Disclaimer: I do not own the cartoons used within. Why are you picking on me?
Let's see, who was used in this chapter... the Eds again, PuffyAmiYumi for a small role, "Family Guy" for a small role, Invader Zim for a small role, X-Men Evolution as well, and Susie ("Rugrats", "Rugrats All Grown Up") and Timmy Turner (don't think I have to specify that one for most of you). Are there others? Whatever. Maybe.
You may be thinking, "Wow, Yellowfur. This story is kind of dark." I know, I love it! For so long I've been searching for the perfect oppurtunities to write fics for both the Cartoon Crossovers and "Ed, Edd, and Eddy" that have my favorite thing to do in fics: have both angst and humor as major plot elements. And now, with this fic, I finally can.
Oh, how you will laugh at the hilarity of it all! Dark humor! In a Cartoon Crossovers fic! Something that should be lighter than this!
BTW... As of today, 6/22/07, best fucking dog in the whole world no matter what you may argue: Rest in peace.
Oh, how the Eds wished alcohol was legal at their age right now. Their show, THEIR show, was cancelled… what now?
Being regulars at Moe's Tavern, the other regulars there were trying to cheer the Eds up. Most of them had already been cancelled and knew how it felt to be the confused ones sitting, feeling dejected.
The two title girls of 'HiHi PuffyAmiYumi Show' walked over first. Ami spoke first. "Seriously, you guys… what everyone's been saying is right! getting your show taken off except for Tuesdays and Wednesdays at six A.M. isn't all that bad!" The pink-haired rocker girl was always positive.
"Oh, yeah? How are you doing?" Eddy asked in response, not looking up at Ami.
Yumi looked to the side. "We're playing bars for enough money to buy food and sleep in motels and our old van from the set… but we're independent!" Yumi raised her electric guitar over her head. Then she lowered it and put her usual scowl back on her face.
"Yeah, really, you guys!" Peter Griffin of 'Family Guy' spoke up next. "We got our show cancelled TWICE and we're still on TV and successful! We're like some sort of Frankenshow!"
---
Seth MacFarlane laughed evilly as a bolt of lightning struck his creation. "It's… it's ALIIIIIIIIVE!" A huge monstrous creature made of sewn-together dead bodies stood up. It roared, each of it's teeth made of a rib, and beat it's chest with it's massive, lumpy hands. On the chest, the words 'Family Guy' were burned deeply into the flesh. "Now, my creation, go and destroy!" The Family Guy monster roared again and ran out of the mad scientists's lab, flipping over cars, and eating anybody it could get it's fingers (each of which was an entire arm) around.
---
"That's what got us cancelled the second time," Peter added.
"BESIDES!" Invader Zim jumped out of his chair from where his little robot, Gir, was drinking a slushie and then letting some of the melted juices from it drip onto his head. "Getting cancelled from the Nickelodeon was one of the best things to ever HAPPEN to me!" He laughed insanely, but then paused for a moment of sanity. "Here, let me show you. This is our popularity when we were on…" Zim slowly raised his alien, claw-like hand in the air, depicting a straight line that was rising upward. "And then, AFTER the cancellation!" The moment of sanity was over as Zim whipped out some sort of alien laser gun and shot it straight up into the air (or rather, into the ceiling).
"Yeh, n' look at me…" Scott Summers, also known as his codename: Cyclops, of 'X-Men: Evolution' said, slurring his words and grasping a beer bottle. "Lookit us from X-Men Evolution! We're FIIIINE!"
"You guys sit at this bar 24/7 and… drink." Double D was visibly confused. "I don't even know how you pay for it all."
"YEH, well I… whuh was I sayin'?" The former team leader paused. "Uhhh, never mind… not important…" He tipped his beer to the side, spilling some without realizing it.
His red-haired, formerly very successful, also super-powered girlfriend walked up to him. "C'mon, Scott! Let's go mug the 'Camp Lazlo' characters again! They NEVER put up a fight!"
"Thanks, guys…" Eddy mumbled. He looked to see his two friends. Double D was biting his fingernails, his poorly drawn eyes depicting his fear about what was to come in life quite well. Ed was also visibly nervous. Ed was too simple to fully comprehend what had gone on at the studio, but he wasn't ignorant enough to not pick up on the feelings and faces of Eddy and Edd.
That was enough of the nervousness. Eddy felt he was out of character here. Nervousness never made cash! It was time to take a stand. "YEAH! You know what?" Eddy went so far as to stand up on the table. Double D looked at him, surprised. Ed's bowl of peanuts were stomped and crushed by mistake, but he was too busy with his instant mood elevation to care. "THIS ISN'T THE END-ALL!"
Eddy got a chorus of "Yeah!" from the people in the bar.
"We can still make it in toonbiz! In your face, Cartoon Hollywood!"
Even louder cheers, this time from the other two Eds as well.
"You know what I'm going to do? I'M GONNA FIND US A JOB!"
More cheers, and Ami and Yumi began playing rock music, an anthem to go along with Eddy's impassioned speech.
Eddy continued. "WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, DOUBLE D?"
Double D looked around timidly. "Um, maybe… get a date? Or a girlfriend. Try to get a girlfriend…"
"I SAID, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?!" Eddy increased the volume of his voice, egging Double D on.
"I'M GOING TO GET THE GIRL OF MY DREAMS!" Double D shouted, adrenaline breaking through his usual shyness and inducing cheers all around.
"AND WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, ED?!"
"I'M GONNA FIND MY HAPPY PLACE!" Ed was more than happy to contribute to the noise and was brimming with enthusiasm, especially when he got applause.
Susie Carmichael cringed. Ever since the show she had her recent stint on, "Rugrats: All Grown Up" was cancelled, she was out of a job in Cartoon Hollywood. She wasn't interested in trying to revive her career, as she was smart enough to know that your future after your show is dropped looks grim, at best. But she wanted to stick around anyway, she liked the bustling scene that was C.H.! But her most recent job, a personal assistant to Timmy Turner, was getting to be too much.
Timmy was fun a lot of the time, but the success of "The Fairly OddParents" was definitely going to his head and making him another spoiled star of the city. And so here was Susie, smart beyond the expectations of her job, following around a kid who couldn't decide on a magazine.
"What do you think of this one?" Buck-toothed Timmy held up The Weekly Espionage, the most successful magazine (at least for now).
Susie was surprised Timmy was asking for her opinion at all. "Oh, that one's really popular right now. Supposedly, the basis for any given story in there is part true but details are… stretching the truth a bit."
Timmy looked at it again. The thick, glossy magazine had Trixie Tang on the cover, who also acted in his show. But unlike in the storyline of the show, where the character of Timmy Turner was constantly trying to win popular Trixie over but always got rejected, in real life Cartoon Hollywood Timmy had turned her down. Going out with a costar would only cause trouble on the set later and risk his success. His initial thought was to just leave the magazine behind, but he couldn't resist and decided to buy it. Besides, he had so much money he didn't know what to do with it, anyway.
And so Timmy continued down the street of Roger Rabbit Boulevard, his assistant sighing and following. They waited at the corner together for Timmy's driver to show up. As they did, Timmy opened up the magazine and skimmed it. He only had time to find one article that interested him before the driver rode up.
Susie and Timmy sat across from each other in the plush, oversized SUV on cream-colored leather seats. Timmy looked at a particular article about a popular Cartoon Network show being cancelled.
Timmy smiled. "Ha! Another show gone! What ARE the producers there DOING, anyway?"
Susie didn't smile back. "Well, personally sir, I don't think it's very funny just because your studio is competing with theirs. Those three guys are out of a job now." She looked at her Blackberry mobile and typed a text message adjusting Timmy's schedule for the week. "Besides, you never know when it'll be you."
"What? What do you mean?" Timmy demanded, straightening his favorite hat (it was black with red flames, he wouldn't actually wear a silly pink hat out of the show.
"Well, haven't you noticed new episodes of 'OddParents' coming in slower?"
"NO," Timmy turned his attention to the tinted window.
Susie sighed and continued texting. But she was worried about the Eds and their post-show life. She knew from watching other people try to succeed after their shows were cancelled that you had little hope. If you wanted to stay in Cartoon Hollywood, your only chances of being able to support yourself and still be involved in toonbiz was probably just to get a job being a publicist, working on a magazine or… being an assistant to rich cartoon kid stars, of course.
"See? What did I tell you?" Eddy asked his companions as they walked down the street from Moe's Tavern at nighttime. "It won't be so bad after our show!"
"You never said that," Double D commented, but he couldn't help feeling good from his newfound confidence.
"Well, I am now. I mean, just think of the possibilities!"
The smile ran away from Double D's face. "What possibilities?"
"The possible kind," Ed answered for Eddy.
"No, lumpy… the cold hard cash-earning kind!" Eddy had his common money-crazed face.
"No, wait…" DD insisted. "I… can't think of anything we can do now."
"Double D, please. You have to think outside the box! We don't have to work on a SHOW specifically. There are things… like hosting!"
"…Hosting?"
"Hosting! Like TV specials… no! Movie specials! And holiday specials! We could host them on Cartoon Network! As the Eds!"
The other two stared at him.
"Yeah, you know what, you guys? I'm going to prove this to you: give me two weeks."
"Two weeks?" Double D repeated.
"To get us a job." Eddy smiled.
"No, really. Trust me. I'll make you a deal, sockhead."
Double D was still skeptical but willing to listen. "Yes?"
"Give me two weeks to land us a job. If I do, you have to ride out our career in toonbiz for as long as we can milk it. If I don't get us a job, we'll leave Cartoon Hollywood."
"And only come back for visiting purposes?" Double D raised an eyebrow.
"Yup,"
A pause from Double D. DD thought it would be better to not waste this time that he (at least subconsciously) knew Eddy was just going to waste and not get much out of it. But he wasn't ready to leave yet… it was his home… and he wasn't ready to leave his new infatuation, either. "Alright, I agree to your deal."
"YES! Trust me, Double D; you won't regret it!" Eddy was literally jumping for joy in the dark street.
"Happy place?" Ed asked Double D.
"No, Ed… not quite."
---
Jack watched the three Eds walk by. "These guys are a walking a goldmine of failure and that Yellowfur bitch's favorite type of dirt!" He laughed evilly (messing it up) and ducked behind an alley (how cliché).
Timmy and Susie will probably reappear later but I don't plan on using them for big roles that much. The same goes for the people in the bar. Jack Spicer will probably be more a regular role, but the fic does center around the Eds, so he won't get as much as the Eds.
If you couldn't tell, "Ed, Edd, n' Eddy" was one of my favorite shows for a while and I'm sad to see it get cancelled... destined to eventually get put in the Tuesdays at six A.M. slot. But it hasn't been quite as good since they went back to school, unfortunately... it's true.