Spoiler for 2x18 - warning

Author's notes: I was originally going to post this as a separate entry, but I feel that as it is Oliver's point of view and still fits in with some element of my previous one-shot, that I shall share it here. This is more of a place for my Oliver/Felicity thought processes during the remainder of season 2. It is partly in canon - but I'm taking a few liberties where I feel I can.

Thank you for taking the time to read. I am rather tentative about this. The episode desperately generated a lot of feelings that needed an outlet. I tend to write to explore, rather than to necessarily impose.

Summary: Oliver is thinking about Felicity's recent influence. Some mention of Diggle, some mention of Sara.

Disclaimer: Not my characters. Belong to CW and DC Comics.

The voice of reason.

Her voice, her words, broke through my angry haze and settled on my heart. She held me in her commanding gaze, respect and understanding flowing in certain interaction between us. My earlier momentary tirade of desperation and all things tired and of droning repetitiveness was stilled in an instant.

In the distant corner of my subconscious mind, I noted her directive. I noted her straight talking, absence of my Felicity's classic ramble. This was my girl, my Felicity's classic no-nonsense talking.

Laced between her words and our respective demeanour, was an age-long trust. I was pulsating with purpose, moving with the green-light to go full on Green Arrow and take the lives I may need to take, to save Thea. I saw Felicity clearly, and I heard her words, and what they really meant between us. I killed once to save her, and I may have to kill again to do what is necessary to save once more.

As I stared at her face, her sharp gaze piercing through those reflective glasses, fuchsia coloured lips punctuating every last word, her arms wrapped around herself, betraying her ever assured moment to speak out to me.

My girl Wednesday, the one who remarkably manages to reach me, when I can barely reach myself. My girl Wednesday, who has somehow always been my constant in a way that continues to surprise me. Constancy amongst the variables that have entered into my life since my return from the island, both times. My ever certain South star.

I hear it all clearly now, washing over me, and I am renewed. In the corner of my mind, I heard Sara try to tell me that it was just another psychological game of chess which Slade was terrorising me with. But in that moment, nothing was going to stop me now from finding my sister. I wasted all day, and I had to act.

Diggle respectfully remained ever silent, my stoic bodyguard-wingman. Felicity, my partner, without any shame, gave me what I needed to hear.

A voice of reason in the darkness, I cannot say, but my voice of reason in my darkness? I would have to agree.

Between us was a moment where if I could have touched her I might have, but the energy between the four of us in that room, went beyond a live wire. I needed to run regardless. I knew her radiant support would be there now.

There would be time for reproach later if I was wrong.

Turning on my heels, I geared up and began my belated mission.

That evening, as I lay upon the cot once more in the lair, Sara not present beside me, I thought again about Felicity. It was not for the first time that day nor for the first time since our partnership that she had spoken her mind out to me.

The glint of a challenge in her eyes as I was asked by her to attend more work related appointments, and to be the CEO of Queen Consolidated. I did as she asked on this occasion, how could I resist the look on her face and the words she spoke out loud against my business attire. It was, in hindsight, an odd foreshadowed moment. My suit in a cold glass case. Be that both of my suits, both of my personas. My day and night masks. Why on earth did I not listen to her sooner? Waving pink slips in my face previously, trying to flag up my other work responsibility. For all the difficulties in my life of late, with Slade and everything else of importance that I had felt deserved my attention and control, his unbelievable slight of hand and misdirection truly winded me. I am stupid. And I lost my position. I am stupid and I am that fratboy Felicity referenced ever so unabashedly. I am more than that, I am an idiot for not taking her advice any sooner and for thinking that I could trust for one second, Rochev over her.

And it took that moment, in the lair, for her presence to be known again to me.

I knowingly pushed her to the side the last few weeks. I pushed her to the side because I could not set sail my ship again. I have been so focused on trying to keep things from falling apart, that I didn't realise that I was never standing on solid ground. Old weakened wood, from a ship waterlogged. My juggling these balls in the air, stopped the moment I put my foot the wrong way. I fell through the decking and I still need to repair everything.

I am on an island still. Anyone would say that I am re-living this island for the simple fact that I have lost my purpose for living. Controlling this game, this way, my way, would only be in an effort to protect myself from the trauma I know I never will admit that I am still scarred by. I am with Sara because I am still scarred. I am with Sara because I am damaged.

As I lie here now, staring up at the ceiling, unable to sleep, I realise something. I am with Sara because I do not see how a beautiful, intelligent thing, like Felicity Smoak, should be infected with me. I need her. I keep her at distance for both of our survival.

But this day, I am broken.

I need her now, more than ever. And more then ever, she stays now.

When I saw her face, as she walked ever more assured in her words towards me, ever betrayed again by her folded arms, afraid of my rejection of her, when she fervently swore to me, 'Yes you can', I was pinned to my spot. I was rendered.

I had to look at her.

What made her so sure?

I most certainly did not deserve her, nor Diggle. For some reason they both stayed. They had more than proven themselves to me, but had I proven myself to them? And yet, I will be forever grateful to them. My original trust bearers. I know how Diggle watched my back. I know that Felicity had eyeballed every image with even the slightest clue of Slade's whereabouts with Thea. She did that for my sister. It's Thea, I heard her say.

I had nothing to offer them, yet they wanted to know what the next move was.

My partner and my wingman watched me hopeful and resolute. I offered the only words I could, the only conclusion that I was left to arrive at. We had to fight.

There was no other option.

Fight and win, or die trying.

Thank you for reading.. you wonderful people...