Chapter One

I Need to Laugh

"You need to eat something," I forgot she was there to be honest and I jumped a little before turning, slightly shamefaced, toward her. Mum was fussing again, while pushing a plate of charred eggs toward me. Tony was giggling as he raced around the kitchen, clinging onto the little trike I had bought him for his second birthday as he wobbled beside it on sturdy little legs and I had been watching him for the last twenty minutes, but not really seeing him at all.

"I'm not hungry." I said a little sullenly before nudging the plate away with my knuckle.

"You've hardly eaten a thing since yesterday, Rose." Jackie said. "I would have thought you would have been happier. Now the Doctor's back and everythin', but all you've done is mope. Did you even sleep last night? You look awful."

I grimaced. Quick answer to that question was a very definite no. I didn't sleep. After the Doctor and I had finally moved from that rug at about ten the night before, after what seemed like hours of being locked in our own timeless bubble, we bade each other an awkward goodnight and wandered off to our own rooms. Mum and dad had given the Doctor a guest room on the same side of the huge house as my own room... in fact, right next door, and this tiny detail (not forgetting all that happened leading up to this moment) had made it impossible for me to sleep. The Doctor, with a single human heart, was lying, possibly just as awake as me, a few short yards away. How was I supposed to sleep knowing that? I had lived without him for so long... Yet something as thin as a wall parting us seemed far too much like... torture.

And then I remembered him. A whole dimension away. My real Doctor. My whole night was filled with guilt, confusion and worse, want. I wanted to cling onto the Doctor until I fell asleep. I wanted to kiss him, to hold him... I wanted to feel his hands on my skin... in the way I had shamefully fantasised about.

Those hands...

"Rose?" Blushing, I jerked out of my daydream and looked up at my mum through my lashes.

"He's not back though. That's not the Doctor." I muttered when I realised she was waiting for a response. I felt like a spoilt child, but I couldn't help it. It wasn't him.

"It's him in every way that matters isn't he? He has all the Doctor's feelin's and memories, looks bloody identical... Why don't you give him a chance?"

"It's not that easy, mum."

"Why not?"

I didn't reply. I only watched as Tony did another circuit around the counter island in the middle of the kitchen with his little trike. For once, my mother had a point. Why couldn't I give him a chance?

Right on cue, my head raised suddenly just as the door to the kitchen opened and the Doctor, accompanied by a sleepy, dressing-gown clad Pete, entered the kitchen. The whole world shrank to the Doctor's presence, even without my knowledge, until all that was left was him. He was wearing a white shirt, unbuttoned at the collar and the blue jacket he had been wearing yesterday, tucked into matching trousers. His hair was as windswept and incredible as ever and his eyes were sparkling with good humour at whatever Pete was telling him. They then glanced upwards, caught my gaze and his face somehow relaxed, as if he were relieved to see me, or the sight of me gave him peace? Surprisingly, I held his gaze until my cheeks became so red I had to look away. Was he always so heartbreakingly... beautiful?

"Good morning, love," Mum said as she crossed the room to her husband. She planted a big wet kiss on his cheek. "And good morning, Doctor. Sleep well?"

The Doctor's eyes slipped from my face and he smiled at Jackie. "Like a log" He suddenly chucked. "Like a log, you know... that human saying of yours reminds me of something... There was once a pretty interesting race of non-humanoid lifeforms that lived on a small woodland planet of Oomphar, waaaay over-" He pointed somewhere up and a little to the right, "-that way, super far from here, that actually spend most of their time asleep like cats, adopting the appearance of felled trees and such until an unsuspecting traveller comes along and they suddenly turn into ravaging beasts." He said all this in one breath and his words made me grin. His own pleased smile widened. "Pleasant people."

Mum instantly turned toward me. "Did you understand a word he just said?" She rolled her eyes and then smiled at the Doctor. "What would you like for breakfast?"

"He gets a choice but I get crummy burnt eggs? All about fairness in this family isn't it?" I muttered under my breath and he winked at me.

"Just a cup o' tea, Jackie, thanks."

"Just tea?"

"Yeah, that'd do me nicely."

"Just tea?"

"Free-radicals and tannins?" I asked with a shy smile.

He winked at me. "Just the thing for healing the synapses." Then he thought. "Not that my synapses are injured or require any healing at all... I could just like tea..."

I smiled wider and he grinned hugely in return before Jackie turned to the kettle, looking rather smug about something. I felt I should say something to her, maybe tell her that it means nothing, but even I had to admit there was an essence of our former life in those words. To begin with, he remembered – his memory was something I half expected to be diminished as he wasn't the real Doctor – and his attitude toward me had not changed from familiar and warm... and careful. I never noticed it before but the Doctor had been careful with what he had said to me so he didn't reveal his... hang on. If this Doctor was the same as the real Doctor and they both had the same memories and feelings and personality then it figured that if this Doctor loved me then so did the real one.

Ouch.

I bent my head as the blow hit me. The real Doctor loves me. And I love him. Wasn't this worse than not knowing at all? Knowing that I loved him but I couldn't do anything about it because he couldn't love someone like me was once the worst feeling I could ever remember feeling... But I was wrong. He did love me.

And this was worse.

So much worse.

I couldn't take it. I turned and left the kitchen, not bothering to look up or say a word when I felt three pairs of eyes watching me leave, my mum going as far as to call my name as I fled.

I didn't expect her to follow me. I should've but I didn't. I just needed to get away from him with his identical eyes, identical hair, identical voice and identical... everything. He didn't follow which meant he was being true to what he had said. He was giving me time and space...

The Doctor gave me time and space... but a whole other different kind.

"Rose, love, are you alright?" She touched my shoulder as I came to a stop halfway through the corridor. Where was I even running to?

"No," I whispered, biting back tears.

"Talk to me, Rose."

I looked down at the carpet. "It's not him."

"Does that really matter?"

"How..." I began. "How can you... ask me that?" That's when, for the second time in two days, I broke and I flung myself into my mum's arms, for a complete lack of anything else to do.

"Rose?" She brought her arms tentatively around me and stroked my hair as I tried to choke back a sob.

"It's like... he gave me wings then told me it's illegal to fly, mum," I held onto her tighter as tears flooded down my face. "I felt so free and he showed me so much! He taught me how to love completely and forever and now... I've lost him." I bit back another sob. "I just don't know what to do! I have all these feelings and these thoughts and I feel myself getting closer to him but then the thought of him stops me. He isn't him!"

"Oh Rose," She hugged me. "I'll tell you something that you probably haven't thought about... This Pete, the one from here, he is not the same man I fell in love with so long ago... er... obviously... but I looked past that and found that inside, he wasn't different at all. Now look what I have, sweetheart. I have this beautiful home, I have Tony and you. I am happier than I have been in a long, long time Rose. Because of Pete. I love him. I love him like I did your dad."

"It's not the same."

"Oh, really?"

"Dad's dead." I choked.

"And you're never going to see the real Doctor again Rose. He may as well be dead." She had never been so harsh. My tears stopped immediately as the shock and the truth of the matter hit me. She touched my face and wiped away my tears with her thumb. "It's not going to be easy, but you can get over the life you had before. Because you have the thing that made everything brighter, don't you? I saw your face this morning when he came in. You adore him just as much as before."

I let out a chuckle. It was real laughter... even if it sounded a little desperate. "You're getting weepy too, mum."

"It's strange seeing you struggle so much." She said. "The answer to all your questions is in the kitchen drinking tea with your dad. Now go on and say sorry. Go on." She stepped behind me and gave me a little push back the way we had come.

She had a point. Why was it only now that she decided to be intelligent about things concerning the Doctor? Was it because it had reached a point she finally understood? Relationships were easier to deal with than the concept of time and space, I guessed, so maybe she was relieved she actually could help. This was something she understood. Love.

I wandered back to the kitchen with my mother at my heels and I smiled apologetically at the two men who were standing, slightly confused, waiting for us to return. Pete had obviously finished the tea Jackie had started and the Doctor smiled reassuringly at me before helping himself to sugar. His movements were quick and precise but even so, I could tell he was worried about me as his eyes kept flicking up toward me as if I wouldn't notice. He was trying so hard to give me space.

But did I really want space?

No. I guess I wanted the connection back; the connection the Doctor and I had before, when we were flying through space.

Slowly, I approached him and reached for his hand, almost jumping as a small electric jolt shot through me when our skin touched. I was watching his face as he added one last spoon of sugar to his tea and I was relieved to see his lips quirk before he looked down at me. His expression then became despairing. "You've been crying again... Why do you humans cry so much? Every two seconds you're blarting about something!"

"It's not a human thing." Pete corrected with his head in the fridge. "It's a woman thing."

"Oi, watch it you!" Jackie had followed me back into the kitchen and was frowning at her husband as he rooted for food. "What you doing in there? I cooked you breakfast!". There was a bark of laughter from inside the fridge and he reappeared with an eyebrow raised. He was chewing on what looked like a stick of rhubarb.

"Cooked? You burned it. I couldn't tell what it was because it was totally black!" He rolled his eyes. "You getting rid of the staff was probably the worst thing you could've done to me!"

"I'm not that bad."

"Bad? You're awful!"

I looked up at the Doctor and his eyes met mine. There! My heart gave a weak flutter when I realised that the connection was still there. At first his lips twitched as we listened to my parents bicker and my shy smile reappeared, growing a little as my mother called Pete something even I wouldn't repeat. The Doctor let out a little chuckle, and I giggled in return and before long, we were both bent over double, clinging to one another as the infectious laughter bubbled through the both of us and out. I couldn't remember the last time I had laughed so much, but I clung to the Doctor for dear life as we both gasped for air and clutched at our sides and tried to stem the tears that were streaming from our tired eyes.

We laughed beyond the time when our bodies gave us pain to tell us to stop. We continued to laugh even after mum and dad had stopped their playful bickering and turned to stare at us both, which made us laugh more. The Doctor turned and pulled me into his arms, still laughing and I giggled with him, clinging onto him even as I forgot what I was laughing at. I could smell him, hear his breathing and chuckles in my ear and all of it sent my heart into a frenzy. I couldn't believe that it was just a memory that made me act like this. A memory of all the times me and my Doctor had spent together in that T.A.R.D.I.S... I could not deny the connection I saw and felt when I looked into this Doctor's eyes. There was something there. Something real.

He chuckled once, twice more and then he pulled away a little to grin at mum and dad. "You two, you practically hate each other! That's another thing about the human race! Why spend the rest of your life with someone you love when you can marry someone the total opposite of you that you actually detest? Where's the fun in being happy, eh? A little argument never harmed anyone. Well, depending on who you have an argument with. I'm forced to remember a few arguments I've had in the past... None of them ever ended well." He turned back to me and grinned in that crazy way I absolutely adored. "What do you think Rose? Shall we have a tiff?"

"We could give it a whirl, I suppose,"

"You're not supposed to say that! You're supposed to disagree! What kind of woman are you? Going off and agreeing to everything a man says! I swear, women nowadays." His arms were still clamped around me which made it hard to take him seriously so I laughed again, still staring into his dear face. "Don't go laughing at me Rose, I'm being deadly serious. Next, some postman will be telling you to take your clothes off and you'd just go off and do it! Or was it a milkman?" He thought. "...plumber?" Again I laughed and this time he gave me a mournful look. "Come on Rose, just a little bit of antagonism please? This is an experiment remember. Important stuff."

I nodded, though it was hard to keep the grin off my face.

"Well... well, you men! Yeah, you men are too busy sitting on the sofa drinkin' beer and eating sandwiches while watching cricket that they don't even realise where their food comes from! Who's standing slaving away at the stove while you waste your time at the idiot box? Me, ya lazy git." The Doctor grinned.

"Oh Rose, that's it I give up! You're too much of a match for me!" He said.

I let him go, disappointed. "Hey, you're not supposed to let me win!" I objected.

"Ah, I could never say no to you," He looked back over at Pete and Jackie. "Okay! Anyone object to me making breakfast? Didn't think so. Eggs! Or have you burned them all, mumsie-aaand I am never calling you that again." He looked at me. "What have you done to me?"

After a breakfast consisting off egg on toast (really nice actually) mum and dad went to the park with Tony while me and the Doctor lounged in one of the... err... lounges. I was watching him while he was picking up books from a pile at his feet at random, skimming through them and tossing them to the side. No one really read the books in this house anyway so he was getting the all the use out of him that he could. He had probably read them all before.

"You're being very distracting." He said after about ten minutes.

"I'm not doing anything."

"You're staring and I'm trying to read."

"You read faster than anyone I know."

He leaned his head back so it hung upside down over the arm of the sofa and grinned. "I know, great isn't it?" He dropped the last book he was trying to read on the pile and leapt to his feet, quickly making his way over to where I lay. "You're thinking again."

"I tend to do that." I laughed and he took his glasses off, placing them in his jacket pocket.

"Talk to me."

I sat up from my lying position on the sofa and drew my legs up to my knees as he sat beside me, keeping his distance but in a way that was strangely intimate. I wanted to be closer but that might be because of the high I had been riding since the laughing fit only an hour ago and he seemed to understand my need for space. I thought I'd better clear the air though, if I was going to attempt to sort my feelings for the Doctor and this Doctor in order.

But the thought of the real one, so far away, still made my stomach wobble.

"I just..." I looked up at him once more and smiled. "You are him, aren't you?"

"Not as in body-wise, no, but if you think about emotion, appearance and mental process and all that stuff then, essentially yes. I know it's got to be confusing, it's confusing me too! I mean I'm starting to get a little bit jealous that you love him more than you love me, even though he is me." I blinked. That was a first. Admitting to being jealous?

"I don't love him more." I shook my head desperately.

"But when you look at me, you're thinking about him."

"He's you."

He stopped. "He's the right one of me."

I repositioned myself and sat closer to him, placing my head against his shoulder and he rested his against mine as he put an arm around me. It was confusing it was true, but what mum had said before made a lot of sense. "I disagree." I pulled away and looked at him, directly in the eye, and he held my gaze steadily. "I just need time to get this sorted in my head. You are him and he is you and all that is doing is confusing me more but I know." I smiled. "You're him in every way that matters, Doctor. Just... let me get used to you being here."

He grinned like the sun had just come up twice in one day. "All the time in the world, Rose Tyler."

Thanks To:

A Who Down In Whoville: Love the name :P Of course I accept this humble review ;) I was going to continue it anyway but I'm glad you like what I've written so far :) I hope the Doctor is still in character. He's... difficult. :) Please continue to review. Your comments are like stardust.

Dreamcatcher49: Thank you for your review and I agree. She has seen him say sorry to so many people, I don't think she would allow him to apologise to her in the same manner :) Please continue to read and review. I very much appreciate it!

Jennyc1013: Thank you! Will definitely continue with this if you promise to keep reading :) hope you enjoy this chapter too! :)