BPOV

Charlie was down at Sue Clearwater's place for tea, and Edward had prepared me a nice meal of mushroom ravioli.

I was in the middle of eating when I heard a loud knock at the door. Edward growled under his breath as he went to answer it. The door opened and Lauren Mallory strolled in, Jessica hot on her heels.

"Hi, Edward."

Lauren was wearing an exposing lime green tank top and white short shorts.

"Lauren," grumbled Edward.

"You've got the most beautiful house, Edward. If only the doctor had adopted me," said Lauren. Jessica laughed for no reason.

"What exactly are you doing here?" asked Edward. Lauren sighed and tossed her hair over her shoulders.

"I was looking for Alice. Is she here?"

"Hi!" grinned Alice, jumping into view. Lauren smiled fakely.

"I need to use the bathroom," announced Lauren.

"Oh, are we going? But we haven't…" began Jessica. Lauren shot her a warning glance.

"I'm sure Edward wouldn't mind me using the bathroom here."

"You can't!" said Alice, smiling. "Emmett smashed the toilet to um… make way for a new one. Try the one in Edward's room."

Edward's room? Was Alice out of her mind?

LAUREN POV

I walked through the open door of Edward's room and sighed in appreciation. It was the most beautiful room I had ever seen. I walked over to his table where there was a picture of him and Bella at prom. I snatched the photo and threw it out the window. I pulled another photo frame out of my handbag and put it there instead.

It was a picture of me. I had spent two hours trying to make it perfect for Edward. Now he'd surely want a piece of me!

Lying on the floor was a thousand dollar bill. I picked it up and stuck it in my handbag. Edward would never know. There was something wrong about the room. It smelled too much like… Isabella. I pulled out a bottle of perfume that Jessica had given me.

It was French odor toilette. I sprayed it around the room, until the bottle was empty. I pulled a bra out of my handbag. It was pink, with LAUREN MALLORY written on the tag. I chucked it onto the bed, knowing it would make Bella jealous.

I went into the toilet and sat on it happily. I waited, until I heard a loud 'PLOP' and my bum was suddenly wet.

BPOV

Lauren came running down the stairs, smiling maliciously.

"Well, Alice… um… I just wanted to tell you that um… Jessica has a date to prom now," she said, smiling flirtatiously.

"I do?" said Jessica, looking surprised. Lauren shot her another warning glance.

"Yes, Jessica. Remember?"

"Oh! Right," said Jessica, smiling fakely. "Well, we'd better be off. I want to run a layer of leave in conditioner through my hair before bed time."

Lauren rolled her eyes. She walked up to Edward, smiling, and pecked him on the cheek. My cheeks burned with fury, as she walked swiftly out the door with Jessica. Her bum was hanging out of her shorts. I looked over at Edward. He was frowning.

"Let's go and see what she did in your room," I said, as he took me up to his room. As I walked in, I choked and coughed.

Something smelled like toilet. A pink bra was on the bed, and the photo of Edward and me at prom had been replaced by an ugly one of Lauren.

Edward sighed deeply in frustration. I went into the bathroom and gasped. The toilet was overflowing with poo and toilet paper. I tore my eyes away from the sight, and ran into Edward's arms. He was holding a long stick, and used it to pick up Lauren's bra.

He shuddered as he used the stick to throw it out the window.

He muttered something that sounded distinctly like, 'Emmett's new chew toy'. I shuddered.

-

The next day, Mike arrived at Charlie's.

"Hi, Charlie. I was just going to take Bella to Seattle in my new car today. You don't mind me taking her, do you?" he had said.

"Not at all," Charlie had grunted. "But what about school?"

"We aren't missing anything," Mike had reassured him. Charlie had give in with a sigh, before turning to me.

"Bye, Bella," he had said.

And so I had had no choice but to endure a car ride with Mike to Seattle, who didn't stop babbling the whole way there.

"There's been a bit of a Diarrhea bug going around," he had told me, as we left Forks. "I had it myself yesterday. It was so horrible. Mom had to run down and get me some more toilet paper. Thirty-six rolls in one day! What a record! Lauren had it, too, apparently. Probably still does. These things don't just disappear…"

That explained the mess Lauren had left in Edward's toilet.

"My bottom was raw this morning. I think I'm constipated," Mike said to me. "Mom had to get a plumber in. I let out way too much at the one time, and clogged the toilet. She wasn't angry, though. She said I was just replying to the call of nature."

I groaned.

"Are we there yet?"

LAUREN POV

It was Tuesday, and I was glad to see that Edward and Alice arrived to school without Isabella. Giving Mike the idea to take Bella to Seattle was one of my best ideas yet!

In biology, our teacher decided to assign us new partners. It was just my luck that Edward and I were together. Mike and Isabella were together, too. Ha! Bet she wouldn't like that…

I heard Edward grumble under his breath as the teacher lapsed into the lesson. Now was my chance.

"This is much too easy," I said to him. He didn't even look at me! I rolled my eyes. I suddenly stood up, groaning.

"OH! OH! HELP!" I screamed, clutching my stomach. "I THINK I'VE… OH LORD! HELP!"

I glanced up as the teacher ran over to me, looking worried. I loved faking things. Injuries, illnesses, the lot.

"It could be your appendix… yes, Mr. Cullen, take her up to the office, quickly! Quickly! You'd better carry her, if you can…"

Edward got to his feet and lifted me into the air. We walked outside into the deserted hallway.

"OH! STOP! STOP! I THINK I'M GONNA BELCH!" I screamed. Edward dropped me on my feet and I ran over to the garden and made a fake belching noise. I stood up and groaned. I lifted my arms up. Edward didn't move.

"Um… pick me up!" I told him. He rolled his eyes.

"You can walk. I'm going back to biology. I don't want to miss the lesson. Besides, letting it all out is always the best way to heal yourself."

He turned around and walked back into the biology classroom. I growled under my breath. Edward was going to need a lot of convincing. But maybe it wasn't Edward that I needed to toy with, maybe it was Isabella…

BELLA POV

Driving to Seattle with Mike was definitely not my idea of fun. We were almost there now, and Mike was still babbling…

"Mom said I had constipation as a baby. I guess I've got it again. I'd better book an appointment with the Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew's a great doctor. He rubs me, and it makes it better. He makes me feel nice…"

I didn't know whether to laugh or warn Mike that you should never let people touch you. I shuddered as Mike placed a hand on my leg.

LAUREN POV

"Jessica! Will you stop stuffing your face for a moment!" I growled. Jessica stopped eating and turned to me.

"Oh, hi Lauren. Did you hear about Mr. Banner having it on with the sex education teacher Ms. Charlotte? I can't believe it! My mother knows his wife. They're good friends, actually. I'll let her know when she comes over for tea tonight. Isn't it great breaking up relationships?" she babbled. I rolled my eyes.

"Look, I've just had an idea… oh my gosh! Is that Tyler flirting with Angela?" I gasped. Jessica frowned.

"I thought you liked Edward!" she said. I sighed.

"Tyler's my backup plan incase I'm ever left dateless," I explained to her. She nodded in agreement.

"Maybe I'll ask Mike to my party, if he's going, that is."

"Oh, he's in Seattle with Isabella," I told her, trying to keep a straight face.

Her face fell. Her gossip searching eyes were replaced with furious ones.

"What?" she snarled. "She's already got Edward!"

"I know!" I agreed. "But don't worry. I've got a plan to make sure that Isabella Swan never messes with us ever again."

-

Well, there you have it folks, the second chapter! Lol. Anyways, if you're reading, PLEASE REVIEW! There's no point in reading a story and not reviewing, you know. It's actually kind of rude. But anyways, hope you liked this chapter! Poor Bella…

X

-Bellapouts