Nathaniel
Those first few moments(1) after I passed through were the most frightening of my life. Yes, worse than almost being crushed by a golem, worse than being eaten at by a Pestilence, worse even than seeing Kitty stone-cold and still in her pentacle.
Losing your sense of identity does that to you.(2)
I felt everything that was me begin to slip away, like water. I tried to hold it close, but the endless energy of the maelstrom tore it away every time.
Soon enough, I realized that, with no reprieve in sight, I had to give up. Taking one last metaphorical breath, I let go and let myself be absorbed.
After the initial sheer panic of letting all and sundry know my inner-most thoughts, my next feeling was one of contentment. I'd kept my real self closed off from the world for so long, the feeling of being known and understood was…nice.
For a while after that, I couldn't' really shake my need to be doing something. So, I alternated between learning all the languages known by the spirits, and molding the fluid substance of the other place into shapes that pleased me. Both these activities seemed to be frowned upon by the collective consciousness, but I continued none the less.
The sculpting was the thing that brought me most joy. It had been so long since I could indulge the creativity Ms. Lutyens had so carefully cultivated, I'd almost forgotten what it felt like to lose myself in the art.(3) I also found that, if I gave the essence a form, it helped to focus my thoughts. That, of course, got the rest of the spirits up in arms, so even in this other dimension, creating was hard.
My art was also what alerted me to the changes I began to experience.
~footnotes~
1 Well, not "moments" exactly. The Other Place doesn't' have time like you and I are used to.
2 I mean humans by this, obviously. Spirits relish the feeling like nothing else.
3 Bloody hell, I'm going soft. And to think, Bartimaeus's essence was in the mix. I'll never live that down.
So, I wrote most of this right after being in my first ever fender-bender. Super interesting, I know.
This is my first foray into the footnotes foreground. (How many more words that start with F can you fit in there?) Any tips of formatting them, or preferences, or anything really, would be nice~
Oh, and before I forget, I don't own any part of the Bartimaeus Trilogy. Would I have to resort to this if I could just publish another Bart book myself?
To my awesome reviewers!
Neela: I'm glad you like it! And I'm REALLY glad you reviewed. Feedback makes my day, seriously!
As to your comment about the tense change in the last chapter, that was actually correct. It's an extension of the sentence "He saw it happen". Even when I'm talking in the past tense, "happen" would be in the present tense. So, if I say "He saw this happen, and this happen, and this happen.", all three of those verbs would be in present tense~ Though, I realize that's a confusing sentence, so I'll try to avoid those in the future.
Otherworldviolet: I know I replied to you via pm, but I just wanted to say, once again, that you are awesome for reviewing. Thank you!