Torbjorn Sexy-Time

"Soldier69," Torbjorn said as he casually pounded his turret from the back. "I've been excessively horny ever since the death of Eli Whitney, inventor of the cotton gin."

"Who gives a shit." Soldier76 said, pulling his pants back up. He had just gotten through with his turn fucking Torbjorn's turret, and his dick was raw as chef's special sushi. He might've been pissed off, but he wasn't above fucking a good turret now and then.

"I think I know why." Torbjorn said, as if Soldier hadn't said anything. "I miss Winston. Ever since he died, I haven't truly cum. I never realized it until it was too late, but… it was his tight, moist asshole that got me going."

"God damn it." Soldier said. "Quit talking like Winston was the only piece of ass around. Everyone hated him, and the world is glad he's dead. You'll find another butt-buddy."

"AHAHHHH!" Torbjorn wailed as his massive cock spasmed, and he withdrew it from the turret's faux asshole. Unsurprisingly, it came out as dry and limp as it had gone in. Not a speck of cum could be seen. "No!" Torbjorn cried, punching himself in the dick. "Nooo! Soldier69, we have to do something! I can't cum! What am I without my sexual gumption!?"

"You're a horny midget." Soldier replied easily. "With no friends and no prospects."

"Exactly!" Torbjorn said, shoving his meaty, flaccid penis back in his skimpy underwear. "That's why we need to get Winston back!"

"He's fucking dead, you retarded slab of meat." Soldier said. "How do you propose we get him back?"

"Death isn't the end, 69!" Torbjorn said. "There's legend of a powerful necromancer who lives in the ghetto of Lubbock, Texas. One time she blew out both my kneecaps for taking a fat shit on her lawn. She's sure to help us out!"

"Lubbock, you say?" Soldier said, scratching his chin. "Well you're not wrong for once. I know who you're talking about. Her name's Mercy. I was her gay best friend back in high school."

"SHIT, boi!" Torbjorn exclaimed, giving Soldier an affectionate pat on the balls. "That means you're the only member of Overwatch to go to high school. None of the rest of us ever graduated eighth grade. You know, I always knew you was a fucking genius, Soldier69. But it looks like your nerdism is finally coming in handy. Mercy ought to help us now. The bond between a woman and her gay best friend is unbreakable!"

"It's too bad she got killed in a gang-war a few years back." Soldier said. "Abu-Bakr Al-Baghdadi punched her in the cunt so hard it leveled an entire city block. Her mother wouldn't let me into the funeral because she blames the gays for the rise of ISIS in the West."

"Well she isn't wrong." Torbjorn said. "But if Mercy's dead, then there's only one thing we can do…"

"Give up and go jack off to Ritz cracker porn." Soldier76 guessed.

"No, we have to reach an alternate dimension where Mercy is still alive, so that she can resurrect Winston. Then I can finally feel sweaty glory of having Winston's ape cock fill my ass once again."

"Oi!" Tracer said, blinking into existence in front of them. "Did someone say, 'road trip to an alternate dimension?' I'm fuckin in, nigga!"

"We're not going on a-"

Torbjorn reached into his underwear and then went knuckles-deep in his asshole, withdrawing a fucking portal machine. "FuUCk yeah, Tracer! Good thing I stole this portal machine from that autistic piece of shit Symmetra. I only know what it does because I was jacking off in her closet one night and accidentally came on it. It activated and sent me to an alternate dimension where the porn industry was owned by the Migos and instead of me raping my turret 24/7, I was raped by my turret 265/89. Time was weird there, let me tell you."

"Is anyone going to point out that this plan makes no sense?" Soldier said, frowning as the portal machine came to life.

"Yay!" Tracer said, teleporting all around and clapping her hands. "Let's go fuck some aliens!"

"YIIIPIEEE!" TORBJon screamed, and then dove headfirst into the portal. Tracer pulled a syringe from her pocket and stuck it directly into her neck. After the vial was empty, she teleported through the portal, vanishing behind dimensional tear.

"Fuck it." Soldier said, and then took off his pants.