Title: The Trouble with Xander (2 of 3)
Author: Jeffrey Patrick
Type: Not a shipper story... close, but no changing of the status quo. Just plain old adventure and friendly interaction.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but a figurine of Rasputin carved from a potato and rubber band ball the size of Lithuania. Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and the folks at the WB own Buffy and related characters.
Feedback: Yes, please. I love it. I crave. I'm a sick, sick man.
*************************************************************************************
Xander winced as the Cendar'esh squeezed him tightly in its sharp clawed paw. It was huge, towering high above the roof of his apartment. Xander didn't look at the thing's face. He was too busy trying to figure out a way out of the mess he was in. Buffy was shouting at the creature from his balcony. Seeing that she was still in the apartment gave him an idea.
"Buffy... Flares... Closet."
Buffy ran to the entry closet and started digging through Xander's work things. In a box full of assorted equipment, she found three road flares. She ran to the master bathroom and rummaged through Anya's things. She came back out onto the balcony and threw an unlit flare to Xander.
"Save yours for last!" She yelled.
She then threw a bottle of rubbing alcohol at the enormous creature, letting it seep into its hair. A second later her flare was lit and she launched it with precision aim into the soaked fur. The creature's hip erupted in flame. It howled in agony, squeezing Xander tighter. For a second, he thought he would black out. Then Buffy let loose with a bottle of nail polish remover, followed by a second flare. The creature roared again, a guttural, demonic roar, and suddenly his grip on Xander loosened. Knowing the time was right, Xander lit the third flare pushed it hard into the creature's paw. And suddenly, he was falling.
When Xander came to, he was in his bed. The Slayer, his friend, Buffy, lay next to him, sound asleep. He was just getting ready to wake her, when he realized he was completely naked. In a panic, he searched the floor for his clothes, but found none.
"Um, Buffy?" He asked, pulling the covers to him tightly. "Buff, wake up."
"Hmmm?" She looked up at him sleepily. "You're awake?"
"Yes, And naked."
"Oh, that."
"Yes, that. What happened?"
"You fell hard and got knocked out. Nothing was broken though, because of the mud left from the rains last night. I pulled you inside, took your dirty clothes off of you and put them in the washer."
"YOU undressed me?"
"Relax," she said with a smile. "I didn't peek... at much."
"Great. Anya's gonna turn me into a frog."
"I won't tell her, if you don't. Giles just came by and checked you out. He said you would be fine. He wanted to take you to the hospital again, but I didn't think we could afford to endanger the other patients."
"Good thinking. God, my head hurts," he complained.
"Well, it was a pretty long drop."
"What happened to the Cendar'esh?"
"It took off. Tried to put himself out on your building. He's hurt, but he's still out there. You know, that was smart thinking to remember the flares."
"Yeah. It's amazing how well my brain can work sometimes. And it's always just when you figure I can't get any dumber."
"Well, it worked. But now we have to plan B it."
"And plan B would consist of...?"
"You and me leaving town. We've got to get this thing out of Sunnydale and into someplace remote. Giles had a good idea. Get dressed and I'll fill you in."
"Okay." Xander waited for her to exit, but she didn't move. "Hey, uh... I could use a little privacy here."
"Oh. Yeah. Sorry. I'll, uh... wait in the living room."
After a quick shower and some new clothes, Xander came out ready to roll. He found Buffy in the kitchen making a couple of sandwiches.
"Come eat something," she said. "We're gonna be hitting the road within the hour, and we may not be stopping for a while."
Xander took a seat at the table. "You really think it will be back tonight?"
"No. But we don't know if there are more babies it can send for us."
"Eew. Good point." He took a bite of his sandwich. "Mmm. That's good."
"Thanks. Meat and cheese on bread. It's like my specialty."
He picked up a chip. "And what are these crispy little things made of? Potato? What mad genius dreamed these up?"
"How's the arm?" Buffy asked, knocking on the cast.
"It's still attached. Itches like crazy, but it's healing. It'll probably look nasty. Lot's of scars. But they were all healing well, or they wouldn't have put the cast on."
"You've kind of gotten in the habit of breaking it. I mean, first in our junior year when Drusilla attacked the library. Then a few months back, when that troll broke it. Kinda hard on it, don't ya think?"
He stared at her for a few minutes. She broke eye contact for a second, then looked back at him. "What's the what, Buff? He asked her. "There's something on your mind."
"It's nothing. I just... No. Never mind."
"Well, we aren't going anywhere until you spill, so you might as well get it over with."
"You'll only argue with me."
"Uh-oh. I'm loving the sound of this already. Go ahead. Lay it on me."
"I was... When I was watching you sleep, I thought about how many times you've been hurt since I blew into your life. Maybe you should get out of Sunnydale when this is over."
"So you're trying to get rid of me?"
She put her hand on his. "No, silly. I... What if something worse than a broken arm happens? The longer you stay here, the greater the chance that your number is gonna be up."
"And I don't know that? Please. I've lived here longer than you. Do you honestly think I would have made it through high school if I hadn't been fighting back? You opened my eyes, Buff. I can't... I won't close them again."
"But if something happens to you..."
"It happens. But until then, we kick butt and take names. Together. If I die, then at least, I stood on the right side. And if I never make any difference..."
"You do," she said quietly.
"I was gonna say, if I never make any difference in anyone's life but yours... Well, than I'll die knowing it was worth it. Beats dying from eating one too many double decker chili burgers, which is my only other talent."
She smiled at him. "You're something."
"Ah, but what? That's what needs reckoning out."
She surprised him when she put her arms around him. She kissed his cheek and laid her head on his shoulder. "Um, Buff?"
She straightened up and looked confused. "Yeah?"
"Don't. Okay?"
"What?"
"You're hurting, because of the whole Riley thing. I... I don't know what's going on here, but..."
"What? You think I'm coming on to you?"
"Well, things have been... weird between us for a while now. I'm not the only one that noticed. Willow did. So has Anya. Maybe because I'm the only guy friend you have, but..."
"Shut up! I don't..." Buffy was obviously flustered. "Just forget it. Forget the whole thing. It was a friendly embrace."
"After you making me dinner for the first time...."
"It was a sandwich."
"And removing all my clothes."
"You were covered in mud."
"Just talk to me about this, Buffy. I haven't been running away from you. You haven't freaked me out."
"Well, you sound pretty freaked."
"I'm freaked because you aren't acting like Buffy. You're acting like... Oh, I don't even know what you're acting like. But I want to talk this out. I can't be comfortable like this. There are too many unsaid things. It's weirding everybody out."
"I haven't DONE anything. You can't name one thing that I've done that shows anything more than the usual friendly behavior."
"You were watching me sleep."
"Damn."
"Buffy, I can only imagine how hard it's been on you. But we gotta get past this. Anya didn't want to leave me with you, because... Well, you know why."
"I... I don't want to split anyone up."
"That's awfully nice of you. What exactly DO you want?"
"I don't know. I just... You always... I thought that you...."
"I do." He said. She looked surprised. "And part of me always will. But I learned from the whole Willow/Cordelia situation that I can't screw up a good thing for something else just because it's an attractive offer. I'm committed to Anya. That's where I am."
"Oh."
"Besides, before long the leftover pain from Riley leaving will be gone, and you'll realize that you didn't real feel what you thought you felt for me. I'm just a convenient target."
"I hate that you feel that way."
"Why? I'm flattered. Believe me. If I weren't with Anya, I'd say to hell with how Buffy really feels, I'll give it a shot. That's how shallow I am."
She smiled. "So are things still weird between us?"
"It'll take time," he said, picking up his sandwich. "But I'm not bailing on you. We're good."
"I'm sorry for taking your clothes off."
"S'okay. I was muddy."
"You weren't too muddy."
"Forgiven."
"Sorry I peeked, too."
"Okay.... Check please!"
An hour later, Buffy and Xander were driving in Giles' convertible, heading for a cabin in the woods that the Watcher had told them about.
"I could've driven," Buffy said, noting that Xander was driving one handed because of his cast.
"I'm fine," Xander said. "Besides, Giles and I figured that even with one arm broken, I'm a better driver than you."
"Hey!"
"I'm only sayin'."
"Xander..."
"Yeeeeeeeees?"
"Thank you. For the talk, I mean. You were probably right. About everything. I... I don't want this stupid stuff to bother you or Anya."
"Relax. We're good. We'll just edit the version we tell Anya and all is well."
"No hard feelings?"
"Zip. Now how about we focus on the killing of the monster, so I can get said girlfriend back?"
"Deal. Giles seems to think it will follow us out here. The cabin is near an old gold mine, and his friend says the place is just full of dynamite."
"So we lead it into the mine shaft and kablooey?"
"Just like the mayor."
"Good. Then all we have to do is get there... in one ... piece. Hold on!" Xander brought the car to a screaming halt. Buffy had caught site of them just after Xander slammed on the brakes. She had assumed they were going to hit them, but as the car came to a stop, she noticed they were gone.
"Were those what I think they were?"
"Yep," Xander said. He gazed into the darkness. He couldn't see at all except the patch of road where the headlights shined. Then suddenly there were a set of red eyes not ten feet away. To his right, another set. "Babies," he whispered. "Two of them." Then suddenly, the fully grown and charred body of the Cendar'esh appeared before their headlights.
Buffy mumbled. "And mama make three."
To Be Concluded....
Author: Jeffrey Patrick
Type: Not a shipper story... close, but no changing of the status quo. Just plain old adventure and friendly interaction.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but a figurine of Rasputin carved from a potato and rubber band ball the size of Lithuania. Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and the folks at the WB own Buffy and related characters.
Feedback: Yes, please. I love it. I crave. I'm a sick, sick man.
*************************************************************************************
Xander winced as the Cendar'esh squeezed him tightly in its sharp clawed paw. It was huge, towering high above the roof of his apartment. Xander didn't look at the thing's face. He was too busy trying to figure out a way out of the mess he was in. Buffy was shouting at the creature from his balcony. Seeing that she was still in the apartment gave him an idea.
"Buffy... Flares... Closet."
Buffy ran to the entry closet and started digging through Xander's work things. In a box full of assorted equipment, she found three road flares. She ran to the master bathroom and rummaged through Anya's things. She came back out onto the balcony and threw an unlit flare to Xander.
"Save yours for last!" She yelled.
She then threw a bottle of rubbing alcohol at the enormous creature, letting it seep into its hair. A second later her flare was lit and she launched it with precision aim into the soaked fur. The creature's hip erupted in flame. It howled in agony, squeezing Xander tighter. For a second, he thought he would black out. Then Buffy let loose with a bottle of nail polish remover, followed by a second flare. The creature roared again, a guttural, demonic roar, and suddenly his grip on Xander loosened. Knowing the time was right, Xander lit the third flare pushed it hard into the creature's paw. And suddenly, he was falling.
When Xander came to, he was in his bed. The Slayer, his friend, Buffy, lay next to him, sound asleep. He was just getting ready to wake her, when he realized he was completely naked. In a panic, he searched the floor for his clothes, but found none.
"Um, Buffy?" He asked, pulling the covers to him tightly. "Buff, wake up."
"Hmmm?" She looked up at him sleepily. "You're awake?"
"Yes, And naked."
"Oh, that."
"Yes, that. What happened?"
"You fell hard and got knocked out. Nothing was broken though, because of the mud left from the rains last night. I pulled you inside, took your dirty clothes off of you and put them in the washer."
"YOU undressed me?"
"Relax," she said with a smile. "I didn't peek... at much."
"Great. Anya's gonna turn me into a frog."
"I won't tell her, if you don't. Giles just came by and checked you out. He said you would be fine. He wanted to take you to the hospital again, but I didn't think we could afford to endanger the other patients."
"Good thinking. God, my head hurts," he complained.
"Well, it was a pretty long drop."
"What happened to the Cendar'esh?"
"It took off. Tried to put himself out on your building. He's hurt, but he's still out there. You know, that was smart thinking to remember the flares."
"Yeah. It's amazing how well my brain can work sometimes. And it's always just when you figure I can't get any dumber."
"Well, it worked. But now we have to plan B it."
"And plan B would consist of...?"
"You and me leaving town. We've got to get this thing out of Sunnydale and into someplace remote. Giles had a good idea. Get dressed and I'll fill you in."
"Okay." Xander waited for her to exit, but she didn't move. "Hey, uh... I could use a little privacy here."
"Oh. Yeah. Sorry. I'll, uh... wait in the living room."
After a quick shower and some new clothes, Xander came out ready to roll. He found Buffy in the kitchen making a couple of sandwiches.
"Come eat something," she said. "We're gonna be hitting the road within the hour, and we may not be stopping for a while."
Xander took a seat at the table. "You really think it will be back tonight?"
"No. But we don't know if there are more babies it can send for us."
"Eew. Good point." He took a bite of his sandwich. "Mmm. That's good."
"Thanks. Meat and cheese on bread. It's like my specialty."
He picked up a chip. "And what are these crispy little things made of? Potato? What mad genius dreamed these up?"
"How's the arm?" Buffy asked, knocking on the cast.
"It's still attached. Itches like crazy, but it's healing. It'll probably look nasty. Lot's of scars. But they were all healing well, or they wouldn't have put the cast on."
"You've kind of gotten in the habit of breaking it. I mean, first in our junior year when Drusilla attacked the library. Then a few months back, when that troll broke it. Kinda hard on it, don't ya think?"
He stared at her for a few minutes. She broke eye contact for a second, then looked back at him. "What's the what, Buff? He asked her. "There's something on your mind."
"It's nothing. I just... No. Never mind."
"Well, we aren't going anywhere until you spill, so you might as well get it over with."
"You'll only argue with me."
"Uh-oh. I'm loving the sound of this already. Go ahead. Lay it on me."
"I was... When I was watching you sleep, I thought about how many times you've been hurt since I blew into your life. Maybe you should get out of Sunnydale when this is over."
"So you're trying to get rid of me?"
She put her hand on his. "No, silly. I... What if something worse than a broken arm happens? The longer you stay here, the greater the chance that your number is gonna be up."
"And I don't know that? Please. I've lived here longer than you. Do you honestly think I would have made it through high school if I hadn't been fighting back? You opened my eyes, Buff. I can't... I won't close them again."
"But if something happens to you..."
"It happens. But until then, we kick butt and take names. Together. If I die, then at least, I stood on the right side. And if I never make any difference..."
"You do," she said quietly.
"I was gonna say, if I never make any difference in anyone's life but yours... Well, than I'll die knowing it was worth it. Beats dying from eating one too many double decker chili burgers, which is my only other talent."
She smiled at him. "You're something."
"Ah, but what? That's what needs reckoning out."
She surprised him when she put her arms around him. She kissed his cheek and laid her head on his shoulder. "Um, Buff?"
She straightened up and looked confused. "Yeah?"
"Don't. Okay?"
"What?"
"You're hurting, because of the whole Riley thing. I... I don't know what's going on here, but..."
"What? You think I'm coming on to you?"
"Well, things have been... weird between us for a while now. I'm not the only one that noticed. Willow did. So has Anya. Maybe because I'm the only guy friend you have, but..."
"Shut up! I don't..." Buffy was obviously flustered. "Just forget it. Forget the whole thing. It was a friendly embrace."
"After you making me dinner for the first time...."
"It was a sandwich."
"And removing all my clothes."
"You were covered in mud."
"Just talk to me about this, Buffy. I haven't been running away from you. You haven't freaked me out."
"Well, you sound pretty freaked."
"I'm freaked because you aren't acting like Buffy. You're acting like... Oh, I don't even know what you're acting like. But I want to talk this out. I can't be comfortable like this. There are too many unsaid things. It's weirding everybody out."
"I haven't DONE anything. You can't name one thing that I've done that shows anything more than the usual friendly behavior."
"You were watching me sleep."
"Damn."
"Buffy, I can only imagine how hard it's been on you. But we gotta get past this. Anya didn't want to leave me with you, because... Well, you know why."
"I... I don't want to split anyone up."
"That's awfully nice of you. What exactly DO you want?"
"I don't know. I just... You always... I thought that you...."
"I do." He said. She looked surprised. "And part of me always will. But I learned from the whole Willow/Cordelia situation that I can't screw up a good thing for something else just because it's an attractive offer. I'm committed to Anya. That's where I am."
"Oh."
"Besides, before long the leftover pain from Riley leaving will be gone, and you'll realize that you didn't real feel what you thought you felt for me. I'm just a convenient target."
"I hate that you feel that way."
"Why? I'm flattered. Believe me. If I weren't with Anya, I'd say to hell with how Buffy really feels, I'll give it a shot. That's how shallow I am."
She smiled. "So are things still weird between us?"
"It'll take time," he said, picking up his sandwich. "But I'm not bailing on you. We're good."
"I'm sorry for taking your clothes off."
"S'okay. I was muddy."
"You weren't too muddy."
"Forgiven."
"Sorry I peeked, too."
"Okay.... Check please!"
An hour later, Buffy and Xander were driving in Giles' convertible, heading for a cabin in the woods that the Watcher had told them about.
"I could've driven," Buffy said, noting that Xander was driving one handed because of his cast.
"I'm fine," Xander said. "Besides, Giles and I figured that even with one arm broken, I'm a better driver than you."
"Hey!"
"I'm only sayin'."
"Xander..."
"Yeeeeeeeees?"
"Thank you. For the talk, I mean. You were probably right. About everything. I... I don't want this stupid stuff to bother you or Anya."
"Relax. We're good. We'll just edit the version we tell Anya and all is well."
"No hard feelings?"
"Zip. Now how about we focus on the killing of the monster, so I can get said girlfriend back?"
"Deal. Giles seems to think it will follow us out here. The cabin is near an old gold mine, and his friend says the place is just full of dynamite."
"So we lead it into the mine shaft and kablooey?"
"Just like the mayor."
"Good. Then all we have to do is get there... in one ... piece. Hold on!" Xander brought the car to a screaming halt. Buffy had caught site of them just after Xander slammed on the brakes. She had assumed they were going to hit them, but as the car came to a stop, she noticed they were gone.
"Were those what I think they were?"
"Yep," Xander said. He gazed into the darkness. He couldn't see at all except the patch of road where the headlights shined. Then suddenly there were a set of red eyes not ten feet away. To his right, another set. "Babies," he whispered. "Two of them." Then suddenly, the fully grown and charred body of the Cendar'esh appeared before their headlights.
Buffy mumbled. "And mama make three."
To Be Concluded....