B for Booze and Birds
It's B for Booze readers.
-Padfoot
Yes, so readers the best way to find any booze is to go down the secret passage-
-Prongs
No.
-Moony
No?
-Padfoot
No, we are not going to tell our readers how to find alcohol.
-Moony
Spoil sport.
-Padfoot
Sorry if I find corrupting future generations distasteful.
-Moony
Well, if that's the case will have to talk about something else, I guess.
-Prongs
Oh! We could talk about Moony.
-Prongs
How so?
-Moony
B for bloody boring.
-Prongs
Oh that was pretty good for you James. 7 out of 10 for effort.
-Padfoot
You are a little boring Moony. Sorry.
-Wormtail
8 out of 10 for effort Pete.
-Padfoot
What? How was that better then what I said?
-Prongs
I think it's unfair to mark the thick kids the same as the other children.
-Padfoot
Can we stop talking about Sirius' little rating game and talk about something more rewarding?
-Moony
What do you suggest we talk about? Books?
-Padfoot
What's wrong with enjoying books? We are after all writing one.
-Moony
Yeah but our book's different, it's about me for starters.
-Padfoot
The world doesn't revolve around you, you know.
-Moony
Yes it does!
-Padfoot
No it revolves around the Sun. But the Sun is a large dense ball of hot air, so I see where you could get confused.
-Moony
Bugger you!
-Padfoot
Just suggest something else then.
-Moony
Birds!
-Padfoot
Birds wound be better suited under O for ornithology.
-Moony
I doubt Padfoot was talking about those type of birds.
-Prongs
What's orni-
-Wormtail
The study of birds Pete.
- Moony
I meant birds as in women: girls, lass, whores, ladies of the night-
-Padfoot
The last two meant prostitute Sirius, at least attempt to have some decency.
-Moony
Screw decency!
-Padfoot
You would say that. You're so obsessed with sex.
-Moony
I think you might be over compensating for something mate.
-Prongs
I can't help it. I am SEX. Women want me and they're willing
-Padfoot
Willing to do what?
-Wormtail
Well… umm… they're just bloody willing ok Pete? I'm not having that conversation with you Pete. Ask Moony about it later.
-Padfoot
Look If we're going to talk about girls, let's talk about Lily.
-Prongs
We are not talking about Lily bloody Evans!
-Padfoot
Why not?
-Prongs
Because it's always so boring-
-Padfoot
More boring then Moony, sorry Moony.
-Wormtail
Ssssshhhh Pete I'm talking. Anyway, it's always Lily's so lovely, Lily's so perfect blah blah blah, swoon swoon swoon all the bloody time.
-Padfoot
He does have a point. James your 'relationship' with Lily is a bit repetitive.
-Moony
How?
-Prongs
You talk to her, she hits you, and you go off to cry like a pansy.
-Padfoot
I don't cry you liar and she only hits me because I listen to your advice!
-Prongs
First of all you do cry mate and secondly I always give you pure gold; you just don't have the charm or the good looks to pull it off!
-Padfoot
I don't call 'want to see my magic wand' charming it's vulgar if anything.
-Moony
You know what else is Vulgar? You!
-Padfoot
How will I ever recover from that epic blow? I shall have to hide from the public to avoid the shame!
-Moony
Was that sarcasm?
-Wormtail
Yes Peter. Well spotted.
-Moony
Ha! Only ugly people use sarcasm!
-Padfoot
You're not as good looking as you think you are Padfoot.
-Prongs
I agree with James you do have an inflated opinion of your self Sirius.
-Moony
Oh, bugger you. My charm and good looks get me more dates then you Moony!
-Padfoot
I wouldn't call what you have with those girls 'dates'. You, Padfoot my friend, clearly have a fear of serious commitment with the number of sleazy encounters you have
-Moony
Of course I have a Siri-
-Padfoot
No! I will not allow you to make that pun. Ever again.
-Prongs
It's so bad it hurts your ears-
-Moony
Well at least my jumper doesn't look gay Moony!
-Padfoot
It doesn't look gay!
-Moony
Does it?
-Moony
I'm not saying anything out of respect for you Moony.
-Prongs
You do look a tiny bit gay in it. Sorry.
-Wormtail
If by tiny you meant very, then I agree with you Pete.
-Padfoot
Hey weren't we talking about James' tragic love life. Let's all look at him!
-Moony
Oh thanks Moony.
-Prongs
Oh yeah! James can't pull! haha.
-Padfoot
I can Pull! I'm playing the long game.
-Prongs
In your case it's the longest bloody game in existence.
-Padfoot
Slowly breaking somebody down until they give up isn't how you romance a girl James. It's how you fight wars.
-Moony
Well you know what they say about love and war.
-Wormtail
There's a high chance of suicide afterwards?
-Padfoot
That was rather tasteless Sirius. Even for you. In fact I'm going to pretend you didn't even say it and will help James with his problems instead.
- Moony
James, if you want to have a chance with Lily don't listen to Padfoot. Ever.
-Moony
Hey I've had the most experience with the ladies!
-Padfoot
No, you've had a number of cheapening and sordid adventures inside the broom closet.
-Moony
Just give Lily chocolates James. No one dislikes chocolates.
-Moony
Too bad we've done A we could of talked about Remus and his bloody chocolate addiction.
-Padfoot
Because you know, addiction starts with a A.
-Padfoot
Or we could of talked about you and your alcohol issues.
-Moony
Merlin, are Peter and I the only clean people here?
-Prongs
What the comfort eater and the druggie I doubt it mate.
-Padfoot
Anyway, where was I-
-Moony
Being a pansy and helping with James' women problems.
-Padfoot
No Padfoot I'm being a good friend, not that you know what that is. Anyway. Get her some chocolates-
-Moony
Oh oh and a card.
-Wormtail
Good idea Peter. Chocolates and a card.
-Moony
OK. I'll go do that Now. Bye.
-Prongs
Prongs has a really gay run doesn't he?
-Padfoot
I'm more worried by the fact he was humming 'Get me to the church on time'
-Moony
Well I've got to meet two birds in a broom cupboard to start one of my FUN and REWARDING adventures so I'm off as well.
-Padfoot
Well I've got to help Peter with his potions anyway. So that's it for now I guess.
-Moony
AN: Hey I made this section a bit longer. I hope you enjoyed it, the next one won't be up as quickly. If you've got any suggestions for D (C's all ready planned) let me know. Also any type of feedbacks welcome.