of Alice was Emmett. His gaze was on the ceiling; it seemed he was trying to control whatever he was feeling. The muscles under his shirt bulged and rippled; he seemed more intimidating than before.
Beside Emmett was Rosalie. Her eyes were filled with anger but she was fixtated on Emmett, rubbing soothing circles in his back. Her perfect blonde hair hung in loose curls that framed her perfect face. She was as beautiful as ever.
I swallowed loudly before looking to the next Cullen. The one I loved, the one I missed. The one that didn't want me. I might smile but I don't mean it. I miss how we used to be. I miss how it was so real how we cared for each other without end but most of all, I miss him always being there and telling me everything will be okay because I need that now. More than ever.
His face was one of an angel. Beautiful; heartbreakingly stunning. His hair was tousled, the same unusual shade of bronze. His eyes were black; ancient with loss and regret. He was troubled, not bothering to put up his calm facade. I hated to see him like this. Seeing how angry and lost he was. What happened to the care- free Edward? The one with the smile that reached his liquid topaz eyes?
The canteen doors swung open, the breeze of the air captured my scent and wafted it over to the Cullens. Their heads immediately snapped up, searching for the smell of a vampire.
"Only smells like one is here." Alice spoke quickly, a human wouldn't hear anything but the words were crystal clear to me.
"Can you spot them?" Rosalie hissed, her melodic voice high pitched.
"Over there, near the canteen doors." Jasper pointed out; all their gazes diverting to me.
"It can't be.. She looks just like.." Emmett's eyes widened as he took in my appearance.
"It's Izzy Masen, the new girl. Not Bella." Edward's monotone voice echoed through my head, sending chills through my body. What happened to him? His voice was dull and rough, just like mine.
"It looks just like her." Emmett said sadly, shaking his head. I stood up immediately; not wanting to hear them say anything more with their depressing voices. Something was seriously wrong with them. It pained me to see them how they were.
Edward's eyes briefly flickered into my lifeless eyes. Love, life, meaning.. over. The hole ripped open; leaving me breathless and Jasper gasping.
"Jasper! Jasper, what's wrong?!" Alice asked anxiously, placing her hands on his. I quickly bottled up my emotions so he wasn't in pain anymore. He sucked in a deep breath and shook his head; my pain had left him gasping for air.
"So-much-pain-from-her." Jasper explained inbetween breaths. Alice kept looking at him anxiously.
"Sorry." I muttured, my voice strained. They heard me clearly.
"Vegetarian?" Alice questioned, her head turned in curiousty.
"I don't hunt at all." I admitted, sitting back down on my empty table and twiddling my thumbs. Their faces were masks of shock.
"When was the last time you hunted?" Emmett asked incredulous. I thought for a second; was it last year? Or the year before?
"Few years ago." I mumbled, diverting my gaze to the table, hearing their sharp intakes of breath.
"Come to ours after school." Alice instructed; looking at me with stern eyes. Could I go back? Could I see their house again without breaking down? Pretend that I never knew them and act like Carlisle and Esme were never my parents? I could try. For them.
"It's not as if I have anything else to do with my pointless life." I answered, admitting how depressed I really was. Edward looked at me as if he knew how I was feeling. If only.