BLAME IT ON THE FALSE HOPE.

Because that's all anyone can really give you. When you feel let down and angry, it's best to blame the false hope people give. Take for example, me. It's like when I see that look she gives, the warm and peaceful look that makes me think we could be more than friends. It's my false hope. I feel that really good feeling inside of me, then when she looks away, it nearly breaks my heart.

I've been let down a lot. Let down by many people I thought I could depend on, my mom, Luke, my dad…etc. It's not a fantastic feeling, but you have to know that you'll feel it all the time.

It's 12:47 am and all I want to do is sleep. But something's keeping me up, and it's not Luke's snoring. It's Rory. I can't believe that after 10 years of being friends with her, this grinding, squishy feeling is what's hindering me from functioning properly. I just want to get over it already. Or better yet, I just want to tell her how I feel so I can know how she feels. Am I starting to sound whiny? I gotta sleep.

I closed my eyes and I forced myself to sleep. I tried to get comfortable. I tossed and turned. I couldn't get to sleep. I am so tired but I can't sleep! What was that!? Okay, I can do this. I just have to find an extra comfortable spot and I have to stop thinking.

It's 5:10 am and I have to stop thinking.

I have to stop thinking…

About work…

About school…

About my family…

About Rory…

"Jess! Wake up." I hear Luke yell in my ear. I look at the clock and I can see vaguely that it says 6:00 am.

"Yes uncle Lucas." I say and get up.

My body feels achy and my head hurts. I barely got an hour of sleep, and my sleep deprivation was starting to show. I walked up to the bathroom mirror and I saw deep dark eye bags. With my hair all messed up, my eye bags and my slouchy body, I looked twice my age.

"Oh God Rory, what are you doing to me?" I whispered.

After washing up and getting dressed, I went down and into the diner. 6 am on a Thursday during summer, it'd be a slow day.

I wiped the same tables clean at least 5 times. I had nothing to do. There were no people. The diner was spick and span. No dirt, nada.

At around 9 o'clock, Kirk came in with Lulu for their usual. Swiss cheese omelet with bacon on the side. And 3 pieces of pancake topped with sugar-free maple syrup and lots of butter on the side. And, 2 diet cokes. I've been working so hard to get my mind off Rory that I've actually become attentive at work. How messed up is that?

By 12 o'clock, the usual crowd started to come in. No sign of the Gilmore girls yet. I was expecting them at 12:30. Till then, I wanted to continue working and putting on fake smiles. I figured that the friendlier you are, the bigger the tip.

12:35 pm. Where were they? Aren't they coming? I kept my eyes glued to the clock and the window. Minutes passed, still no Rory.

Then, the clock hit 12:55. And I saw the two girls walking toward the diner. I ran to the bathroom and gussied up. I ran back out and I went straight to the table they were sitting in.

"4 cups of coffee two to stay, 2 to go. Cheeseburger and lots of fries with extra cheese on the side for you Rory. Regular burger with no tomatoes and no lettuce with extra mayo on both buns for you Lorelai. Did I get it right?" I asked.

They both looked at me in a complete state of shock.

"Good boy." Lorelai said.

"Ha, thanks."

"Yeah, GREAAAT job Jess." Rory said.

"Yeah, you know, having you here every lunch. I kind of get the orders down."

"We can see" Lorelai said.

"Well, your orders are coming right up."

I gave the orders to Caesar and started a pot of coffee. Like a good little boy, I poured 2 cups of coffee and 2 to-go cups of coffee.

I gave them everything their orders. But as soon as I put their food down, I couldn't move. I felt like my feet were glued to the floor. I just kept standing there.

"Are you okay?" Lorelai asked.

"Uhm, yeah. Can I get you anything else?" I asked

"No, you pretty much covered everything. So….thanks. You can go if you want." She replied.

"Yeah, right. Uhm, I have a job. So….yeah."

Wow. I felt like such a dumbass. I've totally lost it.

After serving 3 other tables, Rory came up to me and paid.

"Uhm Jess." She said with a worried look on her face.

"Something the matter?" I asked

"I just wanted to know if you were okay."

"Yeah. Why? Why wouldn't I be okay?"

"Nothing, its just that you look… tired. Like you haven't slept in a while. I can see your eye bags."

"Oh! Oh that. That's nothing. I just…I just need uhm, uhm….a new mattress. Yeah, that's it. I just need a new mattress. No biggie."

"Oh okay. Well. I'm gonna go now."

Here's your chance kid. Take a stab. What's the worst that could happen? Ask her.

"Rory, do you want to hang out or something. I'm almost on my break anyway."

"Oh, Jess, I'd love to, but… I have to meet Dean in a few minutes and I have this thing with Lane after. I'm so sorry. Rain check though, alright?"

"Yeah, whenever."

"I'm really sorry."
"You don't have to apologize Rory."

"Okay well..."

"Beat it." I say

"Sure thing." She replies and leaves.

Yeah, maybe I shouldn't have asked her. That was actually a big let down. It's a sad feeling.

During my break, I decided to take a walk. Clear my head. Get out of that diner and all that noise. I turn the corner and who do I see PDA-ing in front of me? It's Rory and Dean, the happy couple. Of course I turn around and make a run for it. Maybe this walking thing was a bad idea.

I went back to the diner and ran upstairs. I sat on the couch in front of the TV and I started watching…whatever. I didn't even care what I was staring at. I just wanted to curl up and die. Or better yet, I wanted him to curl up and die. Dean. That 10 feet tall bag boy. What does he have that I don't? All that thinking gets you tired. And when you get tired when you're already tired, you tend to fall asleeeeepppp……………..