The first time they had tried it, Tony insisted on being big spoon. He figured he was best suited for the part, considering all the woman he had been with and the fact that, well; he had always been big spoon. Steve had thrown a minor fuss, insisting that he wasn't the 'dame' in this relationship (Tony still wasn't tired of old 40's slang, and he was honestly bothered by the fact that Steve was slowly adapting and had stopped using most of it). Tony had made it fairly clear that it was his way or the highway, and after briefly explaining the meaning of said saying, Steve had begrudgingly agreed.
Of course, as it turns out Tony hadn't really thought his brilliant plan through all too well. Aside from Pepper, he hadn't been in a relationship since getting his arc reactor. Pepper hadn't often stayed overnight, and when she did she made it clear she didn't want to cuddle. When they were together she had feed Tony the age-old it's too hot response, but after they fought when they broke up, she had told him the truth; the arc reactor wasn't comfortable to lie against.
For a minute after they had gotten into bed together, just as Tony had begun to hold Steve against his chest, his hands draped over the blonde's chest, held in place by the other mans, Tony feared that she was right. What if Steve wasn't comfortable? What if he didn't mind being the, well, 'dame' in this relationship, he just didn't want to lie against the arc reactor because it was uncomfortable.
Tony spent a few moments coming up with ideas as to how to improvise – some sort of cushioning he could put over it at night, perhaps? – when he realized that Steve's breath had evened out. He had fallen asleep, deeply and quickly. Tony frowned, noting that clearly the arc reactor couldn't be too uncomfortable – or Steve had just gotten used to sleeping anywhere back in the army. Tony hoped it was the former.
A few moments later, Tony was still awake. The arc reactor was whirling louder than before, a sign that his heart rate had apparently picked up. He unconsciously held Steve a little tighter, frowning at the light grunt the other man let out as he pressed his back into Tony's chest, as if to acquiesce him. Tony clenched his eyes shut, willing his mind to shut down and allow him a few hours of rest, if only to please Steve.
His mind refused, instead focused on increasing the volume of every damn noise within shot – the cars outside that he normally couldn't hear echoed through the bedroom. The AC sounded as if it were quite literally blasting. Steve's breathing was loud and labored – had it been that loud before? Was he okay?
Tony's eyes shot open, his hand tracing along Steve's bare chest, searching for a pulse. When he finally found it, he let out a sigh of relief. It was regular, fine, nothing wrong. Still, he kept his hand on the spot, focusing on the vibrations within. A faint trace of moonlight found its way into the room, casting shadows and causing Steve to whine, burying his head further into a pillow in an attempt to escape the light.
"Jarvis, blackout." Tony whispered. The remaining dimmed lights immediately flashed out, a dark black curtain falling over the windows and casting the room in pitch darkness. For a moment, Tony simply laid there, waiting to see if sleep would overcome him now that the room was dark.
Then he began to panic. It was barely present, at first, his arc reactor speeding up just a little bit more, but considering it had already been going faster than normal (Tony had passed it off as a result of being so close to Steve – he still wasn't used to it) he had hardly paid it mind. He palmed Steve's chest, internally counting each heartbeat; one, two, one, two, one two, over and over, refusing to fall into the cliché of counting sheep. Still, his mind whirled and refused to shut down. He couldn't tell what it was focused on – he wasn't thinking about work, or fighting, or his suit, or anything, really. He was just…thinking. Slowly, he let his eyes closed, pressing into the warm body next to him.
A loud screech and the sound of car horns made him jerk, his eyes opening and his nails digging into the Captain's chest. His breath quickly became labored as he shifted around, clinging to the taller man and wrapping around him like a cat. He hoped desperately that Steve would keep sleeping, the thought of this breaking what seemed to be a very delicate balance the two of them had found unbearable.
Of course if Tony had learned one thing in his life, it was that he would always get the exact opposite of what he hoped for. If he hoped a suit would function right, it would catch fire the moment it was powered on. If he hoped the rain would hold off until he walked into the tower, New York City would begin to flood. He didn't get results by hoping, he got them by working. So, the more he hoped Steve would maintain his even breathing, the more it seemed to grow erratic, his heart beat increasing in tempo and his muscles flexing as he began the slow process of waking.
Blue eyes opened, blinking away remnants of sleep and attempting to adjust to the darkness. Mild discomfort blossomed in his chest, and it took him a moment to realize the source – Tony was, for some reason, digging his nails into his flesh, clinging to him like he was a drowning man at sea. Steve struggled to turn around, gently grasping Tony's hands and pulling them away while he turned to face the brunette, moving his hands to cup his face. Wild brown eyes jerked around, seeming to take in everything before finally settling on Steve's face. Relief filled Tony as he moved closer, forcing himself into Steve's grip and burying his head into the other's shoulder.
"What's wrong? Nightmares?" Steve asked, his tone far gentler than a man his size should be allowed. His hands had moved again, cupping the back of Tony's head and pressing gently, keeping them flush together. His other hand had moved over to his back, tracing around his muscles and down his spine. Tony shook his head.
"Didn't fall asleep." He whispered back, "Sorry. This doesn't…doesn't normally happen to me, I can't remember the last time I-"
Steve pulled him tighter, shushing him and effectively ending his ramble before it could begin. He moved, flipping the other man around despite heavy protests and Tony attempting to grab at his shoulders, desperate to maintain contact. No, he couldn't lost Steve now, he had just gotten him, he needed him, he didn't want to be alone-
But Steve didn't leave. He pulled Tony against his chest, resting his chin on his head and trapping him in his arms. His hands traced a few loops around the arc reactor, smiling in relief as it began to slow. The room filled with the light blue light, cutting through the darkness and giving everything a soothing glow. Tony let out a sigh of relief, his hands reaching up to clasp around Steve's, holding them together and preventing any potential the man had for leaving the second the he fell asleep. A small chuckle escaped the blonde, and he pressed a gentle kiss against his hair, hugging a little tighter.
Tony bit back a comment about ruining his image, unwilling to take the chance that Steve may take him seriously. For now, he just grinned and pressed himself closer to the warm body, taking comfort in the strength of the arms surrounding him and his bedroom's familiar blue haze. Steve found himself falling asleep a short while later, soothed himself by the light whirl of the arc reactor and Tony's finally stable breathing.
Tony woke up first, his hands still covering Steve's and his body still snug against the other. At some point in the night their legs had managed to tangle together and the sheets covering them had slipped down to their waist. Part of him wanted to get up, go downstairs and get back to work; he had lost precious time by sleeping, after all. He easily shushed that part, shutting his eyes and just enjoying the quiet of the morning.
Steve woke up a short while later. Neither of them mentioned the events of the previous night, Tony out of mild embarrassment and Steve out of pure understanding. He had PTSD too, and he knew how impossible darkness could prove to be some nights.
They didn't argue about who got what sleeping position later; it was understood that Steve would always curve around Tony, and Tony would always press so tightly against him it was impossible to tell who was clinging and who was being clung to. Tony found he liked being wrapped in Steve's arms far more than he expected, especially because Steve was always exceedingly careful of where they were – always around his lower torso, never covering the blue light of the reactor. He never denied Tony of that comfortable glow, never complained of the light keeping him up. Truth be told, Steve enjoyed the light just as much as Tony did; he loved waking up to the soft noise and light, and the knowledge that Tony was there. He feared the day he woke up to darkness, to silence, the day when the reactor finally failed to turn back on.
They still had bad nights, of course, but both found them growing less and less frequent. And, of course, even when the y did happen, they always found comfort in each other, in the familiar warmth and breathing and the knowledge that all they had to do was move and the other would wake up and respond. They didn't understand how much they hated being alone until they discovered they would never face it again; no matter what fights went on in the morning, they would always have these nights together.
Authors Note: Hey guys! So far, so good! Thanks to everyone who reviewed/added this story to their alerts, it's a great motivator! As I said before, I've got a pretty good list of prompts going, but if there's anything you want to see, feel free to recommend it and I'll see what I can do!