Chapter One; Alcohol

I thought that Alcohol was just for those with
nothing else to do
I thought that drinking just to get drunk
was a waste of precious booze
But now I know that there's a time
and there's a place where I can choose
To walk the fine line between
self-control and self-abuse
-Barenaked Ladies

The first thing Sam noticed when she woke up Monday morning was the sun, and how it seemed to light up her small room. Groaning she rolled over onto her side in an attempt to avoid the harsh glare, but it was no use, the sun was high in the sky and refused to give her the satisfaction of gaining any more sleep.

Giving up Sam rolled over to her previous position on her bed, closing her eyes partly, feeling dead to the world, like she hadn't slept in days, though it was far from reality. All she had done in the past few months was sleep. She was starting to lose interest in almost everything besides coming home and crashing on her bed, or in the least hoping to end up passed out somewhere in her house for numerous hours. It was becoming the only thing she began to look forward too. Sam peered over at her old alarm clock, the alarm didn't work anymore, due to the abuse over the years by her fist, she didn't know why she hadn't bothered to through it away yet, she it would probably still be there months later. The diming red numbers read 4:00. Shit. She missed school.

Grudgingly she lifts her body off the mattress, looking around the room for her phone. She couldn't remember where she had left it, actually she couldn't remember a lot of things from last night, only flashes of what had occurred, but then black. But that was normal for her. Quickly she swung her feet over the edge of her bed, stopping momentarily to calm the spinning she was experiencing, and continued to make her way out of her room, only to trip on something.

She quickly balanced herself on the wall, and looked down to see the large glass bottle of Gin. She slid down the wall to assure she kept her balance and pick the empty bottle up in her hand. She didn't know what to think about what she had done last night, or for the past three months, but that was the joy about stuff like this, you didn't have to, and even if you wanted too, you couldn't.

She drug her feet along the hard wood floor to the kitchen to dispose of the evidence. Just because she'd been drinking, she didn't want the reminder of how weak she was because she had to turn to alcohol to cope. She wasn't strong enough to deal with life problems on her own, and she was disgusted with herself, she was desperate for a way out of her life, and this was the closest she could ever get to pure bliss.

Dropping the bottle into the recycling on her front porch she noticed something out of place, a bright blinking light. Moving around some of the bottles she reached her hand down and noticed it was her cell phone. How did this get in here? She thought, wiping the small traces of morning dew off her phone and turning back inside the house.

Taking the few steps need to reach the kitchen she opened the door, looking for anything to settle the nauseating feeling forming in her stomach. Last night was nothing compared to most nights, where in the morning she woke up and couldn't move, and sometimes even in her own puke, and she was thankful for that fact right now, as she didn't feel like nursing a hell of a hangover. Reaching in she grabbed a soda and popped open the tab and took a good sized chug. Letting out a relaxed sigh and leaned her forehead against the refrigerator. Her body felt relaxed and calm, and she just stayed there, basking in what might be the only time she would get a chance to relax for a while.

The moment didn't last long as the front door was kicked in; she was surprised that the door hadn't fallen off its hinges. Annoyed she looked up to see her mother in the arms of Dave, her newest boyfriend of 6 months, it quite amazed her that her mother managed to keep a boyfriend that long, but if you counted all the times they have broken up and gotten back together, it's been about 6 weeks since he has been back, with only about a week break in between.

Sam watched silently as he carried her mother into the farthest room. Once they disappeared she felt a wave of nausea come over her and ran to the garbage and emptied the contents of her stomach into the trash, which didn't help her stomach settle as it smelled of rotten food and cigarettes. Trying to find her balance while trying to hold into the wall, she felt someone pull back her hair.

Once she had gained control over her stomach she turned around to see Dave smiling back at her, gently brushing the hair out of her face. She glared up at him, daring him to keep his hand there, but he didn't seem fazed by it, but just smiled at her.

"Did little Sammie have a rough night?" He asked, moving his hand to brush her hair behind her ear, his grin becoming wider.

Sam swatted his arm away, "Don't touch me."

Turning around she grabbed her soda and started from her room again, but was stopped when she heard soft snoring coming from her mother's room.

"I see you and my mother had fun last night" she commented, not making eye contact with him, but rather kept staring down the hall.

"Oh we did," He said stepping closer to her and bending down to ear level and whispered "You should join us sometime, or maybe just you and me, I bet we could have a great time."

"Oh, I bet we could" she replied sarcastically, and continued down the hall to her room.

She dropped her soda onto her broken night stand gently, and waited a moment to see if it would fall off. When after several seconds it did not move and turned to her dresser and opened the drawer, taking out some underwear and then proceeded to gather a pair of jeans and a light sweat shirt and make her way to the bathroom across the hall. Before slipping into the bathroom she looked down the hall into the living area and saw Dave passed out on the couch. Seeing that it was safe to shower she ducked back into the bathroom.

Stripping down to her underwear she decided to brush her teeth to free herself of the taste of stale alcohol. Grabbing her tooth brush she started the procedure of brushing her teeth. She kept her eyes away from her face, she couldn't look at it, she just knew what she looked like, and it was revolting.

Over the past few months she had lost an incredible amount of weight, as the amount of alcohol had taken a toll on her appetite, but due to the loss of weight, the drinks she consumed took a faster and even greater effect on her body and mind. Her stomach almost look like it was sunk in and her ribs almost visible. She had gotten paler also; going to school and coming right back home most day's left very little room for sun exposer. She was very grateful that the treatment she was giving her body had not affected her facial features all that much, no black bags under her eyes or depressed cheek bones, no her face looked almost as it usually does, but a little thinner.

Spitting out the tooth paste into the sink and rinsing her mouth she stepped into the shower. She hadn't realized how cold she had been, the large amounts of liquor she consumed almost every night had kept her warm, as her mother couldn't afford heating. As she washed her hair she thought about how much she thought about the intoxicating beverage, she never noticed before how everything lead back to it. She thought about it during school when she was bored, when she was mad, or upset, she always thought about running to her house and grabbing one of the many bottles that lie under her mother's bed.

It controlled her.

NO! She mentally screamedat herself, it didn't control her, she had perfect control, it was just comforting, like a best friend.

Yeah, like a best friend. But she already had one of those, or so she thought. NO! I DO, I DO! She thought again, she DID have a best friend; she was just busier now. Carly was becoming more obsessed with College, even though they didn't graduate till next year, she had told her it was never too early to start thinking about the future, and even encouraged Sam to start thinking about her future.

HA! She thought What future? She lived in an old run down house with her mother and her jobless boyfriend, what exactly did she have to look forward too, she knew what her future was, and it was sleeping in the room down the hall.

She finally turned off the shower once her skin started to turn red. Grabbing her clothes she changed and brushed through her wet hair, she headed for the kitchen once again to grab another soda, the one in her room forgotten and probably flat. Though before she could take a drink she noticed the familiar flashing coming from the counter near the garbage, it was her phone.

Picking it up she flipped it open and noticed there where 4 missed calls from Carly, probably wondering why she hadn't come to school today, and 3 Missed texts from Carly asking where she was and notifying her that if she got this text to come to the Groovie Smoothie after school. Scrolling down she noticed one missed text from Freddie, asking her where she was, and that Carly really wanted to know, as she was worried. She scoffed, Freddie only checked up on her for Carly, everything was for Carly, I bed that if she was dead in a ditch some place he wouldn't give a rats ass, probably would be happy he had Carly all to himself. Jerk.

Deciding to spite his sorry ass she decided to go meet them at the Grooye Smoothie. Walking out into the living area she saw Dave still sleeping on the couch, his wallet and car keys resting on the small wooden coffee table. Picking up his wallet she looked through it, pulling out a 10 she threw it back down onto the table and walked quickly out the door when she heard him beginning to stir from his sleep.

The walk was long to the other side of town, so she decided to take a short cut through the park, because for Sam 30 minutes was a long way to walk. She didn't like long walks, not just because it involved her walking and moving more then she cared for, but it gave her more time to think, and lately thinking was something that Sam hated doing. She hated thinking back on memories of when she first met Carly and Freddie, and how they started iCarly, and how it was still going, and how they started high school together and all the drama they went through, only to keep their friendship going strong. She didn't like thinking about it because it could all be taken away, they would be seniors next year and then graduating and Carly and Freddie would move off to another city and leave her behind, because let's face it, there was no way SHE was getting into college.

Sam decided to rest her legs and take a break on one of the swings in the park. She started to move herself slightly back and forth, and the feeling of a small gust of wind felt nice in her face and closed her eyes, feeling a sense of calm.

She suddenly she heard a loud scream come from her left, it wasn't one of someone who was frightened, but one of happiness. It was a father and a daughter playing, he was chasing her around the grassed area, making funny monster noises and something about how he would eat her.

And once again, her mind started to wonder.

Her childhood was never great. She remembered her father coming home some nights drunk out of his mind, yelling and screaming at her mother, and sometimes Sam would get in the way, but she didn't mean too. Her mother to scared and not caring enough of her only daughter to protect her, and she learned the hard way that you have to learn to protect yourself, because no one else was gonna do it.

Hearing more laughter and high pitched squealing her eyes connected with those of the pair, the father had finally caught his daughter and was now spinning her around, both had smiles on their faces, and it made Sam want to punch them. It wasn't fair the them thought, just because she wasn;t happy, doesn't mean everyone else had to miserable too.

Taking one last look at the happy pair Sam got off the swing and stood up.

God did she need a drink.

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly or any of the characters.

I wanted this chapter to be more about Sam's home life and how her drinking came to be, well glimpses of it, the rest will be revealed later. I also wanted you to see Sam's slight obsession with alcohol, and how every time she feels happy its because of drinking and how she runs to it for comfort, but don't worry, she will be getting a special boy for comfort later. And most likely this will be a seddie fic, I've got some idea's

I originally had Freddie see Sam kind of out of it from drinking, but I thought it was too soon, but there should be some interaction between Sam, Carly and Freddie next chapter, but to tell you the truth, I'M WINGING THIS STORY, lol. I right whatever comes to mind.

Also Dave is going to be a very helpful character, and you'll find out how near the end sadly.

I hope you enjoy this chapter and the rest of my story. Suggestions are welcome and be honest :P

I also want to thank you all for the awesome reviews, and story alerts. I felt so happy when I got them.

Enjoy!